We DO Mind

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

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Yeah, so we’re talking about aura farming.

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Yeah, we’re talking about aura farming.

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And a lot of people are engaged in aura farming.

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And it’s kind of been around a while, but, you know, people don’t realize that they’re doing it.

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So tell us.

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So when you talk about farming,

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are you talking about planting things in the ground,

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growing tomatoes,

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that type of stuff?

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Farming, but not planting a vegetable.

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Is aura a vegetable that you’re talking about?

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No.

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No, it is not.

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No.

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What is an aura?

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No.

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An aura is kind of a vibe or a way that you are expressing yourself.

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And most of us want to have a positive aura, right?

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One that people think positively about us.

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And so we try to do things that allow people to,

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where we can express ourselves and people will feel good about us in certain ways.

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And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

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So you can get points for that.

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So farming is you’re trying to increase your aura.

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Yeah, you’re trying to cultivate a bigger, better aura, a more positive aura.

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There’s something behind this that we’ve talked about in two other episodes and

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that is authenticity.

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Okay.

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So you’re really trying to cultivate that in a way that makes it feel really

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natural that you’re expressing your true self without having to put effort into it.

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There’s an effortlessness to it.

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You’re trying to create this cool like

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Yeah, I got it easy.

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Yeah, I do cool things.

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I get all my stuff from Goodwill.

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I have social impact or I can toss something into the garbage can without even looking.

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I can do all these things in my life that seem effortless and that gives me a better aura.

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So I saw that an example or like the king of aura was Michael Jackson.

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Yeah Some of us said that I mean of course There’s no official king But Right But

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He wasn’t just the king of pop He would many times At the beginning of his

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Performances Would just kind of Just stand there Or just arrives from There was

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like a Super Bowl Halftime performance When he He rose up In the middle of the

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stage And then just kind of Stood there for a while Yeah And then that was Cool

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That doesn’t work for Most people Mm-hmm

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But he had that aura.

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He was able to do that.

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That was something that looked effortless for him.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Like if you were to like stand up at a restaurant and just go like this and not say anything.

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Yeah.

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That probably would not be so.

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Now you’d be a weirdo.

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Yeah.

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So but also you have to be able to carry that off and some can and some can’t.

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But that was a part of them.

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Right.

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And it might be expected or interesting from him.

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But if I were to get up on a stage and give a talk

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And Just Stand There For Two Minutes It Would Have The Same Reaction It Would Be

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Kind Of Cringe That Would Be A Negative So The Opposite Of Creating An Aura Is

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Cringe It Could Be One Of Them Yeah Unless You Want To Try Exactly Or Try Hard You

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Know We’ve All Seen The Try Hard Somebody That’s Really Trying Really Hard To Do

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Something That Would Seem Really Cool And It’s Just Not Working Yeah

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Like maybe just in there and try to throw something into the garbage can and you

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just completely miss.

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Yeah.

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Hey, look at me, look at me.

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Or giving the same party trick over and over again when you go someplace.

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Reusing things all the time, just trying to look cool with it.

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Or sitting on your phone and you’re really looking at the weather and in fact,

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you know,

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you’re not doing anything mysterious,

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but you’re trying to look mysterious or important in something that you’re doing.

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Looking at the weather is a problem.

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Yeah.

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if you’re trying to look mysterious.

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Okay.

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But if I’m just trying to look at the weather.

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Then you’re, there’s nothing to do with aura farming.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So, but you can, so you can overdo it, right?

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Yes.

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Yes.

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Okay.

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So, tell me how you would successfully aura farm.

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Being authentic Doing something that you’re able to do That’s pretty effortless Say

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you are really pretty effortless In doing something that has to do with social

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justice Or something that you’re really interested in It’s different than bragging

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about something I’m just going to go do this because I enjoy doing it I like to

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shop at Goodwill I’m going to go do that I like to donate my time I like to

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volunteer I like to do all of these things

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You’re going to do it without bragging.

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It’s if you’re saying every time you go someplace, hey, I did this.

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Hey, look at me.

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Notice me.

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Did you see that I did that?

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That’s different.

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So for the most part,

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you can be doing things that are very effortless,

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that are part of your authentic self that you really enjoy.

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And that’s a part of the positive aspects of aura farming.

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So I think aura farming also hit a surge when there was this video of

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um these boats in Indonesia right yeah there’s a there’s a kid in front of the boat

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just sitting standing at the front of the boat and the boat’s like moving and you

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know normally you’d be like holding off for dear life yeah but the kid’s just sort

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of standing there and gesturing

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Yeah,

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he was dancing to the music and effortlessly doing it without even looking like he

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was going to lose his balance or anything.

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It was unbelievable.

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So that became a symbol of aura farming because that’s actually what he’s supposed to be doing.

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And that’s what he’s obviously good at doing.

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And he didn’t do it because it’s something unnatural.

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He didn’t do it because...

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He wanted to get clout.

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He just did it because that’s what he does.

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And that’s actually part of the whole culture of those boat races.

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So it became effortless.

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Well, it looks effortless.

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I’m sure it takes a lot of effort.

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But it looked natural.

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Well,

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he’d done it so much that it became,

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you know,

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effortless for him in a way or enough that it looked effortless.

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It’s kind of like when you watch gymnastics and you’re watching the Olympics and

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you say,

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wow,

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that looks beautiful.

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It almost looks easy.

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It looks effortless.

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Yeah.

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They’re able to carry that off Yeah And so many other things if you become an

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expert in something it does look effortless Yeah But if you see somebody else

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trying to do that or do something like that or bragging about that it’s when that’s

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when there’s a red flag Okay So you should be looking for something that you

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naturally would naturally do Yeah And you do it off enough that it becomes

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effortless Okay

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Yeah, and it can also be how you feel about things.

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Like, there are a lot of people who really do like to do things like

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Get involved civically or do things like that.

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It’s when you’re posing and saying that you’re into it and you’re not really doing

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it or you’re not into it that it doesn’t look right.

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But yeah, we all naturally are good at things.

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We all naturally enjoy things.

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But there’s a risk for young people who are in that identity stage who are trying

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to figure out who they are and they want to get clout from others.

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They start to

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I don’t have to think about it because I don’t have to think here’s the sushi and

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Where does it go?

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Exactly It actually goes through my mouth Right So it’s very effortless Very true

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Yeah Yeah And you’re like that with avocado toast Avocado toast A little more

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effort Because you actually have to take the toast Put the avocado on toast And

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then you eat it Absolutely So yeah But you’re talking about things like that Where

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you are naturally good at that You know what?

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You could be

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You could be naturally good at eating healthy, right?

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And that could be something.

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But if you’re posing for that, that wouldn’t be so good.

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So there,

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as with anything,

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there are people who are trying to do this,

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but they’re trying too hard.

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So what are some examples of people trying too hard that becomes cringe?

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They’re trying too hard to orify.

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It’s not something that they really,

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it’s either something that they might be really good at it,

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but you’re saying,

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look at me,

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look at me.

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You’re not just doing it because you want to do it.

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You want people to see you doing it.

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So most of us do things that we enjoy and we don’t care if people see us doing it or not.

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You don’t care if somebody sees you eating sushi or you’re alone eating sushi.

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But if you were saying, look at me eating my sushi.

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Very giving of you.

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Yes.

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If you were saying,

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I need to take a picture of this sushi that I’m eating,

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and then I’m going to go ahead and show everybody that I just did that so that they

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will see that I’m a healthy eater.

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Yep, here.

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That would be quite good.

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Take that, yes.

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So that’s it.

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Okay.

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Give me that back.

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No.

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No?

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I’m trying to create an aura that I’m giving you the pillow.

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Yes.

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So this gesture isn’t always working.

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It can seem empty.

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So I heard also there’s people who see it.

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People who will do something over and over again.

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Like they might tell the same story, do the same card trick.

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Even within the same party, they’ll just go around and repeat it over and over again.

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And it’s cool the first time around,

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but when you realize that they’re doing it over and over again with different

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people,

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then you realize they might be trying too hard,

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right?

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Yeah,

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it’s that person that sees that they get a laugh or they get a positive reaction

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from somebody.

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So they repeat it over and over again.

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Like this.

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The kind gesture.

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Thank you, Bruce.

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Yes So that is and we all know that person that has done that we might have done it

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ourselves you know maybe you’re feeling why thank you thank you we might be feeling

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insecure when we go someplace so when we see something positive a positive reaction

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from somebody we’ll do it over and over again say that joke over and over again

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that sort of thing

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When we’re looking to build a positive aura for ourselves,

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we’re often farming for things that will do that.

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It’s when we get negative points for it when we’re actually doing some of those

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things over and over again or looking for attention.

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It’s not because we’re authentically interested in it.

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It’s because we’re seeking external validation for it.

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Mm-hmm.

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And, you know, I’ll be honest with you, we’ve all done that.

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So,

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you know,

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this is not calling out people and saying,

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hey,

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if you’ve done this or you do this,

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there’s something negative about you.

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We’ve all been there and done that.

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We meaning you and everyone else.

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Not you.

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Not me.

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Everyone but you.

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Everyone but you.

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Exactly.

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So...

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But that’s something that if you’re aware of it,

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it’s easier to stop yourself from saying the same story 17 times at a party.

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Yeah.

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One of the examples was of somebody doing a trick,

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like an actual aprobatic trick over and over again on stage,

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you know,

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a performer.

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And that that was something that started to look kind of cringe.

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The person was doing backflips.

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I don’t want to say the person’s name because I actually think the person’s super talented.

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But that ended up becoming a meme of negativity with regard to that person doing

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that backflip over and over again.

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That it seemed like an attention grab, even though the person was effortlessly doing it.

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I see.

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Now I’m curious of who this person is.

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Should I say it?

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Oh, why not?

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Benson Boone.

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So he’s known for doing the backflips in his performances.

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And so he was doing too many of them.

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Too many backflips?

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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So even though it was effortless, it seemed to be something that was an attention grab.

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And so there’s this fine line between how much do you do something before it’s,

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you know,

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that you’re seeking external validation versus you’re just doing it because you

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effortlessly enjoy it.

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You would do it no matter what.

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How do you know a backslip is a tension grabber?

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Well, I guess if you’re on stage and you’re performing, then it might be necessary.

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Maybe if you’re in Cirque du Soleil or just if you’re in a restaurant.

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Yeah, right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Because who doesn’t do that?

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Yeah.

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So yeah, so oral farming is a big term these days.

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It is.

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And so basically you, it’s, it can be fine, right, to do it.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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You know,

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I actually think it’s not a bad idea to be really,

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I think it’s in some ways kind of good because we have seen so many negative things

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that people are saying,

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oh,

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you know,

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People are engaged in too many negative behaviors.

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Well,

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this is people getting excited and interested in doing things that they

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authentically enjoy and that they enjoy.

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that are often positive in the world,

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you know,

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like social things or doing social good or things that make the world a better

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place.

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So I love that we have this around.

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It’s an opportunity,

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especially for people who are in the identity phase of life to say,

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wow,

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I can focus on things that make me feel good and that are seen as good for the

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world and others.

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So I like it.

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Excellent.

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Yeah.

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So, thanks for coming on today to do this once again.

(00:14:35):

This is Bruce Wiley.

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He writes for Forbes and for Psychology Today,

(00:14:40):

and he also writes on Substack,

(00:14:43):

Minded by Science.

(00:14:44):

I’m Deborah Heiser,

(00:14:45):

and I also write for Substack on The Right Side of 40 and for Psychology Today,

(00:14:51):

The Right Side of 40.

(00:14:52):

So, if you want to check out our writing, check us out there.

(00:14:56):

And you can also find us on YouTube.

(00:15:03):

All right, take care.Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

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Have you heard of Ghostlighting? It’s like ghosting and gaslighting together. Dr. Bruce Y. Lee and I talk about ghostlighting and what it looks like in personal and work life.

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See all of our writing on Psychology Today and Forbes directly on our site We Do Mind!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit deborahheiserphd.substack.com/subscribe