Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I don’t know if I should stay, and I don’t know if I should go”? That painful in-between is called relationship ambivalence, and it can quietly drain years of your life if you don’t get clarity.

In this episode, I’m joined by relationship researcher Dr. Merideth Thompson, who knows that limbo all too well. After staying stuck for nearly a decade, she created Partner Lab, a research-based company focused on improving relationships as a cornerstone of overall wellness. Together we’ll explore what the science says about relationship health, the “Clarity Matrix” she developed to cut through the fog, and the real-life questions that matter most when deciding whether to stay or leave.

We also talk openly about staying “for the kids,” how familiar but unhealthy dynamics keep us hooked, and why actions, not words, show you whether your partner is really invested. Our goal isn’t to tell you whether to stay or go. It’s to give you the clarity and confidence to trust yourself again.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Should I Stay or Leave My Relationship?

01:43 Dr. Merideth Thompson’s Story and the Birth of Partner Lab

03:34 Research Insights on Relationship Health

09:51 The Clarity Matrix: Influence, Control, and Deal Breakers

14:06 Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Commitment

18:31 Discernment Counseling: Knowing If Change Is Possible

20:24 Actions Speak Louder Than Words in Relationships

28:02 Finding Clarity and Validation in Ambivalence

36:06 Parenting, Divorce, and Protecting Children

44:11 The Clarity Circle: Community and Support

Want more support as you practice these skills? My free Communication That Connects Training will give you tools to shift out of conflict loops and into deeper connection, along with a workbook to help you put them into practice. You can also take my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for a clear picture of what’s working and what needs care.

I’d love to stay connected beyond the podcast - join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube where I share more tools to help you grow together. And if this episode sparked a question or idea you’d like me to explore in the future, let’s talk!

I'd also like to give a very special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway. I love reading and learning, but finding the time to sit down with a book can feel impossible. That’s why I’m a huge fan of the Headway app. I use it almost every day, and it’s been a true game-changer for my personal growth.

If you want to keep learning and growing right alongside me, I have an exclusive offer for you! Save 25% when you go to ⁠⁠makeheadway.com/lhs⁠⁠ and use the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Do you ever feel like life is harder for you than it is for everyone else? On the outside you’re smart, capable, and creative. But inside you feel overwhelmed, scattered, and constantly behind. That could be a sign of undiagnosed ADHD.

In this episode, I’m talking with Shanna Pearson, Founder and President of Expert ADHD Coaching, about how ADHD often shows up in women, why it’s so frequently mistaken for anxiety or depression, and the lifelong impact of being misunderstood. We also share practical tools to help you externalize the chaos in your mind and stay present with the people you love.

As you listen, reflect on this:

🌱 Have you carried a quiet sense of being “different” without knowing why?

🌱 How often do you feel overwhelmed by things that seem easy for others?

🌱 What would shift if you saw those struggles through the lens of ADHD?

If you’ve ever thought, “What’s wrong with me?” - nothing is wrong with you. Understanding your brain is the first step toward compassion, clarity, and lasting change.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Undiagnosed ADHD in Women

01:36 Shanna Pearson’s ADHD Story

09:26 Inattentive vs Hyperactive ADHD

13:24 ADHD Misdiagnosis: Anxiety & Depression

17:17 What a Real ADHD Assessment Looks Like

22:05 Managing Overwhelm and Prioritizing

48:47 Pills Don’t Teach Skills

If you’d like more support beyond this episode, you’re welcome to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. Many of our coaches have completed advanced ADHD training, so you’ll be matched with someone who understands these challenges and can provide tailored strategies to help you thrive.

And if today’s conversation resonated with you, I highly recommend Shanna Pearson’s new book, Invisible ADHD. It’s filled with over a hundred practical tools and strategies to help you navigate life with more ease and confidence.

You can also stay connected with me between episodes on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, where I share weekly tips and encouragement. And I’d love to hear from you - your questions and feedback always help shape future episodes. Let’s talk!

I'd also like to give a very special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway.

I love reading and learning, but finding the time to sit down with a book can feel impossible. That’s why I’m such a fan of the Headway app. I use it almost every day, and it’s been a true game-changer for my personal growth. With Headway, I’m able to absorb the key insights from incredible books in minutes, instead of weeks.

If you want to keep learning and growing right alongside me, I have an exclusive offer for you! Save 25% when you go to ⁠makeheadway.com/lhs⁠ and use the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Have you ever had a blow-up with your partner and then sat in that heavy silence wondering what to do next? This episode is your guide to how to make up after a fight—and the real skill that keeps love strong: repair. Happy couples don’t avoid conflict; they learn how to come back to each other with intention, humility, and care.

We’ll look at why “never go to bed angry” is a myth (your brain actually needs space to calm down), how self-reflection helps you share your feelings without blame, and why small repair bids—like saying, “Yesterday was rough, can we talk tomorrow?”—can open the door to understanding. I’ll also share ways to use your couple strengths, whether it’s touch, shared rituals, or humor, to restore warmth and connection.

Repair takes practice, and each attempt adds another layer of strength to your relationship.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction: How to Make Up After a Fight

02:00 Why Relationship Repair Matters

06:07 The Anatomy of a Repair Attempt

12:07 Repairing After a Bad Fight

21:05 Communicating Effectively With Your Partner

28:07 Using Strengths to Reconnect

37:12 Humility, Growth, and Mindset Shifts

41:08 Free Resources & Next Steps

Reflect with me:

🌱 When do you know it’s time to pause instead of pushing through?

🌱 What do you wish your partner understood about your feelings in that moment?

🌱 Which strengths could you lean on to reconnect after hard moments?

Want more support as you practice these skills? My Free Communication That Connects Masterclass gives you tools to shift out of conflict loops and into conversations that bring you closer, along with a workbook to help you put them into practice. You can also take my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for a clear picture of what’s working and what needs care.

I’d love to stay connected beyond the podcast. Join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, where I share more tools to help you grow together. And if this episode sparked a question or idea you’d like me to explore in the future, I’d love to hear from you—let’s talk!

I'd also like to give a very special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway.

I love reading and learning, but finding the time to sit down with a book can feel impossible. That’s why I’m such a fan of the Headway app. I use it almost every day, and it’s been a true game-changer for my personal growth. With Headway, I’m able to absorb the key insights from incredible books in minutes, instead of weeks.

If you want to keep learning and growing right alongside me, I have an exclusive offer for you! Save 25% when you go to ⁠makeheadway.com/lhs⁠ and use the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Have you ever felt like you just can’t win? If you’re too nice, people don’t take you seriously. If you’re too direct, suddenly you’re “too much.” For so many women, this double bind — rooted in gender double standards — is exhausting.

My guest, Dr. Kate Mason, calls this out for what it is: a trap. We’ve been sold the lie that you can either be likable or powerful, but not both. And we’re here to burn that old playbook and create something better.

Kate shows us how likeability isn’t weakness at all — it’s actually a form of power. But when it tips into people-pleasing and what she calls “imposing syndrome,” we start shrinking ourselves, downplaying our ideas, and apologizing for existing. On the flip side, many women hold back for fear of being labeled aggressive, bossy, or difficult. So how do you walk that tightrope without losing yourself?

That’s what we’re unpacking in this conversation. You’ll learn how to recognize the subtle ways you undermine your own authority, how to communicate with both warmth and strength, and how to create a personal style of relating that feels authentic to you. Because the truth is, you don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected.

As you listen, I’d love for you to reflect:

🌱 When do you catch yourself softening your words so you won’t “impose”?

🌱 Where are you still carrying old stories about what power “should” look like?

🌱 And what might change if you gave yourself permission to claim both likability and authority on your own terms?

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 The Likability Trap and Gender Double Standards

01:54 Kate Mason’s Story and the Myth of Two Options

05:01 Likability as Power vs. People-Pleasing

06:05 Imposing Syndrome and How We Minimize Ourselves

13:05 Practical Tools: Personal Audits and Self-Awareness

20:00 Breaking the Binary: Authentic Relating Beyond Gender Roles

34:01 Case Study: Transforming Voice, Posture, and Confidence

43:05 How to Develop Likable Power in Everyday Life

If you’d like more support beyond this episode, you’re welcome to book a free consultation with me or a member of my team. We’ll connect you with the right expert for your goals and send you a personalized set of free resources to help you move forward in your career, relationships, or personal growth.

You can also stay connected with me between episodes on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, where I share new tips and encouragement every week. And I’d love to hear from you — your questions, feedback, and ideas for future episodes always help shape these conversations. Let’s talk!

And if you’d like to connect with Dr. Kate Mason, you can find her on Instagram and LinkedIn. Be sure to check out her new book, Powerfully Likeable, coming September 9th — you can pre-order your copy now to dive even deeper into the ideas we explored today.

I'd also like to give a very special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway.

I love reading and learning, but finding the time to sit down with a book can feel impossible. That’s why I’m such a fan of the Headway app. I use it almost every day, and it’s been a true game-changer for my personal growth. With Headway, I’m able to absorb the key insights from incredible books in minutes, instead of weeks.

If you want to keep learning and growing right alongside me, I have an exclusive offer for you! Save 25% when you go to makeheadway.com/lhs and use the promo code LHS.

Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

This episode originally aired on April 3, 2023 (Episode 343), and we’re bringing it back because it resonated with so many of you. Whether you’re reflecting on a past relationship, navigating one right now, or supporting clients through these dynamics, the lessons are worth revisiting.

Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying?

Yes, they can. But the key is through your understanding of yourself, and of your partner. When you develop true understanding and empathy for your differences, you can create profound connection, and a genuinely secure and healing relationship for both of you.

This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or have been in one before, I hope it helps you understand these dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why Attachment Styles Matter  

02:42 Core Conflict: Desire for Closeness vs. Space  

07:04 The Push-Pull Dynamic of Anxious and Avoidant Partners  

11:08 Can Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Be Healthy?  

16:09 Finding Compatible Partners & Building Security  

17:02 Strategies for Anxious Attachment  

18:06 Strategies for Avoidant Attachment  

33:04 Why Anxious and Avoidant Partners Are Drawn Together  

42:05 Avoidant Discomfort with Closeness & Anxious Pursuing Behaviors  

45:06 Doing the Work: Self-Awareness and Self-Management  

49:04 Practical Tools for Avoidant Partners  

55:00 True Love as a Conscious Choice  

Want to know where your relationship stands today? Try my free How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It gives you quick insights into what’s working well and where you might want to focus your growth together.

If this resonated with you, let’s keep it going. I share more relationship advice and tools on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, and I’d love to hear your thoughts too, whether it’s feedback on the show, questions about past episodes, or ideas for what you’d like me to cover next. Let’s talk!

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

“Am I falling behind in life?” If you’ve ever looked around and thought everyone else is getting married, buying houses, and having babies while you’re still figuring things out, you’re not alone.

In this episode, we’re getting real about that sinking, lonely feeling that comes when your life stage doesn’t match your friends’. We’ll talk about why there’s no one “right” timeline, how to get out of the comparison trap, and ways to reconnect with your sense of self-worth no matter where you are right now. I’ll share five steps to help you make peace with your path, let go of judgment (yours and theirs), and create the kind of connections that actually feel good.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why You Might Feel Behind in Life

03:36 Feeling Out of Sync With Life Stages

05:00 Escaping the Comparison Trap

10:00 How Values and Circumstances Shape Life Timelines

18:00 Grieving Changes in Friendships

26:00 Overcoming Self and External Judgment

41:00 How to Cultivate New Relationships as an Adult

49:00 Keeping Old Friends Without Losing Yourself

What would change if you stopped measuring your life against someone else’s milestones? How might it feel to find friends who truly get you in this season? And what old connections might be worth keeping in a different way?

