Main takeaway: 

Every relationship can be prone to drifting if we aren’t paying attention, and our marriage relationship is no exception. In this episode Dr. Kim and Lindsay talk about how easy it is to begin prioritizing good things over the best things, and how those small compromises lead to big disconnect in marriage.  This episode will help you recognize the signs of drift and begin to fight back against it!

• Recognizing the signs of drifting is crucial for couples.

• Prioritizing time together is essential to prevent drifting.

• Good things can distract from nurturing the marriage.

• Drifting can happen gradually without realization.

• Communication and emotional intimacy are key to a strong marriage.

• Common signs of drifting include changes in communication and intimacy.

• Non-sexual physical touch can enhance emotional intimacy.

• It's important to address issues early before they become entrenched patterns.

Questions to Discuss: 

Is your marriage reflected on your calendar?

When’s the last time you encouraged your spouse with your words?

Do you feel pressure to say yes to things outside of your marriage that in turn forces you to say no to things that would grow your marriage?

Are you protecting your energy so that you make the most of the time with your spouse?

What’s one thing you can do today to show your spouse you’re pursuing your marriage?

Quotes:

“You drift without even realizing it.”

“Sometimes good things get in the way of the most important things”

“If you’re drifting away you’re more vulnerable to sin.”

“You have to choose the best over the good.”

“There are things I could have done different.”

“In our culture, life gets in the way and we don’t even think about it.”

“I’ve always got to know that Nancy is a gift, and I have to embrace that gift, and treat her like a gift every day.”

“Drifting happens gradually.”

“Show me where you have your marriage on your calendar.”

“It’s on my calendar now.”

“It’s not going great, but everyone’s just accepting it.”

“You can do something!”

“Make sure you go to somebody who can be objective and is for your marriage.”

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Use our FREE Weekly Marriage Check Up Guide to help keep the connection and fight the drift!

• Want an opportunity to dig into God’s Word as you fight the drift in marriage? Try this Awesome Marriage YouVersion reading plan: Pursuing Your Spouse in Marriage Pt 1

• If you haven’t browsed our site, you’ve GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

• Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to receive our May “7 Most Popular Resource Bundle.”

In this episode of the Awesome Marriage podcast, Lindsay and Dr. Kim discuss the importance of resolving conflict in a faith-centered, biblical way. They debunk the myth that Christian couples do not experience conflict and emphasize that conflict can lead to growth and deeper intimacy in relationships. Learn the biblical principles for handling conflict, practical steps for effective communication, and the significance of humility and selflessness in marriage.

 

Episode highlights include:

• Timeouts can help manage heated discussions.

• Keeping short accounts prevents resentment from building up.

• Using the silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation.

• Bringing up past conflicts as weapons is unhealthy for marriage.

• Involving others in conflicts before addressing them with your spouse can create triangles of conflict.

• Taking responsibility for one's actions is crucial in resolving conflicts.

• Prayer is a powerful tool for maintaining a healthy marriage.

• Biblical principles provide a framework for resolving conflicts effectively.

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: 

You will experience conflict with your spouse, and when you do it’s important to keep the Lord at the center of the conversation. Remember your spouse is not your enemy and words shouldn’t be your weapon. Acknowledge your part and be quick to forgive. 

 

Questions to Discuss: 

• Which area of conflict resolution do you need the most help in- bringing up the past, resorting to the silent treatment, or taking responsibility for your part?

• Have you brought that struggle to the Lord and invited Him into the conflict in your marriage? 

 

QUOTES 

• Conflict is normal and if done right can help our marriage grow.

• Even though we are both seeking to follow Christ, we are human.

• If your kids see you doing that, they want that, and it gives them security.

• Having a marriage that’s not life-giving, can drain you so quick. It zaps your energy.

• When a couple is able to get past the things keeping them at odds, it goes beyond the marriage too.

• I can’t meet all her needs, but God can.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Use our Marriage Boundaries Workbook to navigate tough conversations and hard seasons. 

• Want an opportunity to dig into God’s Word as you navigate conflict? Try this Awesome Marriage YouVersion reading plan: Fighting for Your Marriage

• If you haven’t browsed our site, you’ve GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Did you know we have resources just for handling conflict in your marriage?- check those out HERE.

• Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

• Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to receive our May “7 Most Popular Resource Bundle.”

 

In this conversation, Lindsay and Dr. Kim discuss the concept of cultivating a servant-hearted marriage, emphasizing the importance of serving one another selflessly. They explore how serving each other can create a loving and respectful environment, reflecting God's design for marriage. The discussion includes practical ways to serve, the impact of a servant-hearted marriage on family dynamics, and the barriers that can hinder this service. They also highlight the significance of self-examination and seeking help when facing challenges in marriage. 

 

Episode highlights include:

• Cultivating a servant-hearted marriage requires daily choices to act in love.

• Children benefit from witnessing a servant-hearted marriage.

• A servant-hearted marriage reflects God's design and glorifies Him.

• Serving one another should come from the heart, not a checklist. Counseling can help break negative patterns in marriage.

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: 

God’s design for marriage goes far beyond just coexisting with your spouse. Serving one another, respecting their wants and needs, and creating a loving relationship reflect the heart of the Lord and His design for the marriage relationship. 

 

Questions to Discuss: 

What stands in the way of you selflessly serving your spouse?

Has your relationship with your spouse become transactional?

 

QUOTES 

• "Serving is saying, sure, I can do that."

• "Don't stay stuck there."

• "You don't just grow better."

• "God sees you."

• "It's gonna make a difference."

• “If your kids see you doing that, they want that, and it gives them security.”

• “Having a marriage that’s not life-giving, can drain you so quick. It zaps your energy.”

• “When a couple is able to get past the things keeping them at odds, it goes beyond the marriage too.”

• “I can’t meet all her needs, but God can.”

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Use our Marriage Boundaries Workbook to navigate tough conversations and hard seasons. 

• Want an opportunity to dig into God’s Word as you navigate boundaries? Try this Awesome Marriage YouVersion reading plan: Boundaries in Marriage

• If you haven’t browsed our site, you’ve GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Did you know we have resources for families- check those out HERE.

Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

Dr. Kim and Lindsay dive into a heartfelt conversation about the power of communication and unity in parenting. They talk about why it’s so important for parents to be on the same page when it comes to raising their kids, facing challenges as a team, and setting a strong example through their own decision-making. Along the way, they explore how to navigate differences in parenting styles, adapt to the ever-changing needs of children as they grow, and lean on prayer for guidance in tough decisions.

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 

Episode highlights include: 

• It's unrealistic to agree on everything in parenting.

• Children benefit from the security of united parents.

• It's important to filter parenting advice based on core beliefs.

• When you disagree, and you will, model respect for your spouse.

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: 

Do you and your spouse struggle to stay on the same page while parenting your children? Are you handling disagreements in a way that adds to the chaos? In this episode, Dr. Kim and Lindsay discuss how to navigate the hard conversations, the power of differing perspectives, and the benefit of a strong relationship as an example to your children. 

 

Questions to Discuss: 

Are you and your spouse allowing parenting to divide or unite?

In what ways can you better support your spouse in parenting?

Have you and your spouse set aside time to discuss the goals you have for your children? 

 

Quotes From this Episode:

“There's no shortcut to communication."

"Agreeing on core values is essential."

"Set aside time to discuss your challenges."

"Kids need security and stability."

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Use our Marriage Boundaries Workbook to navigate tough conversations and hard seasons. 

• Don’t let porn teach your children about sex. Get equipped to have “The Sex Talk”

• If you haven’t browsed our site, you’ve GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Did you know we have resources for families- check those out HERE.

• Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

 

Dr. Kim and Camden Morgante explore how purity culture has shaped individuals' beliefs and relationships. They break down five harmful myths it promotes and examine how these misconceptions can impact a couple's sex life after marriage — including the unrealistic expectation of a fairy tale marriage as a reward for remaining pure. Dr. Morgante offers guidance to help couples move beyond the shame and guilt tied to these teachings, so they can embrace the beautiful gift God designed for marriage.

