Episode 281: Beyond Carnism with Dr. Melanie Joy

Today’s conversation is about an aspect of relational literacy confronting us every day: a relational paradox that begs an answer to these two questions. “What enables caring people to participate in, or otherwise support, practices that harm others, be they human or nonhuman beings? And what, then, could help shift this psychological orientation?” Questions Dr. Melanie Joy found answers to by researching the psychosociology of eating animals, a phenomenon she named carnism.

What Dr. Joy concluded is this. “Eating (certain) animals results from extensive social and psychological conditioning that causes naturally empathic and rational people to distort their perceptions and block their empathy so that they act against their values of compassion and justice without fully realizing what they’re doing. In other words, carnism teaches us to violate the Golden Rule without knowing or caring that we’re doing so.” By deconstructing the carnistic system, she learned how violent or oppressive ideologies are structured. (Powerarchy, 2019)

When Melanie was twenty-three years old, she ate a contaminated hamburger (campylobacter) and became severely sick, needing hospitalization. Surviving this incident—and questioning other aspects of how she and most of the rest of us were raised—took her on a journey from meat-eater, vegetarian to vegan and activist, theorist, author, social entrepreneur, and the eighth recipient of the Ahimsa Award for her work on global nonviolence. The Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela received this same award.

 Today, our purpose is not to transform you into eating a plant-based diet. However, the evidence is compelling if you do not want to die from heart disease, lung disease, digestive cancers, infections, diabetes, high blood pressure, liver disease, blood cancers, kidney disease, breast cancer, suicidal depression, prostate cancer, Parkinson’s disease, or Iatrogenic causes (dying from Doctors who know how to treat acute diseases, broken bones, and chronic infectious diseases but, do not know how to prevent disease)¹. So instead, we are here to create an awareness of Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows. Dr. Joy’s book was first published in 2010, and a tenth-anniversary edition was released in 2020. We discuss the global plant-based movement 10 years later and her work in over 50 countries.

You can get beyond carnism by bridging the gap between our professed values and those values we practice and by understanding the many ways carnism conditions us to be nonrelational. We discuss:

* The tenants of carnism and how these tenants are woven into our systems.

* Being trained to psychologically distance from our empathy.

* Classifying animals as edible and nonedible.

* How the dominant culture oppresses and what it teaches us about moral superiority.

* What does eating meat have to do with nonrelational relating?

* Do we think eating meat is normal or abnormal?

* Becoming an Ally and being as vegan as possible.

An affirmative conversation you can lean into to get beyond carnism. DOWNLOAD

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Episode 280: A One-Stop Conversation in Building Relational Literacy

Since our 19-year-old daughter, Olivia, turned me on to Guest Mentor Dr. Melanie Joy, I have been devouring her books, podcast conversations, and TEDTALKs. I appreciate her so much and am thrilled to share our transformative podcast conversation.

Melanie is an amazingly gifted, brilliant social psychologist, theorist, educator, and international award-winning author of six books. She is a pioneer with a global mission in raising awareness of the obstacles preventing people from interacting in ways that create a sense of mutual connection. These obstacles are both internal (psychological) and external (social), and they are a key reason why we act against our own interests and the interests of others—often without realizing that we’re doing so. With awareness, we can think freely and act compassionately to create healthier and more fulfilling relationships and a more equitable and sustainable world.

She says, “Most of the problems in our lives and world are caused by relational dysfunction, a dysfunction in how we relate: as social groups, as individuals, to animals and the environment, and even to ourselves. Therefore, developing relational literacy—the understanding of and ability to practice healthy ways of relating—is essential for personal, social, and ecological transformation.” She has been influential in raising my awareness and has helped me transform my behaviors in three areas we talk about: how we relate to ourselves, each other, and the world at large.

 Today we discuss one of her six books. A one-stop guide to building relational literacy, Getting Relationships Right: How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work. We haven’t been taught relational literacy. As a result, we are in the dark ages. You will understand more as you listen. Our conversation will facilitate your ability to move the pendulum toward healthier relating, even a little bit of movement makes a difference.

Some of the gems in our conversation include:

* How we have bought into the narratives that drive unconscious choices.

* The mentality and thinking behind nonrelational behaviors.

