When we carry parts of our past with us, it still affects us into today. If we aren’t talking about how the past is for each spouse pushing its way into the present, then we’re probably not getting to the depth of the truth of what’s really going on. Dr. Kelly Flanagan is a repeat guest on the podcast, and today he shares some transformative steps to dealing with what’s under the surface, and helping your spouse to do the same. Don’t miss this helpful episode!  Episode highlights include:    Do we really need to bring up old stuff from the past? Why does it matter now?    Is your heart open to your spouse, or closed?    What are steps to helping a spouse deal with their baggage?    What does it mean to “hold space” for your spouse? Plus why and how to do that   We pray this episode is helpful to you and your marriage.  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  RESOURCES   Find more of Dr. Kelly’s resources, including the Loveable Mini Course, at his website: Drkellyflanagan.com   Get Dr. Kelly’s newest book, The Unhiding of Elijah Campbell   Use the L.O.V.E. Your Way Through Conflict Course, by Chris and Jamie Bailey to help you work through conflict productively!  

What does it mean to hold space for our spouse? | Unpack the Baggage In Your Marriage With Dr. Kelly Flanagan

Far too many couples are just surviving their marriage when it was meant to thrive. This is the place for practical tips on how to build an awesome marriage. Our passion is to help you strengthen your marriage.

Dr. Kim Kimberling hosts the show. Dr. Kim is the President of Awesome Marriage, has been married for 53 years, and has been a professional counselor for 40 years. He is the author of 7 Secrets to An Awesome Marriage and 14 Keys To Lasting Love. 

Dr. Kim is joined by co-host Lindsay Few, Content Director for Awesome Marriage. She has been married for 20 years. Her husband is a church planter, and they love ministering to married couples together. 

Tune in each week to hear practical ways on how to have an awesome marriage!

This podcast is brought to you by the ministry of Awesome Marriage.

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Today we are sharing the final episode with Kathy McAtee Young and her story of finding safety after decades in an abusive marriage. In this episode Kathy shares some of the barriers that prevent spouses in abusive marriages from seeking safety and help, ways to begin moving out of the abusive relationship, and the ways healing begins afterward.    Don’t miss the conclusion to Kathy’s story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     Reasons that abused spouse don’t trust their own judgment   Steps to get out of an abusive marriage   Is it ever appropriate to intervene if you believe someone is being abused?    What the process of healing looks like after you get safe     *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES   “One of the hallmarks of an unsafe relationship is confusion.” - Kathy McAtee Young     “God sees you. He cares. And he is faithful.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “We don’t want your pity. Compassion, yes. There is a difference.” - Kathy McAtee Young   “Healing is a lifestyle, not a finish line.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “When you can name it, then you can process it.”  - Kathy McAtee Young    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/   Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers    Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram    This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse     Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541      

Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage Part 3: Help to Get Out and Get Safe | Ep. 610

Today in Part 2 of Kathy’s story, Kathy shares the ways she sought support from the church when she realized her marriage was in trouble, the responses she received, and the effects that had on her marriage. In this episode Kathy shares why it’s not possible for the abused spouse to end the abuse, and the difference between biblical versus unbiblical advice about abuse.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:      Interventions the church put in place, and why they were not successful    The wake up moment that turned things around for Kathy    What is an appropriate response to spousal abuse?    The red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical      *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!      Red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical     They won’t call out that abuse is abuse   They will not call the abuse sin   The safety of the abused spouse is not top priority    There is no call for repentance    They advise you to stay, regardless    Blaming the abused for the abuse    QUOTES   “There is one person responsible for abuse: It is the abuser.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “The Bible definitely commands forgiveness. It does not command reconciliation.”  - Kathy McAtee Young      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/   Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers    Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram    This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse     Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541    

Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage Part 2: Seeking Church Support | Kathy’s Story Ep. 609

When does an unhealthy marriage become an abusive marriage? Where can you go when you need to get out? In today’s episode we hear part 1 of Kathy’s real marriage story. Kathy shares how she came to believe that divorce was the most God-honoring option in her situation, and how she found safety after 30+ years in an emotionally abusive marriage.  We are so grateful to Kathy for generously sharing her story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     Dispelling myths about who falls into abuse    Why marriage counseling does not work in abusive marriages   How Kathy learned her marriage was abusive   Why she stayed as long as she did, and why she later divorced       *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    This previous episode defines a clear Biblical perspective on abuse:     Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541       QUOTES   “I want to debunk the myth that abused women are poorly educated, lower income, women who can easily be taken advantage of. That’s just not accurate.”  - Kathy McAtee Young    “Within the first year, I knew we had trouble…” - Kathy McAtee Young     “Marriage counseling does not work if there’s abuse involved. I know that now.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “Most people who are narcissists are really good at it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling    “You have this idea that, ‘If she could fix all these things, then I wouldn’t be this way.’ That’s the blame shifting.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “The heart of abuse is power and control. Everything else is tactics.” - Kathy McAtee Young   

Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage: Kathy’s Story | Ep. 608

Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.  If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair    The side effects of unhealthy conflict    A healthy way to “let it all out”    Can honesty go too far?  How do you know?    Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well      *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werent’ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.”    “Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.”   “What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.”   “I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.”    Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this.    We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts.    We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him      QUESTIONS FOR YOU   When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?    Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Don’t miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!      

Ground Rules to Help You Fight Fair & Make Up Well  | Ep. 606

Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:     Common conflict pitfalls to avoid   The problem with “winning” marriage fights    Tips to help you break the fighting cycle   What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect    DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:   Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify what’s triggering it.    Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kim’s list below that you will both agree to use this week.    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “When we try our best to avoid conflict, we’re not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.” - Lindsay Few    “Awareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.” Dr. Kim Kimberling    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    It’s here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!      

What does it mean to hold space for our spouse? | Unpack the Baggage In Your Marriage With Dr. Kelly Flanagan

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