Against The Rocks

Morning, Afternoon or just Hello.  Okay so I've been having a meltdown for the last few days.  I have OCD, two autoimmune diseases and I'm currently being treated for depression as well as my anxiety.  I need to come up with an acronym for that so I don't have to repeat all of it.  
So back to the meltdown.  I've been job hunting since before my last day of work, which was June 9.  I've applied for everything I can find that doesn't require a degree.  I've applied for administrative assistant, entry level data entry clerks, document assistant, and anything else I think I can do or know I can do.  No responses.  Never in all my days of working, did I think I wouldn't be able to get a job.  I think everyone see's that I'm 61 and they go, she is going to retire soon.  Lets find someone that will be here longer.  I get that, but retirement age is 67 in order to draw your full social security.  I can retire at 62, but what I would get a month is not going to pay all the bills even with Norman's social security.  
I have signed up to do surveys, testing products and I just signed up to do research studies.  I'm not sure what else I can do.  I have to have a remote job for now anyway, because Norman needs help during the day.  Although his physical therapy is working miracles this time.  He is able to stand for a few minutes without holding on to the walker.  I wish I had known we could have done this sooner but he had already gone through physical therapy but  it didn't work.  Things are a little different this time.  I think he knew I was about at my wits end.  
I am constantly running different scenarios through my mind which is the OCD.  Things like what am I going to do if we can pay the rent, buy groceries, pay the utilities?  I have reached out for assistance from Texas Health and Human Services and hopefully I will hear from them next week. 
We have an appointment with another Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doctor for next week.  We just got the referral to the Neurologist.  I will arrange that appointment today or tomorrow for next week or whenever they can get us in.  
Between the anxiety and the OCD, I stay in panic mode which is not good.  I'm trying not to freak out because of the thoughts that keep going through my head.  
So I'm currently doing what I have been doing almost everyday since the 1st of June and that is looking for a job.  Its going to get to the point that there isn't anything and I will probably wind up retiring.  That's okay, but I will still need to do something to add a little bit of income.  Of course, I am applying to become a notary which I think I mentioned but not sure.  My mind runs a thousand miles an hour.  I have to take a sleeping pill at night just so I can get some sleep.  I know this post is a bunch of whining and I guess I needed to do that and I like it that my friends don't mind.  Have a great day!

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Laura

 I sometimes feel like I’m walking around in a fog or a dream and I keep trying to wake up or get out of the fog.  I’ve shared the issues I have since I don’t know when they started.  I have two autoimmune diseases, anxiety, PTSD, depression and I’m very OCD.  The PTSD just showed up in November of 2020, when I crashed my jeep, totaling it.  Depression has occurred in the past but only once was I on medication.  Fall of 2021, I was prescribed a sleeping pill, a pill for depression and one for anxiety.  The autoimmune diseases have been around since 2014.  Stress has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  When I was in 8th grade, my sister decided to marry a dumbass, he was also a pedophile.  I have worked in the same profession for over 35 years.  It is a stressful job, but it is well worth the work and the hours.  You actually feel like you have accomplished something at the end of the day.  There are bad days just like any profession and sometimes, more bad than good. I’ve made a lot of friends over the years and it just shows you that you’ve done something right in the end.  In the last week we have set up our new Primary Care doctor.  We were able to get Norman set up with weekly nurse visits and physical therapy twice a week.  We are still looking for a dermatologist for him and the physical therapist wants him to see a neurologist as well as he thinks there is more going on than just the discs in his back. Yesterday for me was exceptionally off.  I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and for 95% of the day I kept my jaw clenched because I was so close to an anxiety attack, I was afraid not to clench my jaw.  Not that it would have helped. I’m almost to the point that I don’t want to leave the house for any reason.  Actually, unless we have prescriptions to pick up or getting my granddaughter, I don’t leave the house in my vehicle.  I do/was walking every day but have had a hard time getting started again, after my back regrouped.  Last Thursday as I was driving us to the new doctor, I had at least 4 anxiety attacks because I didn’t know where I was going and it was all stupid because I didn’t push start on the directions, because I was afraid we were going to be late.  I know stupid is as stupid does!!! Earlier this week I had another attack.  They have not ever been this bad and they just increased my medicine for the attacks.  Part of the problem I believe is that I have been unable to obtain new employment.  Because of my OCD, I have bad thoughts about why I’m not being hired.  Or is one of my previous employers giving me bad reviews or is it because I’m old.  I have never considered myself as old and still don’t but I guess when you look at it from an employer’s view they might go “they are close to retiring”.  I know they cannot discriminate because of age, sex, religion, etc. There are currently OCD trials going on for a potential medication to help.  I never noticed the thoughts I was having until I saw the ad for the medical trials.   However, my anxiety is worse than having OCD.  When I have an episode, I can’t concentrate, I can’t breathe and I shake.  They don’t usually last very long, but the triggers can be anything.  Like going someplace I have never been, entering a place where there is a large crowd of people, a bunch of people talking at one time or really just anything.  It’s not paranoia.  There is no describing the feeling if you have never experienced or seen someone have an anxiety attack.  

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So if you have listened to any of my other episodes, you know I struggle with my weight constantly.  I had a gastric bypass in October of 2003.  I weighed 323 pounds I think that was the highest.  I was a size 34 at the time.  The weight did come off quickly.  By the end of 2003, I was down to a size 24 or smaller.  I lost enough weight that I was down to 161 by March or April of 2004.  That is also when I developed food allergies.  A couple of my friends that also had lost the weight by gastric bypass gave me bags and bags of clothes.  It was weird looking through the clothes.  I would pick out things that were too big.  I would try them on and then was amazed that they were too big.  I still saw me as the person that weighed over 300lbs.  The strange thing about me weighing that much, was that neither my arms nor my legs were obese like some people that you see.  

My life changed immensely, except for two things.  1) I couldn’t see the change in my mind and 2) I still don’t like to shop.  I weighed every day in the morning.  I know a lot of people say that is just a number and that is right, but when you have always been laughed at or made fun of because of that number, it has a lot of impact on your life.  So I always put too much emphasis on weighing but I can’t stop that.  The highest weight I have been since the surgery was 269.  I lost back down to 172.  Recently I’ve gained back to 234.  I’m slowly losing that off again.  Walking, Jogging and running is my new passion and I’ve tried to start that back on a normal routine.  I’m currently in a size 18 in shorts, but an extra-large in shirts but that is only because I don’t like my body being squeezed by my clothing. 

In 2005, I had just started trying to find smaller clothes that fit me correctly and I believe I was down to a 14 in some things, 16 in most and I was comfortable with my body then.  However, the man I was dating during that time made fun of me for being overweight.  I didn’t know that until my mom told me he would make faces when I sat in his lap.  

When you lose weight as fast as I did, your mind doesn’t have time to catch up to your body.  I still don’t look at myself in the mirror and I don’t know that will ever change.  So for anyone out there that is losing weight quickly, I guess my advice would be to train your mind to match your body.  I do try to do that still to this day.  I felt good the first time I put on a leopard print dress and wore it with black boots or when I found a pant suit that was a size 14 and fit me really good and I felt pretty.  I’ve not felt that way a lot.  I’ve always used jackets and sweaters to camouflage my body.  I think part of that was a defense mechanism so I wouldn’t be laughed at or made fun of or whispered about. 

I guess the biggest thing I want to share is to be proud of what you accomplish with weight loss.  Take time to get your body and mind in sync.  Don’t be afraid to move out of the comfort zone with clothes and with hiding your new body.  

It wasn’t until 2019 that I was able to have the excess skin removed and some liposuction to remove some fat around my sides and my back.  That was worth it as well.  I will get back to the size 14; it’s just going to take some time for me to get there.  

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Please subscribe and I will send the notes for the full episode as a gift.  This was originally under a podcast that I had called Dripping Blood, but it was not working. 

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Laura

Just some fun before she returns to school next week. 

