Three grown men treat altar serving like a Division I pipeline, complete with depth charts, incense specialists, and funeral NIL deals—before pivoting seamlessly into breaking down the Artemis launch like it’s the Super Bowl of rockets. Dr. TAT celebrates the birth of a new mandatory listener (huge for the podcast’s long-term rebuild), while Stat Boy simultaneously proposes forced podcast consumption as a parenting strategy. Panda Dan declines a moon trip (coward behavior) with the confidence of a coach punting on 4th-and-1, Pluto gets cut from the roster, planets are ranked based on “rizz,” and the crew debates whether we’re about to run a full colonoscopy on the moon’s backside. It’s Easter, the sun is shining, both the Phillies & #SetHike!'s Andrew Painters are looming, and somehow this episode still spends 20 minutes scouting space like it’s the NFL Draft. WARNING: This podcast may contain - incense abuse allegations, a $100, 20-year investment strategy, and one man’s dream to put a Dan on the moon. 

Key Topics Discussed

00:20 – Altar Server Combine & Church Power Rankings 

08:39 – Mandatory Listeners & Podcast Growth Strategy 

12:15 – Artemis Launch: Accidental Viewing Experience 

16:18 – Rocket Confusion, Space Stats & Canadian Representation 

19:21 – 'til touchdown brings me 'round again to find (Ooh) I'm not the man they think I am at home. Oh, no, no, no (ah), I'm a Rocket Dan....psych!

23:47 – Planet Rankings, Pluto Controversy & Ring “Rizz”  

26:40 – Foot Washing Logistics & Church Traditions Spiral 

01:15:00 – Deep Cuts, Random Debates & Ongoing Bits 

01:24:30 – Spring Optimism, Moon Mission Hype & Closing Thoughts 

Statistics & Facts

• Artemis mission will be the first time photos are taken of the far side of the moon  
•  The first Canadian in space was Marc Garneau in 1984 
• 9 Canadians across 17 space missions
• A deacon's primary role is service and charity; a priest's is sacramental leadership
• Priests wear a poncho-style vestment over their robes (the guys' word for it, not the technical term)
• The most common animal mascot in Division I sports is the Bulldog (14 schools)
• The Jets signed Geno Smith, with their head coach saying he would "lead us to the promised land"
• Andrew Painter is 6'7"
• Kevin McGonigle, from Monsignor Bonner, was drafted in the second round by the Detroit Tigers and is off to a hot start with Rookie of the Year buzz
• Patrick Robinson intercepted Case Keenum in the 2017 NFC Championship game and returned it roughly 50 yards for a touchdown in what became a blowout Eagles win
• Jim Harbaugh has more career rushing yards than Bo Jackson

Memorable Quotes

"No." - Panda Dan declining space instantly

"Wasn't he caught just getting high on the incense." - Stat Boy

"We’re basically doing a colonoscopy of the moon." - Dr. TAT

"I always want to have a big Johnson on your team. Because if you don't have a big Johnson... you want to have a swinging Johnson, right? The Johnson that can swing onto the other side, could go right to left, left to right... you can always plug him in the middle if you need to." - Dr. TAT

"Were altar servers ranked like a combine?" - Stat Boy

"I mean, I won't name like any names or anything, but I saw tension between the deacon and the priest sometimes." - Panda Dan

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