Loving Others Well 

Matthew 22:34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” 

The goal of the christian life is to love well.

John 13:35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

How you love matters!

We have created a fragility in our life that requires uniformity.

 “The strongest argument in favor of the gospel is a loving and lovable Christian.” — Ellen G. White

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
— Brennan Manning

The greatest apologetic against christianity are christians — Darren Rouanzoin

1 John 4:20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. 

John 13:34 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Philippians 2:5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

Jesus put some skin on!

Incarnate - embodied in flesh; in human form.

John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:14  The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.

To love us well, Jesus entered into our world. 

The love of Jesus is incarnational.

God knows we needed his skin, not simply the knowledge that he is everywhere. People today are desperate for "skin" — to be loved, for someone to incarnate with them. For this reason, people will pay $100 to $150 an hour to a therapist as someone to love them, to enter and to care about their world. Today, God still has physical skin and can be seen, touched, heard, and tasted. How? Through his body, the church, in whom he dwells. We are called, in the name of Jesus and by the indwelling Holy Spirit, to be skin for people all around us.
— Pete Scazzero

Romans 5:6-8 Christ didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers.”

Jesus was after true peace, not false peace.

A peacemaker is someone who is willing to resolve both outer and inner turmoil in order to establish peace with others and within themselves.  

A peacekeeper desires to maintain peace by avoiding conflict. They typically give in to the tension or steer clear of disagreement to keep others happy. 

Matthew 10:34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.

The true peace of Jesus is in conflict with the lies and pretense of the kingdom of the world! 

 There will be conflict

1. Be the initiator.

Romans 12:18 As much as possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone.”

 Genesis 3:10 “I heard you in the garden; and I was afraid because I was naked, and so I hid.”

Genesis 3:12 The man said,“The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

We get distant.

We get defensive.

We don’t confront others for the sake of confrontation; we confront others for the sake of restoration.

2 Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power and love and self discipline. 

1 John 4:18 Perfect love casts out all fear.

If your love is greater than your fear, you’ll do things others are afraid to do.

2. Own Your Role In The Conflict

Matthew 7:3 Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First, take the log out of your own eye. Then you’ll see clearly to take the splinter out of your friend’s eye.

Am I being unrealistic?
Am I being ungrateful in this relationship?
Am I being insensitive?
Am I being oversensitive?
Am I being too demanding?
Is my expectation different than theres?

1 Peter 5:5-6 “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” 6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,

3. Listen 
Luke 8:18 Pay attention to how you hear.

Listening allows you to enter the world of the other.

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” — David W. Augsburger 

When you are the speaker ...
1 1. Speak using “I” statements (rather than "you" statements). 
2 In other words, talk about your own thoughts, feelings, and desires.
3 2. Keep your statements brief.
4 3. Stop to let the other person paraphrase what you've said.
5 4. Include feelings in your statements.
6 5. Be honest, clear, direct, and respectful.

As the listener ...
1. Give the speaker your full attention (don't be thinking about your rebuttal). 
1 2. Step into the speaker's shoes (feel what they are feeling; then get back out).
2 3. Avoid judging or interpreting.
3 4. Reflect back as accurately as you can what you heard them say (paraphrase).
4 5. When you think they are done ask, "Is there more?"
5 6. When they are done ask them, "Of everything you have shared, what is the most important thing you want me to remember?"

When is the last time someone said to you, “Let me tell you about those Christians—they are fantastic listeners! I have never seen a group of people more sincerely interested to know my world, who are curious, who ask questions, who actually listen to me!”
— Pete Scazzero

James 1:19 Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 

4. Consider their viewpoint. 
Philippians 2:4-5 Each of you should look not only for your own interests, but also the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

“Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.”
— Stephen Covey

Hosea 4:6 - People are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. 
Proverbs 28:16 - A ruler who lacks understanding is a great oppressor

Philippians 2 Each of you should look not only for your own interests, but also the interests of others.

5. Tell the truth tactfully.

Ephesians 4:15 Speak the truth in love.

I Corinthians 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, ...