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Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

 That first chorus of that song has haunted me over the last few days.  I’m not sure why or what is causing it to play on repeat.  Every dream in the last week has had that song playing over and over in my head/dream.  I was told that the story behind the song is a blind man, who was Garfunkel’s best friend in college and had a sudden on-set of blindness.  However, Paul Simon actually wrote the song.  I’m still trying to figure out why it has been playing over and over in my head.  Maybe it is because I’m stressed and having anxiety over the whole job search thing.  I was approved for my unemployment and that is some stress relief, but that is not going to carry us through the month of September. I read something this week that said maybe I’m looking to hard or have too much I’m trying to do at once in order to see what might be waiting.  I can identify with Darkness.  There have been times in my younger years where when I dreamed there was only darkness and a voice would talk to me, but I could never see the face of the man talking.  I was never afraid of the man speaking and he was not evil or dangerous.  I always believed he was trying to teach me something or show me something that I needed.  Going to therapy is not something new to me.  I’ve been several times and it was needed for different things.  It’s funny how every time you go to see a therapist they always ask the same questions. “Do you ever think about hurting yourself or killing yourself?”  My answer is always the same.  “No I could never kill myself because it would hurt too much.”  Pain is physical, mental and emotional and usually at the same time.  When I was doing research on my OCD and the symptoms, one of the things I read was that picking at injuries and keeping them open is a side effect.  It is almost automatic for me.  I’ve been so stressed and going through menopause again or continuing, and so I have a lot of open places on my back.  I wake up to blood on my gowns or on the sheets or the mattress.  The pain makes me feel.  I know that sounds stupid, but it does.  I’m trying to control it which totally defeats the term OCD.  In the last few days, a lot have healed enough that I can’t open them back up, which is good.  I’ve also bought some scar cream to help me get rid of the scars and hopefully it works.  I’m not sure that is part of the darkness in my life or not.  I’ve been laid off once this year and fired once this year.  I was so stressed out working for the company I was fired from that I had to start taking something for depression and anxiety.  Sleeping pills help me to stop my brain for working overtime or at least slow it down.  I am not a cutter and never have been, but the research I did on the OCD showed me a lot.  I guess the darkness could be considered my depression I’m suffering.  The other thing that is causing stress and is no one’s fault is the health of my husband.  We have doctor’s appointments on 17th to see what if anything can be done to help him walk again, Also to see if we can get some help for him or for me so that I don’t have to worry so much about him.  If he can’t get better he will wind up in a wheelchair.  Wow! This post has turned into something that I wasn’t really planning. 

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Most clients as part of their relocation policies provide household goods move.  What is a household goods move?  It is the packing, loading and shipping of all the goods in a transferring employee’s home.  There are things that the moving companies cannot move and things that are not permitted per the policy.  Also, there is usually a weight limit.  When you are explaining the relocation policy to an employee and spouse or just the employee, this is one piece of the program that you want to make sure you go over.  One of the first things I usually mention is that depending on the time of year, the movers may need more than a couple of weeks to get your goods surveyed, packed loaded and move to the new location or stored.  Summer is always extra busy because families are trying to get moved prior to school starting in the new location.  Most employees want to get their kids to the new location and settled so that they can make some new friends before starting to school.  From about Mid-April to September, is the busiest time of year for professional movers. When going over the policy regarding the household goods move, I always pointed in the policy, where it mentioned the movement of household goods and explained that they needed to read what was allowed and what was not.  There were also specialty items that could be shipped with approval from the client.  Such items were taxidermy, pool tables, foosball table, Ping-Pong table, gun safes and other items that aren’t considered to be normal household goods.  There were also items that you don’t think about when moving that aren’t allowed, for example, chemicals, ammunition, wine, liquor, fuel and perishable food.  Wine collections or liquor collections can be shipped by specialty movers at the cost of the employee.  Otherwise, it’s going to be a great block party!There is also a service called Discard and Donate that a lot of clients allow the use of by the employees, as it reduces the weight of the household goods shipment.  It can be really handy if you have collected items over the years and don’t really want to keep them, but haven’t had the chance to get rid of them.  Ideally, it is best to place the order for the household goods movement at least 4 weeks in advance unless it is summertime or close to summertime and then you want to place the order as soon as possible.  Don’t wait until you sell your home to request the household goods move.  There could be the chance the movers cannot accommodate your move date.  One other thing to think about is this, if your home doesn’t have enough allowable goods to fill an 18 wheeler, they there will be other household goods on the same truck.  Most drivers do not take just one load.  The goods are delivered in the opposite direction they were loaded.  If your goods are loaded first, you will be the last delivery.  You will receive a delivery window for your goods, once the truck is loaded. If you are moving to a downtown/metropolitan area, 18 wheelers are not always allowed.  So a permit is usually needed and this is a cost that the client normally picks up.  Also, if the area doesn’t allow room for an 18wheeler, then a shuttle truck/van would be needed.  The relocation consultant goes over the household goods move, but the order doesn’t get placed until the employee is ready.  The employees are reminded that the closer to summer the more time is needed to meet their move date.   The employees start date in the new location drives a lot of those pieces..  

