I'm feeling a lot of you stressed right now there's some stuff going on potentially good but I just feel really you stressful reporting from the bridge reporting from planet zipped on apparently this is my 100th video to myself in self dialogue and I got this selfie stick with a mic in the mail and I ordered it off of indy gogo perhaps a year ago go I'm not sure if it was worth it the initial design is different than what they were able to produce as the final model but whatever I'm noticing that it's getting heavy to hold already not very strong I hold it more like a hockey stick it's a little bit better so maybe I'll try this thing I'm not sure if I'm sold on having this thing in front of my face don't really like these things near my face yesterday I was talking about the movie healing voices and I don't remember how far I got but this will be my 100th video since June twentieth which is nearly six months of making videos to myself and I did mention that when I was trying to delete some of the videos from my phone I accidentally did watch just a little bit of a few of them and I noticed my voice sounds different and I also noticed i remember early on i would say so a lot more and also basically and then after I did that deleting of the videos the next video i made i noticed i said basically quite a few times so it's interesting how watching that just briefly sort of put me back in that space from time long forgotten and so I wonder if it would actually be worth watching them ever again or not because I do watch them once when I edit out the gaps in my thinking or looking at my laptop but other than that I don't know how useful it is because if I actually watch it it's almost like my consciousness goes back to that but maybe I will but I don't think I will until the year mark except for making sure i'm deleting the right videos off my phone in the movie they give another good term they give the term other sensory experiences and i like that term to describe altered states of consciousness because altered states of consciousness sounds a bit more abstract than having other sensory experiences because sensory are of the body whereas consciousness people might think well what's that what does that really mean altered states of consciousness and maybe other sensory experiences a part of altered states of consciousness and I wonder if other sensory experiences as well as altered states of consciousness are all those other experiences that can't be accounted for in terms of the ego recognition and measurement it's other than our programming and conditioning there was one person in the documentary and his mom talked about just being a witness just being there I see you I don't understand it but let's go with it and I thought that was pretty well put because I've talked about before and probably recently about the importance of witnessing and this process of self dialogue as witnessing myself taking responsibility for witnessing myself because I realized that people who can listen are in short supply and also people that might have the context within themselves to be able to to listen and witness what I have to share there could be a lot of them out there but some are in hiding and maybe they're dispersed geographically and there was a scene where another person in the movie was saying I just can't stand them saying mental illness mental illness mental illness and it was a brief scene but it really resonated with me because I don't like hearing that either and that's the trouble a lot of times is working or sharing within that paradigm it's like well here's someone share their mental illness story well I don't see my story as a mental illness story but it's shared within that context so it's it feels incongruent it's almost like hearing nails on a chalkboard and in her speech in that scene in the video she said people labeled with mental health and substance use problems and that's how I see it too with people labeled lived experience with a label not necessarily lived experience with a mental illness and Robert Wood occurs in the movie and he talked about the environment we in society create for human beings and I think that's not all of it but that's a good portion of it and I think that inner dimension is a mystery and its trying to unfold itself through us as a mystery and make life more mysterious than habitual maybe the opposite of habit isn't chaos isn't randomness but mystery and somebody made a comment in the movie about I couldn't deal with it in regular reality so I went into an alternate reality and that could be extrapolated to even include in general that consciousness is trying to escape the body in a way maybe because we're actually miss using our bodies they're being used by thought instead of unfolding the mystery and so we get connected to unfolding the mystery and we come back to regular consciousness and we want to tell people about the mystery but then they say well that means you have a mental illness it's a way to explain away the mysteries of consciousness so this is sort of like mystery dialogues in a way I could think to myself one day I'll go back into psychosis or I could think one day I'll be again plunged into the mysteries of consciousness and maybe it'd be cool to be able to connect based on the mystery not just my story but the mystery in realization that we'll never figure it out exactly but it could be fun to make up stories about how it might work and it's interesting that before the scientific paradigm there was a lot of stories to describe life and the mysteries of the world in the universe with the common understanding of the time and then science came in and made all those stories obsolete supposedly and replaced it with it's dry and mechanical ramblings about how things work and then we can get sort of discontented because nothing's a mystery like science will figure it all out and we're leaving it to science to figure out so we have nothing to do but wait for science to tell us what to think so there's no point thinking at all about those sorts of things for oneself and then maybe the more we're not actually connected to that for ourselves we're disconnected from the mystery of consciousness we're disconnected from consciousness we're lost in words of our own voice and then consciousness can come in and plunges back into the mystery of consciousness because our thoughts have sort of taken us away from that and disconnected us from awe and wonder and curiosity we're not really asking questions we're making statements to ourselves about ourselves it's difficult to stay in this world it's like consciousness wants to go somewhere else sort of like a dog wanting to lead its owner to somebody that needs help relentless in that it's almost like an emergency signal like look at all that's going on underneath the surface of everybody collectively together there's nothing one can really do but change one's self based on that and I don't know if I talked about before but i'm pretty sure that gestures can write jeans and i'm not sure if that's what I talked about with epi Chester etics or if epigenetics when I talked about it was about the universe animating us or if I talked about how gestures can actually have epigenetic changes so I'm not sure which I talked about in terms of epi gesture etics but I wrote some stuff not relating to the movie I wrote more stuff about the movie but I don't want to talk too much about it just because it's really great to watch it is definitely something that is informing me moving forward I'm not really sure what's gonna happen over the next two months in terms of life changes but there could be some big ones I was thinking about how since we've all been programmed into this very narrow band behavior according to Eagle thought structures we're not really accessing the spectrum of consciousness that we have available to us which if sensitive would respond to the moment not respond out of habit or reaction to the past and because of that because we become so narrow individual a certain number people do need to break out of that but they break out of it to an extreme nature they go up the entire spectrum to the highest high and then down to the lowest low in a way to recalibrate but if we were all fluidly moving along the spectrum of consciousness and not moving according to habit and reacting to the past there wouldn't really be a need for certain individuals to go through this extreme recalibration process so that being said I feel like it's important to actually move towards one's embodied mania if you will or one's embodied entire spectrum of the sensitivity of consciousness and act in the moment according to that like we would as children but with a little more insight hopefully through through a life and that will actually help to eliminate the need for people to go through these extreme states and also extreme distress because if people are responding the moment the ones who are in distress aren't going to be responded to by the ones who are able to respond to the distress in the moment until maybe one day we'll just be singing and dancing together I remember before it hasn't happened in a long time but when I would be falling asleep on my mind's eye I could see these faint shadows of people dancing it was almost like I was being exported to someone else's body dancing with a bunch of people as I was falling asleep

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