When The Call Hits Home

When The Call Hits Home | Episode 16: Navigating Life with a First Responder

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Ashlee [00:00:07]:

Hi. I'm Jennifer Woosley Saylor. I'm a licensed professional clinical counselor and the kid of a cop. And this is the podcast when the call hits home. Hey, everyone. It's Ashlee Gethner. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and I'm also a child of a police officer. Welcome back to When the Call Hits Home.

Ashlee [00:00:25]:

My name is Ashlee. And if you guys remember 2 episodes ago now, Jennifer kinda had a episode with a family member of hers. And so today, we thought it would be a good idea to mix in my own family a little bit more to the mix. Crazy enough, we got some incredible feedback about our dad being on this show. He is the secret podcaster that we did not know. And so I thought it'd be a great idea to have both my sisters on here. I am the youngest, so I have 2 older sisters. We are all 2 years apart.

Ashlee [00:00:55]:

Obviously, I'm 4 years apart than the oldest of us. But it's really special for me to have them on here. I think that what's interesting about being a first responder's child is we all kinda go through it differently even though we're living in the same home, and I think that's important for us to talk about. So to start this episode, I'm gonna have them introduce themselves for you guys, and we'll start with the oldest of us. So I'm gonna let Britney take it away.

Brittany Nieft [00:01:19]:

Hey, everyone. My name is Britney, and I'm 35 years old. I am obviously the daughter of a retired police officer, officer, and I currently am a registered nurse. I've been a nurse since 2016. I have 3 kids, 15 year old daughter, and a 6 year old son, and a 3 year old son. And I am currently also in a graduate program for my master's degree. So busy, busy, busy all on my end all the time, but happy to be here today.

Ashlee [00:01:49]:

Yeah. So what's really cool about that, I'm gonna point out really quick, is that Britney is really working hard to help our first responders as well. So she's getting this degree to kind of join along in my path and and help our first responders in need who are struggling with mental health and, honestly, really anything. I mean, they could come to you for a lot. Is that correct? Am I

Brittany Nieft [00:02:08]:

am I wrong on that? So I'm getting my degree, my master's in psych and mental health nursing. So I'll be, when it's all said and done, I'll be a nurse practitioner for psych and mental health. And so they'll be able to come to me for different kind of therapy sessions as well as medication management, which I think is super important. And from our discussions, you know, that we had had before I had gone back to school, you have been having a lot of hard time with getting patients in to see providers for medication management, and, there's just a lack of that kind of a resource in health care in general. So that'll be a big big relief hopefully to your practice and your your patient population.

Ashlee [00:02:52]:

I'm gonna say especially to our first responders because not only is it really hard to get people in, but any first responder listening right now will be the first to be like, the trust isn't always there. And so when I have built that trust and I'm like, hey. This is someone who you can trust too. I think it'll be an awesome collaborative effort to help a lot. So thank you for that. I'm gonna turn it over to you, Katie. It's your turn. Introduce yourself.

Kaity Standerfer [00:03:14]:

Hi, everyone. My name is Katie. I am a chemistry laboratory stockroom manager at a university. I have 2 kids, a son who's 6 and a daughter who's 3, and I'm just really happy to be here today. I'm excited to do this.

Ashlee [00:03:32]:

Absolutely. So Katie's job is super hard, and I never understand what she's doing. And she sends me and Britney snaps all day long, and I I think it's so cool. And I will never be on her level like that because I dipped out on math and went to so forth. So Katie Tropp is incredible as well, and I'm super excited to have her here. And one of the biggest things that I wanted to ask you guys thus far is, obviously, my family is incredibly supportive of this podcast, and I'm so thankful for that. And so just listening to the podcast so far, has anything stood out to either of you personally or as a child of a first responder? Again, we share all the same dad, so he is retired now, but we lived it. And so I just wanted to know from your guys' perspective listening to some of my episodes, how that has impacted you both.

Kaity Standerfer [00:04:21]:

I think that listening to your episodes is just kind of kinda, like, eye opening because I know you talked about, like, the strictness before and having to, like, follow certain rules that, like, I'm not gonna lie, I would, like, go to my friend's house because they didn't have those rules, like strict curfews or anything like that.

