You’ve seen it all over TikTok and Instagram—the morning routines that start with tongue scraping, lemon water, and journaling before sunrise.

The weekly somatic workshops, shadow work prompts, crystal grids, and color-coded “gentle productivity” schedules.

It’s aspirational. It’s aesthetic. It’s you in your so-called Healing Era.

But for many, it’s becoming overwhelming.

Healing isn’t just about personal growth anymore—it’s a brand. And instead of feeling more peaceful, a lot of people are finding themselves more anxious, exhausted, and frustrated.

That’s a huge shift from what self-help was originally meant to do.

The good news? There’s a way to reset.

In this post—and in the latest episode of Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube), we explore when self-help starts to backfire and, more importantly, how to get back to balance.

The Optimization Paradox: Why the Pursuit of Healing Can Burn You Out

Self-help is supposed to do exactly that: help.

All of the affirmations, boundary-setting, and time reclaiming are meant to heal and support your well-being.

But here’s the paradox: when healing itself becomes a source of pressure, it reinforces a dangerous, subtle belief:

That you are never quite good enough as you are.

Ironically, the same people working hard to calm their nervous systems are now stressing them out in the name of healing.

Instead of just living your life, you may find yourself auditing it—constantly analyzing your reactions, rewriting limiting beliefs, regulating your inner child, and tracking your HRV on your smart ring. It’s a lot.

This kind of pressure can quietly flip your self-help journey on its head—turning a source of healing into a new source of anxiety and burnout.

Psychologists have even coined a name for it: self-help fatigue—a pattern showing up more and more often, especially among high-achieving women and wellness-focused communities.

The key? Recognizing when you've crossed the line—and reclaiming balance before burnout takes over.

Reclaim Balance with the “Sustainable Self-Work Reset”

Instead of overwhelming yourself with every new trending practice, try this simple 3-step mental wellness audit. It’s backed by cognitive-behavioral principles and helps you sort out what’s truly serving you from what just looks good from the outside.

1. Track Your Healing Activities

Keep a short log—this can be in your Notes app, planner, or journal.Each time you do something in the name of self-care (like a quick meditation, stretching, or a walk), jot it down.

2. Reflect with 3 Simple Questions

At the end of the day, review your list and ask yourself:

* Which of these activities genuinely made me feel calmer, more present, or energized?

* Which ones felt like a “should,” or left me more stressed, guilty, or self-critical?

* Which moments brought me real joy—even if they weren’t traditionally considered “healing”?

You might be surprised: unstructured downtime, laughter, or play often soothes the nervous system more than any structured healing technique.

3. Edit Your Healing Routine

Here’s the most powerful step: give yourself permission to unsubscribe from one practice that’s stressing you out—even if it’s something “good” on paper. You can always return to it later if it feels right.

Swap it out for something restorative, not performative. For example:

* A quiet walk—without tracking your steps.

* Watching your favorite guilty pleasure show—with zero guilt.

* Sitting in the sun, doing nothing at all.

Let your nervous system feel safe without effort.Let your inner child play instead of journal.Let rest be enough.

In the end, sustainable healing isn’t about constantly doing more. It’s about knowing when you can finally let go—and still be whole.

If this message resonated, send it to someone who needs to reset their self-care routine.

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.

Get full access to The New Rules of Attachment at drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe