they're almost like spent nuclear reactors so new trading ensures one can operate in this society so if I was to new trait myself all right now I'm taking nutrition vitamins as well as medication and I'm working the system now i'm thinking if i wasn't working in the system I'd have a better chance of getting off this bit of medication that I'm on maybe I wouldn't need it to numb me out then maybe stuff would come through me and I would be able to process it and move on and I could keep taking the vitamins maybe the vitamins would keep me in this perception of reality or maybe I would go up into a different perception of reality but I would be ok because I'm not working the system or maybe if I went off with vitamins I would go into that different perception and it could be that i already am in the perception but i don't really feel it because i'm taking the vitamins or i go into that different perception and I spend all my internal resources of those vitamins and then I need to replenish and that's when I sort of fall back down and it could be a vitamin thing it could be like a nutrient thing or it could just be an energetic thing it could just be that all that extra energy comes in and sort of blows out the nervous system and it needs to recuperate so it could just be a nervous system thing and not necessarily anything to do with the molecules and stop it's hard to say i'm wondering what it is but to me it seems like there could be ways to actually modulate this even if i went on say EMP which is true hopes product and it kept me quote unquote normal and say i was in a place in my life where you know i had the resources to keep myself alive and well and safe and all that and decided and I decided to go off the EMP in order to go into that consciousness on purpose and then come down and come back and take it again it might be a way to modulate sort of the gas pedal and the gears and who it is that I want to be animating this physical structure that I appeared be that's something to working in the system is like I need to be my ego self more and it's interacting in ways that people are experiencing me as this ego self and and that structure is very loose so it can easily fall apart and maybe I fall apart not because my now because I fall apart but this ego structure falls apart because it's being broken up and torn to pieces by just being in the system and working in it and I've said before that the universe is trying to animate us in a certain way why is it not sustainable to be animated in that way to be so happy almost needs to be safe space to be that happy things like clowning random acts of kindness improv those are all excuses to be that happy I was also thinking again about becoming a DJ or music producer because it would be an excuse to be really happy and attempt to celebrate with people in a way that is just celebration it's not oh I'm trying to fix you even that meditation I have by that master guy he at the end of it it's a dancing celebration and he says gather energy to live this to be this to be that celebration of life on a daily basis he wasn't saying you know just sit there and stare at wall and it was supposed to be done daily so a person goes out and about in one's daily life as that celebration and it's difficult to be that way working in the mental health system to be animated in that way takes strength and agility it's trying to restore us to our strengths and our agility it takes strength and agility to serve the universe if I wasn't on medication I probably wouldn't be able to work in the system at all and if i wasn't working in the system what would I create I'd probably be recaptured by the mental health system instead of raptured by the universe and that's one of the reasons I'm working in the system because I could again be captured by the system so I attempt to make it better but the other way is to create my own thing and to try create people taking e CPR that would be a different system it's a system more in alignment with just being a human being it seems the eagle game is ending the universe is making it end by people going into mana consciousness as well as children being born with autism and I also was thinking about how we need B vitamins and zinc as well as Omega threes those are three of the main things and I realized that the Omega symbol plus if you look at this little drying in the middle there it's a Zed it's a B and it's also an Omega symbol and if you cut it in half so bz and omega-3 and so it's like a symbol of and it's also kind of looks like a fish which is kind of omega-3 and it's also that sort of age of aquarius symbolism so sometimes i just like to make my own manic symbolism up and play with words and things just for fun it's kind of fun to transform words into something repressive into something fun like shoe mania or humanik or whatever and the symbol is also cairo so non-superimposable mirror images and there's something with chirality and this whole thing too not sure how it works but and it's a mirror and I even had the thought this morning about how my diagnosis in a way is my protection so I have certain ideas and thoughts and a million things about what's going on in myself the world what have you and now if I went into extreme distress I would be sort of saved in a way they would save me from my own experience which might be true for me but it's not necessarily true for them so they say oh it's a hallucination they explain it away in that way and that's fine because then I'm restored back to starting again and trying again and just going through whatever again whatever needs to happen and i'll be saved by oh it was just mental illness you know I might think it was some big thing going on and those don't know was just a mental illness and like okay sure I'll believe that because then I can go back to just normal functioning even though it didn't feel like that at the time and again that's called delusion and I feel there's some kind of truth to it not necessarily absolute truth but it is still something being resolved in the collective psyche it's almost like being a warrior of this inner collective unconsciousness and sort of fighting that fight it's like an inward journey and it's kind of like a war and it's like surviving war in a way war of words all these words and images that we all share within us that we're all subject to and some of us never go into that subjectivity in order to be subject to all of it and we're just subjected to our own inner subjects of thoughts and what we take to be personally our own images but we're all affected by all of them even if it's not conscious so some of us go into that and it is like a war and it is difficult to come back so what I'm saying is this whole mental illness diagnosis is like oh I was just mental illness okay that's fine until next time so I feel like it is also protection in that it's like a mediator between what it is I feel like it's going on and what it is that the medical profession chooses to call it it's almost like medical izing the universe's process and how the universe is turning us into processors of this collective unconscious because if we see it then maybe we'll try to do something about it or change our vantage point or going into that I see I'm not an ego we're all the same it's all one process and even if other people can't feel it and experience that they're still feeling it and experiencing it and even if they can't feel it and experience it they could still dip into that at any time any human being can dip into that the universe can put anyone in that even if it's the most powerful psychiatrist in the world tomorrow they could be in this collective disaster and the world is a collective disaster it's a manifestation of all the collective pass which is all the collective experience of every single thing on the planet up until this point now and we're creating based on that but if we go into that and see that we might create something else because we're seeing what is being created as a result of that but over said oh it's mental illness which is helpful because then one can just come back to this reality but I feel it's important to come back to this reality with a bit of a remembrance of that vision and that sensation of what it is underneath the surface of everything what's really going on just like in the mind and heart have a completely supposedly normal person inside there's disaster complete disaster and that's most of us that are able to keep our crap together and then there's certain people that can't keep it together and it's not necessarily that all their own stuff it's not just there's no such thing as just one's own stuff because it's all manifested from the collective pass until this point now and each of us are a living representative of that and we could be a living representative of something else I also realized that in mania when I was there the first time the universe was making me fast I couldn't keep food in my system it just went right through me and I went down to 90 pounds because there's something about people that fast a lot of times connect with this other dimension so I was also thinking that has something to do with the ketogenic diet because it's different fasting the brain is using he don't ketones and that could be part of what causes the epigenetic changes in a way back to Tom Wooten and I really do love what he does and I just want to expand on it he teaches the concept of behaving while in certain states so just because in extreme mania doesn't mean we can't behave and is very valuable so he's sort of talking about being very very energized but being able to be somewhat normal to keep other people comfortable and what I'm talking about is also when feeling neutral being manic behaving in a manic way silly spontaneous fun kind caring when neutral when not having that energy to animate us I feel it's important to utilize the body in those ways even when the state is not causing us to behave in those ways so it's sort of a reversal of it in a way can we embody that energize state even when we're not feeling energized when we don't have that reward that pleasure of that energy making us be that way and i feel that will actually create more neural networks to hold that capacity of that energy when it does come and not just waiting for the energy to come and I also was thinking about the flow concept and and Steven kotler's book of the rise of Superman and how in mania we get sort of superhuman qualities but they only seem super human because we've been programmed into mediocrity I also feel like the universe is trying to show us the rules of the game how the game of humanity actually works and it's a fun game it's game where we celebrate where we laugh where we smile where we're kind that's a lot more rewarding game than dividing ourselves based on thought and thinking and then trying to manipulate and coerce things instead of acting in natural ways that were just designed to be as human beings that that design is written over and programmed in these other mechanistic ways to turn us into machines production I also mentioned and I think the last video that bipolar is kind of like the ego taking a vacation these videos are kind of like me harvesting my mania and turning it into a garden of meaning and growing an extrapolating meaning from it instead of just thinking mania and psychosis is pathology and there's no reason to make any meaning out of it because it's just pathological and meaningless I feel that the meaning is turned into pathology and the explanation is turned into pathology because we don't make meaning out of it if we don't make meaning out of it we don't explore and try to understand it then it's going to appear as pathology because it's like a pressure cooker and I feel one of the most powerful parts of what someone can do for someone else who's going through extreme distress is just to be there to be a witness I've had experiences in the past where I've gone into an incredible state of psychosis where I asked a friend of mine to film me the whole time because I felt like that was actually making it real if it was on film and I could watch it later or if it was just being filmed it was being made real because otherwise the state was just an abstraction in my consciousness so even if I'd been by myself maybe I would have filmed myself in a way to actually show that that happened and also I felt by having a witness I was keeping myself safe because the witness wouldn't let me harm myself so I had a friend there but this way by me talking to myself on these videos I'm being a witness for myself because otherwise i would need somebody to sit here with me all the time and just listen to me talk on about this stuff but instead I'm talking to myself and then I'm editing the video so I'm listening to myself and in that way I'm being a mirror for myself and I'm not asking someone else to do that because at this time there is nobody to do that nobody has hours and hours and hours so this way i'm just making meaning for myself on video and by making it on video it's more quote unquote real than if it's just ideas within myself because the idea is within myself are being translated to me speaking on a screen and that is less abstract than the ideas within myself so it's still abstract it's still an abstraction but it's less abstract and more real and those states of mania and psychosis ER are very much abstractions but if there's nobody to talk to about it or witness it and validate it and witness it as it's okay like you're still human yeah you you turn into something that you're not normally that for better or for worse but you're still human you're still okay and I was talking on the previous video about how how cognition is actually recognition or recognition they talk about precognition as being sort of subconscious stuff and then they talk about cognition as in the prefrontal cortex and that's sort of like the jam of being human is that we have this cognition but I think think it's actually recog Nisshin its recognition we're abstracting it's the brain talking about stuff which was from the past or interpreting the present in terms of the past so just the past again it's not actually the present it's not something new so we're just recognizing things all the time and you think well that's good well if there's a billion bits of information and we're recognizing to bits all the time we're missing out on a big chunk of reality and mania and psychosis actually opens up our perceptual apparatus to show us that there's a lot more of reality that we could be perceiving and abstracting and making meaning out of so it's not necessarily the prefrontal cortex that is bad per se so swear abstracting the same old boring crap over and over again and we wonder why we're bored to tears with our lives and creating misery for other people and ourselves this morning it came to me that I make light of things I make light of mania I make mania and psychosis lighter for myself even when I think back on it I don't have this tense fear because I've made light of it I've made meaning out of it and in that way I make light of mania and I make light of my diagnosis I also had another insight into making music as in it's a different kind of sound that moves us so we're usually moved by our ego sound or at least that's what's happening in the brain but if there's music removed in a different way and do I want to keep talking about this stuff or do I want to create a different kind of sound something more fun I'm definitely going to be moving towards celebrating life and right now I'm just sort of caught in between things and waiting to see if I fall to pieces again I also thought a new campaign for psychosis does something feel fishy take fish oil I wonder if fish oil creates an immunity from psychiatry as does community I can remember if i sat on a video only together we immune against psychiatry herd immunity which is immunity to what we've heard growing up and the things we think we know about ourselves and about the things we hear about pathologizing distress and we could create the humanik Association I also realized with mania and I've talked it before it's like the reason that it's important to make it relational so the body ones mania to make it relational and by embodying it it is automatically made relational because that's how we're relating and that's how people see us and interact with us as that version of ourselves and that's mirrored to them and transferred through gesture to their mirror neurons and that changes the game well I was thinking well what's the reason for Romania even after the fall out from it is to make it relational so on a daily basis being that way to make it relational and that's kind of the reason to live in a way to share that energy to share what that energy was able to show us returned into these medical eyes and pathologize people when we're actually here to show the way not by saying necessarily this is the way but just by embodying ones mania it's possible that just by listening to this person might be like hey that's a way more helpful framework and yeah i can think of my mania and how I was and that I was pretty cool and everything and that was fun maybe I can be a little bit more that way in my daily life instead of being the self stigmatized way after inheriting a diagnosis and believing what those people are saying we can still utilize the helpful aspects of that I'm not against that whatsoever it's necessary in the way society is structured but do we have to take that to heart do we have to believe that in our heart do we have to allow that story to animate us or to crush us or to change the way we're animated from even how we were before to now a scared stigmatized isolated human being by going back to Armenia and using that and harvesting that we can get rid of the self stigma because we know we have the capacity to be exactly who we want to be and need to be we already were so work towards that whether it's because you feel the energy and its animating you that way or because you don't and if you don't if you still are able to animate yourself in that way maybe it would make it easier to get off medications at some point but because right now it's like working against the medications because the medications are animating us in adult out way completely dull doubt and that's a necessary phase for sure but can we what can we do even being on those medications for example when I was in the psych ward and I was on that medication that was really bad for me and I was starting to to hunch over and I felt worse and I purposely was extra pronounced with my posture to say no this is not going to crush me even though there's no way I can not take it because I'm in the psych ward I am going to take the pain and stand up to it and in the same way we can choose to move towards animating herself towards the unit towards the way the universe was animating us and acknowledging that the universe did that and I say the universe you can use whatever word you want or whatever conceptualization or however you choose to think about it the point is that we have more greatness within us then we're being told after the fact of being pathologized and given a medication and we almost have to do some strength training to build up the capacity to one day be like no that's not how it is i'm sorry and it seems like mad at consciousness unties us from that accumulated past and we feel free we feel free from ourselves we feel free from our egos and the collective past and it's no wonder that when we're reattaching to that that's so scary and we do reappearance our egos and weary experience a collective stuff it's almost like we're raised above the clouds and we can see the clear skies but then we're dipped back into the collective reality that we share and co-create together so it's still up to us to co-create something different and I think the book the spiritual gift of madness probably talks a lot about this i came across the line from an Alanis Morissette song says let's be ridiculous let's be outspoken let's solve the world's problems and that's from her song so peer thought that's a good summary of this so in the perception of the human collective unconsciousness is also the perception of nature and our place in the gaia sphere trees nature the earth it's not just about what humans have done to each other and what we're doing to each other but what we've done to the earth to the energy of manic consciousness changes us into something other than our ego facade our ego persona it's a disguise it's disguising us it removes the guys and it's also a disguise I actually think that mental health diagnosis can actually be thought of as a disguise because really we are a misunderstood bunch of people who have had this energy animate us in a way other than our ego self and it's that other than our ego self that's trying to communicate which is something that's not other than just the collective of humanity and it restores us to our child like adult self and it changes the spectrum of behaviors that we more often exhibit from these consistent ego behaviors these adult behaviors to more of a wide range of behaviors of an adult child and that in itself changes humanity so it's one thing for certain number of people to going to go into that manic consciousness at a time and being that way that changes the social fabric to a certain extent now imagine if people that go through that and then get pathologized still manage to get up and animate themselves in that way through free will and conscious choice which we like that option right now as human beings instead of succumbing to the medical paradigm story and that would also change the collective fabric the other thing too is a bunch of people that are pathologized get up and start being really really kind and everything people will just be like what is this like I thought these people had mental illnesses and we're like scary people people that are diagnosed or not scary people they are more kind than so-called normal people in my experience so I actually think and I might have said it before I can't remember we can actually kill them with kindness it reminds me a little bit of Gandhi in a way of how he preached non-violence even when they were being attacked with violence and in a way we can overcome this with non-violence towards the ones who are violent towards us because they don't understand us and I think they actually need our help and if we could see that they need our help and they're actually the ones that are sick then maybe we would think of ourselves differently we could have compassion for those people who choose to medical eyes human distress and behaviors medical eyes children they are turning everything into a medical problem it's like in that state we get restored to or we re with our inner child self and so we come back to this world part in a child part adult or we have this inner child dimension but we are adults so we can't get away with throwing a temper tantrum but in a way it's a powerful state because we can utilize what we feel from that inner child dimension and use that to help change the world so for example with me I feel connected to the troubles that are being put on two young children in that they go to school and they're educated and the way they're educated and they go to school a good percentage of them will end up just killing themselves and another good percentage will end up mentally ill and another percentage will end up with so many different diseases all the different disease curves go up from between say 15 and 25 that's when and so these are the these are the years that children are sort of moving into adulthood and trying to develop this ego self this ego self is developing and it's kind of killing them at the same time these states this energy is relational and it's trying to change the social fabric through the mirror neuron system of gestures of caring such a thing would be kind of entertaining if all of us who have been labeled who've been diagnosed made it a point to be extra caring and do whatever we could to give back to society and to care knowing that we're all one consciousness and it's all one thing and by caring we're actually going to make ourselves feel better we'd also not receive stigma because we'd be seen as a population of really caring heart centered people I feel that people that go through this a lot of times get connected with their empathy and that's one of the reasons why we get so crushed is because we're not just feeling our own pain but we're feeling the pain of other people but we're not aware of this because it's not something more told we have as a capacity growing up some of us are aware of it but not very many and I also feel like some of us can actually be restored to feeling this after years of not feeling it so if we act based on her heart centeredness and our empathy that we have been restored to we could actually change the social fabric in such a way that everything is a bit better for everybody and then there's less of this need to pathologize future generations so that in a way is forgiving the Society for what it is done to all of us and working to create a better society together because that's what helps all of us and it's going to help the next generation and the next generation are the ones that are going to grow up to be taking care of us when we're in our old age so anything we do to add to the value of society it helps us too because it's not a separate thing we reach a separate piece of the puzzle and we need to be able to give our piece of the puzzle that is our unique gift to give part of the trouble of humanity is that were channeled into functions whereas if we were channeled into what it is we're here to give it wouldn't feel like we're trying to do anything and it would be effortless and we would be doing what we're here to do and we wouldn't have all these neuroses we would create something totally different together and also when we get connected with this sense of empathy and we become carers in a way and we are subject to society and we feel it so strongly because we're connected to our empathy and we rely on people to care for us through this process many of these carers are actually failing the test of caring for adult children people that have been restored to their adult child like nests but they're treated as adults who should know better and punished and suppressed and so many things and so in this way I feel a lot of people who go through this type of crisis are reborn they're born again as children in a way and they're received in a non caring way with lack of love and then it's interesting to me that this generation of children so many are being born that can barely receive the supposed love of their parents and even if they can a lot of times now new parents are being tested are you going to love your child unconditionally the ones born on the autism spectrum which is to me them being protected from these thoughts structures that are what we try to give kids in their teenage years to become adults people with autism will never have that same type of ego consciousness they'll have something like it but not the same they're being born immune and people that go through mental health crisis oftentimes become immune to ego structures taking hold to the point of being able to direct the person's life and then the person is medicated with these chemical band-aids to try and put the ego back together enough that a person can function as a cog in the machine we're not machines and the ego is a machine like structure and I feel it that we who connect with this are here to co-create a society that is not based on us become a machine like functions mania is like decolonization of the mind by ego memes and psychosis is like the recolonization I feel like mania is the transient hypo front ality induced by the universe and perhaps it's trying to become hypo front ality not just transient hypo front allottee is trying to become a more permanent state and and Steven Kotler in his book the rise of Superman talks about how it's an energy exchange so when a person goes into transient hypo front allottee that energy can be used elsewhere in the brain for say extreme sports and I feel like a person can go into Trent transient hypo front ality by no longer thinking and then again that energy is used somewhere else and I don't think that energy in the prefrontal cortex is actually for higher functions I think it's just noise it's noise masquerading as higher functions it's abstracting about life instead of just living life and when the energy has shifted away from the prefrontal cortex we have the energy to live life instead of just abstracting about life talks in a previous video about how I feel like I don't think my brain doesn't abstract about reality I do have thoughts that to me appear more like insights which come out of nowhere like serendipity or Eureka and to me that's a different process than coming from past memories and I've turned off that story making process of past memories of myself I don't have any thoughts in my head about I should or I this or I am that and also i don't hear my own voice in my own head I don't see any images in my own head and I don't hear myself talking in my own head when someone else is talking so to me there's no prefrontal cortex cognition happening and I don't know if that's true I don't have like a brain scanner or anything like that I can only just say for my subjective experience yet I'm able to listen to people and respond even though my brain isn't reorganizing responses in my head without beforehand and I talked about practicing the power of now and how I did that for I'm not sure how long i'm going to say like a year or two and it stopped because I wasn't giving energy to that process maybe I started giving energy to a different process maybe that energy was transferred into the other parts of my brain and maybe there's still stuff going on in abstracting in my prefrontal cortex I just don't hear it I don't know there's a lot of different possibilities so I feel personally like I live in a state of hypo front ality and and I don't think it's that I don't think it's a special state or anything like that I remember watching a Tony Robbins video when he said I don't subscribe to not thinking I don't think it's possible and I would just say he's never tried it and it takes a little bit to to get to that state it's possible it could take one second it's possible it could take ten years I don't know it's I don't think it's really anything to do with time per se and it's always available every moment I could be in a state of abstracting about reality but the moment I realize I'm abstracting about reality i'm no longer abstracting about reality so it's it's over so it's not an accumulation it's just a moment a moment thing it's about observation and and witnessing and so it's basically just a silent mind and it doesn't mean there's never anything it just means it comes from Silence instead of from the noisy state of the ego but that being said when something like psychosis and mania happens mainly is like a lot of words and psychosis is scary words and images so I'm not immune to them that's for sure and maybe that's what I'm trying to build up is immunity to that I mean to note that we are the computation process and I sort of realized that we can be computing about our ego but our past about ourselves about this I image complex that we have or we can be computing about something else and the universe is computing too and I wonder if our brains can be in alignment with whatever the universe is computing this relates a little bit to how dr. Daniel Siegel says the mind uses the brain to create itself mind could be this quantum holographic dimension of possibility and based on what we see and perceive and patterns we compute we are going to co-create that where we're going to create some other possibility our cellular non-cognitive wisdom is blocked by recorded images of our ego our cellular non-cognitive wisdom is clogged and blocked by our recorded images I feel like cortisol represents the ego because it's the division between what is and what the ego thinks should be

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