Brittany Nieft [00:04:44]:

So so I

Kaity Standerfer [00:04:44]:

just think with, like, the strictness and stuff, I get why now he was so strict because he's seen people go down path and didn't want us to go down those same paths. So I get it now that I'm older, but when you're younger, you're just like, just let me live my life. Let me have a good time.

Brittany Nieft [00:05:02]:

Yeah. I can obviously, we all relate to that as well. And I think that some of the things you know, obviously, you're going through this and you're hearing people come in from all different kinds of first responder families. So it's not only police, but there's fire and, there was a woman on that had she was a 911 dispatcher. So there's all these different, you know, backgrounds that are coming on to this podcast. So it is eye opening in the fact that we didn't grow up in that alone. You know? But then also, there were some differences noted. Like, the one that really stood out to me and had me laughing pretty much out loud when I was listening to it was that 911 dispatcher, and I just I remember her name is Britney only because it is mine.

Brittany Nieft [00:05:48]:

And she was saying that her father who was the firefighter was always very cautious. Like, oh, you can't you you gotta be careful with this. You can't do this. You're gonna get hurt. You got you know? And it just made me laugh because all 3 of us has had stitches. None of us needed the stitches. You know what I mean? I was like, nay. It's okay.

Brittany Nieft [00:06:07]:

Rub some grass on it. It's fine to quote famous last words, and then we've all had stitches. So there were some differences that have really stood out, but then also, you know, similarities. Like, I had said that we weren't growing up in something that was not being experienced by other first responder families.

Ashlee [00:06:28]:

You actually make a good point, and it totally just hit me when you were saying that. And I wonder if there

Kaity Standerfer [00:06:33]:

is this drastic difference. I mean, I know

Ashlee [00:06:33]:

police obviously see really horrible things as well, drastic difference. I mean, I know

Brittany Nieft [00:06:35]:

police obviously see really horrible

Ashlee [00:06:35]:

things as well, but fire, you know, they do have this they get called to all of that, and and I think they do have this other realm to them of knowing all these, like, very random things that can happen to hurting somebody where police, I don't think, do as much. And tell me why in my head right when you said that, I was like, oh, yeah. Like, trying to kill us, flying us off a tube in a lake. You know? Because her dad was like, you have to wear you have to wear a life vest, which I know we wear a life vest, but, like, they did not show us any mercy if we were on a tube in the middle of a lake. Like, they were throwing us off. So, yeah, dad was a little bit more like, you know what? Live your life and and try it and you're good. Just get back up than, them being like, hey. Don't do that.

Brittany Nieft [00:07:18]:

You just

Kaity Standerfer [00:07:19]:

gotta shake it off.

Brittany Nieft [00:07:20]:

Shake it off. Yeah. Well and in in that aspect too, I can totally relate with my background in critical care nursing. Like, there's not a lot that phases me either. You know? So, like True. The kids wipe off their bike, and I might be delayed to go get up and be like, well, you know, alright. Let's take a look, and I'm not flying off the handle or whatever. And, obviously, I wouldn't if I thought something needed stitches, we would be going for stitches.

Brittany Nieft [00:07:44]:

But but I don't react as I'm not as jumpy as some other people are either just from stuff that I've seen and experienced as well. So I totally can relate to to dad in that regard.

Ashlee [00:07:57]:

Yeah. That's fair. I feel like one of the things that's really unique about us is that, obviously, we're all siblings, but we have such different personalities. And so, Katie, when you kinda were like, yeah, I went to my friend's house and did what I wanted to do then that was so you. That speaks to you. And I think that this next question is why I wanted to do that because even though we lived in the same house, we had such different experiences, but I also think that comes down to us individually. Like, I don't know. Britney would and correct me if I'm wrong.

Ashlee [00:08:27]:

Right? Britney, you were a little bit more passive. You were a little bit more like you weren't as neither of us were like Katie who just didn't care. Sorry. Sorry. You were my middle child, man. That middle child. Child.

Kaity Standerfer [00:08:41]:

You're second born. You just had to uphold the reputation.

Brittany Nieft [00:08:45]:

You helped it. No. I mean, definitely, I would I never liked getting in trouble. You know? Like, that was not anything that I'm not saying that I probably didn't do things that I would've gotten in trouble for, and thank god I didn't get caught doing it. But, you know, I just I don't never got a detention. If if anybody would have said anything to me to, you know, like, for correction or something, I probably would have cried on the spot. You know what I mean? And as I've grown up, some of that's gone away, but I'm still, I think, at the core, like, I'm a people pleaser. I don't like to be and I I I know that I tried to avoid that at home with dad because, I mean, Katie.

Ashlee [00:09:26]:

She showed us what not to do a lot of the times, so thank you.

Brittany Nieft [00:09:29]:

Definitely. Thank you. She definitely you know, I did not want the repercussions that that Katie had gotten sometimes being so strong willed. So I, yeah, there there was definitely times where I was just like, alright. Keep your head down, and let's let's go.

Ashlee [00:09:48]:

Yeah. You paved the way, Caitlin. Although, let's put it out there. So let's see if he actually listens to this episode. This will be a good test to see. But we know Katie's his favorite, so we just have to ride that out. I mean, maybe it's because she gave him such a hard time. I don't know, but we know that's what it is.

Ashlee [00:10:03]:

And so now we'll see. He'll he'll this is a good test.

Kaity Standerfer [00:10:06]:

He'll be like, no. You

Ashlee [00:10:08]:

didn't put that out there. We all know. So, anyway, so with that said, what was your guys' and I you know, of course, digging deep here a little bit, and I know it can be uncomfortable, but what was your guys' experience like growing up with dad as a police officer? And and, again, you could take me out of it, take everything out of it. It's your own personal experience of what it was like having a father as a first responder. Right? Like, a dad is a police officer. And whoever wants to start with that. Katie, you wanna go?

Kaity Standerfer [00:10:38]:

Sure. I don't know. I feel like I had a very different experience from, like like, even you because I know from a young age, you were, like, very worried about dad a lot. Mhmm. And I never really felt that. I did I feel like the very first time I felt that worry, I was on a ride along, but I was, like, in high school. Like, I was older. And I remember him saying, like, you usually can't take family members with you together on a ride along because if something happens, you might not be able to emotionally control yourself to figure out what to do next.

Ashlee [00:11:11]:

Right.

Kaity Standerfer [00:11:11]:

And so I remember him telling me, like, that, you know, the we'll be fine. No. It's fine. I remember him, like, just letting that sink in and him, like, walking up to give a car a ticket, and I'm seeing a car. And I'm like, oh, no. Wait. What if something just goes wrong right now? What do I do? And, like, I I wouldn't be able to watch that. So I don't know.

Kaity Standerfer [00:11:31]:

I felt like you were very, at a young age, aware of that, and I always was just like, oh, this

Ashlee [00:11:37]:

is so cool. He's he's so just does whatever.

Kaity Standerfer [00:11:40]:

You know? He's so strong and brave, and it didn't really hit me until I was older. Like, oh, gosh. Something can go seriously wrong here. Yeah. So I feel like in that aspect, it was a little different for me because I just saw it as more, like, a really cool thing. And it wasn't until later of my life that I did I worry due to, you know, people were talking really poorly about police officers and all that stuff. And I was like, oh, maybe he has to get out of this because I don't like any of this. And, you know, even people would bring stuff up, and all you wanna do is defend.

Kaity Standerfer [00:12:16]:

Mhmm. But then you also don't wanna do that because you wanna you don't wanna draw attention to yourself or your family.

Ashlee [00:12:21]:

Right.

Kaity Standerfer [00:12:22]:

So you because you're just kinda, like, stuck in this middle middle spot. But so that was kinda my experience. I just thought he was a really, really, really cool dad.

Ashlee [00:12:32]:

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When The Call Hits HomeBy Dr. Ashlee Gethner, DSW, LCSW & Jennifer Woosley, LPCC S