For the longest time I felt like I ruined us. The version of me you were getting wasn’t even half of who I am now. We were in two different chapters of our lives. You wanted commitment, I didn’t know what I wanted. I know now that I was provoking you- trying to get a reaction from you because that was proof to me that you cared. I didn’t understand back then how love worked. With love you don’t play any of those games. I felt you knew that. You were calm. You were understanding. You were set in your career and clear on your priorities. You wanted to be with me. You said it and you showed it. I was a hot mess back then. I was unsure. I was unstable. I was inconsistent. I was insecure. I was crazy. I didn’t know what I wanted back then in my career and my priorities were not clear. I wanted to be with you too. I said it but I didn’t show it.

After us, my outlook on life changed. Nothing specific but the experience made me want to rise. You made me want to be better.

I envisioned us together. I felt I didn’t have to try with you, you got me so well. I never knew that doing nothing with someone who could feel joyful. I’m not the type to not voice my needs and requirements but I felt different about you and I wanted to take you as you were.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://bossbabeliving.home.blog/2020/12/21/what-i-never-told-you-pt-7/