It's a common dilemma in marriage: how to turn your spouse down for sexy time without feeling guilty. What do you do when one spouse isn't in the mood for sex yet doesn't want to hurt the other's feelings? That's the question of one listener who shared her experience and sought advice on saying no without guilt.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Your Feelings: Take a self-assessment to identify why you might not be in the mood. Factors could include tiredness, stress, or emotional disconnect.

• The Power of Honesty: It’s crucial to communicate openly and kindly with your spouse about your feelings. A simple, honest conversation can prevent feelings of rejection.

• Offering Alternative Connections: Suggesting other forms of intimacy, such as cuddling or a massage, can help maintain the bond with your spouse without feeling pressured into having sex.

• Checking Emotional Responses: For the spouse who feels turned down, it’s important to reflect on one’s emotional response to ensure that sex doesn’t become an idol in the relationship.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Reeling from an affair? Get my Affair Recovery Checklist & begin your healing journey today.

Ep. 21 - When You're Not in the Mood for Sex

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Today, we dive deep into the intricacies of healing after infidelity with our guests, Matthew and Joanna Rabsmith who've been married for fifteen years. They opened up about their experience with infidelity just three and a half years into their union. Matthew bravely shared his struggle with sex addiction, which was primarily linked to pornography. 

Both licensed marriage counselors and marriage coaches, they share their journey through infidelity in their marriage and how they emerged stronger on the other side. Matthew opens up about his battle with sexual addiction, shedding light on the challenges and breakthroughs along the way.

Joanna provides invaluable insight into the role of the betrayed spouse and how relinquishing control can drive healing. We also explore the Rabsmith's intimacy pyramid, detailing the steps necessary to rebuild trust and intimacy in marriage.

Their journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of faith and commitment. Whether you're navigating these waters yourself or supporting a friend through it, this episode is packed with wisdom and resources for moving forward. So, grab a notebook, settle in, and let's get into this crucial conversation!

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Connect with the Raabsmiths

Get your free Affair Recovery Checklist here

 

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A new listener, Gina, feels like she's putting all the effort into her marriage while her husband seems perfectly content with where things are. I totally get where she's coming from—I’ve been there! We'll talk about how to navigate this situation and discuss why behavior follows belief. I’ share some personal insights and strategies on how to motivate change in someone who doesn't see there's a problem by shifting those underlying beliefs. Whether you're trying to improve your marriage, your parenting skills, or your friendships, today's episode is packed with practical advice. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let's dive in to help transform those connections into more fulfilling relationships. I'm so glad you're here!

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Struggling to overcome an affair? Get my 12-Step Affair Recovery Checklist here. 

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One of the questions every betrayed spouse grapples with when dealing with infidelity is, "Why did this happen?" Infidelity can be one of the most challenging obstacles a marriage may face. Understanding the 'why' is crucial because every affair has a reason. It’s essential here to distinguish between a reason and an excuse. While reasons offer insights into underlying issues, excuses deflect responsibility. The truth is infidelity is always a choice, a willful decision, in nearly every case.

This episode outlines five reasons that commonly underlie affairs, including:

• emotional disconnection
• unresolved personal issues
• lack of boundaries
•  unmet needs
• personal crises.

It’s important to note that while these reasons might explain why an affair happened, they don't excuse the betrayal.

We also discuss “What now” after an affair has happened. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of infidelity, there is hope and healing is possible whether you stay in or leave your marriage. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Reeling from Infidelity? Get my “Affair Recovery Checklist” and take the first next steps toward healing. 

Ep. 49 - 5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs

 

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When it comes to meeting our spouse’s needs, marriage can feel like a complex game of tug of war. Today’s listener question brings us into the nuanced territory of communication and expectations between spouses. Our listener shares her frustration about feeling overwhelmed by her husband's evolving needs. She explained that her husband, previously very passive in communicating his needs, has transformed since starting therapy. While therapy is inherently a positive journey, in this case, it's brought a seemingly endless list of requirements from her husband, inducing feelings of inadequacy and frustration in her.

If you’ve ever had unmet needs in your marriage or felt like you weren't meeting your spouse’s needs, this conversation is for you. Let’s discuss the dynamics at play and explore strategies for navigating this emotional challenge while working toward meeting your spouse’s needs.

 

Other Helpful Episodes: 

Ep. 225 - Navigating Core Needs in Marriage

Ep. 281 - How to Encourage Change in Your Marriage Without Encouraging Complaints

 

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We’re off the heels of our marriage conference and I have some insights to share for those looking to attend a marriage conference in the future. Information is only good if you have a revelation that causes transformation. And when it comes to strengthening our marriages, this couldn't be more true. So let's explore why attending a marriage conference might be the game-changer you've been looking for.

Why Make the Commitment to Attend?

You might be wondering, why attend a marriage conference? Aren’t those just for couples in crisis? Absolutely not! Like successful entrepreneurs attend business conferences to stay on top of their game, thriving couples attend marriage conferences to sustain healthy relationships. It’s all about growth, connection, and gaining new insights.

For first-timers, choosing the right conference is crucial. Not all conferences are created equal, and some might leave you feeling discouraged if they’re not a good fit. I’ll share some tips on finding the right one so you come away feeling inspired and equipped.

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Get Your Free "5 Simple Steps to Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship" Couple's Guide

Learn more about the XO Marriage Conference

Learn more about Family Life's Weekend to Remember 

 

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A listener who describes her marriage of eleven years as "routine" and feels she's outgrown her husband needs advice. She says that while her husband is a good man, she feels a lack of attraction due to his complacency with routine life. This includes his responsibilities at work, caregiving for his mother, and domestic duties, all of which have led their marriage to feel stagnant. She admits to being drawn to other men but remains committed to her marriage because of their children and shared responsibilities, yet she struggles with the feeling that her marriage may have run its course.

Many spouses feel this way . . . disconnected from their spouses. Over the years, their interests, values, and goals sometimes diverge, leading to feelings of loneliness and frustration. This sets the stage for the episode's central focus: addressing these feelings and fostering growth in marriages.

Listen and learn four marriage tips to help overcome disconnection and reignite a sense of shared meaning in your marriage. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Take the "How Connected Are You" Partner Quiz

Need Marriage Coaching? Schedule a Call Here

 

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How do you build a stronger marriage? Often, marriage is often seen as a path to happiness and companionship. But through my experiences and insights shared in this episode, I challenge this notion by inviting you to see marriage as a tool for personal and spiritual growth. This episode wraps up our three-part mini-series, "Mended: God's Plan for Marriage," where we explore the deep-seated essence of marriage, emphasizing resilience, growth, and alignment with your divine purpose.

The episode begins with a recent sermon I preached at my church, highlighting the importance of resilience in marriage. The power of marriage often remains untapped because people focus too much on personal happiness and having their needs met rather than understanding the greater purpose of marriage . . . what I call the "secret sauce" of marriage: realizing that marriage is about more than just personal satisfaction—it's about helping each other become more like Christ.

This is a powerful episode with the potential to change how you view your spouse and your marriage forever. 

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode: 

Listen to the full sermon here. 

Learn more about my brand new course: Infidelity Intensive 

 

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Is your marriage on the line but you’re trying to win your spouse back? Rebuilding your marriage isn't easy, especially when your spouse isn't on the same page. In this episode, we address a listener's question about how to effectively communicate his desire to reconcile after a difficult time in his marriage. Despite being separated for three months due to past traumas and ego, he's actively working on self-improvement and seeking advice on how to win back his spouse without putting undue pressure on her.

Key Discussion Points:

• Taking Responsibility: It’s important to take responsibility for the choices we make in our marriage. Our listener acknowledges his shortcomings as a husband and is encouraged to be specific about the changes he's implementing.
• Healing Past Traumas: If we don’t understand the role of past traumas in our marriage conflicts, we are likely to not fully heal from them. Genuine healing often requires professional help.
• Asking for Forgiveness: Sincere and specific apologies are significant, not as a means to an end, but as a genuine show of remorse for past hurt we’ve caused. 
• Respecting Boundaries: If the spouse decides not to reconcile, respecting her decision is crucial. While working towards reconciliation, we must acknowledge our spouse's free will and potential decision to move on even if it hurts.

 

Got a marriage-related question you want answered on the podcast? Email your questions or submit a direct message on Instagram.

 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

Get Your Free Heart to Heart Conversation Starters here.

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If you’ve ever questioned what marriage is truly about beyond friendship and happiness, this is the episode for you. We're continuing with part two of a mini-series dedicated to exploring some hidden truths about marriage.

We begin by addressing the misconceptions society and culture often hold about marriage, such as its purpose is primarily happiness or getting our needs met. When we misunderstand the purpose of something, it leads to misuse and abuse. So buckle up.

Christian marriage, in particular, has been called "a great mystery" because of what marriage truly represents. Marriage is both an agent of holiness and healing, providing a space for mutual growth and spiritual connection. In this way, marriage can be a living testament to God's redemptive power and love.

If you feel overwhelmed or trapped in your marriage, this episode offers hope that transformation and redemption are possible through faith and surrendering to God's plan.

Key Takeaways:

• Why marriage is not solely about personal happiness

• How holiness and healing go hand in hand

• How marriage unlocks the potential for deeper connection and spiritual growth.

• Marriage as a living example of Christ's redemptive love and commitment.

Want to connect more in your marriage? Take my free "How Connected Are You" Partner Quiz at https://danache.com/partnerquiz.

If you know someone engaged or considering marriage, share this episode with them so they can get their marriage started off on the right foot! 

Remember to give the podcast a 5-star rating and write a review!

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