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This week, we unpack Pocahontas — a film where the leaves do more acting than the humans and the wind has more character development than John Smith. Jasmin retells the plot with absolute confidence and absolutely no accuracy, Cherie confesses her ongoing obsession with Kovu, and together they try (and fail) to avoid accidentally endorsing bestiality when the games force them to choose between animals and colonisers.

We revisit the 90s through the lens of our mum’s parenting style, which included giving small children porcelain collectibles, forgetting fly screens exist, letting us wander into the forest unsupervised, and hoping we wouldn’t fall out windows. Spoiler: we nearly did.

You’ll also hear our ethically questionable AITA of the week involving almond milk, digestive consequences, and a roommate named “R” (for reasons that quickly become clear). Plus: deep philosophical discussions about scurvy, whether Disney characters ever eat or poop, and why emotional epiphanies require dramatic wind.

By the end, we determine the real villain of Pocahontas is racism — closely followed by the wind.