[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
There’s a good even know really where to start is there’s too much stuff going on.
I’m willing to comment on any of it.
I got most of our guys, most of our people Travis because I wanted to catch you up on all of them.
Okay.
I don’t want another rooster to go to the day.
No, we didn’t do rooster the goat this week.
He was boring this week, I do have Brian Johnson.
I love Brian Johnson.
Travis bad news on the Brian Johnson.
This is the guy that wants to live forever, the guy that likes to fuck.
Brian Johnson’s the one that wants to live forever, yeah.
And actually I have a tie in, this is exciting, but
Brian Johnson, he put out a video yesterday Travis, he had a pretty bummer of an announcement.
For the past four years, I have been working with a team of medical professionals trying
to build the world’s best health protocol.
Now in doing this, we were trying one of the world’s most promising experimental drugs for
slowing down my speed of aging.
Turns out I was actually accelerating my speed of aging.
The name of the drug, Rapa Mison.
Travis, Rapa Mison, he was taking to try to live forever.
Rapa Mison is something that you give to people who recently had an organ transplant,
so that your body will accept the new organ.
So him and his team just assumed that because organs will absorb into the body better,
that it’ll de-age you?
Yeah, that’s not the case, that is not the case.
The show that Rapa Mison accelerated the biological speed of aging in humans across 16
epigenetic clocks.
This was huge news.
Now of course, what this means is irony hunts me.
We talk about this on the channel a lot, which is it’s kind of the funniest, most humorous
outcome that could happen is a drug that I was taking for longevity.
Actually was accelerating my speed of aging, so you gotta give it to irony, it’s pretty
funny.
That is the funniest, most humorous, most ironic thing that could happen in this time.
I’m glad that he has a sense of humor about this whole thing, Travis.
Yeah, can you hear it when he croaks from taking him when he’s dumb.
Can you hear it in his voice?
What a good sense of humor he has?
Travis, he was on Tom Segura’s podcast.
Tom Segura introduced Brian Johnson to the wonderful Will Blunderfield.
No way.
Well, no, he played him clips of what a, that’s crazy.
What?
Wow.
This has to be comedy, no?
No.
No way.
No way.
No way.
You can go 100% >> He’s consuming his urine and sperm.
He’s a big urine drinker.
Yeah, like a urine teeny.
However, look at his skin glowing.
He’s 67, look at him.
He’s not 67, Travis, that was a joke.
Will Blunderfield is very young and viral.
Brian Johnson, I don’t think is going to take Will Blunderfield’s advice on drinking
his own piss.
Hey, listen, I don’t think Will Blunderfield, well, whatever, do something so stupid as
take a drug to slow his aging or de-age him that actually aged him.
That’s the one thing I can say for Blunderfield is he’s not taking this bullshit and getting
fucking duped by it.
He’s just like, he’s all natural, he’s jerking off with his buds, he’s sucking on his
own semen.
And he knows, those are the things that we harp on with Will Blunderfield, but he has
other stupid ideas too.
Will Blunderfield, he does not trust dentists, Travis.
We’re rapid fire, we’re doing the recap.
I really do adore Kaboorl care because I realize you don’t need to see a dentist most
dentists are corrupt.
It’s really hard to find a good one.
There is a good one in San Francisco.
So if you live in that area, reach out to me and I will give you a name.
Go on.
There’s really no good dentists in Vancouver unfortunately.
What the fuck is this reason behind this?
What does he mean?
So I don’t think there’s only one good dentist Travis.
Otherwise they’re all in the pocket of who?
I don’t know.
Who do we contact to find out about this Travis?
Yeah, who are all the dentists in the pocket of that they’re corrupted by?
They’re corrupted by one.
Yes.
They’re corrupted by what?
Yes, crust is fucking out lobbying the dentist to do what?
The rich people.
Yeah.
Do they still make toothbrushes?
I think so.
What was that?
What was that all the best?
You know Travis, when you go to the dentist, they always give you a free toothbrush.
What’s the catch?
Yeah.
And they usually give you a little thing of floss and a tiny thing of toothpaste, but they’re
never the same brand.
So it leads me to believe that they’re just cast-offs.
The toothbrush that gave me when I was in the hospital was straight out in 1922, bro.
Yeah.
You should’ve seen it.
We don’t use those anymore.
We got our electric ones.
Those weren’t for your teeth.
That was for your anus to keep your anus clean.
I’m felony, dude.
I could have brushed my hair with it.
While we’re doing our guys, I have a Taren Manning update.
Now, interestingly enough, Taren Manning, you have to get her stuff quick, Travis, because
she deletes a lot lately.
Taren Manning will post stuff.
She had a really good one the other day.
I guess they’re electing a new SAG after a president.
And Taren Manning-
Who is the current one, friend, Russia?
I think it’s friend, Russia, yeah.
And Taren Manning wants to run.
She wants to be the new SAG after a president.
Is that a position that they switch every four years?
I don’t know what the term limits are on SAG after a-
She was throwing her hat in the ring, and she had a really impassioned speech, deleted
it, Travis.
Oh, this is going to be-
Dude, could you imagine Taren Manning being the fucking president of SAG?
It would be pretty great.
Yeah, it would be amazing.
We get the reform we’ve always wanted in the entertainment industry.
So Taren has already deleted this one, but I was ahead of her.
But the internet never forgets God damn it.
Travis, I know you remember a while back.
She had issues when she was out of the state filming.
When she came back, people had clogged up her plumbing with tampons.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
More bathroom drama with Taren Manning, Travis.
No, it’s ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever coming back in my house.
And that is so wrong on so many levels.
I’m shocked.
I know we all got to go poop poo, we all got to go pee pee, but like, what does that in your
house do?
There’s even a scrubber on the side.
You just can’t, can’t wipe it off, huh?
I know, like, it’s on your house.
There’s a lot of work.
There’s a little, yeah, see, I’m just too nice, but I’m not nice anymore.
Done, I’ve had it and I will never, ever, ever talk to any of you again and
you know who you are and I’m done.
Goodbye.
You know who you are.
Why are all these people just hanging out in her house?
I don’t like that she just has people hanging out in her house.
Well, I mean, does she have animals?
The whole world’s wildlife for her animals, right?
Do you remember?
That’s true, yeah.
Dragon flies and what?
The dragon fly got hit.
Because I mean, maybe she needs a house sitter for her animals when she’s gone.
Maybe.
Travis, I do know someone who does have a great deal of animals, namely birds.
Have we ever talked about Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda Hogan, Travis?
I’m sure she’s come up in passing.
Now, Linda Hogan, she’s got a lot of birds, Travis.
What’s her name?
What’s her name?
His name really Hogan, or is it Balea?
Linda Hogan, right?
Well, no, it was Balea because if you remember Hogan knows best, they always refer to
them as his actual name.
I think that’s why he divorced her because she kept bringing birds home.
She’s got too many fucking birds, Travis.
Let’s go with these birds.
Yeah, oh, I’m promoting my own beer, real American beer.
Yeah, look at me.
Yeah, he’s such a hero, right?
Not.
Okay, I’m gonna give you my thugs down.
Okay, brother.
Travis, why, she went on a bit of a rant the other day and then she’s looking, I know she’s
an elderly woman, so she’s looking rough.
She doesn’t have more cars than shit, right?
It’s just like cockatails.
Why is she looking so bad?
She’s gotten so much plastic injected into her, she should look wonderful.
My lawyers were in cougts with his lawyers.
They had everything set up where they were cashing on me.
Yeah, half of my settlement went to lawyers and back into the lawyer pot and I ended up with
hard work.
I don’t know anything.
I worked for 25 years for free, basically.
You did what for 25 years, you know?
And then this settlement, the cherry god.
I don’t think she did.
We’re fucking another friend’s wife.
It was about the money.
Behind my back.
I think she got 30 million.
I think she worked at anything.
Yeah, how does that make him, right?
These guys are women.
Also, you’re getting all grown.
What do you need?
It’s not about the money.
Not about the money, you know?
She was talking about it about the money.
Not about the money.
It’s not about the money.
It’s not about the money.
Get the fuck out of here.
What a hero.
Yeah, you’ve been divorced for how many years?
I do not like to.
I do not like to fucking back Terry Baleia, but get the fuck out.
And the 30 million dollars, I don’t think was because he,
like he didn’t fuck Bubba the Love Spongebob his wife.
And then like Bubba the Love Spongebob gave him 30 million dollars.
Like he sued Gawker for releasing the tape of him fucking Bubba the Love Spongebob.
Right.
And that was after the divorce anyway, right?
Yeah, I think it had a lot of money.
Why would she be entitled to any of that money?
Well because he was making the money.
Bullshit Alimony Laws.
He did the fucking.
Yeah.
And Bullshit Alimony Laws in California, so I’m sure they in Florida.
He treats everybody like there is ex-wife.
Here’s a little cookie for you, here’s a little cookie for you.
Like we mean nothing to him.
I meant nothing to him, even though I earned a 20 million dollar empire with him by 19.
I don’t know what the fuck that was, 20.
What did she contribute?
How many of those bumps did you take?
Get the fuck out of here.
A million dollar empire.
Yeah, we think of a whole total of fucking issues.
He’s a shit car, living in Minnesota with a roommate, had no money.
Okay, yeah, he was in the Rocky movie.
Who knew where that would go?
Who knew where that would go?
Who knew?
Rocky III was the one that all cookies were.
Yeah, that’s third one.
Not a bad one.
After the wildly successful Rocky one.
Yeah, Rocky one made $117 million.
Rocky two made $200 million.
And then Hulk Hogan was gonna be in a Rocky III but who would have even known if that
one was gonna be successful or not Travis?
He’s gonna statue in Philadelphia who knows if Rocky III is gonna be a hit.
But yeah, too many goddamn birds, Travis, that was my point.
Needs to cool it on the birds.
I’d be really curious.
It was kind of off the subject.
I’d be really curious what both, Oh Hulk Terry and his wife’s relationship is to their
two children that they forced to be on reality television for a few years.
I’m curious if either one of them are on good quality speaking terms with those kids.
You don’t hear much from them anymore now that they’re not on reality TV Travis.
No, Brooks still trying to make music?
Yeah, she was doing it.
She was doing it.
I don’t think she made porn, did she?
I hope not.
I might be wrong then.
She’s a very, no, I’m not gonna comment, never mind.
Yeah, she was a very attractive but built.
But yeah, she was a very attractive blonde gal that also kind of had male attributes,
right?
It’s really hard to say without sounding like an asshole.
No, athletics is not the right word.
She could have been completely out of shape.
Travis, what, I’ll put it this way.
Hulk Hogan was mad that she was dating black guys.
Yeah.
When, if you look at her, you’d think, yeah, she’ll probably date black.
Oh, yeah.
You’d think only black guys were going to date her.
Yeah.
Does that help?
Yeah, that’s pretty much described what I’m saying.
I’ve never got this problem.
And then what was the boy’s name?
Did he do anything?
Nick.
He’s drunk-drived.
Oh yeah, that’s right.
He probably killed somebody with a boat or something and then got away with it.
Oh yeah, didn’t he like kill his friend?
I think he did.
I think he killed somebody and then got away with it because he’s Hulk Hogan’s son.
They should probably be really close with their dad.
[LAUGH] >> Has it advantages, Travis?
That sure does.
30, 36.
36 what?
Old, broke Hogan.
No, no.
I want to try Cola before it starts getting warm.
Oh, yeah, that’s right.
Travis, drunk has a very special Cola.
Oh, what?
I thought I was supposed to drink cheese Cola this week.
Drunk agreed to the cheese Cola bit Travis, so we’re going to do cheese Cola.
What’s that again?
Just throwing cheese in a Cola?
Yeah, it got up to 36 bucks.
He’s going to make to drink some cheese Cola.
Oh, sweet.
Yeah, so I drink cheese Cola for 36 bucks.
Fuck, fuck.
[LAUGH]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Is that a submission?
Yeah, from Pepper.
Yeah.
God, man, that boy is the man of a million voices.
Fucking talented, right?
Million voices.
All right, so what I have here is an always save.
Cherry Cola.
What amazing store is that from?
It’s from a grocery store.
I believe, what’s the name of that grocery store?
I can’t think of what it’s called.
It’s a grocery store out in the lake of the Ozarks, Travis.
I saw it there and I said, oh, you know what?
I haven’t tried that one.
They don’t even have a regular Cola.
They just have cherry.
That’s the only option.
Oh, that’s their only store brand is cherry Cola?
Yeah, I think they had a root beer.
So you get root beer cherry Cola for the store brand?
Otherwise, you’re buying name brand.
What I’d say, Travis, I just tried this.
It’s fine.
Pretty good.
I like it.
The part of this bottle so far is right under cherry cola, the biggest thing next to it
says try over ice cream.
[LAUGHTER]
Listen, we know what this is.
Put it over some ice cream.
It’ll be better.
This is distributed in Kansas City, Kansas.
Now, to me, drunk, I would say this reminds me 80% of your daily sugars.
All you would.
Are you trying to swing the King of Colors before he drinks it?
I would say this tastes like an old school cherry coke.
I’m getting real sick of you giving your opinions before the King’s.
I apologize.
I don’t disagree with that.
Yeah, like remember the purple can cherry coke?
Yeah.
That’s what it makes me think of.
I remember purple can cherry coke.
Except this is probably better.
Oh, you think?
Well, I think it’s pretty good.
It’s fine.
I mean, if I had a–
It’s a serviceable cherry cola.
If I lived at the Lake Leos Arcs, I would probably make that my daily drink.
Yeah.
Your daily drink?
You’re more of a cherry cola man, you’d say?
Yes, absolutely.
Than a cola cola guy?
So my everyday drinker currently is a wild cherry Pepsi.
Okay.
This gets very high marks for me.
Eight, six.
Eight, six.
Six?
Six?
Travis.
The man likes a generic.
He does.
He does.
And he likes a cherry, so what can you do?
Yeah.
When those two things collide, you get high scores.
Give me a quick break.
Okay, I’ll say.
My man needs the philope is to drift his back.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
And my little brief, my vape is gone.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
That’s two things.
I need both of my intoxics.
No, that’s, that’s so does it very good.
That’s pretty good.
WFOD.
I wanted the noodle, but you wanted more.
If I only knew what you had in store,
the catfish weren’t biting, good eating it be,
till you called them bitfords to call me.
If someone the bitfords they’re pacing around,
I thought we were friends till I heard that sound.
Bitfords calling for the need on my bones,
but if I’m dying, I ain’t dying love.
If someone but be fourth,
I ain’t dying love.
If someone but be fourth,
[MUSIC]
Now Larry, I don’t want to get you all up and bother by all this,
but I’m fenced to feed you to these here big foots.
No, I don’t reckon I’ll be getting eaten by no big foots today.
[MUSIC]
Fuck outta here, you big foots.
[MUSIC]
Looking for the perfect gift for your young ones,
look no further.
Dixco presents the Mike Mordor,
this ten-inch hero who compliment the collection of kid young, old.
I keep it in the box, though I retain this value.
I’ve had a team mic. >> You can pose it, you can lose mouth,
you can dress up in lady clothes, it’s your doll, we aren’t gonna tell you how to use it.
His mic is on his soul, lifelike.
The Mike Mordor even includes three classic mics.
We have a great show tonight guys.
I like to feed.
Eat lead, co-bro.
Don’t miss your opportunity to own a mic of your own.
Go to wfodix.com and get one today.
Supplies are limited at now.
[MUSIC]
Once again.
[MUSIC]
WFOD.
[MUSIC]
Wheelbarrill full of dicks.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
I saw a fun ad earlier today and I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong to think this is a goofy thing.
Let me get some of that cherry cord.
You must not have a state Supreme Court seat up for election.
Was that all you’re getting?
That’s literally the only ads I see.
I didn’t think that was a voteable position.
Supreme Court is voteable.
It’s not just a point by the governor.
No, no, state you vote for.
And both of the ads is very funny because they shoot things with a gun.
There’s two candidates and obviously when it first started,
both of them were accused of letting pedophiles go.
Oh no.
But as the campaign went on,
because the messaging was so similar, they changed up their approach.
So the Republican, his name is Brad Shimmel.
I think he’s a Trump guy and that’s what they’re saying.
Maybe he’s not a Trump guy but that’s what they’re accusing him of.
Of course, I think you have your Republican.
And Wisconsin’s got some Elon Musk drama going on right now.
I’m not 100% sure what the details of that are.
But because Wisconsin’s got that going on, he’s a Republican.
They have coined the nickname for this guy,
knee pad Brad.
And my wife laughed and she said,
“What the hell does that even mean?”
And I said, “Well.”
He sucks on winners.
They’re implying that Brad Shimmel is sucking off Elon Musk.
Or Darryl.
And needs knee pads because he’s on his knees.
So traditionally Wisconsin is kind of a swing state, right?
Wisconsin is a swing state.
I don’t think it was like a bunch of years ago but like in the head.
They used to be like completely red, right?
Yeah, they were red and they were like blue.
Our major metropolitan right because the chunk, the big chunk in the south
is like Milwaukee and Madison, so that’s probably blue.
And then the rest of it’s pretty much red.
But yeah, so we got that guy.
And then the other one is the Susan Crawford is the Democratic nominee
for the Supreme Court.
They can’t have no broad enough.
No.
And her nickname is the very clever catch and release Crawford
because she catches criminals, but then she lets them go
right back onto the street.
These dangerous criminals.
So it’s very funny tomorrow or else today.
Everybody’s gonna have a fucking nickname now.
Yeah, today I didn’t vote because I don’t care about that.
And also– >> Well, I mean if they’re both let and pedophiles go,
that’s your one issue, Travis, is you want pedophiles to change?
I want pedophiles locked up.
If they’re both let them back on our streets, then who do I care which one is it?
Yeah.
But today on the ballot it was catch and release Crawford versus knee pad Brad.
Well no, Travis, I just got ads for a blind lady that’s making coffee for dogs.
Did you know dogs could have coffee?
I’m totally blind and this is why I invented dog coffee.
It’s why, it’s why she made the dog coffee Travis is because she’s blind.
Because she’s totally blind is why she invented dog coffee.
And that’s never really explained Travis.
This is directly after that.
Listen, listen, I’m totally deaf and that’s why I started knitting pants for bats.
Of course real coffee is not safe for dogs.
So we, >> Why did you say that it was just a second ago?
You fucking psycho?
She know dogs could drink coffee.
It’s not safe for them.
Of course real coffee is not safe for dogs.
So we formulated one that is.
Most pets at home don’t drink enough water and are chronically dehydrated.
I needed a treat to keep my guide dog Jackie both hydrated and healthy.
So my sister and I came up with Farquhista.
Farquhista is a line of dog lattes that not only encourages drinking but is filled with nutrients and antioxidants.
What if I just drink water?
Keep going, keep going you dummies.
Just give them some water.
Travis give the dogs they’ll drink water right?
If they’re thirsty they drink the water.
Just like this, that bullshit where they’re keeping the fucking dog food in the refrigerator.
No, I don’t necessarily find that bullshit.
But I don’t want to spend $10 per meal on my dog drunk.
No, I didn’t say that part of it wasn’t bullshit but I do believe that you could homemade dog food.
Listen, I got a can of dog food in my refrigerator right now.
A can of dog food.
It’s got a can cover on it.
I’m not spending $10 per meal on my goddamn dog.
She’s a fucking rescue.
You think that rescue deserves $10 meals?
No dude.
She deserves a bag of Rachel Ray fucking salmon dog food.
Cause $20 the feeds are for like two, three weeks.
That’s what she deserves.
That’s what she deserves.
Your dog some dog coffee?
Not again dog coffee.
So like dog coffee?
You know what, her treat is-
It is seven different kinds of mushrooms in it.
They’re eating the dogs.
I’ll save tea bones when we have tea bone steaks.
I throw them in the freezer and once every couple of weeks I’ll toss that dog a tea bone.
She’s in seventh heaven.
Good.
I’m not buying her dog coffee or fucking refrigerator dog food.
I’m assuming this ad is not an audio ad.
No, it was on Instagram.
This sounds like you was a blind lady trying to pack up orders.
She’s really bad at it.
This sounds like a shark take pinch, right?
Like it sounds like she’s like standing in front of the sharks.
How old would you say this is broad?
I guess she’s early 20s.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Oh my god, Mike, I just came up with the best parody to this.
Bae-lin from Bae-lin out loud.
