Avoidant attachment isn't one category. Dismissive and fearful avoidant patterns respond very differently in conflict, and using the wrong repair strategy can make things worse.

If one of you demands calm and the other escalates to be heard, this episode is for you.

Kim covers the real issue beneath tone, intensity, and shutdown: distress tolerance.

Timestamps:

00:00 When Only One Emotional Tone Is Allowed

00:55 This Isn't Incompatibility. It's Capacity.

03:01 What Attachment Theory Is (And Isn't)

05:28 Dismissive vs Fearful Avoidant: The Critical Difference

08:06 Why Repair Depends on the Pattern

09:15 "I Just Want Calm" vs "I Just Want to Be Heard"

11:28 Is Wanting Calm Unreasonable?

12:34 Boundary vs Emotional Control

14:38 The Real Issue: Distress Tolerance

15:03 Why Insight Isn't Enough

17:35 Reps for Anxious Preoccupied Patterns

18:15 Reps for Dismissive Avoidant Patterns

19:05 Reps for Fearful Avoidant Patterns

20:39 Why Skill Requires Practice

21:05 Join The Practice

If you're serious about widening your emotional lane instead of having the same fight again next week, my community The Practice is opening soon.