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When you cry easily (Beth, Age 6)
Hi there,
Some kids are tender-hearted and cry easily. This is not a problem–and may even be a personal strength–unless the tears come so often that they interfere with other activities and relationships.
In this week's episode, Beth says her friends are fed up with her tendency to cry. Learning ways to soothe herself might help her cope in more mature ways when she feels overwhelmed.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Did you get your December gift coupon code?
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 102 - How to express your feelings with friends (Aida, Age 5)
Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, age 5)
Ep. 5 - Friend doesn’t want what I want (Edith, age 8)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Think of a time you cried recently. What triggered your tears? Were you alone or with others? If you were with others, how did they respond?
Everyone cries sometimes. What do you think are some good or not-so-good places to cry? Why? [Hint: Who’s around and how are they likely to respond?]
Have you ever tried to comfort a friend who was crying? What did you do or what could you do in that situation?
Dr. Friendtastic mentioned 5 self-soothing strategies to use when you feel like crying but don’t want to cry. Which of these appeals to you? What other strategies might be helpful?
Research says that females tend to cry more often than males. Why do you think that is?
Did you know that there are three different kinds of tears? Basal tears keep our eyes comfortably wet. Reflex tears help us flush out things that bother our eyes, like dust, dirt, onion fumes, or smoke. Emotional tears happen in response to strong feelings, such as feeling sad, hurt, anxious, angry, or even overjoyed.
Animals sometimes cry, but only humans have emotional tears. On average, people create 15 to 30 gallons of tears per year. That’s about 60 to 120 liters. It’s enough to completely fill one or two standard-sized fish tanks!
In today’s episode, we’ll talk about crying and how it relates to friendship. Take a listen!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
Hi, my name’s Beth. I’m six years old. My friends get fed up with me when I cry at class. What can I do?
Hi, Beth. Thanks for sending in your question!
First let me say: Everyone cries! And tears aren’t dangerous. Some scientists think that tears help us feel better by releasing stress hormones. Tears can also be a way of signalling to others, “I need help! I’m overwhelmed by my big feelings!”
What’s interesting about your question is that you say your friends are getting annoyed with how much or how often you cry. So, I’m guessing you’re not crying tears of joy.
Some people cry more often than others. This might be because their family or culture is more open about expressing emotions, or because they have a lot of hard and upsetting things going on in their life. It might also be because they’re extra sensitive: They feel things deeply and have strong reactions to situations that maybe wouldn’t bother others. Feeling things deeply can be a personal strength!
On the other hand, sometimes frequent crying happens because kids haven’t yet learned other ways to deal with their feelings. Crying can become a habit–their go-to response whenever things aren’t the way they want. If kids are spending a lot of time crying, it means they’re spending less time playing and learning and talking with friends and reading and exploring and…well, everything else! Plus other kids might decide they’re not much fun to be around if they’re often crying.
Tears can be a kind of collapse, signalling, “I can’t handle this!” Sometimes, that’s absolutely true! We’ve all been in situations where we’ve cried because whatever was going on felt like too much to handle, and we needed extra comfort and support from people who care about us. And sometimes it’s less about the situation and more about how we respond to it.
If you think working on your coping skills might help, here are five strategies you could try when you feel the urge to cry, but you don’t want to. They all get easier with practice!
Take a deep breath in through your nose, then let it out very slowly through your mouth. Doing this a few times can help you relax and stop the tears.
Relax your face muscles. If you’re upset and ready to cry, you face is probably scrunched up tight. Try to smooth your forehead, relax the muscles around your eyes, soften your cheeks and lips, and let the urge to cry pass.
Distract yourself. Silently go over the lyrics to a favorite song. Count or do math facts in your head. For instance, you could figure out, what’s 100 minus 7? 93. Minus 7? 86. Minus 7? 79. Keep going! Concentrating on something else for a couple of minutes could help you settle.
Give yourself a pep talk. Don’t try to tell yourself, “This is great! I love it!” when you don’t, because that won’t help. Instead, tell yourself something honest and kind like, “I don’t like this, but I can handle it.”
Move your body. Go for a walk. Swing on a swing. Get a drink of water or go to the bathroom to step away from the situation for a bit.
Once the urge to cry has passed, you can think about more direct ways of dealing with the situation. This might involve asking questions, trying a different strategy, getting help, explaining what you want, just accepting the situation, or hanging out with someone else. All of those are easier to do when you’re not crying.
There’s no specific line defining what is or isn’t too much crying. If your crying happens often enough that it’s getting in the way of you doing what you want or need to do, or if it’s often affecting your friendships, then it might be worth talking to your grown-up to figure out what’s going on and what would help you move forward.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
View all episodes
By Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhDHi there,
Some kids are tender-hearted and cry easily. This is not a problem–and may even be a personal strength–unless the tears come so often that they interfere with other activities and relationships.
In this week's episode, Beth says her friends are fed up with her tendency to cry. Learning ways to soothe herself might help her cope in more mature ways when she feels overwhelmed.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Did you get your December gift coupon code?
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 102 - How to express your feelings with friends (Aida, Age 5)
Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, age 5)
Ep. 5 - Friend doesn’t want what I want (Edith, age 8)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Think of a time you cried recently. What triggered your tears? Were you alone or with others? If you were with others, how did they respond?
Everyone cries sometimes. What do you think are some good or not-so-good places to cry? Why? [Hint: Who’s around and how are they likely to respond?]
Have you ever tried to comfort a friend who was crying? What did you do or what could you do in that situation?
Dr. Friendtastic mentioned 5 self-soothing strategies to use when you feel like crying but don’t want to cry. Which of these appeals to you? What other strategies might be helpful?
Research says that females tend to cry more often than males. Why do you think that is?
Did you know that there are three different kinds of tears? Basal tears keep our eyes comfortably wet. Reflex tears help us flush out things that bother our eyes, like dust, dirt, onion fumes, or smoke. Emotional tears happen in response to strong feelings, such as feeling sad, hurt, anxious, angry, or even overjoyed.
Animals sometimes cry, but only humans have emotional tears. On average, people create 15 to 30 gallons of tears per year. That’s about 60 to 120 liters. It’s enough to completely fill one or two standard-sized fish tanks!
In today’s episode, we’ll talk about crying and how it relates to friendship. Take a listen!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
Hi, my name’s Beth. I’m six years old. My friends get fed up with me when I cry at class. What can I do?
Hi, Beth. Thanks for sending in your question!
First let me say: Everyone cries! And tears aren’t dangerous. Some scientists think that tears help us feel better by releasing stress hormones. Tears can also be a way of signalling to others, “I need help! I’m overwhelmed by my big feelings!”
What’s interesting about your question is that you say your friends are getting annoyed with how much or how often you cry. So, I’m guessing you’re not crying tears of joy.
Some people cry more often than others. This might be because their family or culture is more open about expressing emotions, or because they have a lot of hard and upsetting things going on in their life. It might also be because they’re extra sensitive: They feel things deeply and have strong reactions to situations that maybe wouldn’t bother others. Feeling things deeply can be a personal strength!
On the other hand, sometimes frequent crying happens because kids haven’t yet learned other ways to deal with their feelings. Crying can become a habit–their go-to response whenever things aren’t the way they want. If kids are spending a lot of time crying, it means they’re spending less time playing and learning and talking with friends and reading and exploring and…well, everything else! Plus other kids might decide they’re not much fun to be around if they’re often crying.
Tears can be a kind of collapse, signalling, “I can’t handle this!” Sometimes, that’s absolutely true! We’ve all been in situations where we’ve cried because whatever was going on felt like too much to handle, and we needed extra comfort and support from people who care about us. And sometimes it’s less about the situation and more about how we respond to it.
If you think working on your coping skills might help, here are five strategies you could try when you feel the urge to cry, but you don’t want to. They all get easier with practice!
Take a deep breath in through your nose, then let it out very slowly through your mouth. Doing this a few times can help you relax and stop the tears.
Relax your face muscles. If you’re upset and ready to cry, you face is probably scrunched up tight. Try to smooth your forehead, relax the muscles around your eyes, soften your cheeks and lips, and let the urge to cry pass.
Distract yourself. Silently go over the lyrics to a favorite song. Count or do math facts in your head. For instance, you could figure out, what’s 100 minus 7? 93. Minus 7? 86. Minus 7? 79. Keep going! Concentrating on something else for a couple of minutes could help you settle.
Give yourself a pep talk. Don’t try to tell yourself, “This is great! I love it!” when you don’t, because that won’t help. Instead, tell yourself something honest and kind like, “I don’t like this, but I can handle it.”
Move your body. Go for a walk. Swing on a swing. Get a drink of water or go to the bathroom to step away from the situation for a bit.
Once the urge to cry has passed, you can think about more direct ways of dealing with the situation. This might involve asking questions, trying a different strategy, getting help, explaining what you want, just accepting the situation, or hanging out with someone else. All of those are easier to do when you’re not crying.
There’s no specific line defining what is or isn’t too much crying. If your crying happens often enough that it’s getting in the way of you doing what you want or need to do, or if it’s often affecting your friendships, then it might be worth talking to your grown-up to figure out what’s going on and what would help you move forward.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.