By the 1990s cell phones had become more commonplace. Never mind that they'd been invented for almost 2 decades by then. I don't remember when caller ID disrupted our phone usage, but it was a phenomenal development for me. "Wait a minute, what? I can know who is calling before I pick it up?" This is great!

Quickly, caller ID became a psychological barometer of sorts. It became my gauge for whether or not a person was helpful or harmful. Whether this incoming call was from somebody I really wanted to hear from or whether it was from somebody I dreaded interacting with.

Some months ago I did an episode entitled, Are You Helping Or Harming? That's not a recent question for me. I was sitting in a classroom in LSU wishing I was anywhere, but here - and longing to see Rhonda, who was about 11 hours up the highways in Ft. Worth - pondering that question as an 18 or 19-year-old. A professor provoked it. An arrogant, show-off psych professor who was entertaining, but quite the opposite of helpful.

His classroom was large and on the opposite side of the campus from any other class I had. No problem. I rode a bike to classes. From the first day of class when he informed the guys that they could bring him alcohol if they wanted to improve their grades to a statement that would surely get a professor fired today - "and you girls, well, you know what you can do." I instantly disliked him, but I loved the subject - psychology. Credit goes to him though for prompting my question, "Are you helping or harming?" He was doing both, simultaneously. In spite of it all, I enjoyed the class because I was then, and still am, very interested in psychology.

I'm also still intrigued by the choices people make that are dramatically opposed to one another. The man who can lavish affection and admiration on a woman he professes to love, then put his hands violently on her. The person who can whisper sweet nothings in one ear and profanely cuss into the ear of another. But aren't we all capable of it? I suspect we are.

As curious as that behavior may be the more puzzling behavior to me is the person filled with such hubris they lack empathy. People who are consistently harmful, but don't know it because they think you - and the rest of the world - can't possibly survive without their advice, criticism, and judgment. I'm unabashedly aware of my stupidity and ignorance. But I'm equally aware of my high degree of curiosity and my even higher degree of empathy. So much so that's it can be a problem for me. Asking stupid questions was never really a challenge for me because learning was more important than appearing smart or knowledgeable. Actually knowing beats appearing like I know. This is why, in part, I'm put off by people who know everything about everything. I've found people who don't seek understanding are the most critical people. I've been "blessed" to have a handful of such people enter my life --- and in most cases, I've frantically set about to get myself out of their sphere. Two such people occupied my life longer than I might have liked, but it couldn't be helped. So it goes.

I still use that caller ID test whenever I gauge whether or not I'm willing to allow somebody into my life - or how deeply I'm willing to let them in. If the caller ID shows a person's name and number, how do I feel? Am I excited to talk with them? Then I likely am willing to devote myself to that relationship. Do I dread talking with them? Then I'm not willing to advance the relationship, and I'm likely looking for ways to distance myself from them if I can. It's a test that so far hasn't failed me.

This is the wall at the entrance to The Yellow Studio. That sign in the middle was a gift from somebody who knows me well. ;) "Everyone brings joy to this office...some when they enter. Others when they leave."