Against The Rocks

We are having a Meltdown!


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Morning, Afternoon or just Hello.  Okay so I've been having a meltdown for the last few days.  I have OCD, two autoimmune diseases and I'm currently being treated for depression as well as my anxiety.  I need to come up with an acronym for that so I don't have to repeat all of it.  
So back to the meltdown.  I've been job hunting since before my last day of work, which was June 9.  I've applied for everything I can find that doesn't require a degree.  I've applied for administrative assistant, entry level data entry clerks, document assistant, and anything else I think I can do or know I can do.  No responses.  Never in all my days of working, did I think I wouldn't be able to get a job.  I think everyone see's that I'm 61 and they go, she is going to retire soon.  Lets find someone that will be here longer.  I get that, but retirement age is 67 in order to draw your full social security.  I can retire at 62, but what I would get a month is not going to pay all the bills even with Norman's social security.  
I have signed up to do surveys, testing products and I just signed up to do research studies.  I'm not sure what else I can do.  I have to have a remote job for now anyway, because Norman needs help during the day.  Although his physical therapy is working miracles this time.  He is able to stand for a few minutes without holding on to the walker.  I wish I had known we could have done this sooner but he had already gone through physical therapy but  it didn't work.  Things are a little different this time.  I think he knew I was about at my wits end.  
I am constantly running different scenarios through my mind which is the OCD.  Things like what am I going to do if we can pay the rent, buy groceries, pay the utilities?  I have reached out for assistance from Texas Health and Human Services and hopefully I will hear from them next week. 
We have an appointment with another Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doctor for next week.  We just got the referral to the Neurologist.  I will arrange that appointment today or tomorrow for next week or whenever they can get us in.  
Between the anxiety and the OCD, I stay in panic mode which is not good.  I'm trying not to freak out because of the thoughts that keep going through my head.  
So I'm currently doing what I have been doing almost everyday since the 1st of June and that is looking for a job.  Its going to get to the point that there isn't anything and I will probably wind up retiring.  That's okay, but I will still need to do something to add a little bit of income.  Of course, I am applying to become a notary which I think I mentioned but not sure.  My mind runs a thousand miles an hour.  I have to take a sleeping pill at night just so I can get some sleep.  I know this post is a bunch of whining and I guess I needed to do that and I like it that my friends don't mind.  Have a great day!

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Against The RocksBy Laura S. Farnsworth