If you’d like to listen to this email, rather than read it, simply click on the audio above.

Hi Friends,

Tomorrow is my 51st birthday. I want to write that I don’t feel like I’m 51 but what does that even mean? Who’s decided what 51 feels like? Or 61? or 31? For a million different 51 year olds, there are a million different feelings. As for me, I think farts are as funny as I did when I was 16, and I like to dance as much as I did in my twenties, and I’ve long held the vision for myself as an 80-something walking through the woods and talking to the trees, more appreciative than ever of nature’s wonder.

I feel good, in my body, spirit, heart and mind, and for that I’m grateful. Aging can be awkward and uncomfortable, usually from my body’s perspective. Rather, my mind’s judgments of my body’s transformations. More gray hairs, deeper wrinkles, an increasingly sagging butt. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a gay man, but gravity’s toll on my butt has hit my vanity the hardest. I’m doing squat after squat in the gym but the little bubble I once had has yet to reappear.

Vanity aside (is vanity ever completely aside?), I’m heading into this birthday with the same prayer I hold going into pretty much every day: to come into deeper alignment with Spirit, with God, with the energy that created all things, and with our Mother Earth. I hold this prayer for us all, in deep trust that when we align ourselves with Spirit, aka Love, aka Peace, aka Oneness, our thoughts, words and actions serve all. And so it is.

On Wednesday nights here in Santa Fe, I lead a breathwork journey at a local yoga studio called BODY. Last night as I stood at the head of the class and felt the breathers getting deeper into their bodies and releasing whatever it was they needed to release, I felt for a moment my heart might burst from gratitude. There’s nowhere on earth I would rather be than here right now, I thought to myself. Thank you. After class, a man shared he’d never experienced a more profound healing in his life. And my heart did burst.

In so many ways life is predictable. I do a lot of the same things each day, think the same variety of thoughts, eat many of the same foods, wake up and go to sleep around the same times. It’s not exactly the movie Groundhog Day, but it’s not that far off, either. And in other ways, life is wildly unpredictable. Had you asked me a year ago, or even four months ago, what I was feeling most passionate about, the answer would not have been breathwork. Today, the answer certainly is. Every time I get to share this practice with someone, I feel lit up and grateful.

As I drove home from the studio, I kept hearing the question, What lights you up? Another version: What excites you? Another still: What brings you joy? I don’t think we ask ourselves these questions often enough, and if we do, I don’t think we give ourselves over to the answers as much as we are able.

There’s this famous quote from Howard Thurman: Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.

I feel the truth of those words in my bones. One of the ways we love ourselves is by asking ourselves what lights us up, and then taking action to make real the answers we’ve uncovered. We not only serve ourselves by living into what makes us come alive, we serve those we love and our entire world. Because honoring what makes us come alive is love in action, and love in action always serves all.

I tend to feel a little uneasy around my birthday. I’m comfortable with being the center of attention when I’m leading a workshop or speaking in front of a crowd or going live on Facebook. I’m not comfortable being the center of attention when the focus is on celebrating me. I feel a sense of guilt when people take time out for my birthday, as though they’re obligated to do so. Often, I don’t make any plans, sometimes go off on my own, and then feel disappointed and unloved, even though I actively disappeared to avoid a gathering. We humans can be so insane.

I have a standing tennis date on Friday mornings. I was going to cancel tomorrow’s because it’s my birthday and playing tennis didn’t seem special enough. Whatever that means. But playing tennis brings me joy. Makes me feel good. Lights me up. It’s going to be a beautiful way to start my birthday.

We put a lot of energy into wanting our birthdays to be special in some way. How might our lives change for the better if we made the same considerations on many or most or all the days of the year? What kind of joy gets sparked when we ask ourselves what action can I take today that will make my heart sing? Or, what do I love to do that I can do today, even just for five minutes? Or, in this moment right now, how can I love myself more deeply?

The questions are a great starting point, but they alone can’t light us up. We have to be willing to act on the answers. And why wouldn’t we be, when we know the answers stand to create more joy in our lives?

Some of you reading this may not know what makes your heart sing. Nothing might come to mind when considering what you love to do. That’s totally okay, and entirely human. I can think of few exercises more rewarding than discovering what it is that makes your heart sing. Become curious and see where your curiosity takes you. Try new things and give energy to the ones that bring your joy.

I’d been interested in breathwork for a couple years and had integrated it on and off into my morning routine when one day, soon after moving to Santa Fe, I woke up with a strong urge to take a deeper dive into the practice. My good friend had trained with an LA-based teacher named David Elliott and told me if I ever wanted to guide breathwork, David was the man to learn from. I went online to David’s website and was surprised and not at all to discover he was holding an intensive training in March in Sandia Park, an hour from Santa Fe, where I had just relocated. I signed up right then, trusting the nudge to follow my curiosity with breathwork. And now I’m guiding people in the practice. And lighting them up. And lighting myself up too.

We don’t know what the future holds. We do, however, know that if we stay committed to making choices that spark joy, that light us up, that reflect self-love, we are much more likely to create moments in the now and future that fill our hearts to bursting. And why wouldn’t we do everything within our power to create such moments?

So, I’ve got an obvious question for you to consider, and I’d love to read your answer/s in the comments. What lights you up, and what are you or can you be doing to make your answer/s a reality? Please share!

To close, I want to share something I posted to social media yesterday that resonated with a lot of folks, and since it has the words light up in it, somewhat connects to today’s thoughts:

Sending you all so much big and bigger love,

Scott

Bigger Love is a reader-supported newsletter. If you’re loving it, and have the means, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Friends, I can’t encourage you enough to check out one of my Online Breath & Belonging gatherings on Tuesday nights, with discounted registration for paid subscribers of this newsletter.

Here’s a message I received from one of the attendees:

Ok so this time it actually felt psychedelic. Like I had a whole healing journey. WHAT THE HECK SCOTT!! If I keep following you around I might end up a healed person walking around inside their own body feeling all the sparkly joy. Holy smoke! THANK YOU!!!!! Like I held myself like a mother but not me…mother love held me like a child. I love you!!

If you want to join me next Tuesday, May 24th, go HERE for details. This is not a meditative, put you to sleep kind of breathing. It’s active and wild and incredibly healing. It’s something you’ve got to experience for yourself.

Jacob and I have been having some great conversations on our Hey Jacob, Hi Scott podcast. We’re always looking for questions from listeners, so if you’ve got something you’d like us to respond to or hear us discuss, head to the website and let us know.

Remember: You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are loved. As you are.

Get full access to Bigger Love with Scott Stabile at scottstabile.substack.com/subscribe