As we head to Opening Day, we bring you our fantasy lineups, walk you through the whole Ohtani kerfuffle, and Optimist Patti enjoys her new nickname. Blake Snell finds a team at last, while Francisco Lindor and Edwin Diaz make a video showing their love for Puerto Rico. Optimist Patti makes a pro/con list for Peter Angelos. There are no winners. Our Police Blotter, in addition to a primer on MLB gambling rules for players and staff, highlights TB’s (not Tampa Bay’s) alternate Spring Training, and either a “Breach of Etiquette” or “dick move,” you pick. Pottymouth considers fake phone numbers as a way to swing access to breakfast baseball, and Patti explains Prospect Promotion Incentive in order to will Jackson Holliday into an early debut. While the rest of the sportsworld obsesses over brackets, Pottymouth crosstrains with the NBA.

We say, “You anthropomorphized the jerseys,” “You get Short and Beer and I get Wisdom and Burger and its a party,” and “You just turned into a team owner at arbitration.” Fight the man, send your game balls to Meredith, get boosted, and find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.