Over the past 13 years, I have helped thousands of dogs and their pet parents learn how to communicate effectively so they can live in harmony together. Most clients just need to establish more structure, consistent boundaries and an exercise regimen for their dogs in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Others are presented with challenges by their canine companions, especially when fear or aggression are present.

Dog training is not only about teaching obedience skills. It is also about making pet parents realize that what they are currently doing is not working. I help them solve the problem behaviors they are experiencing. Most clients are very receptive to this and some are not.

I have only been told once to leave a client’s home. A young man’s girlfriend called me to help her golden doodle get along with her boyfriend’s Staffordshire Terrier. She said their first encounter did not go well. The man greeted me outside with his dog. At least he had the dog on a leash, but the dog was lunging and barking to get at me. The girlfriend stayed about 25’ away with her quiet and probably terrified doodle.

The man was offended that I didn’t want to greet his dog. I told him repeatedly over the barking that I never say hello to dogs that are vocalizing, especially in an aggressive tone. I tried to coach him to put the dog in a sit by his side, but he refused for his own reasons. He was struggling to control his dog. I suggested we move to the back yard to see if a change of scenery would help. We did, but the dog never calmed down. The man even told me that his dog is very friendly and this was the worst he had acted out with a stranger. That’s when he said I could go home. I quietly slipped away and was glad when I got inside my car!

You can only learn if you are open to it.

It can be very difficult for people to admit they are part of their dog’s behavior problem. A lot of times, they don’t even know they are reinforcing bad behavior by giving the dog affection at the wrong time. Most clients end up telling me that they have to change even before I come right out and tell them. That’s when I know that I have gotten through to them.

I had to learn how to communicate this to my clients so as not to come across too offensively. My training emphasized to keep everything positive with the dog and the client, but did not outline what to say to the clients when they disagreed with my philosophy and solutions. Customer service is crucial in dog training. You are being hired to fix issues and you better tend to their wishes in a professional manner. If you are the type of person who prefers dealing with dogs and not people, then this job is not for you.

Dogs are the easy part, humans can be the difficult part.

That being said, I have met some incredible people over the years whose friendships I treasure. They started out as clients, and turned into wonderful friendships. I am still a part of these friends’ lives, even after the dog we trained together has passed on. As a dog trainer, you bond with people in a unique way. When a pet parent brings a puppy home, they treasure this puppy because it IS a part of the family. I don’t think I have ever come across anyone who feels any differently. I am requested to help transition this precious puppy from where it came to their new home. That’s a pretty tall order!

During this transition and multiple visits or classes, life happens. I have had several clients whose partner was the primary caretaker of the dog. Then, they either passed away or divorce split up the pack. One client’s son had adopted a dog from a shelter during the COVID shutdown. We conducted our trainings outdoors to stay safe. Then, he was struck with COVID and passed away due to complications with diabetes. His mother wanted desperately to keep the dog, but she knew she could not be there for it due to her demanding work schedule. Happily, she found a great home for the dog and the new pet parent has been very happy with the adoption.

Sometimes, I become like a family therapist. The new addition can wreak havoc on relationships, especially when not everyone agreed to get the puppy in the first place. Let’s face it. Puppies are a lot of work.

Rescue dogs can present challenges that could not be foreseen in the shelter. There can be disagreements between family members as to how to solve problem behaviors. This is when it is crucial for me to find the right words to explain why certain solutions work and others do not.

I absolutely love what I do. I got into dog training all because of my former dog, Hank, the Corgi. Even with my experience and the standards I have today, Hank was a difficult dog. I had to figure him out and I wasn’t going to be satisfied until I had answers to why he acted the way he did. Little did I know that in learning how to figure him out, I would become a dog trainer. I thought at the time I was just really interested in dog behavior. I never intended to make a career out of it.

After I made the decision to pursue a job as a dog trainer, I applied to Pet Smart and Petco. Pet Smart wasn’t looking for a trainer, but Petco was. It took me almost 7 months to get hired at Petco. I pursued management on a weekly basis to see if they had made a decision. Sometimes I would drive to the store to talk to the managers. Every time I would drive there, I would get emotional. I couldn’t explain it. The tears were happy tears even in spite of the obstacles I came up against. I felt so driven this was the job I should be doing and the tears confirmed that feeling. I still feel today that the universe was shouting to me not to give up on Petco because I needed to be a dog trainer. After 7 months of persevering, I was finally in the right place at the right time.

I started studying the Petco curriculum on dog behavior and how to train dogs. The curriculum was written by a well known dog behaviorist named Patricia McConnell. I read all the books I could get my hands on. However, in my opinion, there was something monumental that was missing from what I was learning from a book. It’s what Cesar Millan, the star of “The Dog Whisperer” is all about - energy. While I was learning the Petco way of training, I was also watching Cesar Millan’s, “The Dog Whisperer” episodes on tv in my spare time. Studying dog behavior became a passion of mine,

In every “Dog Whisperer” episode, Cesar repeated the fact that the dog is a mirror of their human’s energy, philosophy, and actions. He proved this concept with every client while handling their dog versus when the client handled the dog. It was not magic or trick photography. It really was all about the handler’s energy that influenced the dog’s behavior. The magic is mastering that type of energy. This resonated with me in some way. I understood the concept, but could not see how it applied to me. I was on a mission to figure this all out.

This ‘magical’ type of energy involves mastering remaining calm but at the same time, being assertive. I typically am a calm person, but I wasn’t when I was communicating with Hank. It seemed like I was always frustrated and mad at him because he wouldn’t obey me. I thought that was somehow being assertive. I thought refraining from exploding and yelling at him was somehow remaining calm. Honestly, I didn’t know how to be any different.

