1. Focus on your actions and less on your partner’s actions. -this one step is the beginning of becoming a more secure person. We all have one person in the entire world that we can control, that is ourselves. When you focus too much on another person you can get into a mindset of finding every flaw, imperfection, and wrong doing of how another person behaves. Typically, when we do this, we lose focus on our own huge flaws and disconnecting behaviors. Focus and improve on your own actions and behavior.
2. Get some hobbies. No one is attracted to boring people. -what do you like to do? Do you even know? Start trying new hobbies. Women may like to read, work out and do yoga, enjoy writing, acting, photography, dancing, canning, meditation, gardening, cooking and so on. Men, on the other hand may try wood-working and carving, excercise and lifting weights, fishing, hunting, golf, rocketry, cooking, photography, graphic design, skeet and target, shooting, all-terrain riding and more. You can research hundreds of options online and in books.
3. Spend more time doing your own thing. Don’t be a SMOTHER. -focus on those hobbies we just talked about.
4. Lose your Jealous Streak. It’s a turn-off. -that should be enough said but people are jealous in many ways. For example, you may or may not be jealous of a potential threat to your intimate relationship with your partner by another potential partner or affair. Some people are jealous of their partner’s friends, children, work relationships, and hobbies. Yes, it’s possible as a needy person to be jealous of most anything that seems threatening to your relationship...and even if there is NO evidence of a problem.
5. Take care of yourself. Fix up, try looking nice and smelling nice. Remember the beginning? -try being more like you were when your partner was attracted to you in the beginning. Slow down and date your partner. Guys, you didn’t go on dates with your partner in your flip flops and smell like the yard work you did. You didn’t pick your date up in a filthy pickup. Did you bring flowers when you met her for a date and do something fun and nice? Ladies, did you go three or four days with your hair in a bun and no makeup on, complain about everything in the world and gripe constantly? NO! Start again doing what attracted your partner to you in the first place.
6. Get your finances in order. Go get what you want instead of complaining about what you have or don’t have. -this is a big one here. Sometimes, things in life are out of our control and sometimes finances is one of those things. Do your best to take control of your own financial well-being and don’t rely on someone else to do it for you. Watch some Dave Ramsey videos on YouTube and get a plan together.
7. STOP COMPLAINING! -again, should be enough said but COMPLAINING is one of the biggest turn-off and tune-out issues in relationships. It’s actually detrimental. If you constantly complain about the weather, your job, your situation, your neighbors, etc. then your partner will start to tune you out and think “that’s just annoying”. Try being more interested in your partner and less interested in your problems. Fix your problems yourself.
8. Set clear Boundaries and balance them with Love. -setting boundaries is a very poorly understood requirement in life and particularly relationships. You can study setting boundaries with others and balancing that with love. You can’t be “ALL BOUNDARIES” and you can’t be “ALL LOVE”. You must balance the two well.
Use sincere agreement. You don’t have to agree with your partner’s statement. Just with the part of it that’s true to you. -I’ll give you an example... PARTNER: ”You never want to spend time with me anymore!” YOU: “Yes, sometimes I want to be alone (with friends, out of the house, or whatever)!” Another example: PARTNER: “You’re just a messy person!” YOU: “Yeah, sometimes I leave things laying around!”
