Infidelity recovery is not a DIY experiment. It hit my marriage like a tidal wave, knocking me down and leaving me in a sea of emotions I never thought I’d have to face. It was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences I ever had to endure. In those early days of shock and disbelief, I quickly realized something critical: I couldn't and shouldn't try to handle this alone.

In my journey and through conversations with my clients who are rebuilding their marriages after an affair, I've discovered the invaluable importance of surrounding yourself with what's known as an “A-Team.” This isn’t just any group of friends or well-meaning family. Your A-Team is a carefully chosen group, equipped to provide you with support, wisdom, and encouragement. In this episode, you'll learn how I learned to build my A-Team and why each member is crucial.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Healing from an affair? Get your Free Affair Recovery Checklist today!

Learn about my new course: Infidelity Intensive and dramatically shorten your healing time.

 

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When things aren’t going well in marriage, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of complaints, but gratitude can be a powerful antidote to bitterness and resentment. 

Here’s a quick recap of tips on maintaining gratitude:

1. Acknowledge Small Wins: Start your day by focusing on one positive aspect of your partner or something they did that you appreciate.

2. Focus on What You Can Control: Control your attitude, words, and actions. Be grateful for the choices you have, even in trying times.

3. Look for Lessons: Every challenge can be a learning opportunity. Consider what valuable lessons or growth your current circumstances might offer.

Remember, gratitude isn’t just an attitude; it’s a practice. Incorporate these and other gratitude practices throughout your day and watch your relationship bounce back. 

Have a marriage question you want answered on the podcast? Email or send a DM on Instagram. 

 

Resourced Mentioned in this Episode: 

Struggling to heal after infidelity? Get your FREE Healing After Affair Checklist Here. 

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After an affair, most spouses want to know if they should stay or leave their spouse. Infidelity, I know, can be incredibly painful, but it is oh-so-important to discuss. As part of our ongoing miniseries, "Healing After Infidelity," I'm here to tackle a question that many of you have likely grappled with: "Are you committed to rebuilding your marriage?" Whether you're in the thick of betrayal or still grappling with the aftermath, I hope to offer guidance and encouragement as you navigate this challenging terrain.

Infidelity, as many of us know, can tear at the very fabric of a relationship, leaving a trail of hurt and confusion. When I think about the conversations I’ve had—whether through coaching or discovery calls—one thing is clear: the question often emerges, "Do I put forth the effort to save my marriage, or is it time to move on?" In this episode, I share five critical questions you need to consider before making such a profound decision.

Be sure to listen to the very end and get my free resource to help you rebuild your marriage. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Healing from Infidelity? Get my "Affair Checklist" to guide you along your journey.

Ep. 102 - 12 Steps to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage

Ep.236 - What To Do If My Spouse Has Had Multiple Affairs

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It's a common dilemma in marriage: how to turn your spouse down for sexy time without feeling guilty. What do you do when one spouse isn't in the mood for sex yet doesn't want to hurt the other's feelings? That's the question of one listener who shared her experience and sought advice on saying no without guilt.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Your Feelings: Take a self-assessment to identify why you might not be in the mood. Factors could include tiredness, stress, or emotional disconnect.

• The Power of Honesty: It’s crucial to communicate openly and kindly with your spouse about your feelings. A simple, honest conversation can prevent feelings of rejection.

• Offering Alternative Connections: Suggesting other forms of intimacy, such as cuddling or a massage, can help maintain the bond with your spouse without feeling pressured into having sex.

• Checking Emotional Responses: For the spouse who feels turned down, it’s important to reflect on one’s emotional response to ensure that sex doesn’t become an idol in the relationship.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Reeling from an affair? Get my Affair Recovery Checklist & begin your healing journey today.

Ep. 21 - When You're Not in the Mood for Sex

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Today, we dive deep into the intricacies of healing after infidelity with our guests, Matthew and Joanna Rabsmith who've been married for fifteen years. They opened up about their experience with infidelity just three and a half years into their union. Matthew bravely shared his struggle with sex addiction, which was primarily linked to pornography. 

Both licensed marriage counselors and marriage coaches, they share their journey through infidelity in their marriage and how they emerged stronger on the other side. Matthew opens up about his battle with sexual addiction, shedding light on the challenges and breakthroughs along the way.

Joanna provides invaluable insight into the role of the betrayed spouse and how relinquishing control can drive healing. We also explore the Rabsmith's intimacy pyramid, detailing the steps necessary to rebuild trust and intimacy in marriage.

Their journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of faith and commitment. Whether you're navigating these waters yourself or supporting a friend through it, this episode is packed with wisdom and resources for moving forward. So, grab a notebook, settle in, and let's get into this crucial conversation!

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

Get your free Affair Recovery Checklist here

 

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A new listener, Gina, feels like she's putting all the effort into her marriage while her husband seems perfectly content with where things are. I totally get where she's coming from—I’ve been there! We'll talk about how to navigate this situation and discuss why behavior follows belief. I’ share some personal insights and strategies on how to motivate change in someone who doesn't see there's a problem by shifting those underlying beliefs. Whether you're trying to improve your marriage, your parenting skills, or your friendships, today's episode is packed with practical advice. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let's dive in to help transform those connections into more fulfilling relationships. I'm so glad you're here!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Struggling to overcome an affair? Get my 12-Step Affair Recovery Checklist here. 

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

One of the questions every betrayed spouse grapples with when dealing with infidelity is, "Why did this happen?" Infidelity can be one of the most challenging obstacles a marriage may face. Understanding the 'why' is crucial because every affair has a reason. It’s essential here to distinguish between a reason and an excuse. While reasons offer insights into underlying issues, excuses deflect responsibility. The truth is infidelity is always a choice, a willful decision, in nearly every case.

This episode outlines five reasons that commonly underlie affairs, including:

• emotional disconnection
• unresolved personal issues
• lack of boundaries
•  unmet needs
• personal crises.

It’s important to note that while these reasons might explain why an affair happened, they don't excuse the betrayal.

We also discuss “What now” after an affair has happened. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of infidelity, there is hope and healing is possible whether you stay in or leave your marriage. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Reeling from Infidelity? Get my “Affair Recovery Checklist” and take the first next steps toward healing. 

Ep. 49 - 5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs

 

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When it comes to meeting our spouse’s needs, marriage can feel like a complex game of tug of war. Today’s listener question brings us into the nuanced territory of communication and expectations between spouses. Our listener shares her frustration about feeling overwhelmed by her husband's evolving needs. She explained that her husband, previously very passive in communicating his needs, has transformed since starting therapy. While therapy is inherently a positive journey, in this case, it's brought a seemingly endless list of requirements from her husband, inducing feelings of inadequacy and frustration in her.

If you’ve ever had unmet needs in your marriage or felt like you weren't meeting your spouse’s needs, this conversation is for you. Let’s discuss the dynamics at play and explore strategies for navigating this emotional challenge while working toward meeting your spouse’s needs.

 

Other Helpful Episodes: 

Ep. 225 - Navigating Core Needs in Marriage

Ep. 281 - How to Encourage Change in Your Marriage Without Encouraging Complaints

 

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We’re off the heels of our marriage conference and I have some insights to share for those looking to attend a marriage conference in the future. Information is only good if you have a revelation that causes transformation. And when it comes to strengthening our marriages, this couldn't be more true. So let's explore why attending a marriage conference might be the game-changer you've been looking for.

Why Make the Commitment to Attend?

You might be wondering, why attend a marriage conference? Aren’t those just for couples in crisis? Absolutely not! Like successful entrepreneurs attend business conferences to stay on top of their game, thriving couples attend marriage conferences to sustain healthy relationships. It’s all about growth, connection, and gaining new insights.

For first-timers, choosing the right conference is crucial. Not all conferences are created equal, and some might leave you feeling discouraged if they’re not a good fit. I’ll share some tips on finding the right one so you come away feeling inspired and equipped.

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your Free "5 Simple Steps to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship" Couple's Guide

Learn more about the XO Marriage Conference

Learn more about Family Life's Weekend to Remember 

 

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A listener who describes her marriage of eleven years as "routine" and feels she's outgrown her husband needs advice. She says that while her husband is a good man, she feels a lack of attraction due to his complacency with routine life. This includes his responsibilities at work, caregiving for his mother, and domestic duties, all of which have led their marriage to feel stagnant. She admits to being drawn to other men but remains committed to her marriage because of their children and shared responsibilities, yet she struggles with the feeling that her marriage may have run its course.

Many spouses feel this way . . . disconnected from their spouses. Over the years, their interests, values, and goals sometimes diverge, leading to feelings of loneliness and frustration. This sets the stage for the episode's central focus: addressing these feelings and fostering growth in marriages.

Listen and learn four marriage tips to help overcome disconnection and reignite a sense of shared meaning in your marriage. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take the "How Connected Are You" Partner Quiz

Need Marriage Coaching? Schedule a Call Here

 

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