What do I mean by the Maze? From my perspective of having worked with many families experiencing separation and divorce, the Maze consists of the systems and processes which you will both need to pass through in order to separate or divorce.  I never forget that when people decided to partner they never planned to sit at a table with me, a stranger, and make decisions about their personal lives.

There are different processes that people can use: mediation / lawyer negotiation / court.  Each comes with challenges and consequences. As a family mediator, I do believe that most people can come up with their own solutions to the problems they are facing.  However, it is also true that in some circumstances you may need to go to court.

In the Maze people often experience high levels of emotional and psychological turmoil. Even if you were the one who decided to leave, the consequences of that decision can feel disorienting.  For the person who feels ambushed by the other person's decision to leave it can lead to hurt, pain and anger.  In the midst of this each party will experience a baffling storm of documents, information, jargon, and legal advice.  It is no surprise that people can find this time to be stressful and confusing.

In addition, to the formal elements of the Maze, each person stands within their own tribe.  This tribe will consist of people who support their member through the process. They will have their own thoughts and emotions about what is happening.

If there are children then these concerns and challenges will be increased as now the parents must find ways to co-parent at a time when they want to be far away from the other parent. Sometimes the pain of a childhood divorce experience can be paralysing for a parent. 

It is not surprising that people can struggle to find their way through this Maze.  In upcoming podcasts, I will be sharing some ways in which the anxiety and confusion about what is happening can be reduced.  Next week, I will be sharing 5 key factors to get through the Maze.