Well Resourced Man

Do you find yourself avoiding difficult conversations with your partner to "keep the peace"? Turns out, this common male coping strategy might be causing more harm than good. 

Systemic therapist Bessa pulls back the curtain on one of the most destructive relationship myths affecting men today—that conflict leads to disconnection. 

With over a decade of experience working with couples, she reveals how conflict avoidance actually breeds resentment, creates emotional distance, and prevents genuine intimacy from developing.

The conversation explores why men struggle to recognize and express their needs, often believing that having needs at all is a sign of weakness. Besa illuminates the common relationship dynamics that create stress—from the push-pull pattern where one partner seeks connection while the other withdraws, to the fundamental misunderstanding of each other's emotional requirements.

Perhaps most powerfully, Besa addresses men's complicated relationship with vulnerability. She explains why vulnerability feels so threatening (associated with shame, weakness, and potential rejection) while simultaneously being the essential ingredient for building true connection. 

When men finally break through their protective barriers in therapy sessions, the results are often transformative, creating deeper bonds rather than the rejection they fear.

This episode offers practical guidance for men seeking to improve their relationships, including how to validate your partner's experience without becoming defensive, identifying your true feelings beneath surface reactions, and communicating needs effectively. 

Whether you're in a relationship struggling with communication breakdowns or simply want to develop healthier patterns for the future, this conversation provides valuable insights into building stronger connections through authentic expression.

Connect with Besa via www.besaaliti.com and to book a 20-minute discovery call; or on Instagram here

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If you’ve ever struggled to sit still, hated being alone with your thoughts, or said “I’m fine” when you weren’t — this one’s for you.

In Episode 3 of the Stress Proof Series, I’m joined by coach and founder of The Upgraded Mind, Phil Hyland — to explore what’s really behind the pressure so many men feel, and why slowing down feels harder than grinding through.

Drawing from over 20 years of coaching experience and personal recovery from low self-belief and anxiety, Phil shares a grounded, refreshingly real take on how stress actually builds — and why most men only notice it when their body forces them to stop.

We cover why high-intensity workouts, career ambition and even self-improvement can backfire when they’re used to avoid what’s really going on — and how learning to “just be” might be the most uncomfortable but powerful tool of all.

Phil also shares the challenge he sets to every man he works with, and the three S’s that changed his life — stillness, silence and solitude.

Connect with Phil on Instagram @thephilhyland
Or visit www.theupgradedmind.co.uk

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In Episode 2 of the Stress Proof Series, I’m joined by performance coach Luke Doran at The One Percent, to tackle a problem many successful men don’t talk about — the hidden gap between how life looks on paper and how it actually feels.

Drawing on Luke’s experience of coaching over 500 CEOs and senior professionals over the past decade, we dive into why so many men are "killing it" professionally but quietly crumbling behind the scenes. We explore how small daily habits — like skipping a morning workout or reaching for that nightly glass of wine — are often symptoms of deeper stress and misalignment.

Luke shares why "the commitments you break to yourself are the real reason you feel out of control" — and why sorting this out is the first step to thriving under pressure, not just surviving it.

We also get into the brutal truth about friendships, relationships at home, and why no gym session or bottle of wine will fix what’s really eating at you. If you’ve ever thought “I know what to do, but I just don’t do it,” this conversation is for you.

Expect no fluff, no fads — just practical advice for any man serious about becoming truly stress-proof.

Connect with Luke On Instagram Here

Or visit The One Percent

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In this first episode of the Well-Resourced Man, host AJ discusses men's mental fitness with his OWN therapist, Judith Pearmain, an Accredited BACP Psychotherapist. Together, we explore some key topics:

• Men often internalize stress, affecting their health and relationships.
• The stigma around sharing emotions leads to isolation.
• Imposter syndrome is prevalent among men, impacting self-worth.
• Communication with partners is crucial but often avoided.
• Finding the right therapist is essential for effective therapy.

Judith shares insights on the challenges men face, including imposter syndrome and the pressures of societal expectations. The conversation touches on the value of talk therapy in understanding oneself, and the significance of finding the right therapist. 

As always, the episode finishes with a simple, actionable suggestion from our expert guest that you can invest 5-minutes into.

To connect with Judith Pearmain, visit counselling-foryou.co.uk 

The Book mentioned by AJ is Max Dickins, Bill No Mates

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