We Hear You

In today’s episode, the host of the We Hear You Podcast, and the executive director of Harambe Social Services, takes the hot seat. Rose Williams opens up about her life story in the hope that it will offer hope and comfort to anyone listening who is being subjected to domestic abuse. Domestic violence is a pandemic, as much as COVID-19 is, and for various reasons the latter is exacerbating the horrors of the former, making the inspirational work that Rose does ever more relevant. Our conversation today covers so many vital topics, ranging from why there is a need for culturally specific services, to the importance of being sensitive to the difficult decision that mothers face when they find themselves in an abusive relationship and have children to look after. Rose grew up in a violent household and although the road is long and challenging, she has dedicated her life to assisting Black and African American women in abusive relationships, and you’ll hear today about some of the inspiring work she is doing. 

Kelly Thomas has experienced abuse throughout her life; in her family while she was growing up, in her first marriage while she was pregnant, and in her second marriage when she had two young children. Although she felt like she did as much as she could to shield her son and daughter from the abuse that she was being subjected to, she now realizes that they were aware of much more than she knew. Kelly shares the guilt that she feels about putting her children through something that she knows from personal experience, sticks with a person for their whole life. Kelly has done a lot of work in order to understand how abusive relationships impact children, even if the children are not being physically abused themselves, and she advocates strongly for having open conversations about this topic as a way to prevent multi-generational abuse.

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Social Services on Facebook

Harambe Social Services on Instagram

Domestic violence is an epidemic which impacts people of all races, ages, genders and classes. Our society too often puts the onus on the victim to fix their situation by leaving their batterer. However, the reality is that this will not solve the problem of domestic violence; the perpetrators are the ones who need to be held accountable for their actions, otherwise they will abuse whomever they are in a relationship with. In today’s episode we are joined by Ms. Tamu Lane, a survivor who now runs one of the few New Jersey based programs which aims to eliminate domestic violence by working with the batterers themselves. Tamu and Rose discuss the compounding struggles experienced by women of color and how the common practice of victim blaming perpetuates abuse. You will also learn about the lack of coherent policies around domestic violence and the devastating impact this has on victims, why the COVID-19 pandemic has heightened the levels of domestic violence and the fact that domestic violence is still not being treated as the nationwide emergency that it is. If you are a victim of domestic violence, even though you may feel alone, you are not, and there are many organizations out there to help you.

Culturally broad and inaccurate approaches to community services and institutions have been clearly shown to be ineffectual and misplaced. When addressing societal issues such as sexual assault and domestic violence, a more highly attuned and relatable framework is needed by organizations in order to truly connect and help the people that need it. Here on the show today to talk about the institutional racism that is still so prevalent, and share some thoughts on the steps that are necessary at this moment to continue trying to dismantle this, is Pamela Chambers! Pamela is an award-winning and leading specialist on race and cultural diversity issues and currently works at Beyond Diversity Resource Center, where she is committed to helping women of color confront oppression and institutional racism through powerful change and personal growth. In our conversation, we cover some of Pamela's history working in the space, reflections on what has changed and what has not, and her thoughts on the most pressing areas to address in 2021. We get into the cycle of bias and policy creation and look at some examples of how these patterns have been present in the last century. Pamela weighs in on privilege, talking about how we all walk in and out of different forms of privilege constantly, and the resultant impetus that puts on us to listen and learn. The episode finishes off underlining the main thesis of tailoring services to the culture, language, and needs of the people, and our guest makes a great argument for why this is so pressing right now. For this and more, listen in.

Pamela Chambers

Beyond Diversity Resource Center

The Anti-Racist Cookbook

The Great White Elephant

YWCA of Trenton

College of New Jersey

Avanzar

Historically marginalized communities don’t always have the same access to domestic violence support organizations. Unfortunately, this lack of access has been made worse by the COVID pandemic. Today we speak with Adrienne Simpkins, the Director of Outreach and Capacity Building at the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence. Our conversation dives deeply into issues around access and the impact that COVID has had on survivors. Early in our discussion, we look at the stats around domestic violence in New Jersey, and Adrienne explains how the African American community is affected by domestic violence. We chat about the need for culturally-specific services to tackle the context of each community and why representation is key in providing support. Highlighting the benefits of a survivor-centered approach, Adrienne shares her views on why survivors are the experts on their own lives. A crucial theme this episode, we explore how organizations can expand their outreach by building relationships with both the community and other organizations, embracing a shared responsibility for domestic violence support. After reflecting on the progress that’s been made, we look at more statistics that show how the pandemic has increased instances of domestic violence while limiting access to shelter for marginalized groups. Tune in to hear more of Adrienne’s keen insights. 


Adrienne Simpkins LinkedIn

New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence

Morgan State University

Rider University

New Jersey State Police

New Jersey Fatality Review Board

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Social Services on Instagram

Harambe Social Services on Facebook

Harambe Phone Number — 609-225-6936

Sexual assault encompasses a wide range of violent or degrading acts, and it’s not just the
boogeyman in the alley that is the perpetrator. It can be someone you know, it can be someone you’re dating and, because of misinformation and coercion, there are often blurred lines. Today’s guest is Daunielle Munir, who works with the Center for Family Services in New Jersey, where she is the Program Coordinator of the sexual assault program, SERV, which stands for Services Empowering the Rights of Victims. In this episode, she explains the elements of control in violent acts, reiterates the importance of consent, and why victims sometimes can’t verbalize the word no. She also offers her support to victims, stating that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault, and encourages us to teach our children to trust their feelings to know when they are uncomfortable. Most importantly, she urges us to break the stigma, have the difficult conversations, and believe victims, so please tune in for some necessary education on the dynamics of sexual assault. It may be helpful for you or for someone you know.

