For Episode 12, I will discuss ways to respond to and place bids for connection. 

 To connect emotionally in a marriage, a husband and wife must mindfully turn their attention toward each other. 

You hear the word mindfulness mainly regarding meditation, but the definition of mindfulness is not exclusive to meditation. Mindfulness is the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. I'm talking about being conscious and aware of your spouse's bids for emotional connection for my purposes. 

Human beings reach out for connections all day, every day. When you look someone in the eyes and smile, you are placing a bid. If someone smiles at you and you smile back, you are responding to a bid. When you notice someone is struggling, sad, stressed, angry, and you ask about it, you are placing a bid. When you ask for help or support, you are placing a bid. There are billions of emotional bids, but these are just a few simple ones to give you an idea.  

Any time you or your spouse reach out for affection, support, attention, or humor, you are placing a bid.

When you place bids, you need a connection. When you respond to bids, you are providing connection- it's that simple.

Responding to and placing bids provide emotional intimacy in your marriage.  The more you both can turn toward each other mindfully, the deeper your relationship will become. 

So, are you ready to learn how you and your husband can turn toward each other and provide emotional support by acknowledging bids? Well, here it goes. 

1.    Become keenly aware of your spouse, intentionally focusing and becoming curious.  I know this can be hard because sometimes we might not be terribly interested in the details, the story is long, it's about things we don't understand or things we can't relate to. It is important to suspend judgment long enough to tap into your spouse's emotional bid is extending to you.

For instance, my husband works in technology, and let me tell you this. I can barely manage a computer. He often shares with me deals he is working on, and much of what he is telling me is over my head. I use to tune out and respond with little phrases like uh-huh, yeah. But once I realized he was reaching out for a connection, I started tuning in instead of just listening aimlessly. I started asking questions about what he was sharing, so I could understand better. I responded to his bids with my attention and curiosity to understand his world more. Will knowing about his work change my life? No, but by responding to his bids positively improves my marriage's intimacy and makes him more likely to give me the same attention in return. 

Don't you know when someone isn't giving you their full attention? How does that affect you placing bids for connection in the future? Kills it, right? Don't be that person. 

Hang on here. I'll get to the part of your spouse, not responding to your bids.

 You can find the complete show not at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/12