Awesome Marriage Podcast

Today we’re answering listener questions about how to handle the pain of a spouse’s porn use. 

Unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue we hear about from couples, but the good news is that you CAN heal and move forward. So today we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the process for forgiveness, what to do if you just cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat intrusive thoughts. 

Listen for practical ways to heal and recover your heart and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• How to forgive and move forward when it feels impossible 

• Changing your view if you can’t separate your spouse from the hurtful behavior 

• The balance of feeling safe and willingness to be vulnerable 

• Boundary setting to allow for healing

• Getting out of the comparison trap and starting to feel beautiful and desirable again 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway:  When your marriage is recovering from porn use, repentance is the first step. Forgiveness allows you to heal, and boundaries help facilitate marriage healing. You can rebuild your marriage even better than before. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What does your spouse do that helps you trust them?

2. Are there any areas where you need to build or repair trust with your spouse? 

3. What can you do together to help that process? 

QUOTES 

• “Until you forgive, you’re still giving a lot of power to what happened.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “One of the best prayers is asking God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “We want assurance that nothing will ever hurt us again, but that’s not possible.” Lindsay Few  

• “Look for Jesus in your spouse. When you see that, things are probably going to be pretty good.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• This is not a hurdle to get through: this is a lifestyle change.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling

• There’s nothing wrong with being accountable, not because you ‘have to,’ but because you love your spouse.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling

• “You’ve got to be completely open and transparent with each other. You can’t have trust without that.”   - Dr. Kim Kimberling

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again

• Past podcast episodes on healing your marriage after porn: 

• How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561

• How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562

Has your marriage been damaged by the effects of porn? Not sure what’s next? Download the 8 Steps To Heal Your Marriage After Porn to learn your next steps to healing.

Are your kids protected from p*rn? Do they know how to fight back? What if they’ve already been exposed to it? 

So many parents do not know how to protect their kids from porn, or how to equip them with what to do if they are exposed to it. We are so pleased to hear from Kristen Jenson today on the podcast with the answers to your questions. Equip yourself so that you can equip kids well. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• The hidden mental health dangers of p*rn 

• The scripts parents need to discuss p*rn with their kids’

• Tips for digital safety in today's technology-driven world.

• When should you start talking to your kids about p*rn?

• Which phones are safer for kids? 

• Resources that will help you guide your kids or grandchildren 

• The need for open conversations that can protect children's innocence.

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway:  Your kids & grandkids need a plan in place to protect them from the danger of porn exposure and addiction. Today’s episode will equip you to make that plan. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Have you taken the time to equip your kids with what to do if they are exposed to porn? 

2. Do you have a plan to resist the temptation of porn or explicit materials? 

3. If not, use the resources below to develop a plan today. 

QUOTES 

•  “If you’re worried about what to do with your kids about p*rn, this podcast is for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “P*rnography is fueling a huge rise in child-on-child harmful sexual behavior.” - Kristen Jenson 

• “How do you talk to kids about it in a way that doesn’t scare them, doesn’t scare the parents and gives them a real plan?”  - Kristen Jenson 

• “We all need scripts for certain life situations. There are no scripts passed down for this problem.” - Kristen Jenson 

• “We live in a world awash with addiction. We need to teach our kids how to protect their brains from addiction.” - Kristen Jenson 

• “P*rnography is the tool of choice. If kids know what to do, they’re going to be that much safer.”  - Kristen Jenson 

• “We have an opportunity to say, no this isn’t normal. No, this isn’t healthy.”  - Kristen Jenson 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Purchase Kristen’s books: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids, Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr., and the Guidebook for Counseling Kids

• Learn about our the brand new curriculum Brain Defense: Digital Safety

• Keep current with empowering articles From Defend Young Minds 

• Use the instantly-downloadable guides to help you teach your child 

• Follow Defend Young Minds on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & LinkedIn

If porn has damaged your marriage, healing is possible. And you are not alone…This is unfortunately a common issue we hear from couples about. So today on the podcast, we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the need for forgiveness, what to do when a spouse cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat temptation. 

Listen for practical ways to engage in healing and recovery for you and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• What to do if a spouse can’t forgive past porn use 

• How to make a plan for dealing with temptation.

• Necessary steps in the trust-rebuilding process 

• Help to understand the impact on a wife’s self-image 

• How shame and isolation impact recovery

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway:  Porn use can really damage the trust in marriage, but recovery is possible. Learn how and do what it takes to rebuild trust and does not 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What are the areas of vulnerability in your marriage? 

2. How can you make a plan to protect your marriage where you need it most? 

3. Is there anything you need to come clean about with your spouse? Do it today. 

QUOTES 

• “The things a spouse needs to do for recovery are good for them AND good for the marriage. It really works together.” Lindsay Few 

• “Most men I talk to have no idea how devastating their p*rn use was for their wife.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “It’s so important to have a plan in place.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Remember that temptation itself is not sin. It’s what you do once you are tempted.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “You can use temptation as a red flag to drive you toward things that are good for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  

• “God doesn’t want us stuck in shame, but the enemy sure does.” - Lindsay Few 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Podcast episode: 

• We mentioned this episode with Matt Cline 

• Other helpful episodes: How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561

• How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562

• Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again

How is the emotional intimacy in your marriage? Do you feel safe telling your spouse anything? Do you feel loved, heard, and understood? 

Marriage is meant to be a refuge…a place where you each feel safe sharing deep personal feelings and confident you will be graciously received by your spouse. The problem is that many of us don’t talk about or even understand our own emotions. And if we can’t properly process our emotions, it will be very hard to build true emotional closeness in marriage. 

Tune in today to learn the Do’s and Don’t of emotional intimacy. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• Surprising behaviors that may shut our spouses down emotionally

• What wives tend to get wrong about emotional intimacy 

• What husbands often get wrong about emotional intimacy 

• What we miss out on when emotional intimacy is missing in marriage 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway:  Emotional intimacy is being able to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and more with your spouse and be loved and accepted. It is a building block of great connection in marriage. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. How safe do you feel sharing anything you need to with your spouse? 

2. What could you do to better accept your spouse as they are?  

3. What helps you feel emotionally close and connected? 

QUOTES 

• Wives may experience more of the feeling of the lack of emotional intimacy. - Lindsay Few 

• I promise you, after 54 years of marriage, that your spouse cannot read your mind. -  Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• A lot of times we think our spouse thinks like we think. Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• Our assumptions really get us in trouble. - Lindsay Few 

• Instead of thinking your spouse is a terrible person, realize they’re just different. They don’t see things the same way you do. - Lindsay Few 

• God didn’t give feelings and emotions to women that He didn’t give to men. He gave us the same feelings and emotions. It changes your life when you get in touch with that. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• We’re all emotional. We’re just not all in touch with them. - Lindsay Few 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Take the 5 Days to Deeper Emotional Intimacy challenge to learn practical steps to growing emotional intimacy with your spouse. 

• FREE Awesome Marriage Feelings Chart Printable

• FREE Married couples card game  Heart-to-Heart is a game designed to deepen emotional intimacy and connection between you two. 

 We’re so happy to have David and Meg Robbins from FamilyLife joining us on the podcast today. The Robbins have been in ministry for many years and have learned so many important truths about what it takes to create a marriage strong enough to stand strong through the years. 

Today they share their wisdom and experience. You don’t want to miss this conversation, full of wisdom and practical application that will benefit you and your marriage. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• The unique strengths of Gen Z when it comes to pursuing marriage 

• The 3 threats every marriage faces

• The power of the Holy Spirit to stand strong 

• Daily habits to fight the drift that busyness creates in marriage

• Scheduling habits to keep your marriage connected 

• How to find an encouraging community of support - and why it matters 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Don’t neglect the health of your marriage: Keep short accounts when things need to be addressed between you, and cultivate supportive community. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Are you aware of the spiritual battle for your marriage? 

2. Are there any ways you’re viewing your spouse as your enemy, and neglecting to protect your mind and heart against the real enemy? 

3. Where would your life and marriage benefit from community? What step can you take today to nurture your friendships, mentorship and fellowship? 

QUOTES 

• Younger generations are doing a lot of deep story work. - Meg Robbins 

• We all have ingrained sin patterns that we bring into marriage. - David Robbins 

• Vulnerability does involve risk. It’s not status quo. Yet vulnerability is the pathway to deeper intimacy. - David Robbins 

• You have to take risky steps to take down the walls around your heart. - Meg Robbins 

• With little things, we can be hard on ourselves. But when you spend time with other people, you realize these are normal things. - Meg Robbins 

• Most people want to talk about their marriage, it just requires someone else to start the conversation. Anyone of us can crack open the conversation.  - David Robbins 

• A healthy marriage is one that’s repenting often. - David Robbins 

• No marriage is going to naturally drift towards awesome oneness.  - Meg Robbins

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Find marriage-building resources and events at www.FamilyLife.com 

• Find and follow FamilyLife on YouTube

• Utilize FamilyLife’s The Art of Marriage small group course

• Nurture your marriage with our FREE 15 Better Assumptions to Make About Your Spouse printable.

Are you familiar with the 5 levels of communication and where they fit in your marriage? Do you use all 5 levels in your marriage? The basics of communication sound simple on paper, yet most couples are struggling to communicate effectively. And when communication falls short, your connection suffers, conflict ramps up, and marriage isn’t the partnership you hoped for. 

Today Dr. Kim shares these levels and how to use them, so you can access all 5 types of communication your marriage needs and avoid common communication breakdowns with your spouse. Tune in to learn more! 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• 5 communication levels you and your spouse need

• Simple tips for avoiding common communication breakdowns 

• Getting to deep communication with a less talkative spouse 

• Common mistakes husbands and wives make with deeper communication

• How to respect your spouse’s personal communication style

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway:  When you talk, be mindful of communicating in ways that your spouse will be able to really hear you. When your spouse talks, listen well, and don’t neglect any of the 5 communication levels.

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Which levels of communication come more naturally in your marriage? 

2. Which levels are harder to use? 

3. What is one thing you can do today to make sure you communicate in a way your spouse will be able to receive well? 

QUOTES 

• “Communication is so essential. I don’t know if there's ever a couple that comes in for counseling and it’s not an issue.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  

• “It sounds simple enough, but at the same time most couples are struggling with communication.” - Lindsay Few 

• “It’s important that you pay attention to each other. That you value it and listen to each other.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “There are so many distractions in life. It’s important to tune in.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  

• “Instead of blaming our spouse because they’re not listening well, ask how well am I communicating with them?”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  

• “We have a responsibility to grow in self awareness, and marriage is a beautiful way to do that.“ Lindsay Few 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Turn to God and ask him to renew your mind with our NEW resource, 11 Prayers To Stop Thinking Negatively About Your Spouse

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here! 

• Follow Awesome Marriage on Instagram for more marriage tips! 

Are you truly resolving your marriage issues? Most couples experience recurring arguments that never truly resolve. This cycle leaves you with two problems: 1, You never solved the issue, and 2, now one or both are hurt and angry. Plus you’ve got some baggage around the issue, too. Today we’re going to help you learn how to resolve the actual issues. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• What NOT to do in a recurring argument 

• Communication tips to help you prevent conflict

• Conversation hacks to prevent defensiveness 

• The process to understand the REAL underlying issues 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: If you have recurring arguments (most couples do!) there’s probably a deeper issue you’re not aware of. Get under the surface to resolve the real issue. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. On a scale from 1-10, how well do you and your spouse resolve your marriage conflict? 

2. Better communication helps you address the real issues you need to resolve. What is one step you can take to grow your communication today? 

QUOTES 

•  "Most couples have recurring arguments that never truly resolve" - Lindsay Few 

• "Being vulnerable builds intimacy and trust." - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• "Using 'I' statements takes ownership and responsibility." - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• "Learning to resolve conflict in a healthy way is a gift to your marriage." - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is a printable resource to help you address conflict the healthy way. Grab the free cheat sheet HERE!

• Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!

• Has infidelity damaged your marriage? Sign up for Dr. Kim’s webinar Rebuilding Trust and Establishing Healthy Boundaries After an Affair and learn what steps to take next.

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here!

• Follow Awesome Marriage on Instagram for more marriage tips!

How well do you choose your battles? If you struggle with recurring conflict in marriage, you might need to work on choosing your battles. On the other hand, if you’re feeling resentment but you’re not sure how to address it… you might need to work on choosing your battles. Today Dr. Kim is going to help you learn how to choose your battles well.

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• Knowing when to stand your ground vs. when to let go

• The underlying message in your recurring marriage issues

• How to balance love and grace with speaking the truth 

• The path to build trust for open and honest feedback

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Some things are not worth arguing over! You can reduce the tension in your marriage by learning to choose your battles better. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What situations tend to end in recurring arguments in your marriage? 

2. Are any of those battles you can let go of, instead of fighting? 

3.  Is there any resentment you need to let go of today? 

QUOTES 

• Instead of being critical, learn to work together. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• Stay faithful to agreements you’ve made. The things you agreed on affect one another. - Lindsay Few 

• It doesn’t have to be a battle. - Lindsay Few 

• Getting defensive just never works. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!

• Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is a printable resource to help you address conflict the healthy way. Grab the free cheat sheet HERE!

• Has infidelity damaged your marriage? Sign up for Dr. Kim’s webinar Rebuilding Trust and Establishing Healthy Boundaries After an Affair and learn what steps to take next.

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here! 

1. What situations tend to end in recurring arguments in your marriage? 

2. Are any of those battles you can let go of, instead of fighting? 

3.  Is there any resentment you need to let go of today? 

QUOTES 

• Instead of being critical, learn to work together. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• Stay faithful to agreements you’ve made. The things you agreed on affect one another. - Lindsay Few 

• It doesn’t have to be a battle. - Lindsay Few 

• Getting defensive just never works. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!

• Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is a printable resource to help you address conflict the healthy way. Grab the free cheat sheet HERE!

• Has infidelity damaged your marriage? Sign up for Dr. Kim’s webinar Rebuilding Trust and Establishing Healthy Boundaries After an Affair and learn what steps to take next.

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here! 

After a few “golden years” of ministry for Ken Guidroz and his family, things imploded. When Ken had to face the unimaginable as a dad, faith was hard to find. Hope seemed distant as he, his wife, and their marriage both struggled to recover. Today Ken shares the story of how they clung to each other and found hope to move forward together, through their darkest season. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• How to hold onto faith when you feel hopeless 

• Maintaining marriage unity while holding different parenting values 

• How to recover from marriage disagreements you can’t forget

• Ken’s story of breaking through to the other side after a dark season 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: When your marriage is rocked by the unexpected, allow your spouse to process the way they need to. Focus on supporting one another, and finding common bonds. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. What has been your hardest marriage season? What helped you stay close in that time? 

2. What is one way you can strengthen your marriage today to protect it for the future? 

QUOTES 

• In some ways, it was our toughest time ever. In other ways, it was “you and me, honey, against the world.” - Ken Guidroz 

• To say we felt like we had a scarlet letter on our chest is an understatement. - Ken Guidroz 

• We were partners in the pit. It was tough. But it also cemented us for life. - Ken Guidroz 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• Find more of Ken’s writing, including his book, Letters to My Son in Jail, on his website 

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here! 

Your mindset greatly impacts your day to day life. If you’re stuck in unhealthy or unhelpful thought patterns, both you and your marriage will suffer. But there are simple ways to unpack your thought patterns and replace the unhelpful with a biblical perspective. In today’s episode we’re looking at practical ways to adopt a gracious, life-giving perspective in marriage. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include: 

• Common perspective mistakes in marriage and what causes them 

• Practical tips to resolve perspective issues and create a Biblical perspective

• What do secret sin and perspective have in common?  

• Ways to communicate more effectively and seek to understand your spouse's perspective 

• Tips to cultivate oneness and a spiritual foundation of unity

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

Couples Conversation Guide: 

Main takeaway: Is your perspective of your spouse realistic? For most issues, a generous perspective and good communication can get you through it together. 

Questions to Discuss: 

1. Do you have any unrealistic expectations of your spouse today? If you’re not sure, check them out together. 

2. Are you and your spouse at odds over an issue? Take the time to learn what matters most to your spouse about their position on it. 

3. Do you have thought habits that are leading to bitterness or resentment in your marriage?  

QUOTES 

• "It's hard to step into your spouse's shoes or take the time to do that, to have empathy for them." - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• "Resentment can be a huge thing and it's so dangerous because if we don't stop it, it continues to grow." - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Perspective is your lens on the world. If your lens is covered with smudges and you’re not seeing clearly, that’s not the world’s fault. You’ve got to clean your lens.” - Lindsay Few

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:  

• If you are ready to have a better perspective – and a better marriage, then the biblically-based 4 Week Reframing Challenge is for you! 

• Turn to God and ask him to renew your mind with our NEW resource, 11 Prayers To Stop Thinking Negatively About Your Spouse

• 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here! 

• Join the Marriage Changer Movement! Because a world full of awesome marriages can change the world
• Marriage Multiplier is a quick and highly practical weekly email to help you invest in your marriage. CLICK HERE to learn more!