We Are Definitely Afraid of the Dark

Once upon a time there was a podcast with a shadow. The podcast got to watch fun rom-coms, but the shadow podcast had to see scary movies, in the dark, in a theater, before noon! We watched Jordan Peele's latest masterpiece, Us, with our friend Andrew Miculka (Prayer Circle). As the lights dimmed, Andrew admitted he hates scary movies. Whoops! Didn't know that! We're terrible friends!

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Stephen King month continues with The Shining, the movie so nice they made it twice...and improved on it the second go around. Unfortunately we couldn't find a copy of the miniseries remake so we had to watch the Kubrick original. Our loss! This eps got Brian May (Pendulum)! Wolf mask fellatio! Arousal then revulsion! Spectral racists! And no references to Maine.

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Uh oh, looks like there's a Nor'easter blowing in. That can only mean one thing: it's Stephen King month! And what better way to start than with his most beloved creation: dat boi Pennywise in IT (2017)! We told Emma this movie wasn't scary. WHOOPS! We're joined by comedian Nicole Russell to break down the movie. Just kidding, we talked about jerking off when we were kids. Let's go!

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Our guest for the final week of vampire month is Tevis Paxton (Pendulum, business), a person who loves the 1998 film BLADE so much that we let him come on the show to talk about it even though it's not really a horror movie. Tevis baptized us into the Church of Blade. Now we're all wearing a lot of leather and we're looking for a hematologist to befriend. #LilyTomlin4Whistler

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"Mamma Mia", here we go again! #LoveBites month continues with the Swedish vampire classic LET THE RIGHT ONE IN! Kyle and Steven are saying "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!", but Emma is sending out an "SOS". "When All Is Said and Done", will she "Take a Chance On Me" (me = the movie)? Or will this one uhh..."Slipping Through My Fingers"? Did we mention this movie is Swedish? "Dancing Queen"!

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Listen to them — children of the night. What sweet...PODCASTS they make! Sharpen up those fangs, because #LoveBites continues this week with the batshit (lol) BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA.

Keanu and Winona are woefully miscast, Tom Waits rules, there’s a weird cowboy, a toddler gets dropped, Gary Oldman turns into a tower of rats...this one is all over the place, gang. Bleh!

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As we enter February, we embark on a new theme...#LoveBites! That’s right, we’re talking vampires, baby! The first movie on the docket is the 80s classic THE LOST BOYS. We loved it, but instead of talking about it we mostly discuss what buildings we would like to fuck if we were like that lady who married the Eiffel Tower. It’s real. Look it up!

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For the last week of #BabyNewFear we watched the modern haunted house classic, THE ORPHANAGE! Our friend Minda Wei (Pendulum, Y'all We Asian) joins us for what might be our spookiest viewing yet. We also design the doll version of ourselves, Steven pines for a detachable felt penis, Emma does more accent work, and Kyle reaches the heights of athletic achievement.

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Oh hell yeah y’all, it’s getting GOOPY this week! Because Steven picked THE BROOD, our first David Cronenberg joint! Finally, a movie with the courage to say what we all know in our hearts: ALL. CHILDREN. KILL. MOTHERS. ARE. THE PROBLEM.

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CREEPY KIDS month continues with Emma’s selection: The Bad Seed (1956). This is just an elaborate excuse for us to discuss who we would love to murder from our childhoods. Probably not a good idea to record these admissions and share them publicly. Please don’t send this episode to the cops or we’re all going to get a spanking!

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