* Two sides of the nonrelational and relational coin.

* The Formula for Healthy Relating.

* Tips for Healthy Expressing.

* Solving life’s more pressing problems start with learning relational literacy. Hear how that is possible and how it relates to the problems you are solving through your business entity.

Melanie joins me in conversation from Berlin, Germany, where she lives with her husband and colleague, Sebastian Joy. They are interdependent, powerful together, and apart. Successful in their own right and connected in their life work. You will learn how they practice healthy relating personally and as world leaders.

Sebastian is transforming food systems by working with world leaders replacing conventional animal products with plant-based and cultured alternatives. Melanie is building relational literacy facilitating transformation in how we participate in the invisible belief system, or ideology, that conditions us to eat certain animals, known as carnism. A term coined by Melanie in 2001. 

A transformative conversation you won’t want to miss. DOWNLOAD

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Episode 279: Practicing Integrity with Money

I have a thank you gift for you. A way to practice integrity with money. The WeMentor Money LAB Template pdf can be downloaded and used as a guide to facilitate weekly personal and business money conversations.

This template has been a work in progress over decades of use personally and with clients. I have recently updated it. I became interested in how money works upon founding WeMentor in 1992. Every client needed a business plan and didn’t know how to write one, so I began writing a business planning and entrepreneurial leadership curriculum to use in WeMentor LABs and have never stopped.

Financially projecting your future is both mathematics and disciplined art. Yes, 2 + 2 = 4, but so is 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 and 3 + 1. There is more than one way to work an equation that equals four. Working out different scenarios expands our thinking about income-generating activities. Money meetings are a way to look at the numbers from more than one viewpoint. More than one belief system. Even co-creating a belief system that aligns with our vision and values opening us up to noticing that money can come from lots of different places. Instead of having back-n-forth arguments fueled by unmet needs and inadequacies or insufficient sales to cover expenses, the focus is on what you can co-create, cash flow accountability, and ways to create a better world.

Money Meeting Benefits

Money meetings add a layer of vocabulary and focus as nuances are tracked. They help us become aware of limitations and identify where guidelines are needed, so we know our bottoms as well as the possibilities that advance our abilities to influence change. 

Constructive regular money meetings honor our dignity and help us clarify our intentions. Weekly money meetings strengthen our connections with those we make financial decisions. Regularly talking about money is a way to consciously unmask ourselves and learn how to make money and achieve great things together.

Weekly money meetings create a space for us to talk about the inner workings of what we generate and our motivations behind them. Talking about when a betrayal happens, our needs, and our deepest desires is an effective way of expressing ourselves and encapsulating a new future, especially in a setting designed for honest conversations, accountability, and healing our financial wounds.

In this solo-episode, I go over how to use the WeMentor Money LAB Template. I suggest downloading the template and then listening. Play, experiment, express, and learn. DOWNLOAD

WeMentor Money LAB Template

Memorial Day. We took a family vacation to Boston last week. Taking a Water Taxi to our hotel, we were met with another industry profoundly affected by this COVID pandemic, water transportation. We were the only ones aboard. 

Masks were mandatory in every inside space, like the red, green, and blue subway lines. Matthew, Olivia, and I walked seven to ten miles each day as we explored the many sites: 16 principal sites on the Freedom Trail, the Black Heritage Trail on Beacon Hill, the many universities like Harvard, MIT, Tufts, and Northeastern to exploring thrift shops, the Institute of Fine Arts, over 12 plant-based restaurants around the city, and much more.

Episode 278: The Heart of Resilient Relationships

This is the first time I feel a need to prepare you for an upcoming Guest Mentor. I feel you need to know this person’s international award-winning lifework. She has profoundly changed my understanding of all relationships. From my relationship with food and daily interactions with others to shifting my understanding of society’s invisible systems and how these systems impact all relationships making us violent, unwell, and dysfunctional in how we relate to one another.                                                                                                                                                                                In today’s solo-episode, I talk about ways to get out of the ‘relational dark ages’ through the heart of relationship resilience: security and connection. Significant disruptions in our connections occur because we lack fundamental relationship education or ‘relational literacy.’ Both terms ‘above’ were coined by Melanie Joy, Ph.D., our Guest Mentor on June 7 and 14, 2021.