Hank was unpredictable and sometimes aggressive. Anyone who knows me would probably say that I am the exact opposite of that. However, when I dealt with Hank, I was usually agitated and frustrated because he would often ignore me. Cesar was right. I was the one who had to change and then Hank would follow suit. Dogs do not want to follow unstable energy. It’s so true! As soon as I started to change, Hank changed too.

Cesar believes, and so do I, that every human in the household should be a calm and assertive leader. This is the kind of energy most dogs want to follow. I knew I had the calm part down but was fuzzy about what assertive energy looked like. Reading and watching Cesar on tv dealing with dogs using calm and assertive energy was not easy to imitate. It had to come from within and it had to be genuine.

Dogs know when you are faking it and they will not respect you.

I knew the exact moment that I had achieved calm and assertive energy. When I worked at Petco, I used to have a puppy play time. I had to teach puppies how to play nicely and to respect cautious puppies who needed some extra space. One puppy was picking on another and a third puppy was trying to intervene. The third puppy that was intervening was a sign to me that the energy in the pack of puppies was elevating. Dogs have an inherent desire to keep the pack in a calm state. So, as soon as I noticed this, I stood in front of the puppy that was bullying the other and said with my body language and energy only, no words, “Hey, leave that puppy alone!” The guilty puppy slowly laid down and surrendered to me.

I felt like jumping for joy because I knew at that moment what calm and assertive energy felt like. I remembered exactly how I felt in that moment. I tell people that you say in your head “I must get this accomplished and I’m not giving up”. I use and teach this technique and energy on every appointment.

See the end result in your head and get it done.

I can relate to my clients when they are honest with me in describing how they are with their dogs. I was just like them. I explain to them that the calm part means barely talking to your dog. Instead, communicate using your body language and your energy. If you keep repeating “No!”, you are usually saying this in a frustrated and agitated manner. This typically makes the dog excited because your energy is excited in a negative way. On the contrary, if you keep telling your dog, “Sit!, Sit! Sit!”, your dog will start wagging his tail and jumping. You are coming at them in an excited tone that starts out happy and friendly, but ends up frustrated and angry because they aren’t sitting for you.

In order to be an effective dog trainer yielding results, it is imperative to counsel people how their body language affects their dog. Dogs notice when you are hunched over and telling the dog to lay down versus standing up straight and commanding the dog down. Being hunched over is seen as a more submissive stature. People tend to have softer energy when they are bent over. Standing up straight commands respect. Walking your dog and constantly looking down at them is seen as uncertain energy. Walking with your shoulders back, head up, projects the kind of confident energy dogs want to follow. I challenge all of you to do this and notice the difference you feel, and then notice your dog’s reaction.

Personally, I am coaching the humans on improving their energy as well as teaching them what their dog is telling them with their body language. Every movement they make, every time they get up and move to another spot on their own, means something. I feel the more people understand dog behavior and dog psychology, the more they are more apt to be patient with their dog.

Too many people explain their dog’s behavior by using human logic and reasoning. This is called anthropomorphic projection. A classic case of this involved a client I had many years ago who had two huskies. Yes, Huskies. She thought it was too cold for them to go potty outside, so she wanted her husband to build a type of irrigation system in their basement for the dogs to go to the bathroom. In a later conversation with her, she admitted that she hated the winter and putting on heavy coats, gloves and boots. I realized too that her husband was hoping I would “shake her and tell her she was nuts!” I did tell her that she was the first to ever come up with this design and that Huskies love cold weather. I kept it positive!

As I mentioned in an earlier episode, Petco policy would not allow me to go to people’s homes. It wasn’t until I went out on my own that I got a lot of on-the- job training as far as what I would be confronted with. Most of the time, my house visits went smoothly. Other times, it wasn’t so easy. The problem described to me over the phone was not what I observed when I got there.

One client called me to help tame their unruly puppy. I thought this was a typical situation where the client forgot or didn’t know how active puppies were and they needed help setting up boundaries. I find out a lot about a dog when I take them for a structured walk. The majority of cases, it takes me a little while to establish a rhythm walking in a heel position. Then I hand the dog over for the client to practice.

In one case, I had to give up trying to walk the dog. This had only happened to me once before. That dog had a traumatic experience with a collar that the client forgot to tell me about. It was an easy fix when I used the Easy Walk Harness. The dog walked perfectly for me. However, nothing worked with this other puppy. She was a bucking bronco. When I went to tell the clients that I had to give up trying to walk her, the one client admitted to hitting the dog with a stick to get her to behave. I was so shocked. I was speechless. I did tell them I never condone that type of discipline. I should have ended the session right then and there, but I was still stunned.

I waited until the next appointment when the dog peed all over the kitchen floor after the client grabbed the dog’s collar to gently put her in her crate. She had just gone out to eliminate, so I knew this was not a good sign. Most likely, the puppy had been grabbed by the collar with very negative energy too many times. When dogs are scared, they may empty their bladder and/or bowels. It made me realize that I may have dealt with other clients who hit their dogs as a way of discipline. I didn’t know the signs to look for in a dog when they are hit until fairly recently.

Everything that I have outlined above about my personal journey is what I teach my clients. Some get it, some don’t. The ones who do, go on to deepen their relationship with their dogs. It can actually become a spiritual experience. When you realize that your dog needs you to be a calm and assertive leader, you change and own that energy. Then your dog becomes happier. This in turn makes you happier and fulfilled knowing that you have helped your dog become more balanced. You start gaining the respect you always wanted from them just by changing your energy and adding structure to your dog’s every day life. When I see this happen with my clients, it is so rewarding. It is what keeps me going.

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