 

Daunielle Munir on LinkedIn

Daunielle Munir on Facebook

Center for Family Services on Facebook

Center for Family Services

SERV 24-hour Hotline

The Conversation

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Social Services on Instagram

Harambe Social Services on Facebook 

Men have a vital role to play as anti-domestic violence advocates, and engaging with men
remains an important component of the movement to end violence against women. Today’s
guest is Reverend Frank Morris, an ordained Baptist Minister and a well-known Pastor of
Biblical Counseling at Ocean Avenue Baptist Church in Jersey City. He has spent the majority of his career doing whatever it takes to immerse himself in the subject of domestic violence, advocate an end to violence against women, and act as a role-model in the community to his fellow man. He is committed to promoting and encouraging clergy and congregational awareness in how to support victims. In this episode, Reverend Frank shares his experience and what inspired him to work in domestic violence, his early experience in the ministry, and what he believes men’s role to be as domestic violence advocates. Make sure to tune in to this episode!

Frank Morris on Facebook

Women, Why Are You Weeping?

Women, Why Are You Weeping?

Ocean Avenue Baptist Church

A CALL TO MEN

New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence

Women Rising

Harambe Social Services 

Harambe Social Services on Instagram

Harambe Social Services on Facebook

When people leave their abusive environments, they’re often too busy surviving to process their trauma. Today we speak with Tamu Lane, CEO of Healing Wounds, about restorative healing — a process of learning self-love, and self-forgiveness. After sharing her story and introducing the concept of restorative healing, we dive into the challenges that arise from not processing your trauma. As Tamu explains, survivors can pick up negative behaviors that can range from suicidal tendencies to substance abuse. Instead of just surviving, Tamu opens up about how survivors can begin their journey to thriving. She then highlights the need for patience and that everyone’s journey is different. We ask Tamu about her work helping survivors who are still living with their abusers and she talks about building survivors’ sense of self-love. We explore how people end up in abusive relationships and then debunk the myth that it’s only people with low self-esteem that end up in these situations. We look at how abusers are often charming and how they slowly, imperceptibly, beat down their partners sense of self-worth. Tamu reflects on the stigma that surrounds being a survivor and how this stigma often silences survivors. As people land up in complex situations, we discuss some of the numerous reasons that survivors “don’t just leave.” At the end of the episode, Tamu shares a powerful and simple message. Tune in to hear more about the journey to restorative health.

'Tamu Lane LinkedIn

Finally Free

Healing Wounds

Mary Tyler Moore

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Phone Number — 609-225-6936

Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-TALK

Domestic Violence Hotline— 1-800-799-7233

Harambe Social Service on Facebook

Harambe Social Service on Instagram

We Hear You Buzzsprout

People put up with abusive relationships for years, sometimes not seeing them as such despite the red flags. Today’s guest is Kelly Thomas and she joins us to help us learn more about how to spot the signs that a relationship is becoming destructive. Kelly is a survivor and the Founder and CEO of Girls Like You, a nonprofit that helps coach young kids who are in trouble and focuses on building self-confidence. We hear about how Kelly got started doing the work she does and why she believes that having self-love is foundational to building healthy relationships as well as escaping abusive ones. From there, we get into the many different types of red flags and warning signs that a relationship is unhealthy. For many of the young people Kelly works with, the very things that are abusive about their partners are often read by them as signs of love. A partner that calls obsessively and tries to control your movement is not being loving! Some of the other red flags Kelly talks about are things like verbal abuse, and partners who themselves grew up in abusive situations and won't seek help. We talk about some of the reasons why a partner might become abusive, and how relationships often start with the abusive partner pretending not to be. For an enlightening discussion that can help you get more educated on the difference between healthy and destructive relationships, tune in.

 Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Phone Number — 609-225-6936

BuzzSprout

Kelly Thomas

Girls Like You

Juvenile Conference Committees

Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-TALK

Domestic Violence Hotline— 1-800-799-7233

Harambe Social Service on Facebook

Harambe Social Service on Instagram

While it may not be a comfortable topic, domestic violence (DV) is a lot more common than you might think, both in the United States and around the world, and services that provide safety, support, and compassion for victims are crucial. Today’s guest is Marsetta Lee, Esq, who is the President of the Association of Black Women Lawyers of New Jersey. She is an Adjunct Professor at Wilmington University, where she teaches various courses, including ethics and criminal justice, multi-cultural issues, and criminal justice, women in criminal justice system, constitutional law, and psychology and the law. Marsetta also serves as the Criminal Justice Coordinator for South Jersey. In that role, she is the liaison for the satellite offices and the main campus. She collaborates with hosting colleges to host events and conferences related to criminal justice, including career days and domestic violence symposiums. She counsels students on course selection and career choices, and provides oversight and adjunct faculty attorneys and law enforcement officers. In this episode, we cover the services offered by the Victims of Crime Compensation Office, the age-old question of why victims stay with abusers, and the impact of COVID and shelter in place regulations. Tune in today!

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Marsetta Lee on LinkedIn

Wilmington University

Association of Black Women Lawyers of New Jersey

Victims of Crime Compensation Office

Harambe Social Services

Harambe Social Shrives on Facebook

Harambe Social Services on Instagram