When the Flames Go Up

During her tenure as co-founder of BlogHer, Elisa Camahort Page set aside her background as a political blogger in order to establish the conference as “omnipartisan” and welcome to all (reasonable) opinions.

But now that she’s writing and consulting about all the challenges of modern commerce and modern life, those days are over.

Elisa is approaching her 60s with eyes much wider open, now that she has thoroughly debunked the myths she was fed about how flouncy and fabulous her 50s were supposed to be. Forget all the expectations about being a girl boss and a badass and a 50-year-old high-kicking firecracker. After you reach a certain station in life, can’t a woman just live?

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing and podcasting and reminiscing about weird Halloweens.

We also talk about the backstory behind BlogHer’s rise, caring for (and grieving) stubborn parents and step-parents, and the professional tenacity that only tech-bro douchebags can inspire.

Other links:

* Find all of Elisa’s myriad web presences on her Bio site

* Elisa’s BlogHer co-founders Lisa Stone and Jory Des Jardins

* Alexis Ohanian’s Waffle House plaque

* The Man Who Broke Capitalism, by David Gelles

* Heather Armstrong’s obituary, and her impact

* Jack Welch revolutionized General Electric, but not for the long haul

* ADU: accessory dwelling unit

* The Awakening Brain, by Lisa Miller PhD

After her first day volunteering as an archaeological technician at The President’s House in Philadelphia, author Elizabeth Mosier ended up spending seven years exploring meaning behind the artifacts she found and cared for. Her memoir, Excavating Memory: Archaeology and Home is about how that training prepared her to piece together her own family’s history while she cleaned our her childhood home after her mom died.

“What is important is the information, not the thing,” she says. So if you’re intimidated by the emotion associated with sorting your parents’ stuff, try a more archaeological approach (whip and fedora optional) to determine what it all meant and where it should end up. And then use your experience to sort your own artifacts and make the job easier for your own kids.

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We also talk about how the most important artifacts of our lives are dog-eared and chipped and smeared with grease and end up in the privy pit. And there’s always a way to remember a loved one through their belongings, without filling your apartment with airline seats.

Other links:

* Follow Elizabeth on Instagram

* RIP Louise Glück

* Archaeology Today, from Monty Python’s Flying Circus

* Ron Popeil, who gave us the Pocket Fisherman (but did not, as we learned, create the Hot Dogger)

* What is double-O flour?

“There is an unusualness to being connected to my spouse’s ex, and I’m sure it’s odd to be connected to your ex’s spouse.”

Such is the wordplay of Mike Zarin, who sits down with his new wife and the guy she married way back in the 1900s to talk about how the first of what became a daily phone-call regimen began with the word “moist.”

It turns out that this romance almost never happened, given Mike’s stringent criteria for a Friend request. But reconnecting after 30 years and falling in love in your 50s has its advantages, because once you know yourself better and have processed some of life’s more formidable challenges, it’s easier to know for sure when you’ve found the real thing.

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We also talk about why it’s so much easier to relax at your second wedding, the famous Netflix-and-Chill rendezvous in Buffalo (which actually included some Netflix), and the way his executive function complements her object impermanence.

Other links:

* The Adventures of Letterman (with Joan Rivers and Gene Wilder)

* The Electric Company intro song

* Tom Lehrer sings about Silent E

Note: This episode includes frank discussions about people who were murdered by Nazis during the Holocaust, and we recorded it before the brutal and disgusting attacks in Israel. We find Jennifer's work to be life-affirming, but in light of last weekend’s atrocities, we understand if you need to postpone listening in order to protect your heart.

Jennifer Mendelsohn was a freelance journalist when her nascent interest in genealogy led to a life-changing achievement: finding three first cousins of her husband’s grandmother, who had lost track of her entire family after the Holocaust.

Now—after rising to prominence using the viral #resistancegenealogy hashtag to call out political hypocrisy about immigration—she’s become a sought-after genealogical expert with an exciting new mission: using DNA at the Center for Jewish History to reunite Holocaust survivors with their families.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing and podcasting.

Getting the facts right about your forebears is an important pursuit, since much of the lore we pass down often distorts over the generations. We also talk about our shared joy of logic puzzles, how every immigration story leads to several even-more-amazing stories, and how close Jennifer came to writing the “When Your Hashtag Goes Viral” diet book.

Other links:

* Follow Jennifer Mendelsohn on Substack, Facebook, and Instagram.

* Jennifer debunks the idea that names were changed at Ellis Island

* Polish Jewish sisters orphaned and separated 80 years ago are reunited.

* Your Grandma Was A Chain Migrant! in the New Yorker.

* Jennifer’s brother Daniel Mendelsohn.

A lot has happened since Karen Walrond published The Lightmaker’s Manifesto in 2021. For one, we’ve all aged—which is nothing new. We’ve been doing that since the day we arrived. It’s just at this point in our midlives that we seem to notice it more.

Karen’s research in her new book, Radiant Rebellion, establishes that we’ve been trained to fear getting older since our mid-20s, mostly to replenish the job market and sell hair dye. Whether you color your hair or not, Karen asks us all to think deeply about why. And more importantly, about what would happen if you didn’t.

After Karen’s home was essentially wiped out by Hurricane Harvey, she saw the opportunity to reset her life, in part by resetting her wardrobe. Style is political, and words matter. So the best way to confront the relentless advance of time is to embrace it—and reframe it with the look and the words that suit you. Because however you look, your age looks amazing on you.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing and podcasting as we lean into our “silver fox” years.

We also talk about holding our tongues with our (mostly) adult children, the way to temper “toxic positivity” with practical optimism, and the majesty of Gabrielle Blair’s bright-red power suit.

Other links:

* Follow Karen on Instagram

* “Let’s End Ageism” TED talk by Ashton Applewhite

* Michelle Fishburne, the Happy Nomad

* What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, by Haruki Murakami

* Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski

* Karen appears on the Leadershit podcast with Caleb Gardner and Adrielle Parker

* Asha Dornfest guests on Episode 6 of our podcast

* We love the long, gray locks on Eden (formerly Mrs.) Kennedy and Paulina Porizkova

There was actually a lot to check in on this week, Magda’s last before her wedding on Sunday. Stress and decisions and the usual last-minute organizational mishegoss have so frazzled the bride-to-be that she’s immersed herself in more Duggar skul-Duggery in order to seem less insane. And Doug is back from nine days and 1,400 miles around the Four Corners, with no keyboards, no wi-fi, and nowhere to hide from his most intrusive neuroses.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing and podcasting and

Will Magda’s wedding ring arrive on time? What’s it like to wake up on the edge of Glen Canyon (and why isn’t that a character on Days of Our Lives)? And will Doug actually serve as Magda’s maid of honor?

How far through the Looking Glass have we fallen when a billionaire threatens to sue the Anti-Defamation League for defamation? Religious studies professor Eric Mazur says it’s not as far as you might think, because scapegoating Jews for the world’s ills has been around forever. The real change is how the age of hyper-information has brought these stories before a larger, non-Jewish audience.

Eric sees the shrinking of attendance at synagogues as the result of many factors, including the overall trend to question institutions and the increase in secular options to congregate. There’s also the matter of “Jewish law,” which, though a misnomer, needs to evolve in order to meet the needs of a technologizing culture.

As a historian, Eric also reveals the interesting back stories behind why “anti-Semitism” is now written as “antisemitism,” why humans seek to make meaning where there isn’t necessarily meaning, and how the Hora has found such a solid footing in non-Jewish weddings.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing, podcasting and appreciation for kosher green beans.

We also talk about the difference between Judaism in America and American Judaism, the exploration of Judaism in the Barbie movie, and the truly momentous day when Nabisco introduced kosher Oreos.

Other links:

* The Life, Times, and Legacy of Thomas Nast

* The “horns” of Michelangelo’s Moses

* Watch The Tribe, by Tiffany Shlain

Photo by Leona Baker for Virginia Wesleyan University

When you’re reading (or watching) Fleishman is in Trouble, you may be grappling with existential questions about the many stages of divorce. We’re long onto on the other side of it, and now we’re entering the newest stage, where we discuss old-person ailments, vitamin supplements, and body disposal.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our work.

Plus: How heavily is Magda leaning into Stepmomcore? Can Doug avoid tomatoes during the heart of tomato season? And assuming you could find it, how easy would it be to dump a body in the Charles?

Photo by James Yarema on Unsplash

When Wendi Aarons’s first son was born, she never anticipated having to caution him against living in an L.A. rap mansion. She didn’t figure on raising her kids in the oppressive heat (and politics) of Texas, next to this guy. And she never thought her writing would be subject to a “sensitivity review.”

But she’s used it all to inspire an impressive and diverse career as author of I’m Wearing Tunics Now and Ginger Mancino: Kid Comedian and frequent contributor to The New Yorker and McSweeney’s.

Wendi wields her Bombeck-ian sensibilities at a great time in life, when our increased creativity often coincides with a less-frenzied household. And though we Gen-X parent-blogger types might be having a harder time sending our kids off to their next things, the only way she wants to find the humor there is to aim the jokes at herself.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our writing, podcasting and abiding interest in celebrity memoirs.

We also talk about 9/11 and COVID as rotten bookends for our kids’ young lives, staying politically active despite the exhaustion, and why more non-Midwesterners need to appreciate polka, Elks Clubs, and saying “uff da” unironically.

Other links:

* Find everything you need to know at wendiaarons.com

* Subscribe to Wendi’s Substack, They're Not All Gems

* Subscribe as well to The Fainting Couch and The Platypusary

* “Things to do at work besides showing your penis to coworkers”

* Check out Wendi’s latest classes on her Instagram bio

* Inside Amy Schumer: “Last Fuckable Day”

For once, Magda has a reason to be thankful for overcast humidity, in contrast to the all-too-perfect autumn weather that many New Yorkers associate with 9/11. We talk about the vexing disillusion of those months after the towers fell, and how a doctor Magda knew felt the same way as a teenager after Pearl Harbor was attacked.

We also remember the strangely large number of people we know who had reason to be in or near the World Trade Center on 9/11 but, for one flukey reason or another, were not.

Thanks for listening to When the Flames Go Up! Please consider a paid subscription to support our work—because if you ever need help, we know a guy who knows a guy.

Tune in for recommendations for some cathartic trauma memoirs, a salute to the rotating cube as an architectural device, Doug’s spot-on impersonation of his voice filtered through shitty wi-fi, and how to feel when a doctor tells you, “Man, that’s a lot of pus!”

Photo by Aaron Lee on Unsplash