Yeah.
Talking about how she’s got Tourette’s.
And that’s why she made something for cats or some shit.
Like we got to workshop this, but I love it.
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
I have Tourette’s.
That’s why I invented hippo jeans.
[Laughter]
So the last episode that you were on to have,
fucking, I get home that night, and my wife is watching Bae-lin.
And I was like, are you watching?
She’s amazing.
I’m like, are you watching Bae-lin?
She’s like, oh my god, this show is amazing.
I’m like, my in-laws watch it.
We were down in Florida.
What is everybody?
I know watch this shit.
We were down in Florida.
And my wife was saying something.
And I don’t know how the TLC thing came up,
because my wife, like I said, exclusively watches TLC when she’s working out.
We finally got to watch some Bae-lin.
And I don’t know how it came up, but it came up to the mother-in-law.
And she’s like, oh, I watch Bae-lin.
And she’s like, even your dad came in.
And my father-in-law don’t watch anything that if it’s not sports,
or if it’s not a guy machine gunning somebody to death.
And apparently he was totally into it.
Like, what the fuck are you watching?
And just loved it.
Bae-lin is universal, I think.
Oh, yeah.
I told you, Trevor.
She’s going to be a star.
I like, like, I told you how funny I thought it was when she jerked her hand away
from that manicurist and said,
Too slow, fuck, too slow, fuck you.
But later in that exact, it was the same fucking episode where she started shouting
that she had a gun going through TLC.
Oh, yeah.
It’s so funny.
Evegon.
Yeah.
Evegon, poop you.
He continued with dog coffee, if you want.
No, that’s all I got on dog coffee.
I love to say I am kind of interested in this 23 and me thing because I did hear they went bankrupt.
They’re going bankrupt and so there’s a lot of questions going on as to what happens
to the 15 million people’s data that sent their DNA samples to this fucking place.
Oh, I was about to say, like, you have time to delete your shit, right?
All these news reports that I’ve seen have given you the instructions on how
to delete your stuff.
Then again, I mean, you can tell them to who knows if they actually do it.
And also sell that to the highest bidder because you’re fucked bankrupt.
I don’t know if we ever had this conversation too.
Like, what do they do with the initial DNA sample?
They’d biohazard that and throw it away, they have that some secret vault.
They got it.
They got it in a vault.
Some fucking assholes going to buy this, Travis.
Yeah, I assume as part of the bankruptcy thing,
there’s going to be an auction on the vault of DNA.
Didn’t they go from like a billion dollar company to like 50 million?
The company was worth, I wrote this down, $6 billion in the last couple of years they have lost 98% of their value.
They’re downright.
53 years, right?
Well, it’s because as soon as Penn, Oswald’s, I’m sorry, now deceased wife,
busted a serial murderer based on DNA, everybody’s like, fuck that, I ain’t sending my DNA into this place.
You think Penn Oswald’s wife is the reason Travis that anybody wants to know?
Yeah, Penn Oswald’s deceased wife, they made a documentary on HBO about how she fucking busted a cold case murderer.
And people probably saw that and were like, I don’t want to be involved in that.
What if my uncle killed somebody?
I don’t want to nark on my uncle.
I love my uncle.
Right, was that somebody’s pick of the week?
I never knew that existed, I got to check that out.
What?
It’s a good doc.
It’s a good doc.
Oh, yeah.
I think it’s, can you see me in the dark, I think is what it’s called?
Okay.
Yeah, so now the company’s worth $120 million, which is, nothing to shake a stick at.
Nothing to shake a stick at, but some rich asshole can certainly buy it.
But when he were a six billion with a fucking bee.
To have all these people’s DNA information travels and they’re going to use it.
Listen, I think Napster just sold for $60 million, so this is double that.
What are you doing with Napster travels?
So apparently they’re like file compression software is like what they’re by.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so file compression is a dime a dozen.
Yeah, so what they’re saying is that between all of the streaming services,
like between Spotify, I Heart Radio and all of these different things that people use Apple Music, Amazon Music,
Amazon Music, apparently Napster’s file compression is like makes the audio that much better.
And I think, yeah, like Drunk said, that’s what people are purchasing.
So for $180 million, if I get this right, you could buy Napster and 23 in me.
Right.
And you could get all of this data on people and then compress it so that it doesn’t take up as much space.
Well, I mean, you can see if your cousin is related to Lars Ulrich.
Did you see the high school lady that whacked the lady with the baton when they were both running the…
I only heard about this, I did not see it.
That was high school, I thought that was Olympics.
No, they were high school gal.
Yeah, she denied it and then she’s like, oh, slipped out of my hand, or she stumbled or something.
Yeah, she said it was an accident.
If you watch it, Travis, one of them answered like, no, no, I’m kind of…
She very clearly smoked her head.
I don’t care what I… They had a different angle and they were like, oh, this shows that…
She looked pretty guilty in that other angle too, Travis.
They tried to break it down like it was this brutal film.
From every single angle, it looks like that broad just fucking smoked her upside down.
Because she was winning.
But Travis, I have a clip that I noticed something else.
I don’t want to make this like a thing, Travis, because I know that people who aren’t fans of African-Americans, Travis, they make this joke.
And that’s not what I’m intending, but listen to this.
She was so close to me that my bedtime kept hitting her and it’s either keep hitting her or fall into the metal railing that’s on the bank track.
So eventually like after a couple of hours hitting her in my bedtime, you got stuck behind her back like this.
That’s right. I heard three different smoke detectors go off in that clip.
How are you listening to all this background? Go ahead and play it again.
Okay. Do you want me to point them out to you?
Play it again. I didn’t hear anything.
Don’t point them out.
Don’t point them out.
It’s like hitting her and it’s either keep hitting her or fall into the metal railing that’s on the bank track.
So eventually like after a couple of hours hitting her in my bedtime, you got stuck behind her back like this.
Three different smoke detectors go off, Travis.
Now she knows she’s gonna be on the TV today.
That’s the same one.
That’s the same one.
No, it’s not. They were in three different places.
Yeah, I tend to be pretty sure that’s the same one.
You can tell that from the fucking audio dude.
I don’t even hear him the first time.
So this isn’t the race thing obviously Travis because drunk has the dirt bag gene too.
He can ignore that sound. Somehow he tunes it out.
My next door neighbor Travis, their smoke detector has been going off for six months.
Every time I take the dog out, I hear it and it drives me fucking crazy.
How come you don’t ever knock on the door and be like,
“Hey, guys, I’m just seeing how you’re doing.
In case you need this, here’s a 9 volt battery.
In case you didn’t change your smoke detectors with daylight savings.”
So this is my problem Travis.
So the goddamn smoke detector, take the battery out.
I don’t give a fuck.
Yeah, burn up.
But, I don’t give a fuck.
But, drunk’s having an issue here Travis.
But like people like me hear it, like normal people hear it because it’s meant to be heard.
That’s one of the most annoying sounds in the world is when a smoke detector,
it’s battery is dying.
