Weight Loss Diaries

Day 01. I stood on the scale this morning and I'm two hundred eighteen pounds. I'd rather say 218 (two-eighteen) because that sounds like an Interstate or an apartment number or the number of marbles in a jar but two hundred eighteen sounds reeeally heavy. What does this number mean to me? This number means I'm overweight. Actually obese. No actually, actually morbidly obese I mean I weigh as much as a football player-an NFL football player. I weigh more than my husband. I always have. It feels overwhelming. It feels disturbing It feels disheartening. I feel disgusted by it. I feel afraid. I'm a fairly smart and confident person. I've had a lot of success and many areas of my life. Weight loss has not been one of them.

What do I want to believe about this number on the scale? Well in spite of all the thoughts that are banging at the door of my mind right now, I'm choosing to believe that this number is just a number. It doesn't define who I am. It doesn't say how trusting of a friend I am or how committed I am to my husband, or how nurturing a parent I am, or how productive I am as a or co-worker. Yet somehow I've made it out to mean that I am failing in some way. Being overweight has overshadowed a lot of my life in ways that I never really thought about but now that I'm giving myself to a time to think and pray deeply through it, I have more of an intentional thought life around weight loss. I'm creating a new narrative in the messy middle and getting to after. Step One. Do Not Quite. No matter what.

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Weight Loss Diaries is a real time, real life chronicle of intentional reflection, rants, and renegade behavior. In my quest through the "messy middle" and "getting to after", I've decided to give myself permission to succeed in this weight loss journey. I'm taking a leap of faith to prove my intentions right--that if I sow daily seeds of healthy spiritual, emotional and physical habits, love myself along the way, then I can be successful at weight loss no matter what.

I believe that true transformation takes place in in what I like to call the "messy middle" and "getting to after". By chronicling my real life ramblings, I hope to uncover my own hidden habits, thoughts, and feelings behind my reasons for self-sabotage, taking an honest examination of my thought life which I believe is the real culprit that has repeatedly undermined my weight loss success--yep I'm tearing down all those condemning, unhealthy, shameful, guilt-ridden thoughts that led me to make poor choices, and ultimately quit on myself over and over and over again.

In my pursuit of happiness, gratitude, kindness and purposeful living, I am learning to love, respect and honor myself and others, to adopt a new narrative not only around my weight and weight loss (or gain), but also around owning my responsibility to make consistent healthy choices even in the midst of mess ups, failures, and setbacks.

Weight Loss Diaries is a real time real life weight loss adventure that began the day after I took my before selfie, and chronicles my 365 day emotional, physical, mental and spiritual quest to becoming the best version of myself and living my most virtuous life.

Hey there! Thank you for listening to this episode Weight Loss Diaries-a daily audio journey through the messy middle and getting to after. I'm so glad you found me. If you're a new fan of the show please go to Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast app and subscribe while you're there. When you do the most recent episode of Weight Loss Diaries will be downloaded into your podcast library. Then once you're subscribed, new episodes will download automatically as soon as they are available. And since this is a daily show, you'll get a daily dose of inspiration brought right into your earbuds!

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1. @weightlossdiaries2019

2. #weightlossdiariespodcast

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2. Weight Loss Diaries Podcast Page