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 

Episode highlights:

Our God isn’t a transactional god.

Purity culture has been compared to the sexual prosperity gospel. Many individuals only hear negative messages about sex before marriage.

Reclaiming the beauty of sex involves holistic healing of mind, body, heart, and soul.

Teaching children about sexuality should focus on values rather than rules.

Purity culture can lead to feelings of being 'damaged goods'.

Myths of purity culture can cause disillusionment in faith.

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: 

Our motivation for purity before marriage can serve as a stumbling block to intimacy within our marriage. Purity before and within marriage is important, but our relationship with God isn’t transactional. We are missing the point of God’s heart for sex when the focus is on a reward. 

Questions to Discuss: 

How was the conversation surrounding sex approached in your youth?

Looking back, did you desire to stay pure before marriage and what was your motivation for purity?

Did you believe one of the “5 lies” Dr. Morgante mentioned in this episode?

What do you think Dr. Morgante means when she says that the lies of purity culture don’t just live in our minds, they live in our bodies? 

 

QUOTES:

• These myths didn’t just live in our minds, they lived in our bodies. -Dr. Camden Morgante

• When you try to control people, it’s really easy for shame and fear to become part of it.

• The end result may be good, but the way you get there can harm people.

• Shame and guilt is not from God.

• God wants us to experience healing.

• We have to have a deeper why for it.

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Dr. Camden Morgante’s Recovering from Purity Culture.  

• You can connect with Dr. Camden Morgante on Instagram

• Unlock True Intimacy: Become a couple who prays together. 

• We have several other AWESOME Resources on our website. Check those out HERE.  

• Check out our Bible Reading plans on YouVersion and make sure you’re following us there to keep current on all our newest plans! 

 

Porn is doing real damage to too many Christians today. This issue is affecting a huge percentage of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and the shame that often prevents us from talking about it leads to secrecy and hinders healing. 

We’re thankful that Nick Stumbo is on the podcast today. Nick is a pastor and the director of Pure Desire Ministries. Along with Barna, Pure Desire recently conducted a study on the impact porn is currently having on the Church in America. Their findings demonstrate how crucial it is to open the conversation about porn among Christians to help them find healing from its destructive impact.  

 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 

Episode highlights include: 

• What the stats tell us about how many Christians are viewing porn regularly

• Why talking openly is ESSENTIAL for healing 

• Exposing the progressive nature of porn addiction 

• How to make church a place where openness is possible 

• What to do if your church is not a safe place to confess 

• How to prepare your kids to handle porn exposure safely 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: The enemy would love for you to stay stuck in secrecy and shame. Jesus wants to bring freedom and healing. Take a step toward freedom today. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Do you have a safe friend you can be honest with? Are you practicing confession and accountability in your life? What can you do to help cultivate an honest, godly friendship today? 

2. What is God prompting you need to take responsibility for so that you can grow closer to Him and your spouse today? 

 

QUOTES 

• “Most people won’t be surprised to know that the numbers are continuing to grow.” - Nick Stumbo 

• “To my knowledge, it’s the first time in history that the majority of practicing Christians say they are doing pornography.” - Nick Stumbo 

• “84% of people said there is NO ONE helping them avoid pornography.” - Nick Stumbo 

• “If shame and secrecy are the sickness, then openness, community and love are what healing is all about.” - Nick Stumbo 

• “By the time it blows up a marriage, the help was needed 5-10 years ago.” - Nick Stumbo

• “You’re not alone. There is help and hope for you. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “True accountability is about me learning to be responsible for my own actions and behaviors.” - Nick Stumbo 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Pure Desire offers healing groups and great resources to help you find freedom from porn. Check them out here. 

• Get the stats: Read the research by Barna and Pure Desire HERE 

• If porn has impacted your marriage, take Dr. Kim’s 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal webinar to kickstart your marriage healing.

• We recommend the book Good Pictures / Bad Pictures to help equip your kids against porn exposure.

