We can all spot controlling people seeking influence over us. But what about our blind spots? 

What happens when other people are feeling controlled by us and we don't even realize what we're doing?

Turns out what many of us call “helping” can feel controlling to our partners.

This is not anything to feel bad about or ashamed of. It's just reality. Control issues rarely feel controlling when we’re doing it. They feel like being right. Keeping things on track. Getting your partner to understand. Making sure nothing goes wrong.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby sits down with Seth Bender, M.A., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach at Growing Self, to expose what control issues actually look like — including the ones you may not recognize in yourself.

You’ll learn:

Because sometimes the hardest relationship truth is this:

You may not experience yourself the way your partner experiences you.

And being willing to see that could change everything.

If this hits close to home, Seth can help. He works with individuals and couples to understand these deeper patterns, rebuild emotional safety, and create real change without blame or shame.

Book a free consultation with Seth at growingself.com/seth.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

You said yes.

You smiled. You went along with it.

And afterward, you thought: Why didn’t I say something?

If you struggle to stand up for yourself, Dr. Sunita Sah has a surprising message for you: You do not need to become louder, tougher, or more confrontational.

Defiance is a skill. And you can practice it.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Cornell professor and DEFY author Dr. Sunita Sah reveal how to stop automatically complying and start acting in alignment with what you actually believe.

In this episode you’ll learn:

You don’t need a bigger personality.

You need to know what matters to you — and what you’re going to do when it matters.

Ready to stop saying yes when you mean no? Let’s get into it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

⁠Growing Self⁠

PS: As you heard in this conversation, being able to know how you feel and set healthy boundaries with others has roots that go deep. We all have work to do around this. If you'd like to dig into this with an expert coaching therapist who can help you make these changes, get in touch. It all starts with a free conversation.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

Your workplace feels wrong. But do you actually know what you’re dealing with?

If you've been calling your job a hostile work environment, stop…because that phrase carries more weight than you might realize. It's a term with a specific meaning, and the words you use can change what happens next.

Because “hostile” and “toxic” do not mean the same thing. One is a description. The other can raise a legal red flag. I didn't know the distinction either until my guest, clinical psychologist and organizational consultant Dr. Jennifer Wisdom, stopped me mid-conversation and explained it.

And that wasn't the only moment that made me sit up straighter.

HR is not actually there to protect you.

If your workplace is making you miserable, you may feel like you have two choices: put up with it or quit. But there is an enormous middle ground between those two options, and you may have far more power than you realize.

Listen to learn:

This isn't just a conversation about surviving a bad workplace. It's about what you can actually do about it.

By the end, you'll have concrete moves you can start making Monday morning. No new title, no permission, and no resignation letter required.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

You love them. So why can’t you shake the feeling that something might be wrong?

Nothing is bad enough to leave. There’s no glaring red flag. You’re happy… mostly. But when you imagine getting engaged, moving in together, having a baby, or saying this is my person forever, something inside you hesitates.

Do NOT ignore that feeling. But don’t assume it means you should break up, either.

In this episode, I’m sitting down with marriage and family therapist Dr. Benjamin Jones about the yellow, orange, and even beige flags that can leave you questioning your future together…and how to figure out what they actually mean.

Dr. Ben offers a reframe that changes everything: Stop waiting for certainty. Start looking for confidence.

You’ll learn:

If you’re questioning whether this is really your person, listen to this episode before you make your next move.

And if you want help figuring it out, book a free consultation with Dr. Ben at growingself.com/ben.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

The feeling you can’t shake isn’t going away. And there’s a reason.

The regret that keeps coming back. The boredom you feel in a life you actually love. The shame that whispers something terrible about you.

Your instinct might be to fix it. Get over it. Make it stop.

I want you to try something very different.

In this episode, I’m talking with psychotherapist Daniel Smith, author of Hard Feelings, about the emotions most of us would happily delete from our lives, and why getting rid of them might be exactly the wrong goal.

This conversation surprised me. Daniel says some things most people would never admit out loud. We get into regret, boredom, shame, anger, relationships, and the uncomfortable question that can completely change the way you understand what you’re feeling.

You’ll learn:

Because sometimes the feeling you’re trying hardest to escape is the one you need to understand.

And once you hear what it has to say, you might see your life very differently.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

If you’re doing EVERYTHING in your relationship and starting to resent the hell out of your partner for it…we need to talk.

