Have you ever been to couples therapy? Dr. Alexandra Soloman, a licensed clinical psychologist, and I discuss what it’s like to be on the other side of the couch, toxic relationship patterns, and how to balance self-development work with reality. 

Most people have heard of couples therapy, could benefit from it at some point in their relationship, yet likely have never been to a session. Between the societal stigma and misconceptions about it, it’s not surprising that couples therapy is often considered the last resort to save a partnership. 

In our conversation, Dr. Alexandra shares what to expect when visiting a therapist with your partner, how she approaches it as the one facilitating the experience, and why it’s not scary. So much of couples therapy as a psychologist isn’t acting as a referee or judging, but rather inviting people to listen differently to each other. 

Dr. Alexandra talks about how to navigate relational ambivalence, AKA whether a couple should stay together or not, and how to grow in your relationship as you dig deeper in your own self-actualization work. She challenges the idea that everything must constantly be improving and offers strategies for getting comfortable with non-linear growth. 

We also discuss the four communication patterns that emerge behind most couples that continue on to divorce (and once you know them, they are easy to spot). Finally, we wrap up by diving into relationship superpowers and growth edges. 

Topics Covered:

• How a psychologist approaches couples therapy 
• What to consider when you ask the question, “Should I stay or should I go?” 
• Tools to decide if a relationship is worth working on
• Understanding and addressing “The Four Horsemen” patterns: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling
• Reframing weaknesses as “growing edges” and how to use them to your advantage 

About Alexandra Soloman

• Website: dralexandrasolomon.com
• Instagram: @dr.alexandra.soloman
• Podcast: Reimagining Love
• Newsletter: sign up here

Follow Me:

• Instagram: @afinehuman 
• Shop Dame: dame.com 

This podcast was produced by The Wave Podcasting