Your child comes home from school and says, “Nobody wanted to play with me today.”

Your stomach drops. You want to fix it. You want to say the exact right thing that will make it better.

After two decades of working with kids, I can tell you that the hardest part of friendship problems isn’t usually the problem itself. It’s the feelings that come with it.

• The jealousy when a best friend plays with someone else.

• The hurt when they’re left out.

• The anger after an argument.

• The guilt when they know they messed up.

Kids feel all of this deeply. And most of the time, they don’t have the words or the tools to make sense of what’s happening inside them.

A lot of advice about helping kids with emotions is generic. Take deep breaths. Punch a pillow. Count to ten. Walk away.

But feelings about friends are more complicated and often more intense than feelings about events, because they involve another person. Your child isn’t just managing their own emotions. They’re trying to figure out why their friend did whatever they did, what the other kid meant, and what to do next, all while feeling hurt or angry or confused.

That’s a lot to sort through. And it’s why kids need strategies that are specific to friendships, not just general calming techniques.

In my work with kids, I’ve found that the most effective approach involves three things:

1. Understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions. When a child thinks, “She did that on purpose to be mean,” they feel angry and might lash out. But if they can consider, “Maybe she didn’t realize it would hurt my feelings,” the anger softens, and they can respond differently. Helping kids see this connection gives them real power over how they react.

2. Having concrete strategies for specific friendship feelings. Jealousy needs a different response than guilt. Hurt feelings need a different response than frustration. Kids do better when they have a small menu of options that match what they’re actually feeling, not a one-size-fits-all approach.

3. Practicing when things are calm. Kids can’t learn new strategies in the middle of a meltdown. They need to think through scenarios, try out responses, and build those skills when they’re not flooded with emotion.

Dealing with Feelings About Friends – For Kids! was designed to help kids understand, cope with, and communicate with their emotions about friends and other kids.

It’s built for kids ages 6-12 and filled with relatable cartoons and practical, doable strategies. Your child can watch the short lessons on their own or with you.

Here’s what’s inside:

• A simple framework that helps kids understand what they’re feeling and figure out what to do next

• Six calming strategies specifically designed for friendship-related emotions like anger, hurt, guilt, and jealousy

• Real scenarios kids can relate to, so they’re not just learning concepts but seeing how to use them

GET THE WORKSHOP

If your child has ever come home upset about a friend and you’ve wished you had something more helpful to offer than “just ignore them,” this workshop gives both of you something concrete to work with. Join here.

Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen