What if the resentment you feel toward your partner isn’t actually about what they’re doing wrong…but about what you keep doing?

You do the dishes. You make the bed. You remember everything. You fix problems before anyone asks. And then you quietly think: Why do I have to do everything around here?

Here’s the twist: You may be blaming your partner for resentment that’s actually coming from how much you’ve taken on.

That’s the realization that changed Alyssa Zander’s relationship. After four years of believing her partner needed to change, they broke up, and an unexpected encounter forced her to ask a much harder question: What was my part in this? Today, that same man is her fiancé.

In this conversation, Alyssa and I unpack how over-functioning, unspoken expectations, and trying to manage your partner can quietly create the exact relationship dynamic you’re so angry about.

You’ll learn:

Your resentment might not be asking you to try harder. It might be asking you to put something down.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self 

P.S. If resentment keeps showing up in your relationship and you’re ready to understand what’s really happening (and how to change it), schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self relationship expert at growingself.com.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

You can navigate a difficult conversation with your boss, calm down a frustrated friend, and explain exactly how you feel…so why does one sentence from your partner turn you into someone who suddenly can’t communicate at all?

Here’s the bombshell: You might not actually have a communication problem. Because the words aren’t the real problem.

In this episode, I’m joined by Brandy Buckner, M.S., LMFTA, marriage and family therapist at Growing Self, to expose what’s actually happening underneath those impossible conversations: the communication styles you inherited, the attachment reflexes that take over when you feel threatened, and the private story running through your head before you shut down or lash out.

You’ll learn:

Because sometimes the breakthrough isn’t learning what to say. It’s finally understanding what’s happening inside both of you before anyone says a word.

And if you’re tired of having the same fight on repeat, schedule a free consultation with Brandy. She can help you change the pattern. She works with couples at Growing Self to uncover what’s happening beneath the conflict and build a relationship where you can actually hear, understand, and reach each other. Schedule a free consultation with her. 

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

If love makes you suspicious, compliments make you uncomfortable, and happiness makes you wait for something bad to happen…this episode might explain your entire life.

Because what if your insecurity isn’t a personality flaw? What if your brain learned, somewhere along the way, that feeling good about yourself is dangerous?

Psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Marisa Franco is back with fascinating new science about why insecurity can survive years of therapy, affirmations, self-help, and “working on yourself” (and what can finally begin to change it).

Here’s the mind-bending part: Your memories don’t just record your past. They predict your future. And when your brain expects rejection, humiliation, or abandonment, even love and success can feel threatening.

But those old memories aren’t necessarily fixed. Dr. Franco explains how the science of memory reconsolidation may help change the way the past continues to live inside you.

You'll learn:

If you’ve spent years trying to “love yourself” and wondering why nothing seems to stick, you need to hear this.

You may not need another pep talk. You may finally need to understand what your brain has been trying to protect you from.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

P.S. Ready to stop letting old insecurities run the show? Book a free consultation with a Growing Self clinician and get matched with the right person to help you do this deeper work.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

We can all spot controlling people seeking influence over us. But what about our blind spots? 

What happens when other people are feeling controlled by us and we don't even realize what we're doing?

Turns out what many of us call “helping” can feel controlling to our partners.

This is not anything to feel bad about or ashamed of. It's just reality. Control issues rarely feel controlling when we’re doing it. They feel like being right. Keeping things on track. Getting your partner to understand. Making sure nothing goes wrong.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby sits down with Seth Bender, M.A., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach at Growing Self, to expose what control issues actually look like — including the ones you may not recognize in yourself.

You’ll learn:

Because sometimes the hardest relationship truth is this:

You may not experience yourself the way your partner experiences you.

And being willing to see that could change everything.

If this hits close to home, Seth can help. He works with individuals and couples to understand these deeper patterns, rebuild emotional safety, and create real change without blame or shame.

Book a free consultation with Seth at growingself.com/seth.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

You said yes.

You smiled. You went along with it.

And afterward, you thought: Why didn’t I say something?

If you struggle to stand up for yourself, Dr. Sunita Sah has a surprising message for you: You do not need to become louder, tougher, or more confrontational.

Defiance is a skill. And you can practice it.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Cornell professor and DEFY author Dr. Sunita Sah reveal how to stop automatically complying and start acting in alignment with what you actually believe.

In this episode you’ll learn:

You don’t need a bigger personality.

You need to know what matters to you — and what you’re going to do when it matters.

Ready to stop saying yes when you mean no? Let’s get into it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

⁠Growing Self⁠

PS: As you heard in this conversation, being able to know how you feel and set healthy boundaries with others has roots that go deep. We all have work to do around this. If you'd like to dig into this with an expert coaching therapist who can help you make these changes, get in touch. It all starts with a free conversation.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

Your workplace feels wrong. But do you actually know what you’re dealing with?

If you've been calling your job a hostile work environment, stop…because that phrase carries more weight than you might realize. It's a term with a specific meaning, and the words you use can change what happens next.

Because “hostile” and “toxic” do not mean the same thing. One is a description. The other can raise a legal red flag. I didn't know the distinction either until my guest, clinical psychologist and organizational consultant Dr. Jennifer Wisdom, stopped me mid-conversation and explained it.

And that wasn't the only moment that made me sit up straighter.

HR is not actually there to protect you.

If your workplace is making you miserable, you may feel like you have two choices: put up with it or quit. But there is an enormous middle ground between those two options, and you may have far more power than you realize.

Listen to learn:

This isn't just a conversation about surviving a bad workplace. It's about what you can actually do about it.

By the end, you'll have concrete moves you can start making Monday morning. No new title, no permission, and no resignation letter required.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

You love them. So why can’t you shake the feeling that something might be wrong?

Nothing is bad enough to leave. There’s no glaring red flag. You’re happy… mostly. But when you imagine getting engaged, moving in together, having a baby, or saying this is my person forever, something inside you hesitates.

Do NOT ignore that feeling. But don’t assume it means you should break up, either.

In this episode, I’m sitting down with marriage and family therapist Dr. Benjamin Jones about the yellow, orange, and even beige flags that can leave you questioning your future together…and how to figure out what they actually mean.

Dr. Ben offers a reframe that changes everything: Stop waiting for certainty. Start looking for confidence.

You’ll learn:

If you’re questioning whether this is really your person, listen to this episode before you make your next move.

And if you want help figuring it out, book a free consultation with Dr. Ben at growingself.com/ben.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

The feeling you can’t shake isn’t going away. And there’s a reason.

The regret that keeps coming back. The boredom you feel in a life you actually love. The shame that whispers something terrible about you.

Your instinct might be to fix it. Get over it. Make it stop.

I want you to try something very different.

In this episode, I’m talking with psychotherapist Daniel Smith, author of Hard Feelings, about the emotions most of us would happily delete from our lives, and why getting rid of them might be exactly the wrong goal.

This conversation surprised me. Daniel says some things most people would never admit out loud. We get into regret, boredom, shame, anger, relationships, and the uncomfortable question that can completely change the way you understand what you’re feeling.

You’ll learn:

Because sometimes the feeling you’re trying hardest to escape is the one you need to understand.

And once you hear what it has to say, you might see your life very differently.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

If you’re doing EVERYTHING in your relationship and starting to resent the hell out of your partner for it…we need to talk.

You’re the one who notices. Remembers. Plans. Worries. Follows up. Makes sure things actually happen.

And after a while, it stops feeling like we’re in this together and starts feeling like: Why am I the only one who cares?

I’ve been a marriage counselor for over twenty years, and I can tell you: this dynamic can get ugly. Because underneath the arguments about dishes, schedules, kids, errands, and who was supposed to do what is something much more painful:

If you really loved me, why would you let me carry all of this alone?

That’s why I invited sociologist Dr. Leah Ruppanner, author of Drained, to join me for a very real conversation about mental load, resentment, and how to create a relationship that actually feels balanced again.

And some of what she shared surprised me.

Because the solution may not be getting your partner to do more. It may not be splitting everything 50/50. And some of the things you’re doing to make your relationship more equitable could actually be keeping you stuck.

You’ll discover:

If you’re exhausted from carrying your relationship (and even more exhausted from being angry about it), listen to this before you have the same fight again.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

What if the thing you’re most ashamed of isn’t proof that you’re a bad person…but proof that you care deeply about being a good one?

If there’s something you did (or didn’t do) that you still replay in your mind years later, I want you to hear this: There may be a name for what you’re carrying. Moral injury.

And no, healing it does not mean pretending it was okay.

In this episode, I’m talking with Dr. Jaimie Lusk, a board-certified psychologist, Marine Corps veteran, longtime VA clinician, and leading expert on moral injury. Together, we unpack why some experiences turn into crushing guilt and shame, and how to finally start loosening their grip.

You’ll learn:

You cannot go back and change what happened.

But you do not have to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: