My friend C called me the other morning from the lobby of the W Hotel in Nashville, where she was having a coffee and croissant, intentionally delaying her arrival to work. She told me she had been living in a what’s the point reality for a couple days, which, as you might guess from the name, is a reality in which you look at your life, and life in general, and ask, most likely with a frustrated shake of the head, what’s the point? In extreme cases, an aggressive head shake, snarl and what’s the f*****g point works, too. A couple months ago I wrote an entire newsletter pondering this question so check it out if you want to know some of my thoughts.

I said to C, the point right now seems to be a coffee and croissant at the W Hotel.

C said to me, no, the point right now is friendship, and that’s why I called you: to connect with my friend.

We talked for about fifteen minutes, a good five of which I spent telling her all the reasons she needs to move to Santa Fe where her dear friend Scott now lives. We laughed some, as we always do, encouraged each other, as we always do, and said goodbye with I love you, as we always do. When we hung up, I kept thinking about C saying, the point right now is friendship. I love that in the moment before she called me, she knew she needed a friend and she acted in response to that need.

Last night I got an internal nudge to do a live video on Facebook, something I haven’t been doing often lately. I almost ignored the nudge and am so glad I didn’t. I went live and invited those tuning in to share in the comments if they needed some prayers or a little love. Jay, the first person to do so, simply wrote, Hey I could use some love. I said some kind words to Jay (I don’t remember what) and asked everyone else to connect to the love in their hearts and send a burst of love to Jay. And people did it. I could feel it, and I know Jay could too.

Peggy jumped in next in the comments: I could use a lot of love. I shared some words, some love with her and asked everyone again to connect to their hearts and love bomb Peggy. And they did. And it worked. I just felt the love, Peggy wrote, with a red heart.

Oh, love bomb me, please?! asked Glenda.

I could use a love bomb. Under stress and wanting to stay positive and focused and loving, wrote Carmen.

We showered them both with love. As well as Heather, who wrote that she was grieving after the death of her four-year-old child. And Angela, who shared that her only child overdosed in November and is now in a nursing home with brain damage. To each person who shared that they needed some love, we sank into our hearts and sent it. And because love, like everything else, is energy, they felt it.

I was deeply moved, not just by a community of “strangers” from all over the world coming together on a random Thursday evening and loving on one another, but also by the courage it took for those who shared in the comments that they were in need of love. As someone who doesn’t always ask for what he needs, I admire those brave enough to do so.

There are any number of answers to what’s the point?, but right now I feel one important point is this: to check in with ourselves about what we need in the moment, and to follow up that check-in with some action. Like C did, when she called me. Like the beautiful souls on Facebook did, when they asked for a little love.

What a great question to be asking ourselves regularly: what do I need right now? Especially ask it when we’re feeling ungrounded, or anxious, or afraid. What do I need right now? Maybe it’s a friendly voice to say I love you. Or a five-minute walk outside with the trees. Or a shot of joy like the one provided by the video below, sent to me by C last week.

The critical part to asking the question, of course, is the action we take in response to it. Our minds will tell us we don’t have the time to act, even though we almost always can make the time if we choose to. Our minds will tell us we are being a burden to our friends, even though it’s a gift to be able to show up for a friend in need. Our minds will tell us we are not worthy, even though it’s impossible for us to be anything but.

What do you need right now? Check in with yourself, and take even the smallest step in response to your answer. If you’re feeling brave, share with us one of your needs and what you’re doing to realize it.

I just closed my eyes and asked myself what do I need right now, and my body responded immediately, you need to drink some water, b***h. For those concerned, I’ve been watching a lot of Insecure lately, and my body’s b***h was an absolute term of endearment. I almost ignored my body’s response, even as I’m writing to you about how important the follow-up action is, but instead put a pause on my writing for a moment, poured myself a glass of water and drank it. Voilà! Need met.

Life is not easy, and much of the time we make it so much harder than it has to be. By ignoring our needs. By staying so busy we don’t make the time to do anything about our needs when we remember to consider them. By being too afraid to ask others for help, for an ear, for a little burst of love. And, as with every action that reflects self-love, giving intentional energy to our needs will always transcend self, will allow us to show up for others and our world in a more open, grounded and loving way.

As I’ve written in many of these newsletters, it’s what we do from this moment on that matters the most. It will always be what we do from this moment on that matters the most. So let’s be intentional about what it is we need from day to day, from moment to moment, and intentional about fulfilling those needs as best as we are able. And when we forget to check in with ourselves, or do check in but do nothing about it, let’s remember that we’re human, and worthy, and then let’s make a point to shower ourselves with a little, or a lot, of love.

So much love to you all!
Scott

Bigger Love is a reader-supported publication. If you’re loving it and have the means, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

I’ll be guiding a one-hour, online breathwork journey on Wednesday, September 14th at 6pm PST / 9pm EST. You can register HERE.

I received so much beautiful feedback from attendees at this week’s session. Here’s one note that touched my heart:

My first breathwork experience with you was so visually beautiful (in my mind) and emotionally moving too! I felt a sense of unity and oneness with my surroundings, as if my physical being was melting or assimilating into another realm…In addition to the slow dance of colors and the warm energy, an unidentified emotion that I was harboring deep inside expressed itself after the relaxation segment. I felt it, but didn't know what it was at the time. (It later felt like joy, something I haven't felt in a while.) Scott, I wasn't sure what to expect from your breathwork session, but now I want more! - Glenda Popielarski

This practice is so powerful. Please join me on Wednesday if you’re able.

Get full access to Bigger Love with Scott Stabile at scottstabile.substack.com/subscribe