A few years ago, a middle school client of mine came in upset. Her best friend had been sitting with someone else on the bus, and she felt left out and hurt.

So she did what felt logical to her at the time: She wrote a long letter to her friend, accusing the friend of bullying her by leaving her out, and listing every mean thing the friend had ever done. She gave the letter to the friend the next day.

Dr. Friendtastic for Parents is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Her friend read the letter and immediately accused her of bullying.

This wasn’t bullying on either side. It was just a clumsy effort to deal with a conflict by a kid who didn’t yet have the tools to handle one.

Most of the friendship trouble I hear about from parents looks like some version of this. A child gets hurt. They try to fix it the only way they know how: by retaliating, withdrawing, escalating, or freezing, and it makes things worse.

And we, as parents, want so badly to help. But our instincts often pull us in two unhelpful directions. We either jump in and try to solve it for them by calling the other parent, marching into the school, and demanding apologies.

Or we tell them to ignore it and hope it blows over.

Neither of these strategies teaches them what to do the next time. And there’s always a next time.

What I’ve come to believe, after years of working with kids and families, is that conflicts are actually opportunities. They’re how children learn to see another person’s perspective, communicate their own feelings, negotiate, compromise, and forgive.

Painful, yes. But also where so much of the real friendship work happens.

This month's featured course will show you how to help your child learn the skills to face conflict with more confidence and less anxiety.

In this self-paced online course, I’ll guide you through the three kid conflict struggles I see most often in my clinical practice—the same ones that show up in nearly every family.

1. “That kid was mean to my kid.”

2. “My child annoys other kids.”

3. “My kid has a frenemy.”

Inside the workshop, you’ll learn how to:

• Communicate so your child keeps talking to you

• Coach your child through conflict without taking over

• Tell the difference between bullying and ordinary meanness

• Spot a frenemy and know what to do about it

• Help your child apologize and mean it

• Repair a friendship after a falling-out, because most friendships can be rebuilt when kids have the right tools

It’s twelve lessons and ten parent Q&As–about an hour of video total–broken into short segments you can watch in pieces or all at once and come back to whenever your child hits a friendship rough spot.

Click the link below to access the course at the special subscriber price of $75.

Get the Course →

Purchase the course before May 29th and receive a free bonus:

When Your Child Can’t Let It Go: A Parent’s Guide to Teaching Forgiveness — a guide on the delicate balance of teaching kids to forgive, when to let it go, and when to draw the line.

This is only available this month!

Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen

Dr. Friendtastic for Parents is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.