I briefly go over eight domains of how we are connected from one of Melanie’s six books (not five like I mention); Getting relationships Right: How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work (2020). These domains are organized around three areas to help us understand why we feel the way we do: breadth, depth, and strength of each emotional connection. The eight domains of connection are relationship, intellectual, psychological, sexual, physical, romantic, practical, philosophical, and a potential ninth, spiritual domain, but with a warning to not give your fate away to the stars. You can end up feeling powerless, and that is not an ingredient in a resilient relationship. I then describe an exercise you can use to increase awareness of how you meet universal needs.

To prepare, listen to this solo-episode. Download and complete the WeMentor Universal Human Needs Exercise (pdf) below. I will have another exercise for you next week. You can do this exercise alone or with significant others and listen to our podcast conversations together or separately and come back together to discuss what stood out for each of you.

The purpose of the WeMentor Universal Human Needs Exercise is to expand ‘relational literacy’ and facilitate your ability to nurture resilient relationships. We always begin with a self-focus.

Asserting self-leadership puts you in a position to increase your influence with others because you are operating from a place of integrity, a knowingness about yourself. When we know how to meet our needs and enjoy the feelings accompanying those met needs, we are incentivized to regularly meet those needs. And, we can readily identify feelings that surface when needs go unmet. Knowing this empowers us to regularly assert meeting our needs because we like how we feel.

From this self-awareness and place of integrity, others’ needs can be noticed and met. Our proficiency as a leader can be expanded as we accurately encourage others to meet their needs. We become allies for one another and express ourselves with ease. A win-win experience.

Self-knowledge releases the propensity to get our needs met unconsciously or through competitive behaviors. Over time, and with practice, expressing healthy ways of getting our needs met strengthens our connection and security in all relationships. Our sense of emotional safety increases.

“Relational literacy is the ability to understand and express healthy ways of relating: as social groups, as individuals, to animals and the environment, and even to ourselves. Our errors are our teachers; they are guides that point us toward greater proficiency and greater awareness, says psychologist, international speaker, and bestselling author, Melanie Joy, Ph.

Episode 277: The Transformation of Alison Cromie, Part 3 of 3

Alison Cromie’s transformation has led to living and leading authentically. Here is what she posted on LinkedIn about our conversation last week. “If you are an entrepreneur and love podcasts, be sure to subscribe to WeMentor! I had the pleasure of speaking with Nancy A. Meyer, M.A., over three episodes. In these episodes, we unpack my upbringing, talk about my coming out story, which happened at the same time I was starting my own business, and then we finish by talking about SEO for local service-based businesses. It took a lot of vulnerability to talk about the topics we covered, but I truly believe that all of it has led to where I am at today and continues to guide me as I step into the world to make my mark.”

Alison is definitely making her mark. Understanding one’s personal transformation that serendipitously happened as Alison founded Cromie Marketing Consultants is how you make your mark, courage, and risk-taking. There is freedom in knowing who you are.

 Today’s conversation is within Alison’s area of expertise: ways you can use SEO to scale a service-based business. She answers a burning question of mine. Does time spent maintaining and adding content on a website count toward an SEO ranking on Google?

 “Google’s job is to connect people with answers they are looking for with quality content,” says Alison. Search Engine Optimization is a way vast volumes of data are tracked and categorized. There is a fast way and steady drip kind of way to bump up a website ranking. Either method will lead to the same end result, a higher ranking website. Use our conversation to figure out the pace that best suits you, and learn some of these other SEO tips below.

* Five things that impact your website SEO ranking on Google, including the site to check your ranking.

* Changes in how Google is tracking content.

* Three content tips to make planning easy.

* Where and how you can organize your SEO keywords.

* Why an SEO audit makes sense.

* Percentage of people looking your business up locally and on Google Map.

* The difference between short-tailed and long-tailed keywords and how to optimize them.

* How Google comes up with your Domain Authority score. DOWNLOAD

Alison has prepared two special offers for you:

* Get $10 off Content Planning Made Easy Workbook with code WEMENTOR 

* Download our free Annual Website Maintenance Checklist

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Episode 276: The Transformation of Alison Cromie, Part 2 of 3

Illness, rejection, sexual abuse, depression, self-harming, and the death of two loved ones. What is in your get-to-know-you first or second conversation with someone new? Just when you think Alison Cromie has been through all of what life can dish out, surprise. There is more. Yeah, she’s gay.

We discuss serious topics in a not-so-serious way, and guess what? It worked. You have to listen to believe it. Alison is a treasure trove of energy, information, and inspiration. Five mentors have been instrumental in inspiring Alison to find her authentic self, claim her voice, and even start Cromie Marketing Consultants. Those mentors are named publicly for the first time.

I am giving a heartfelt shout-out to one of those mentors, John Cromie. Alison’s husband, friend, and father of their two boys. Their marriage is ending, but their 22 years of friendship will endure; that is Alison’s hope. Of course, they will always be parents together. This kind of transition is difficult to navigate because one person is excited about discovering their authentic self while the other is grieving the loss of the person they thought they knew. Hugs to you all.

If Bill and Melinda Gates can untangle their 27-year relationship and wealth and still work together, I am hopeful Alison and John can emerge from this transition respecting each other and their relationship. They are working out the co-parenting quite well.

Gwyneth Paltrow popularized the term “conscious uncoupling,” coined by writer Katherine Woodward Thomas in 2009. The term has caught on. If you have “grown as far as you can in a relationship,” as Bill and Linda Gates tweeted last Monday in a joint public statement, the decision is clear. Resilient relationships allow each other to grow differently. These aren’t pain-free relationships. These are healthy, growing, respectful, and loving relationships that allow each other the freedom to evolve, whatever the outcome. It is what Alison and John are doing.

Three terms Alison came across in her identity research. New terms to me, and maybe to you, too.

* Bi-curious: where you feel attracted to someone of the same sex. Alison is not a fan of the term. You will find out why.

* Compulsory Heterosociety: society’s way of promoting heterosexuality as the only acceptable lifestyle. We are raised with no other options and taught that even thinking outside the societal norm is wrong.

* The third term was found in a forum with bisexual women called Am I a Lesbian? Masterdoc. This is a series of articles to help women understand themselves. This is the document that helped Alison realize she is a lesbian and not bisexual.

We review Alison’s three marketing tips for start-ups from our 1st conversation. The 3rd tip and alert you of a revengeful plot Alison helped solve with a client.

* Make a lot of mistakes. Fail quickly, learn, and move into the next thing. Look for progress, not perfection, especially with web design.

* SEO really only works if you build content. Be consistent. Start small. Be thoughtful. Have a long perspective in mind. Shift as our world shifts.

* Clean up your Google My Business profile. Then, keep it updated.

The dark side of a client’s tech person endeared Alison to the wellness community. Alison was hired to help a chiropractor figure out why her website couldn’t be found in a Google search. Sometimes, the website would even show up on other sites. Alison and the chiropractor figured out why.

Before leaving the chiropractor’s office, a hired tech person who didn’t like the chiropractor put this malicious coding on her website: Emotet Malware Detection. The malware steals sensitive and private information, according to the Black Cat Security website. Black Cat Security<...

Episode 275: The Transformation of Alison Cromie, Part 1 of 3

“Healthy relationships are like healthy bodies,” writes Dr. Melanie Joy. “They thrive when their immune system is stronger than the germs they are exposed to.”  Alison Cromie of Cromie Creative Consultants is a remarkable example of withstanding and bouncing back from stressful and trauma imposing situations. She is the definition of resiliency.Once you hear the first part of her transformation, you will understand why focusing on website redesigns with wellness practitioners makes so much sense. Alison’s upbringing is one of the more complex ones. There is a lot of relationships and dynamics to navigate. Parent divorces and remarriages, blending of families, moves, chronic health crises of both parents, accidents. Adding to the mix of relational complexity is a male adolescent babysitter who found a young Alison to sexualize while her parents were going through a divorce.Alison speaks of her complex upbringing with compassion toward her parents and appreciation of another family who role-modeled functionality as they awaited news of a plane crash. You won’t hear a blaming voice or a child speaking from an adult body. You will hear the voice of someone asserting herself as a teenager by refusing to go through Catholic confirmation because her questions were not satisfactorily answered. Some might call this acting out and force their child through the process. Her devoutly Catholic father could have done that. Instead, he listened to his daughter and found her reasoning sound. He allowed her to form her own beliefs and practice her faith and spirituality in a way that makes sense to her. This was the launching pad Alison needed to steadily take charge of her experiences, seeing them as learning opportunities. The picture coming into view of a thousand-piece puzzle is a beautiful, vibrant woman entrepreneur coming into an adult self.The opposite of healthy relationships is what Dr. Melanie Joy describes as ' dysfunctional relating'.  “A pattern of insecure, disconnecting relating.” To disrupt dysfunctional relating, we need to interrupt the pattern by focusing on a secure connecting way of relating and meeting needs more directly, no competing. An easy concept to understand; it takes creativity to implement. How can you gently yet firmly set boundaries by disrupting a  conversation? Or how can you listen for words of disconnection and shift the relating into a connecting conversation?Those questions reminded me of the Netflix documentary about Tony Robbins when an audience participant was describing his depression. Tony Robbins interrupts the participant’s narrative by starting a conversation about his red tennis shoes. A major thought-pattern disruptor. Everyone paused for a moment. This participant went on to have a significant breakthrough with his state of depression. Clever, right? It took a moment to shift into a connecting way of relating that made us witnesses feel secure. After that disruption, the interactions between the two of them were healthy so the participant’s transformation could gain traction.Today’s conversation is the first part of Alison’s transformative journey. I thought I might feel overwhelmed at the end of our first conversation, but no. We maintained a confident and relational tone. Alison expresses her life story with focus, ease, and openness. I felt, when I relistened, an enticing desire to know more of how Alison’s life will continue to unfold as she secures healthy relationships.We leave you with three marketing tips for emerging entrepreneurs. Seasoned entrepreneurs can make sure they are doing the last tip on an annual basis. DOWNLOAD

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Episode 274: Cedric Bryant Tackles the Physical Activity Pandemic

 It is spring recovery time. A time to bridge the gap between what we know and what we do. This concept of narrowing the gap between what we learn and what we do with what we learn could be applied to every area policing, climate control, gun control, recycling, healthcare, exercise; the list can go on. Cedric Bryant, Ph.D., bridges that disconnect between what we know and what we do at ACE (American Council on Exercise). He and his executive team are leading the global transformation of the industry by setting the highest industry standards of certification for exercise professionals and health coaches. In turn, these 90,000 plus certified trainers and coaches influence others in making one’s personal mission movement. DOWNLOAD

Dr. Bryant uses exercise science and what is known about behavior change to get everyone moving in the right direction. Cedric says, “Whenever our daily routines get disrupted, our bodies and minds get out of balance.” Our equilibrium is off. One of the trainer trends is to address the stressors of the physical activity pandemic by teaching people the skills to change their lifestyles. Walk alongside them. See where they get tripped up.

In addition to overcoming barriers like where can I find activity? We can equip ourselves with thoughts and phrases that stick with us. Cedric has a bunch of them. “Every bit of movement counts. Think about it like loose change,” he says. “Every coin of change accumulates over time. Exercise accumulates into real value in your life.” Find out how. What about this workable one, “Incorporating little activity snacks into our day?!”

Or, this catchy phrase of Cedric’s I now say every day: “Some exercise is better than none. More is better than some.” Motivating phrases like these begin to get real traction in our minds inspiring us to move into action throughout each day.This episode helps us rethink our daily routines, learn some fun phrases and tips you can pass along to others, and research behind trends you will see coming up. We all need small triumphs sprinkled into our days as we evolve ourselves and transform our society. But first, get moving while you listen to our conversation and leap into recovering from this physical activity pandemic. You will feel better emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

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After listening, do the following three C.A.L.M. Activities:* Take this risk or do this adventurous task: Try the following three little activity snacks each day this week (a few str...

Episode 273: Innovative Thought Leader: Cedric Bryant, PhD

If you have been in the physical fitness and health arena, you probably know Guest Mentor Cedric Bryant, Ph.D. The President and Chief Science Officer for the American Council on Exercise (ACE) based in Seattle. Maybe you are one of the 90,000 certified through ACE as an exercise professional and health coach. Cedric has received distinguished alumni honors from Penn State University for his leadership.