Husbands, have you ever felt like your wife expects too much from you? Wives, have you checked whether your expectations are realistic? 

Expectations in marriage can be a difficult topic, and they’re a very common source of marriage tension. Which is why today, we want to help break down misunderstandings around spouse expectations today, so that you can experience better connection and more joy in your marriage.  

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 

Episode highlights include: 

• Wives may struggle to articulate their needs clearly.

• Non-sexual affection enhances sexual intimacy.

• Emotional connection is crucial for a healthy marriage.

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Expectations don't have to be a source of conflict. There's a way to communicate and connect the different wants and needs you have in marriage.

Questions to Discuss: 

• Are there any expectations that you feel are “too much”?

• Husbands, do you need more clarity from your wife about her expectations?

• How would you rate how well you actively listen and engage with your spouse?

• What would make you a more intentional listener? (time of day, location of conversation, free of distractions, etc.)

• When was the last time you checked in with your spouse about the overall health of your marriage relationship.

• What are the priorities in your marriage? Do you know your spouse’s priorities? How do they compare?

QUOTES 

•  Wives want to be part of the decision making and feel like it’s a true partnership.

• The better the non sexual connection and intimacy is, the better the physical connection and intimacy will be. 

• Most men weren’t raised to be emotionally expressive.

• You don’t have to solve everything. 

• When I stopped trying to fix it, I heard her better.

• A wife wants to feel prioritized.

• Learning to say things in a way your spouse can hear takes practice.

• You have to accept that God made us different as husband and wife.

• The small consistent things you do matter more than perfection.

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

 

• Unlock True Intimacy: Become a couple who prays together. 

• Weekly Check in Guide

• We have several other AWESOME Resources on our website. Check those out HERE.  

• Check out our Bible Reading plans on YouVersion and make sure you’re following us there to keep current on all our newest plans! 

 

Wives, have you felt that your husband expects too much from you? Husbands, have you checked whether your expectations are realistic? 

Expectations of our spouse can be a difficult topic, and they are a really frequent source of marriage tension. That’s why today, we want to help break down misunderstandings around spouse expectations today, so that you can experience better connection and more joy in your marriage. Don’t let expectations trip your marriage up. Listen today and learn to deal with the wants and needs in your marriage. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.

Episode highlights include: 

• Unvoiced expectations in marriage can lead to tension.

• Communication is key to understanding each other's needs.

• Wives should express their feelings of being drained.

• Finding time for connection is essential for couples.

• Respect and appreciation are crucial for husbands.

• Physical affection is important beyond sexual intimacy.

• Teamwork in parenting strengthens the marriage bond.

• Articulating needs can help avoid misunderstandings.

• Navigating challenges together fosters a stronger partnership. It's crucial to express needs and expectations in marriage.

• Vulnerability can be challenging, especially for men.

• Regular communication opportunities can help clarify needs.

• Listening without trying to “fix it” is essential in relationships.

• Understanding each other's perspectives fosters compassion.

• Setting boundaries can enhance emotional support.

• Counseling can provide valuable tools for communication.

• Feeling overwhelmed is a signal for change, not failure.

• Asking good questions can open up important conversations.

• Investing in support can rejuvenate a marriage.

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: You can experience better connection and intimacy by learning how to navigate the misunderstandings around expectations.

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Dr. Kim talked about the importance of framing your spouse in a positive way, are there places where you are negatively framing your spouse's wants or needs?

2. What boundary could you set today so that you could better meet a need for your spouse?

3. Are you a safe place for your spouse to voice the expectations that have for your marriage?

 

QUOTES 

• God didn’t give your husband maternal instinct and that’s ok. He’s a man and that’s actually a good thing for your children to experience.

• Being overwhelmed as a woman doesn't make you a bad spouse. It’s a signal that something needs to change.

• If you’re going to frame your spouse as the problem it’s not going to go well. If you frame your spouse as your teammate then you can work together and that’s really important.

• Love and respect are something that husbands and men are designed to need. 

• If you’re stretching yourself way beyond your capacity then that’s where the negative things start to happen.

• Wives, you don’t want your husband going to someone else for emotional support. You want him to go to you. 

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

•  Unlock True Intimacy: Become a couple who prays together. 

• Team You and Me:  A Guide to Approaching Your Marriage as a Team

 

 Are you experiencing the power of prayer in your marriage? Prayer is an incredibly powerful habit for your marriages. In fact, research shows that 99% of couples who pray together stay together.  

Prayer can be so simple, but the reality is that most couples do not make prayer a regular part of their marriage. Today we’re talking about how to practically overcome the obstacles that keep you from praying together so you can make prayer a regular part of your marriage. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 Episode highlights include: 

• The #1 marriage-building habit - and why most couples don’t do it

• What makes prayer so powerful for marriage 

• The sneaky prayer pitfalls to avoid 

• How to overcome the common obstacles that keep couples from praying together 

• The do-able DOs to make prayer part of your marriage 

 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Prayer is so powerful that the enemy will try anything to keep you from making it part of your marriage. Don’t let that happen. 

 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What’s the primary obstacle that prevents you from praying regularly with your spouse? 

2. What would help the two of you to make prayer a regular part of your day together? 

 

QUOTES 

• “When you’re praying together, you’re putting God first. That’s where he wants to be.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “It’s probably one of the main things that the enemy doesn’t want couples to do.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “When I can get a couple to pray together, the counseling process goes faster, and the marriage gets better.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Don’t force praying together in a certain way.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

 

• We have several other AWESOME Prayer Resources on our website. Check those out HERE. 
• Check out our Bible Reading plans on YouVersion and make sure you’re following us there to keep current on all our newest plans!

When Chad & Adaeze Brinkman met while serving together on the worship team at church, they didn’t expect that they would one day get married. They also didn’t expect what it would be like to navigate a new marriage while facing cultural pressures as an interracial couple. But learning to have the hard conversations about their differences ultimately led to deeper intimacy. Today, we’re delighted to have Chad and Adaeze on the podcast to share their story, and equip you with practical ways to value different perspectives as a reflection of God’s design. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

 

Episode highlights include: 

• Why listening to real stories of different experiences matters 

• How to become aware of your habitual assumptions 

• Realistic first steps to grow your perspective

• Why addressing our perspective on race is essential for the church 

• The relationship-building process of navigating tough conversations 

• How to repair the relationship after you’ve hurt your spouse 

 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Not every couple is in an interracial marriage, but every couple deals with differences. We get a bigger picture of God’s design when we stop fighting our differences and learn to value them. 

 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What have you learned by listening to the diverse perspectives of others in your life? 

2. Are there places in your life where you encounter differing life stories and experiences among fellow Christian believers? 

3. How can you make room in your life for diversity that reflects the vision of God’s kingdom? 

 

QUOTES 

• “We will never know everything there is to know about the Lord, but the beauty is in the pursuit, the relationship and the discovery.” - Adaeze Brinkman

• “It’s a very humbling lesson to let your spouse have their own perspective, and give room for that to be different than yours.” - Adaeze Brinkman

• “Everyone does what they do for a reason. They think what they think for a reason.” - Chad Brinkman

• When we dig in we realize how much we have in common.” - Chad Brinkman

• “When Jesus returns, it’s not going to be a ‘White Heaven’ or a ‘Black Heaven.’ It’s a diverse Heaven.” - Chad Brinkman

• “Listening is the most important thing.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Are you growing? A beautiful way to do that is to rub shoulders with people that are different from you.”  - Adaeze Brinkman

• “The enemy knows there’s so much power in unity and diversity.”   - Adaeze Brinkman

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• We loved Chad and Adaeze’s book, White Boy / Black Girl: What Our Differences Can Teach Us. Grab a copy to read their story!

• It’s Spice things up in the bedroom with our limited-time ‘Break the Bedroom Rut’ Sexy BUNDLE!

• Don’t let negative assumptions tear you apart. Use our Free Printable 15 Better Assumptions to Make About Your Spouse to nurture a healthy mindset 

• Get Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!