I didn’t hear it the first time I did hear it the second time.
So my suggestion is just like, we need to just make the sound more annoying.
People have learned to,
Oh, like we’ll make it like when your battery is dying in your smoke detector,
we’ll just like make it play a chapel row in song.
Yeah, and just something.
It has to just be unavoidable.
You want to know how big of a dirtbag, I–
You haven’t had batteries in your smoke detector your entire adult life.
So like– >> Drunk, I’ve had friends that like had them going off in the hallway of their apartments
that I’ve just stopped being friends with.
I can’t go to your house.
That sound drives me fucking crazy.
Fucking, so whatever I get in my wife’s car,
you know, I won’t put my seat belts on.
It was just thing, thing, thing, thing.
And she’s like, are you gonna put my, what are you talking about? I don’t even need to hear that.
I’m doing it.
It doesn’t surprise me.
Doesn’t surprise me at all.
I don’t even hear it out there.
But I am like,
those people have three different smoke detectors going off.
At different places, you could hear the distance between one to another, one is louder than the other one.
And even if you’re fine with it, you have somebody coming to your home to interview you.
Right, you’re gonna be on the table. >> Take the vision.
Take the battery out.
I think that the person filming it had to just be like, oh, well, this will reinforce.
The fact that she did do it on purpose. >> The fact that she definitely did this thing.
Right? >> Yeah.
She’s a sociopath who can live in a house where a fucking alarm is going off,
alerting you to danger of a fire.
And she don’t care. So, yeah, she definitely hit her on purpose.
But no, yeah, that’s what I’m advocating for.
I’m trying to go the other way because obviously what we’re doing now isn’t working.
I don’t want you to not have batteries in your smoke detectors.
I just want it to annoy you more. >> So you want it to go off more often?
Yeah, the chirp isn’t working. >> Maybe a higher pitch.
Maybe, maybe the higher pitch is the problem. Maybe certain people can’t hear it.
I’ll tell you a pitch. >> A constant beep, just a constant beep.
A bus. >> A car will work either because if it’s constant, you’ll tune that out too.
Maybe just like a bus or like, you know what you should do? You should make it sound like an iPhone notification
because people can’t seem to ignore those.
I love that.
I was thinking more of the submarine alert.
Yeah. >> Like one of those.
I’ve never seen somebody with the annual purge. Do that one.
I’ve never seen somebody with an iPhone that actually has the notification being like audible.
So be able to just not look at their iPhone. So I’d say like make it sound like an iPhone.
That’s why I got Android friends. >> Hell yeah, baby. Android all the way.
I can ignore my phone for two fucking weeks.
Oh, dude. That’s one of my favorite things. >> So, man.
I’ve been texting you for three days and I’ll yeah, I’ve been actually checking my phone.
Oh, have you?
My phone’s been in my pocket all three of those days. >> Right. >> You never looked at it.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
Travis missed my recap of the first episode of The Drop, the podcast that Delvin Cox suggested to us.
So I have to give Travis a short recap of The Drop. >> I thought you were going to say the podcast.
It’s not even called The Drop, it’s called The Hookup. >> It’s crazy.
I thought you were going to say the podcast that Delvin Cox started alongside his other ones.
Travis, there’s a podcast called The Hookup. And basically the first episode, The Recap is, there’s a homosexual man.
He lost his butt virginity to a man and then the man disappeared.
So the man is gone and he’s investigating this guy’s maybe murder.
The way he’s leader. >> The guy that got fucked in the ass is investigating where the guy went.
Yeah, the guy that ghosted him.
It ended with him saying, the way he investigates Travis is he just goes and fucks dudes.
That’s how he investigates. >> Have you seen the guy who fucked me in the ass?
No, it doesn’t even ask. Just fucks dudes.
The teaser at the end of the first episode was that he was going-
So what’s the audio is him getting fucked?
Yeah. >> The teaser for the second episode, Travis, was that he saw the Bellboy at the hotel where the guy disappeared at.
On his gay butt sex dating app. >> And he fucked them.
And he was going to get on the gay dating app to find the Bellboy.
Well, the Bellboy tells him, we’re into the second episode now, Travis.
How many guys did he fucking the first episode? >> Just one.
One guy, he fucked them- >> And he disappeared.
Yeah, and so- >> Okay.
So with this guy’s voice in my head, he reminds me of the skinny dude from Euro Trip.
Who fucks the big black and all?
Does that- >> Is that like coming to your head?
From road trip. DJ- DJ Quals. >> Yeah, Road Trip.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Okay.
All right. I want to hear the audio.
He’s gonna try to hook up with the Bellboy to investigate Travis, which basically I think just means fuck the Bellboy.
And DJ Quals turned out to be a gay too. Isn’t that serendipitous?
DJ Quals is gay? >> Yeah.
Yeah, he came out as gay last year or the year before.
The Bellboy, Travis says, I only do three sums and kick some of the curb.
So then he just finds some other guy to fuck who’s unrelated to anything else.
He only sucks and fucks at the same time.
I wonder how that would work if I said that when I was single to women.
[LAUGH] >> Well, I’m only interested in three sums.
I only want to have sex with two women.
You think that would have played? >> I don’t know.
So this guy, he’s bumped out- >> BK is like really strict.
It’s a whole different thing, right?
And I bet that works for him.
I bet he’s got guys who be like, oh, let me call my buddy.
He finds a guy on the app Travis who he’s gonna go meet up with and bone.
I think this is unrelated to his investigation.
But he has a problem in being a bottom.
He doesn’t like that he’s a bottom.
He wants to maybe be a top sometime.
That’s his right.
He should just refuse to be a bottom.
Well, he hasn’t been able to do that yet Travis.
He’s very timid. He’s a timid gentleman.
And all these people just keep wanting to do the fucking and to not get fucked.
I hope that this podcast gives him the strength to stand up for himself and be a top.
Sure, I’ve been on the bottom before at this point, just ask big top.
But it’s different with Mateo.
He’s a peer, my age, a part of my actual world, not just my sex world.
It wouldn’t just be one and done.
He’d always have that over me.
Yeah, so he’s going to meet up with this guy.
And he has like a big blow up about how he’s always the bottom.
And so this guy lets him fuck him in the butt.
Is this real or is this just like him writing fan fiction?
Fan fiction.
This is from Blumhouse Travis.
It’s a whole fan fiction.
Audio drama.
This guy has been conflicted about being a bottom his entire life.
In fact, his parents joked about what a bottom he is.
When I was little, my parents loved telling the story of my first ultrasound.
My mother would recall eagerly waiting for the OBGYN to turn the monitor so she could get a first look at a fetal young Damian.
To my parent’s surprise and endless amusement for years to come, the ultrasound revealed me not in the typical anterior or posterior fetal position, but rather on all fours.
You know, our boy Damian was born doggy style.
My father cackled joyously at my third grade orientation.
He was on all fours in U of R.O.
And he’s been that way ever since.