Today we talk about his journey as an educator, coach, innovative thought leader and where he learned his appreciation for hard labor. Cedric is the first to tell you that others conclude you are an innovator and thought leader. I bring in management guru Peter Drucker’s Five Principles of Innovation and get Cedric’s insights into each of them. You will learn why Cedric says, “We are in a physical activity pandemic.” DOWNLOAD

Resiliency has its place in innovation. How you think about yourself, which is a significant factor in recovering from setbacks, would influence how you think about problem-solving. In Cedric’s family, you just dealt with problems and setbacks or learned how to work around them and move on. A lot of what he learned about innovative thinking is reflected in his upbringing, role modeled by his two parents, like getting comfortable with things not always turning out as planned and not being afraid to try things. Being a quick learner by failing fast, learning what you can about what went wrong, and then move forward are things that work well when Cedric is implementing new programming.

Cedric and his two older siblings acquired a remarkable love of education, fun, and putting an honest effort into everything you do from their now-deceased parents. His mother was a nurse’s aide throughout her life. His father changed trades working in the fields, sharecropping in rural Georgia to becoming a longshoreman unloading ships when they moved their family to New Jersey. His mother earned her GED later in life, while his father had a grammar school education. They provided the relational requirements needed in a resilient family: love, security, and connection.

Before joining ACE, Cedric joined the faculty at Arizona State. Teaching and researching to explore using exercise to improve the functional capability of those afflicted with peripheral vascular disease, which impairs the quality of life, led him to work as a Senior Vice President at StairMaster (an exercise equipment company). You will hear about how he modified one of the steppers and the results of that change.

The stable family foundation, education, research, and mentors sprinkled throughout his career prepared Cedric to be someone on the move to lead, coach, and drive innovation in exercise- science and behavior-change programming while overseeing program development at ACE. An organization that helps people sustain healthier lifestyles. Please tune in to hear our engaging, motivating, and thoughtful conversation.

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Episode 272: Dr. Amy Bantham’s Approach to Programs, People, and Policies

Dr. Amy Bantham, the Harvard-educated founder of Move to Live More℠, describes programs, people, and policies as three legs of a stool in any successful plan. We packed a lot into this lively, free-flowing conversation about public health, community engagement, and building a wellness culture that intersects with programs, people, and policies. We share lots of ideas.

 Dr. Bantham defines what a wellness culture is and asks thought-provoking questions for you to answer. She also shares frustration with inherent struggles embedded in advocacy work that we all can relate to.

Programs. One example we discuss is the recent $1.9T American Relief Plan.

* Are you viewing your company policies as narrowly as we are addressing infectious disease?

* When is it too late for a business owner to contact community leaders for help?

* What can we do as business owners now to build a wellness culture post-pandemic?

* How can we get more active in what we are doing?

* If your business was deemed nonessential, like the fitness and restaurant industries were, what was missing?

People. Dr. Bantham talks about her work with fitness centers and developing cross-sector relationships to get the right people at the decision-making table.

* Would we deem hospitals as nonessential?

* Who do we need at the table to influence change and build support in our respective industries and communities?

* Where do we start in getting a seat at the table for cross-sector collaborations?

Policies. Our school-aged children have been out of school for over 380 days, as an example of the coronavirus pandemic policy.

* How do we weigh the needs in the short term with a long-term perspective?

* What are the long-term effects on our children mentally, physically, academically, and economically down the road?

* A way Amy has gotten her kids and others moving is through Activity Hour with Dr. B. Can you do her daily physical exercise routine? 

Programs, people, and policies need short-term, medium-term, and long-term planning. Dr. Bantham finishes our conversation with the sweet spot in planning, the long-term effects of underfunding our communities and healthcare, and a persuasion strategy taught at Harvard University you need to know.

A correction. The population of Golden Valley, MN, is 20,371, not 50,000 like I said. Demographics of Golden Valley include the Median age at 45.6, and the population breakdowns are 84% white, 7% black, 4% Asian, 3% Hispanic, 1% Biracial, 1% Other, with a median household annual income of $62,500.

Now, it is time to listen. DOWNLOAD

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