Outgrowing Old Realities & Whispering New Truths

It’s wild, isn’t it?

When your favourite piece of clothing—the one that once made you feel unstoppable—still fits, technically… but it just doesn’t feel right anymore. It pinches in places you didn’t notice before. It clings where you now crave softness.  You suddenly realise: maybe it’s not the fabric that changed, maybe it’s you who’s changed.

That’s where I’m at. Growing out of old dreams, is like retiring a pair of trusty jeans that rode with me through the wild nights and even wilder plans. They served their purpose. But now? I’m daydreaming new ones.  Midlife, this time, they’re stitched with quieter threads—less toxicity and strife, more harmony and less stress.

MIDLIFE MUSINGS AND MAYHEM is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I used to chase rooms filled with the right people. You know, the ones who looked good on your insta feed or a LinkedIn brag or a dinner party name-drop. But the spaces I crave now? Just need to be filled with the right energy. The kind of people who don’t just see the highlight reel, but the whole damn blooper reel too—and stay anyway.

Yes, my dreams still involve cool places and people… but my definition of “cool” has evolved. These days, it’s less rooftop parties and more rooftop solitude. Less VIP lists, more inner peace. I mean I am not a recluse or becoming one—as every now and then, you can catch me OUTSIDE.

I know I’m not the same. I can feel the shift, tugging at the edges of who I used to be. And while I’m excited to meet the next version of me, I also know I can’t skip the messy middle. In the words of JAY Z on his smash hit with Linkin Park “ encore” There’s no grand “opening” or  grand “closing.” Just layers being peeled back, one truth at a time. I’m a work in progress. Forever.

Genuine Joy (Even When You’re Falling Apart a Bit)

Let’s keep it a buck: being genuinely happy for someone else when your own life feels like it’s being held together by chewing gum, dry shampoo, and ever decreasing faith is hard…  That’s not just emotional maturity—that’s advanced-level adulting. That’s emotional Pilates, some kind of stretching that hits parts of your soul you didn’t even know were tight.

Truth is celebrating someone else’s joy doesn’t shrink your own. In fact, it plants it. Quietly. Like hope with a long germination period.

Being happy for someone—even when you’re bruised, in a funk, or just emotionally crusty—takes guts. It means you’re starting to accept (or at least wrestle with the idea) that life isn’t a Pinterest board or linear.

Full transparency here—I still fall face-first into the puddle of “Why not me?” sometimes. I spiral. I scroll. I sulk. I whisper “when God?” under my breath more than I care to admit. I’m not proud of it. But I’m human. The path to healing isn’t a linear journey either—it’s a bloody roundabout.

But comparison? Oh, that B***H is  a slick thief. An “OLE” as we say in Lagos. Out here in these streets stealing hope, peace, and joy.  Sometimes she looks like inspiration until she starts whispering, “You’re behind.” Your mates have done XYZ and you haven’t.  Mindfuck!!!! 

Real joy for others is radical. It punches scarcity in the face—the same scarcity mindset that tells us there’s only so much love, success, money, or visibility to go around (just like the mindset of those who bullied that US Substack author off the platform last week... you know the one 👀).

Nah. The universe isn’t stingy. But it does respond to energy. And when your energy says,

“There’s enough for all of us,” it listens.

So yes, clap for them. Even with shaky hands. Even from the back row. Joy is contagious—and when it’s your turn, you’ll want people who clapped for you when they had every reason not to.

We Rise by Lifting Others (Not Just a Cute Quote)

“We rise by lifting others,”I heard Davido mention this in an interview on the Breakfast club a few days ago and it stuck with me. Not just because I love a well-dropped wisdom bomb, especially one I think I have heard before but can’t place where, but because it reminded me how powerful we can be when we shift the spotlight off ourselves for a moment and shine it on someone else.

But what does that actually look like in everyday life? Like beyond the emojis and messages of support on social media to see?

Here’s a starter pack for you - These are simple non “performative” acts of lifting others 

* Send the damn message.“Saw your launch—you're killing it.” Not because you want something. Just because you mean it.

* Make intros with intention.Know someone who could use a connection? Bridge the gap. Share the plug. Be the unofficial fairy godmother and connect people.

* Hold space, not spotlights. This is one i keep learningWhen someone tells you good news, don’t counter with your own. Just let them shine.

* Clap from the back row.Not every win needs a front-row ticket. Silent support is still support. Like. Share. Comment. Promote.

* Speak their name in rooms they’re not in.Be that whisper in the boardroom, the advocate over brunch, the hype woman they didn’t even know they had.

Lifting others isn’t performative. It’s a way of being.And when you do it from a real place—not for clout, not for karma points, but because you actually want to see people win—you start rising too.

Not always financially  ( though you don’t do this for money, it would be nice to be remembered if there was some monetary gain - most people don’t think like this which irks me, I gotta be honest).Not always visibly.But soulfully. Quietly. Powerfully.

Do I Hate the Game? Or Just the Player? Or Both??

Just the other day I asked myself:

Do I hate the game? Or just the player?One? The other? Both?I couldn't decide, i am undecided.

The game, you know the system.  —society, the rules, the algorithms, the industry gatekeepers, the silent expectations no one warned us about—can be rigged. 

Exhausting. Downright disrespectful to your spirit. It favours noise over nuance, speed over substance, shiny over soulful. It’s why burnout is trending and authenticity feels like a branding strategy.

But sometimes, it’s not the game.Sometimes, it’s the player.

Me.You.Us.

The version of me that hustled in silence, hoping someone would notice.The version that stuck to timelines society made without consulting me. The version that kept showing up in rooms I’d outgrown or being available to people whom I shouldn't. 

It’s not about choosing sides. Maybe it’s about seeing the messy middle—where the game is flawed and the player needs recalibrating.

So no, I don’t have it all figured out.I’m still learning to unfuck my life and let go of old things, people, relationships, dreams that no longer serve me.

Shout out toAshley Kelsch and Necole ❤️ whose posts this week are so relatable , have resonated deep and have totally just inspired my own musings. Subscribe to their newsletters if you aren’t already guys.

Anyway , ill be here trying to choose softness over cynicism which ill do my best to accomplish on most days). But Still side-eyeing the algorithm, the patriarchy, and my own procrastination.

But maybe that’s the point of growth in midlife.It’s not about declaring victory.It’s about asking better questions—and having the guts to hold yourself accountable. I GAT’S NO ONE 2 BLAME BUT ME…

Like how I have put on some weight post easter even though the wedding I was trying to look good for is on Saturday… Ah well, as we say in Lagos- “I can’t come and keee ma self.” I will just have to reset my diet again - Stop eating bread, diary and potatoes which I have indulged in since easter sunday.

Accepting it, All of it, the Mess, Lovingly and with intention.

Let’s see how it goes shaaaaa.

One love. x

P.s As I mentioned in my last post and in subsequent others, I am really trying to grow the community here so do engage with this post of it resonates.

Do not forget to Like, re stack and share with others who are not subscribed to my musings.

Please consider upgrading to a paid subscription If you can afford it or buy me a coffee, I need all the encouragement I can get.

P.P.S HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to my beloved cousin Rihanna and ASAP rocky. baby no3 on the way. You doing it guys!! That’s right, build that family - cement that legacy my sister.. people can’t understand, these guys are trying to get the family thing done and dusted so they can face business. I LOVE it, and I JUST LOVE them!!!

Some people have the gaul to be asking for album - there’s you album - there it is for you - It is called preggers . LOLLLLLLLLL

I am going to be an aunty again :)))))))

MIDLIFE MUSINGS AND MAYHEM is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit arietawho.substack.com/subscribe