Golden doors open to Hallelujah. A chaos spawn fused to the captain's throne reads their souls aloud and nearly kills the crew before Pi Brain's overcharged plasma gun blows it apart -- but the warp makes Lorne so swole his bones crack, torpedoes are inbound from the Marengo, and the last thing the camera catches is a crewman's head spinning 180 degrees to whisper: "We boarded."

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Possessed crewmen flood every corridor. Cherub swarms choke the maglev tracks. Lorne's psychic scream pops every baby head in twenty-five meters -- buying just enough time to catch a tram, loot a pristine medbay, and suit up in dead missionary power armor. Then something strips Lorne bare, chains him to a chair, and whispers: "Your friends have given me much."

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A rival Rogue Trader won't even let Zedek speak to her -- cruiser-class ships outrank manners. The crew talks their way aboard the derelict Carillon instead, where thousands of somethings skitter from the searchlights, a cherub caked in dried blood hums while smearing the mess around, and a possessed crewman whispers "we boarded" before detonating. Something much bigger hasn't noticed them yet. The clock is ticking, and the cleaning babies are following.

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Death cult assassins are minutes from poisoning an entire hive city's water supply. Pi Brain hacks a severed servitor head for moral support, Reeb kicks an assassin into a turbine, and Lorne's psychic crush holds the line while Zedek whiffs every finishing blow. They stop the poison. Then Lecoq's cruiser slides between them and the drifting Carillon -- claiming salvage rights.

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Something is poisoning the water supply of Fimbria Majoris, and the cult that stole the evidence just slit the throat of the only official who knew. The crew splits up to investigate — Reeb dissects a crime scene, Zedek picks up a drug habit from sewer informants, and Pi Brain builds a cheese-grater torture device to interrogate bar patrons by the book. Then they go underground, where warp-migrating crocodilians are already waiting in the dark.

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Season two. New mission, new system, same haunted wardrobe. The Inquisition is under review, a rival Rogue Trader dynasty already owns the territory, and the Primarchs are inbound — meaning one wrong move near Fimbria Majoris could unravel the entire Crusade. But first, the crew must survive Zedek's sentient walk-in closet, which dresses you in finery and strips you of sanity. Chonkis got promoted. The Dark Eldar got spaced. The closet remains undefeated.

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Drukhari loose in the dark. Splinter rounds in every wall. A pirate shanty echoing down the corridors. The crew fights through a prison station with nothing but a Skitarii's face-mounted flashlight and stolen shotguns — until Lorne fires every ounce of prison muscle out of his body as a molten beam, Zedek runs a sword through the Sybarite and makes her watch her own ship explode, and a convict army led by an ogryn screaming "I'm top bitch now" crashes the party. Season one goes out swinging.

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The cathedral is a broom closet. The preacher is a brainwashed Lemurian. The prison's luckiest man just got punched into his own funeral pyre. Chonkus clears the riot, Zedek recruits convicts with promises of barbecue, and Lorne emerges from solitary doing pull-ups with a bomb collar on his neck — then armored xenos rip a hole in reality, drag off the Supreme Judge, and kill the lights. The hunt begins.

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The crew wakes up in cells. No weapons, no warrant of trade, no proof anyone is who they say they are — and the warden wants his family jewels back. Reeb befriends an ogryn who turns people into jam, Pi Brain crawls through the vents with a shank made of ductwork, and Ro Hector finally talks: de Fuckerby pulled xenos shards from the pyramid and hasn't been right since. Then Pi seizes the command tower, opens every door in the prison, and declares the whole station under Lemurian jurisdiction. Die hard.

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De Fuckerby's trail leads to an orbital prison ruled by a man who speaks about himself in the third person as "de Raoul" and just shot his own arbitrator for a clerical error. Reeb bluffs his way in as a fake de Fuckerby cousin, Pi Brain massacres maintenance crews between repairs, and the missing Magos is locked in solitary — bait in a trap that snaps shut with knockout gas and two dozen convicts armed with shivs.

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