My mother teased to the Crestwick University tour guide.
It didn’t bother me when I was young because I didn’t really understand the implication.
The implication?
Yeah, Delvin wanted us to listen to this.
This is what a Blumhouse produced podcast sounds like?
Yes. He sounded a lot more nerdy in the first.
Maybe he’s finding his voice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So a movie studio produces podcasts and it sounds like the worst AM radio bullshit that you hear at two o’clock in the morning?
Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, that’s bad.
You have to check it out.
That’s really bad.
That’s what I’m recommending.
It’s called the hookup.
That we like it.
Did he recommend it?
I was like it because he listened to both of them.
Did he recommend it because he liked it or did he recommend it because like listen to this nonsense?
Probably the latter if I could get it.
Yeah, I would assume so.
Delvin’s a smarter guy than thinking that that’s quality podcasting.
Like what a piece of shit.
[Laughter]
I’m going to tweet at Jason Blum and be like, why are you doing this?
Why are you doing this?
You’re doing doing.
Well, there’s a good ad in there Travis, but I’ll save that for next week because I want to tell you about my pick of the week.
I saw a film, actually, I have a television show that I want to tell you about too, but I’ll save that for next week, two Travis.
My pick of the week this week is the film The Monkey.
Travis, have you seen The Monkey?
Is this?
Are you talking about the Robbie Williams biopic?
No Travis, there is a horror film called The Monkey has nothing to do with Robbie Williams.
It’s an evil toy monkey that plays the drums and kills people.
Oh, I thought this was the movie you were talking about the whole fucking time.
[Laughter]
Is it different, man?
That’s the one I thought you were looking forward to.
No, no, no, this seat now drug there’s got the symbols. Yeah, yeah, so that’s what movie
I saw you talking of it. There’s a film called the monkey. It’s a horror movie written based
on a short story that Stephen King broke and then there’s a lot of you getting better man
about Robbie Williams, but he’s a monkey, not to be confused. I think I don’t think it’s
a remake of the motion picture monkey shines from the 1980s. There was also a action movie
called monkey man like last year. That’s pretty good too, but we’re talking about the monkey.
Okay. It’s great. It’s directed by isn’t it directed by the guy who did the Nicholas
Cage weirdo fucking what that was long legs? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. No, it’s a lot
of fun Travis. There’s a lot of fun kills in it. It’s a it doesn’t take like a like a
rocket scientist Travis to enjoy this movie. It’s just it’s just good fun. That’s good
thing because I am not a rocket scientist. So I went to school for it. I got kicked out
the whole thing. I mean, obviously working man would be my pick of the week if it wasn’t
my pick of the week last week, Travis, but no, we watched the monkey. It’s on demand now.
It’s it’s a it’s a good time. Can I tell you one thing that I actually can get behind
that these fucking losers on social media are advocating for to like make it so people
actually go to the theater again is like a 90 day theatrical window, right? Because I
want to see a working man and I want to see it in the theater because I like David air and
I like Jason Statham and I like the source material for this book, which was written by
a comic book writer called Chuck Dixon and really excited for it just found out yesterday
that a working man will be on digital in less than two weeks. I was like, well, fuck, I want
to see this in the theater, right? But also I could just stay at home and make a bagger
of microwave popcorn and wash it in my living room, right? Like we need more time between
theatrical and digital. Like it needs to happen because I want to see shit like this. Like
I wanted to see the beekeeper in the theater, but then I was like, oh, I can just wait a
week and there it is. Like there’s all sorts of shit that Robert Pattinson, uh, Mickey
70 movie. Yeah. That looks great. I’d go see that in a theater if like it was playing
on a Tuesday in a week or two. Yeah. Guess what? It’s going to be in digital in like a week.
Yeah. Oh, you talk about the Mickey 17. Yeah. What’s great?
Mickey 17. Yeah. Looks like I’m proud of you fun movie to go see in the theater. Yeah.
I wish more people were like Tom Cruise, like he did with the last mission impossible movie
where he’s like, you’re, I’m not signing off on this unless you motherfuckers don’t sell
this to streaming for at least three months, right? And they’re like, well, shit. It’s Tom
Cruise. We got no choice. I mean, I still didn’t go see the theater, but I really can be right.
You’re really excited to though, right? Yeah. I was excited to. And then all of a sudden
time got away from me and I was like, Oh, it’s on stars. Fuck it. Yeah. Travis pick of the
week. Yeah. Travis is a pick of the week. Uh, this week, I got a two for, I think this
has been my pick of the week already, uh, when it first started, uh, a month and a half
two months ago, uh, reach or season three is my first pick of the week. Uh, the season finale
just dropped. If you know me, you know how much I love this reach or show. It’s so amazing.
Alan Richardson is just this giant jacked motherfucker who beat people up and shoots people and
just doesn’t care about the consequences. It’s so good based on a book series. But like,
so this is better than the John Krasinski, Richard. No, that’s, uh, he’s, uh, he’s a Ryan.
Oh, yeah. Tom Cruise was reached Tom Cruise was reached. Right. And the first time he was
a short reach. Apology. Yeah. But the first time, the first time cruise,
was actually really good. The second one was just him running for fucking 90 minutes. Uh,
but no, this is a more fucking run. Travis. He runs his fucking ass. I just watched dead
reckoning again. Like it was just on stars or like showtime or whatever. And it’s like a
third of that movie is just Tom Cruise fucking running. Travis trailer for the new mission
impossible. Tim running running. Yeah. It’s just him fucking running so much in that trailer.
So I wonder where we’re just making movies where Tom Cruise runs a marathon. Like, come on.
But no, research season three is really good. Um, it was good. Uh, probably when it was
my first pick of the week, um, but they introduced like this giant Russian-ish character who
is actually bigger than Alan Richardson. So they’re like, for the first time in this series,
like there’s a bigger Jack guy. And finally, that’s like his arch enemy. Yeah. So like,
finally, like he’s been in this, the season for the entire, the entire run. But finally,
in the very last episode, uh, he fights him. And there’s a multiple things going on at once,
uh, in that season, season finale, but there’s a good, I don’t know, 25 minutes where he’s
fighting this giant Jack guy. 25 minutes is a long time for it. Yeah. Like it starts pretty,
it starts pretty early and is intercut with a lot of other shit that’s going on in the episode.
And pretty much carries it almost to the end. It’s like 20, 25 minutes of him fighting this
guy, interspersed between all the other shit that’s going on. Um, it’s fucking awesome. It’s
really good. It ends with like him just writing off into the sunset on a fucking Harley. And
like you’re just like waiting for more readership. So it’s super cool. But yeah. So my second
pick of the week is also television, uh, Daredevil born again, uh, it just started watching
it. There’s six episodes out now. I’m very excited that they let Charlie Cox continue
to play Daredevil and Vincent D’Nofriot to play the kingpin. Uh, I’m also very, the city.
A lot. Yeah. Yes. He knows. Absolutely. He gives up Daredevil gives up being Daredevil in
the first episode because of some crazy shit that happens. Um, but no, I’m glad that those
two guys got to play those respective parts as well as I’m glad that they kept the tone
of the Netflix series. I’ve only seen two episodes. There’s six out right now. It’s fucking
great. It’s really, really good. And I’m, uh, happy that they didn’t marvelize it. I didn’t
either. Like it was just like on and I was like, God, this, all this Marvel shit sucks so bad
now. I don’t want to watch it. And I finally watched two episodes last night. I’m like, Oh,
no, it’s fucking great. Like it’s, it feels very much like the Netflix Daredevil series.
And I’m very excited to watch the rest of it. So they did, they did good. They did good.
Daredevil born again. Drunk pick of the week. Drunks pick of the week. Uh, nine vote
batteries. And Duke basketball cause they’re going to win it all right. Daylight savings
is like three weeks ago. It’s time to change your smoke detectors. Guys, do you, you just
let it go? You don’t even hear it. The smoke detector. Yeah. No, it’s batteries out. Battery
just out. Yeah. Truck, you’re an eagle scout. Isn’t always be prepared like your, your
motto. I currently live in an apartment. Oh, if it burns down, fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. I
had a very similar attitude until I had children in my house. Like I’d just like never had
batteries in it. And then I was like, but you hear the sound right? Travis, you’re a normal
person. I mean, I hear the sound. That’s why the batteries are all in my own house. I’ll
hear the smoke detector sound. Well, like the seatbelt thing. No, I don’t hear that at
all. Wow. Got a strap in, bud. No, I don’t want you to do. I want you to live. I’ve
made it 40 years. Yeah. But there’s plenty of 50 year olds that die because they’re not
wearing their seat belts. Gatorines, it’s great to have you back. We missed you terribly.
Well, that’s the matter. There’s America. Yeah. Well, I mean, don’t wear your seatbelt to
not wear my seatbelt. That’s your freedom. But also, I want you to live. Yes, sir.
Love you. Love you, bud. Love you. I love you, too, buddy. Guys, we’ll do it again next
week. We’ll continue this love fast. And I love all of you all keep on keeping on, you
know, glad to be back. And I’m glad to talk to you. Yeah.
Fuck.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
That’s okay.
That’s okay.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
where they have thing one and thing two.
-The more kidding rides though.
-Yeah, the lower X. Yeah, they had the first thing
that we went on was this above everything,
kind of just nothing ride.
Just kind of check shit out or whatever.
So yeah, it’s mostly kidding rides, you know.
But we did go to the green eggs and ham concession
stand for lunch that day.
And what they specialized in was delicious crispy tots
with a bunch of shit on them.
So they had obviously the green eggs and ham tots.
Nobody got that.
My daughter got the pizza tots.
-Was it like a scrambled egg or like a fried egg?
-That was a scrambled egg so they could die at green, right?
So they could have the green eggs and ham.
So we saw it on other tables.
I got the carnitas tots, the daughter got the pizza tots,
and the wife and the boy both got–
-They die on that shit green too?
-No, that’s all regular.
-That’s all regular.
-They got the what kind of tots?
The last one?
-The last one was the Buffalo chicken.
So, and the carnitas tots that I had were unbelievable,
granite, you know, every one of these tots are $12 to $15.
-Sure.
-He spent $60 bucks just for tots and a couple of diet cakes,
you know.
But, oh, it was very good.
That’s very good.
-Makes it closer to $80, bro.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-I think it was like a 16-ounce fountain soda that was pretty much
all ice was like $5.
-Any couldn’t refill it, of course.
-And they didn’t give you a cover or a straw.
So, you had to drink it right out of the cup.
-So, I know that Disney World has started doing, like,
reserve a time for rides.
Does Universal start doing that too?
-Yeah.
Well, they have the fast pass just like any place else,
but the cheapest we were able to get, like,
a single-park Universal ticket per person was like $150.
So, you’re talking for a family of four just to get in the park.
You’re talking $600.
-Jesus.
-On top of that, like, when I was first looking at fast passes,
which is crazy.
Fast passes are $239, or some shit like that.
And I assumed–
-This is per day, too, right?
-Yeah, per day per person.
So, I assumed those fast passes included
the initial ticket price.
-They do not.
So, you need to spend– -Only on top of the one thing.
-Sop of it.
So, if you want a fast pass to Universal Studios,
you’re paying almost $400 ticket per person.
-Jesus.
-Per person per day per park.
-Get a lot done, though.
-Well, I guess you could, but–
-I’m paying to get in each individual park, too.
-Yeah, so, like, you can get into two different parks
and you actually save money if you want to do two parks.
But you’re never going to do two parks in one day.
We only wanted to spend one day at Universal.
Like, if we were staying at Universal,
like, you can get, like, three-day passes
so you can hit all the parks for, like, way cheaper.
But if you just want to hit one park in one day,
you’re spending a lot of money.
But, yeah, that $200 for fast passes
is on top of the normal ticket price.
You know, listen, we did plenty of shit.
We did Dr. Dooms fearfall, which is just like a giant drop
kind of thing.
We did the Spider-Man ride, the Jurassic Park, the King Kong.
We did a Dr. Seuss thing.
We did a Harry Potter thing.
-We did plenty there.
-We were there Simpsons one, wasn’t there?
Was there Simpsons one still there?
-That’s at the other park, so we didn’t go to that one.
-So pay the pay for me.
You get there at what time?
-We actually didn’t get there, too.
Oh, man.
I want to say–
because nobody wanted to leave early.
And I’ll tell you–
-So you did–
-So you did breakfast at the hotel?
-Well, we stayed at my in-laws guy in the Airbnb,
so we stayed there.
They’re down there for a month.
-Sure, they got like a six bedroom, six and a half bath.
-How far would that–
-That was it from there.
-Well, it’s 30 miles, but it’s closer than an hour
because the four in Florida is a fucking nightmare.
And I’ve decided, sorry, to all of our Floridian listeners,
the worst drivers in the world live in Florida.
-Can’t be worse than Georgia.
-You live close enough.
You know how bad Illinois drivers are.
-Ellinois is bad.
I’ve gone through Chicago at rush hour through the loop.
Floridian drivers are the worst–
they have no concept of slower traffic, keep right.
And they don’t understand when a major exit is trying
to merge on their major highway that they
should get the fuck over and let them in.
Instead, everybody just takes up all five lanes.
-Chicago drivers don’t believe in lanes.
Like, they all just kind of swarm like ants.
-And, but, at least, Georgia drivers are fucking insane.
-I’ll tell you Texas ain’t great either.
I’m driven in all of those places, you just said.
And I’d rather spend 12 hours driving in each one
of those specific places than spend two hours driving in Florida.
What a fucking nightmare.
-I want to say the same with this.
Go drivers were bad because we were only going three miles
and three miles per hour, the whole fucking time.
-So, yeah, so we got a two-year-old universal.
Like I said, the in-laws got like a six-bedroom, six-and-a-half-bath house
that had its own private pool and hot tub off the back deck.
It was like built right in.
-So, you wake up, you eat breakfast?
Yeah, I’m sure, right?
-Yeah, wake up, hang out, chill.
Like, the day we went to your universal, I slept in.
So, like, I could just, like, kind of like–
-So, you wake up, like, took a shower the night before.
So, I could just be ready to go.
And then it was just essentially waiting on everybody to be ready.
I think we probably took off, I don’t know, 10–
We probably got there about 11 o’clock.
-Okay.
And I was thinking we stayed past dark.
-Yeah, we decided–
-Those are like a fireworks show or something.
-No, they don’t.
But they’re like, that park was open till 9.
We pretty much bolted at 8 because the other universal park
closed that 8, which means that all the people
who had the dual passes for both parks–
-Oh, we’re gonna fit it in.
-They flooded in to the islands of adventure
to try to get that last year over.
-That park color was the day, so that means fucking
traffic, so you don’t have to get in the house.
We need to fucking hurry up and get–
-Well, and that’s what I wanted to.
I’m like, let’s get the fuck out of here.
And she’s like, well, I think a lot of people
are gonna come over here.
And she was right, we actually got out of there fairly quickly
because so many people were flooding into the islands of adventure.
But by the time we got to the parking garage,
I don’t know, quarter after 8, something like that.
But what can he really do in an hour if he’s switching–
if he’s switching parks right at 8 o’clock?
-Well, as we were leaving the ride lines actually
got kind of short because I assume a lot of people were like,
let’s get the fuck out of here.
-Oh, yeah.
-Because I mean, 8, 9 hours is an insane amount of time
to spend at a place like that.
-Oh, of course.
-By the time we did it last ride, I don’t think I did another thing.
I think the kids did the Dr. Doom fearfall one more time.
And I’m like, I can’t do any more of this shit.
My feet were like throbbing.
I had been sweating all day because it was fucking 80-some degrees
in the blazing hot sun.
-80s, 90s?
-Yeah, it was mid-80s in the middle of shit.
-So it’s fucking humid as fuck.
-So humid.
It was so humid.
So my favorite time–
-On the ride.
-You do water rides or no?
-We didn’t do any water rides because nobody wanted to be soaking wet
the whole day.
But no, the weather down there was gorgeous
when we were at the house because there was that pool to ourselves,
so you could sit around by the pool, read a book or just hang out,
and I’m like, I can get into fucking hot.
I’m going to jump in the pool for 20 minutes, a half hour, or 45 minutes,
get the fuck out, and then I’m going to feel refreshed, right?
But when we were at Universal, and there’s almost, I don’t know,
10% of the place is probably shaded.
Otherwise, you’re in the blazing hot sun the entire time.
-Right, that is the rest of the show.
-The rest are out there in the shade.
-No, they’re all outside.
Everything’s outside.
It’s just fucking ready to cook your ass.
But yeah, so we were there.
And I said to everybody who would listen to me,
which I probably said a million times, I’m like,
if it’s this bad in March, what is fucking Florida in July?
This place has got to be unbearable.
-So you had lunch and dinner in the park?
-No, so we were going to have, we had lunch in the park,
we were going to have dinner there.
They had an NBC sports place outside of the park in the Universal City Walk,
but it was like an hour waiting.
It was like, fuck, let’s get the fuck out of here.
So we drove closer back.
My in-laws were the house that they got was in Davenport,
and they had a long-horned steakhouse,
and I really, really wanted to stake so.
-Tourant.
-Tampe or Tour is the other way.
-It’s between Orlando and Tampa.
So it’s like an hour and a half to Tampa,
and it’s like an hour, it’s like east of Orlando,
and then Tampa’s east of Davenport.
-Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
-So Travis, you had a couple weeks off.
You had some flights?
You took some flights, right?
-Yeah, so the first week was work.
So that was a three-hour drive,
a little over three-hour drive,
spent four days down near the Kenosha area in Wisconsin,
was back, immediately had to do laundry,
so I could pack for the next day to leave to go to Minnesota,
to fly out of Minnesota to go to Florida on that Saturday.
So yeah, so a couple of minutes.
-A couple of minutes.
-Yeah, so from here to Minnesota,
where my brother-in-law lives is probably 315,
some like that.
-And do you drive the whole time as a wife drive?
-No, because I had just gotten back from the Kenosha area,
which is like three hours to get down there and back,
I wasn’t going to drive.
-Okay.
-So she drove.
-Yeah, so she drove to the brother-in-law’s place.
He took us to the airport,
then he picked us up in our vehicle,
and got picked up at the airport by somebody else,
we were able to just take off.
-I think they were kids almost all in the drive, they should drove.
-My daughter is actually getting her license this month.
-Oh, perfect.
-But no, opportunity.
I also knew because we were renting a car in Florida,
I knew that I was going to be forced to drive in that bullshit,
so I was like, I’m not driving.
-So I hear free time in the car,
I hear free time in the plane.
-Yeah, yep.
-So I guess.
-You didn’t listen to the Wheel Barrel of Dicks
in that radio program?
-I doubt, I doubt he listened to the show.
-I didn’t have the internet on the way back on the plane.
-Oh, I know the question is good to get ready.
-My wife paid for it, she was able to log in to the internet,
my daughter was able to log in to the internet
-Me and my son were not able to log in to the internet
on the way back.
-On the way there, we were able to log in.
-Tramas, I just wanted to know if you picked up an iPad
and watched the Robbie Williams Monkey movie.
-Hey, listen, I had every intention.
-You were really excited to see it.
-I was really excited to see it in my queue.
-Yeah, plenty of free time.
-The only problem was I had to rewatch the newest
Shang Gillis special on the way down to Florida.
-I had a book that I– -I had a streaming on.
-Netflix, so it’s called Beautiful Dogs, it’s very good.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-I’m very funny.
-Yeah, so I had a book, I had to read that.
-Tramas, I just don’t understand.
-You were excited to see it.
-I’m still excited to see the Robbie Williams Monkey movie.
-I’m still very excited.
-In the available Travis, you can watch it.
-I have it.
I have it ready to go.
Ready to stream.
I just got to press play.
The problem is, is I’m in the middle of a pretty serious rewatch of Kirby or Enthusiasm.
-I know how that goes sometimes.
-I’m almost done with that.
I think I only have like six episodes left in the very final season, so I’ll be done
with that soon.
The problem is also, I got another book from the library.
I just started another show that I need to watch.
-There’s a couple other movies.
-Right?
-Yeah, but I’m super excited about Travis, because you’re excited to watch the Robbie Williams Monkey movie.
-I’m still at, listen.
Robbie Williams, as a monkey, in a biopic, it’s a musical.
I’m very excited to see it.
It’s in my cue.
It’s probably next.
I’m not gonna lie.
It’s probably next in lie.
to your own mind.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