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Sweat Band Waist Trainer 7/27/23

So anyone that knows me or has known me knows that I have struggled with my weight all my life from about 8 years old.  I know you think that is really young, but it was always pointed out that I had to wear a half size larger than my sister.  Half size?  Yes. When I was young, we were sometimes bought dresses that were alike or similar and mine was always X size larger. So if she got an 8, mine was an 8X.  Now no one understands the effect that has on a child when they were told they were too fat to wear the same size.  

Anyway, that is the past.  The best thing I have purchased in the last few years is a waist trainer or sweat band.  I bought it from Amazon and on the band itself it says “10X Sweat” and I love it.  When I first started using it was in 2020 after I was laid off.  I started out walking for 20 minutes every day or at least 3 times a week.  I built up to a mile in 20 minutes and I just slowly increased that time and distance.  When I lost enough weight that I had to buy small shorts, I also bought this waist band.  I love it because it supports my back and helps to pull everything in to where it needs to be.  Amazon has several that they sell.  I moved and couldn’t find the one that I had been using so I bought a new one.  It was pretty good but bigger than I thought it would be and didn’t give me the support I needed.  

I was able to finally find my older waist band and have been using it now for two weeks and I can already tell the difference.  My back doesn’t hurt from walking and I’m slimming down some more.  

 Weight Loss Gummies

You can’t be on the internet or tiktok and not see ads or posts about weight loss gummies.  Most of the gummies that are advertised, I can’t afford.  Why would you offer a product and charge 60.00 a bottle?  Anyway, I’ve watched the videos by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood, Tim McGraw and Oprah, and I’ve seen the differences in their bodies now that they lost the weight.  I’ve even seen the show where Dr. Oz promoted gummies.  After reading the back of these bottles of different gummies to see what the ingredients were, I couldn’t really see anything different.  So I went on Amazon and bought what I thought was an equal ingredient gummies.  I bought two bottles and was very motivated to take them as they directed on the bottles.  I was so excited to see some difference in my weight.  The ones I bought were put out by Toniq and they are simply labeled “Apple Cider Vinegar + Keto BHB Salts; 60 gummies in each bottle and you take two a day. 

I was religious in not missing any and I can honestly say that I didn’t lose any weight but I did get indigestion every time I took them because of the amount of apple cider vinegar.  Now I know what you are thinking that I should have spent the money on the ones that the celebrities were advertising.  Truth!  But how many people can spend 60.00 a bottle knowing it is going to take more than one bottle?  Now I haven’t given up on the gummies.  I’ve actually bought a bottle that says it is the one Shark Tank promoted.  I have started those and as soon as I finish the bottle I will do a review on those as well.  

I’m going to review any weight loss product that I buy and will share it here.  I’ve tried a bunch over the years and some worked and most didn’t.  Hopefully, someone will get some use from this post.  

Have a great day!

Thanks! 

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I started working in relocation on January 28, 1985.  At that time, I didn’t really understand what it was, but it didn’t take long for me to catch on.  The name of the company was Equitable Relocation which no longer exists.  It was gobbled up by a bigger relocation company, which is not unusual in this industry.  When I started, there were no computers.  Everything was done by hand and a file front was completed as things were done and received.  I remember that the only inspections we ever ordered was a pest inspection and then well/water or septic if there was one on the property. In the last 38 years, relocation has changed.  Clients are more attuned to their employees and their needs.  There’s not just one single policy.  Now you can have 2, 3 or more. Sometimes it depends on the client and the type of business.  I have worked on many clients that have the normal policy.  Normal policy would be some kind of lump sum or allowance, temp living, home sale, home purchase, spousal assistance, and house hold goods move.  This is a full relocation policy for homeowners.  Renters would typically get the same except for home sale and they would get rental assistance and lease cancellation reimbursement.  Relocation Management Companies are hired to make sure the client’s employees are taken care of and that the policy is followed.  Most Clients’ don’t have the man power to handle or watch over the relocation policy for their own employees and that is why it is outsourced to Relocation companies.   Relocation Management Companies or RMCs meet with the clients and after finding out what the needs of the client are, they help put together a policy.  Now most policies have particular ways things must be handled and if the employee doesn’t follow they could be penalized or lose some of their benefits. Policy is put together for renters and for homeowners, and the client submits the first move.  Now while the policy has been put together, the RMC is assembling a team to handle the client. Depending on how many moves that are anticipated, usually determines the number of team members to handle the client.  There is usually a consultant that will be the main contact for reaching out to the employee and to the point of contact for the client.  There is also an associate consultant who assists the consultant with placing orders for services and keeping the database up to date. The associate consultant also helps when the consultant is off.  If they are a good fit with each other is runs like a well-oiled machine. Client policies can range for the full services to maybe an allowance and movement of the household goods.  If they are hiring college grads sometimes it can be just an allowance.  Basically clients are looking for a relocation company that can get its employees from Point A to Point B and take the stress from the employee so that they can concentrate on their new jobs and keep the family from stressing out as well.  That is the part of my career I truly enjoy; helping a family get from Point A to Point B. You work on some clients for years and so it is possible that you move a person and the family more than once.  I have several friends from just that sort of thing happening.  It is truly a rewarding job and it can be calm one day and total chaos the next day.  I often refer to relocation as a black hole, once you are in, there’s no getting out.  It is a very rewarding career.  I will probably do this until I die. Full notes provided with subscription

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Follow your Intuition -  January 2023 started over in a blast.  Our lease was up in February or March, so we had to look for a new place.  We found one and wound up moving at the end of the month and we are so close to my daughter and son in law now.  I love it.  I’ve been watching my granddaughter since school is out.  We have so much fun.  How am I able to do that?   Always follow your intuition.  It usually will not let you down, it may take a while for the evil to present itself, but it won’t be long.  I should have listened to mine.  I started to work for a pet travel company in November of 2020.  This was during the midst of moving and then I totaled my jeep and the first time the job was offered to me, I turned it down and I wish I had just let it go.  However, we needed more income and my unemployment had run out, so when it was offered a second time for a couple of thousand dollars more, I took it.  Some money was better than none or so I thought. There was once a brick and mortar building for the business, but Covid shut that down.  According to pictures she actually had quite a few employees.  When I started with her there was just me and one other girl.  The other girl was only there about two weeks before she was fired.  She was fired, because she called the owner/manager an alcoholic.  I cannot affirm or deny that about the manager.  However, she did accuse me of drinking on the job.  I had been working there about 3 or 4 months when a return customer was coming back to the states.  The manager told me to use the pictures I had from the trip over and that they didn’t need another crate.  I did as I was told.  The morning after the flight, the manager called me and said that I had cost the company $5k, because the crate was too small for the last flight and they had to put him in a bigger crate.  I was told that I would be written up because of the error.  I replied to her and said that was fine, but that I would not sign it and that I would write a rebuttal.  So at this time, let me explain that I was given no formal training.  I was thrown into the business, given a notebook to read and that was the extent of training.  If she needed me to do something she would share her screen, show me one time and then I was supposed to understand and be able to do it.  I’m a pretty quick study, so I was able to do some of the things.  Let’s move forward, during the next few months, I made a few other mistakes, but not as much at the $5k. I have 35+ years of relocation experience with humans.  With people if you make mistake it’s not going to kill them.  It got to the point, that I never knew if I was going to be greeted friendly or be accused of some mistake.  She monitored all the emails coming and going.  All phone calls were recorded so that she could monitor everything that was said.  There were several mornings that I was called or messaged way before hours of operations or on the weekends or in the evenings.  There were a lot of Saturdays that I wound up working because of an issue.  There wasn’t a lot of balance between work and life.  It was so bad with the micromanaging that none of us wanted to send an email or make a call because we knew she would call us and tell us what we did wrong.  We earn a week of vacation once a year.  I completed my first year and she asked me not to take the whole week at once.  I did as requested.  For the remainder of the show notes - listen to the podcast.

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