You’re the one who notices. Remembers. Plans. Worries. Follows up. Makes sure things actually happen.

And after a while, it stops feeling like we’re in this together and starts feeling like: Why am I the only one who cares?

I’ve been a marriage counselor for over twenty years, and I can tell you: this dynamic can get ugly. Because underneath the arguments about dishes, schedules, kids, errands, and who was supposed to do what is something much more painful:

If you really loved me, why would you let me carry all of this alone?

That’s why I invited sociologist Dr. Leah Ruppanner, author of Drained, to join me for a very real conversation about mental load, resentment, and how to create a relationship that actually feels balanced again.

And some of what she shared surprised me.

Because the solution may not be getting your partner to do more. It may not be splitting everything 50/50. And some of the things you’re doing to make your relationship more equitable could actually be keeping you stuck.

You’ll discover:

If you’re exhausted from carrying your relationship (and even more exhausted from being angry about it), listen to this before you have the same fight again.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

What if the thing you’re most ashamed of isn’t proof that you’re a bad person…but proof that you care deeply about being a good one?

If there’s something you did (or didn’t do) that you still replay in your mind years later, I want you to hear this: There may be a name for what you’re carrying. Moral injury.

And no, healing it does not mean pretending it was okay.

In this episode, I’m talking with Dr. Jaimie Lusk, a board-certified psychologist, Marine Corps veteran, longtime VA clinician, and leading expert on moral injury. Together, we unpack why some experiences turn into crushing guilt and shame, and how to finally start loosening their grip.

You’ll learn:

You cannot go back and change what happened.

But you do not have to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

The problem isn't that you can't decide. It's that you have too many options. If every big decision feels exhausting, there's a reason for it, and it has nothing to do with willpower.

I know because I'm exactly the same way.

I once spent 90 minutes trying to pick something to watch on Netflix, watched every trailer, and finally handed the remote to my husband and said, "You choose." Sound familiar?

In this episode, I'm joined by David Epstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Range and bestselling author of Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better. Together, we explore why keeping every door open is quietly making us more anxious, more overwhelmed, and less satisfied, and why creating limits is often the fastest path to clarity, confidence, and peace.

You'll learn:

If you're tired of overthinking, afraid of making the wrong choice, or keeping every possibility alive because you don't want to miss out, this conversation will help you stop spinning and start moving forward.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

Money. Intimacy. Chores. Parenting. Sometimes it's just the way they said "okay." If it feels like you're fighting about everything, don't try to fix everything. Fix this first.

In this episode, I'm joined by my colleague Alejandra Piñero Stillmann, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Growing Self, to talk about the one change that makes every other relationship problem easier to solve: emotionally safe communication.

Because here's what I've learned after working with thousands of couples...

The fight you're having is rarely the real problem.

When couples feel stuck, they usually try to solve money, intimacy, parenting, or household conflict one issue at a time. But if every conversation turns into an argument, none of those problems stay solved. The foundation has to come first.

In this episode you'll learn:

If you're ready to take the next step, download my free Communication That Connects training and workbook at www.growingself.com/communication.

And if you'd like personalized support, you can learn more about Alejandra Piñero Stillmann and book a free consultation at www.growingself.com/alejandra. Alejandra works with individuals and couples in both English and Spanish and specializes in helping people build healthier, more connected relationships.

Sometimes the biggest breakthrough in your relationship isn't solving the biggest fight. It's finally learning how to have a different conversation.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

I need you to stop making that pros-and-cons list. It’s not going to give you the answer.

When you’re trying to decide whether to leave a relationship, the not-knowing can feel unbearable. One day, you’re done. The next, you’re wondering whether you should try one more time.

I’ve worked with couples for decades, and here’s what I wish more people knew: You may not be stuck because you’re indecisive. You may be asking the wrong question.

In this episode, I’m talking with Growing Self marriage and family therapist Georgi Chizk about discernment counseling, a short, structured process that helps you stop spinning and start getting clear.

And there’s something important I want you to hear: You don’t have only two choices. There’s a third path nobody talks about.

Listen to learn:

You cannot repair a relationship until you know whether both people genuinely want to try.

And you don’t need to have the answer before asking for help.

Georgi offers free consultations for people who feel exhausted, uncertain, and ready to find a clear path forward.

Meet Georgi and schedule your free consultation at www.growingself.com/georgi.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: