What happens when you're a daily meditator and still choose petty revenge? After a brutal morning of delivery work and a no-tip pizza order to a 4th-floor apartment, I left the food outside—fully aware I was being petty, watching myself make the choice, unable to stop it. This episode explores the uncomfortable truth about spiritual practice: you don't become perfect, you just become aware of your imperfection.

I share the raw moment of choosing anger over maturity, the internal battle between Buddhist noting techniques and actual rage, and what Ram Dass meant when he said "falling off the path IS the path." We dive into holding doubt, despair, and anger in awareness without trying to fix yourself—because you can't lift yourself up by your own bootstraps.

Drawing from Buddhism, Taoism, and Lao Tzu's wisdom about waiting until the mud settles, this episode is for anyone who's ever questioned whether their practice is "working" or felt like a spiritual failure. Sometimes the stumbles aren't detours—they're the actual path.

Topics explored: mindfulness practice, spiritual imperfection, anger management through awareness, doubt as discriminating wisdom, trusting the Tao, gradual transformation, self-compassion, Buddhist noting technique, spiritual bypassing vs. real practice

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Standing Nowhere is a contemplative spirituality podcast exploring mindfulness, meditation, and what it means to be human through vulnerable storytelling.