If you’re ready for more support beyond this episode, you can book a free consultation with me or a member of my team. We’ll match you with the right expert for your goals and send you a tailored set of free resources to help you start creating the changes you want in your relationships, your career, or your personal growth.

I’m also sharing new tips, insights, and encouragement every week on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube to help you feel confident in your path and connected in your relationships. And I’d love to hear from you. Your feedback, your questions about past episodes, and the topics you’d like me to cover next are always welcome. Let’s talk!

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self 🌱

Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, “I love you… but right now, I really don’t like you”? It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It simply means you’re human.

In this episode, we’re getting real about what happens when the warm fuzzies fade and the little things like how they breathe, chew, or leave their glass next to the sink suddenly feel huge. Can you love someone and not like them? Absolutely. But how you handle those moments will decide whether they pull you apart or bring you closer.

I’ll walk you through how to tell the difference between harmless quirks, patterns that need attention, and true deal breakers. You’ll learn why 70% of relationship conflicts are about unchangeable differences, how emotional disconnection can make every annoyance feel bigger, and what it actually takes to shift from criticism to curiosity. We’ll talk about building the emotional intelligence skills that help you stay grounded, see each other’s perspective, and communicate in a way that leads to connection instead of a fight.

Episode Breakdown

00:00 The Myth of Effortless Relationships

03:07 Dr. John Gottman’s Research on Conflict & Compatibility

05:47 Turning Friction Points Into Opportunities for Relationship Growth

07:10 Daily Annoyances vs. Deal Breakers: A Clarity Exercise

10:35 How Positive Connection Reduces Relationship Frustration

14:22 The Emotional Intelligence Skills That Lead To Better Relationships

22:03 Understanding Your Partner’s Perspective with Empathy

24:45 Effective Communication Strategies That Actually Work

31:00 Discernment Counseling: Is This Relationship Fixable?

You can have a great relationship with someone who occasionally drives you up the wall, and this episode shows you how.

If you’re ready to stop spinning in communication loops and finally feel heard without starting a fight, check out my free Communication that Connects 2-Part Training. It gives you the exact skills and tools to handle these moments differently, plus a workbook to help you put them into practice. You can also take my free How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for a clear snapshot of what’s working, what’s not, and where you can start building a more connected partnership today.

And if this episode struck a chord, let’s stay in touch. I’m always sharing more tips and resources on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube to help you turn those little friction points into deeper connection. I also want to hear from you. Your feedback, your questions about past episodes, and the topics you’d love me to cover next are always welcome. Let's talk!

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Have you ever stared at your phone, rereading a text that ended with a period and spiraled into, “Oh no… are they mad at me?” Or maybe someone didn’t heart your Instagram story, and suddenly your nervous system is in full red alert mode. If so, you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken.

I’m joined by psychotherapist and author Meg Josephson to talk about the fawn response, a lesser-known trauma response that shows up as people-pleasing, overthinking, and needing to manage how others feel about you. We’re digging into where this comes from, why it’s so common (especially if you grew up walking on eggshells), and how to start untangling yourself from it.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 What Is Relational Hypervigilance?

02:22 Meg Josephson’s Journey With People-Pleasing

10:37 Understanding Complex Trauma and Emotional Safety

17:05 What Is the Fawn Response?

23:23 How Hypervigilance Disconnects You From Yourself

31:15 How People-Pleasing Impacts Boundaries

36:27 Why “Negative” Emotions Like Resentment Matter

41:11 Reassurance vs. Emotional Validation

46:07 Letting Go of Control and Reclaiming Your Energy

49:37 Healing Through Self-Awareness and Discomfort

51:13 Where to Find Meg Josephson’s Work

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I always feel like I’m in trouble?” or “Why is it so hard to set boundaries without guilt?” – this episode will help you understand what’s really going on beneath those feelings and what healing can actually look like.

Ready to stop twisting yourself into knots trying to keep everyone else happy? My Clarity & Confidence Coaching Program can help you reconnect with you – your voice, your boundaries, your sense of calm. If you’re done second-guessing and ready to start showing up authentically, this is your next step. 🌱 

Let’s stay connected! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube for free resources and updates on new episodes of Love, Happiness & Success. Together, we’re building healthier, happier relationships – one conversation at a time.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

P.S. Meg’s book “Are You Mad at Me?” comes out August 5th – and it is SO GOOD! You can also follow her on Instagram and TikTok. Check out her Substack, Peace of Mind. Highly recommend. 

Trust: It's the glue of secure attachment that holds a relationship together. If it's broken, everything changes. How do you repair trust once it's been damaged?

The fantasy is that we can say "sorry" and the trust switch will flip back on... But it's not that easy. In fact, for trust to be restored, it requires a very specific process that both partners need to engage in.

This is such a common and important part of the work for many couples seeking to repair their bond, so I'm putting this re-issued episode back in front of you.

You'll learn why "Sorry" isn't good enough, and you'll also learn the worst mistake you can make if you're trying to repair the trust in your marriage.

I'll also teach you the five action-steps you must take to mend trust for real, and how to use them to restore the security to your marriage.

I sincerely hope these ideas help you heal the trust in your relationship. 

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

GrowingSelf.com

PS: Changes are on the way here at Love, Happiness, and Success. For starters, you'll get more episodes... but you'll also start hearing promos on the show from time to time. Let's stay connected through this transition. Compliments? Complaints? Questions? Let's Talk.

“Why doesn’t my partner want me?” — If that question has ever kept you up at night, this one’s for you. 

Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many of you that this topic — what to do when your partner rejects you sexually — is really on your hearts and minds. And I get it. It’s such a vulnerable, tender pain point that touches on self-worth, connection, and love. 

Whether it’s happened once or it’s become a painful pattern, feeling sexually rejected can stir up everything from shame and anxiety to resentment and loneliness. That’s why I wanted to bring back this powerful episode — because the guidance here is so helpful, and it’s something I want you to have access to when you need it most. 

In this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast, I’m joined by my brilliant colleague and sex therapist Dori to talk openly (and compassionately!) about what’s really going on behind those “not tonight” moments — and what you can do to heal the hurt, reconnect with your partner, and bring intimacy back into your relationship in a way that feels good for both of you.

We’ll walk you through the emotional impact of rejection, common myths about sex and desire, how to communicate with love and honesty, and actionable strategies to reconnect both emotionally and physically. You’ll leave this episode with insight and tools  to navigate sexual rejection with grace, strength, and clarity.

Timestamps: 01:13 – Why Rejection Feels So Personal 02:29 – Understanding the Emotional Fallout 05:57 – Gender, Expectations, and Sexual Scripts 13:16 – The Body Image Trap 18:09 – When It’s Not Really Rejection 21:33 – Why Planning for Intimacy Matters 24:21 – Nonsexual Touch: A Game-Changer 24:53 – Talking About Sex Without Shame 25:18 – What “Responsive Desire” Means 25:45 – Designing a Sex-Positive Life Together 30:12 – Hug Me, Don’t Just Want Me 32:24 – Loving Boundaries & Body Autonomy 35:40 – The Avoidance Spiral 38:25 – Intimacy Beyond Intercourse 44:54 – When It’s Time to Get Help

If you're feeling disconnected, uncertain, or hurt in your relationship — especially around intimacy, I totally get it. It’s hard to talk about these things, and even harder to know what’s really going on beneath the surface. 

I created a free research-backed tool to help you get some clarity: How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It’s a thoughtful, science-backed assessment designed to give you clarity on your strengths, your growth areas, and what to focus on for a more connected, satisfying partnership. I hope you check it out!

Let’s stay connected! You can find me here on Instagram and YouTube for more free resources and updates on new episodes of Love, Happiness & Success. Together, we’re creating healthier, happier relationships — one conversation at a time.

Xoxo Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com