When you experience being betrayed it is devastating. When that betrayal comes from an intimate partner, your life is changed forever. These changes impact emotional, psychological, spiritual, existential, physical and relational stability. In fact, intimate betrayal is traumatic. It  makes you feel like you are losing your mind. It robs you of your sense of security and puts you in a state of turbulence. Suddenly, everything you thought you knew, is now questioned, reality is altered. Your brain begins to be on constant alert. This traumatic disruption, causes extreme hyper-vigilance, restlessness, anxiety, and a sense of being on guard. This alters your ability to regulate your mood, to calm yourself, to think, to reason, and to make intelligent decisions. Your brain is hijacked with fear and daily tasks become almost impossible.  Research has shown that with the help of a trained professional the healing process usually takes between 18 months to 3 years. The healing period increases, with multiple betrayals and in long term relationships. This is an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. For this reason, it is my privilege to provide professional insight, encouragement and resources, so that you don’t have to feel as alone. Let's make a connection right now! Reach out and let me know how this episode resonates with you. Email me: insideoutconvo@gmail.com *** http://www.insideoutconversations.com Facebook @lisalackeyconversations Instagram @lisalackey60   Edited by Andrea Klunder and Edwin Ruiz at The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/    

026 - When You've Been Betrayed

Inviting all women, in particular my Black sisters, to take up space and just be. An invitation to talk about what we think about, but rarely speak about. Conversations about spirituality, relationships, the “ism’s,” sex, mental wellbeing, secrets and feelings that we stuffed. We will celebrate! You will laugh, cry, be pissed, disagree, and begin to count yourself in where you’ve been counted out. Lisa Lackey, therapist, consultant and chief conversation starter and her guests will challenge you to keep the conversation going. Think of Insideout Conversations as brunch with your main girls right in the middle of the week.

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Whenever women get together, we have an opportunity to share our stories. While the cadence of each narrative may differ wildly from our own, we recognize something familiar in the storyteller’s experience. That’s the rhythm of sisterhood. It calls us to bear witness to each other’s herstory and preserve these sacred accounts. When I learned of this year's theme for National Women's Month, “Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories,” I knew I had to invite Reverend Dr. Irene Taylor. She’s a retired pastor who has served her professional calling for almost 40 years, including as a United States Army Reserve chaplain. To say that she has impacted the lives of many women is an understatement. Although our time in conversation falls short of capturing Reverend Irene’s full brilliance, it honors and celebrates her contribution to our ever-expanding treasury of women’s truths. *** If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at lisa@insideoutrecovery.com and let me know. Take care, Lisa  Get connected! lisa@insideoutrecovery.com Facebook: @insideoutliving Instagram: @insideoutconversations LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey  Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

058 - Celebrating Women and Their Stories with Dr. Reverend Irene Taylor

Mothers and daughters. As I grow older––moving through years that I previously only ever associated with my mother, casting off ages that will belong to my daughter soon enough––I think about the passage of time and return to the interconnectedness of this matrilineal relationship. Whether the kinship is affectionate, strained, or lost altogether, there are mysteries bound up in our mother-daughter connections, an amniotic “knowing” that extends back to our first mother. It’s a reminder that when we were in our mother's womb, we shared that space with her. And when she was still forming within her mother, the seeds of our existence were also present there. All down the line. We transmit a rhythm from one generation to the next. Familiar, yet mysterious. *** If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at lisa@insideoutrecovery.com and let me know. Take care, Lisa  Get connected! lisa@insideoutrecovery.com Facebook: @insideoutliving Instagram: @insideoutconversations LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey  Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/    

057 - In My Grandmother’s Womb Before I Was

When this conversation closes, you'll remember the name Mishara D. Winston. What's more, you'll remember––or learn for the first time––how to make and keep promises to yourself. That's all a boundary is, a commitment we hold sacred because we are sacred. We are worthy of promises kept. Even when we aren't doing it for someone else. Even when we're not striving for greatness. Even when we aren't struggling. These are potent reminders for Black women, the group first and most often pressured to break promises we've authored for ourselves.   Although I've only known Mishara for a few short months, I feel like we've known each other for a lifetime. As young as she is, Mishara's already retired from the role of traditional mental health therapist. She now operates from a zone more aligned with her spirit as a Black healer, working within her community to heal trauma and address the generational impact of trauma. Mishara leans into the holistic principles of Black community (self-awareness, accountability, compassion) and incorporates these gifts into her myriad regenerative spaces, including Tribe, Thrive, and Crave. "I think of boundaries not as something we set, not as something we put up, and not as something that can be crossed, but as kept promises to ourselves," Mishara says, adding, "It's a contract between me and me––, and there's no way for another person to keep my promise to me." When we sit with that explanation for a bit, we understand that boundaries are not inherently selfish or exclusionary (although the person trying to cross yours might beg to differ; let them). Instead, boundaries provide a map of our hearts to anyone willing to honor the terms under which they are created. That includes ourselves.  This colonial culture under which we're groomed is all too happy to help us break the promises we've made to ourselves, and the trickle-down effect of that severing is evident. But when we set our boundaries and keep that sacred pact, the juiciness can't help but flow outward. This is what Mishara describes as being in reciprocal alignment with community. And no one can stem that tide! CONNECT WITH MISHARA D. WINSTON Website Patreon  Instagram *** If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at lisa@insideoutrecovery.com and let me know. Take care, Lisa  Get connected! lisa@insideoutrecovery.com Facebook: @insideoutliving Instagram: @insideoutconversations LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey  Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

056 - Mishara D. Winston on Boundaries for Juicy Dreams

Let’s get real. Those socks on the floor that you and your partner continually argue over? Those socks aren’t the issue. So what’s underneath the resentment, the irritation, the emotion? My guest says if we want to strengthen our relationships, we must go inward before shifting our attention outward.  Dr. Katherine Helm, Ph.D., has dedicated much of her career (25 years and counting) to helping folks confront their relationship struggles with honesty and empathy. In addition to her experience in multiple clinical settings, Dr. Helm is a professor, author of numerous books, and, most recently, a TEDx Talk speaker. In Revolutionize Your Relationship: A Little Goes A Long Way, Katherine brings relationship realness to the TEDx stage with her trademark practical, collaborative, and sensitive approach. Her wisdom is compelling and easily applicable to all of our significant relationships, not just the romantic ones. “The little positive things you do in your relationship matter so much,” Katherine says, adding, “the little negative things you do can also really erode your relationship.” To restore balance and deepen true intimacy (think: liking your partner in addition to loving them), she recommends that couples articulate their individual needs, first to themselves, then to each other. “Being self-aware––who are you, what you value, how you express your emotions––you have to acknowledge that you do have needs. It’s also recognizing that our needs (and those of our partner) change over the relationship's lifespan.” Easier said than done for many of us, Katherine included. “Black women and Black people, in general, often don't allow themselves to be vulnerable cuz we see it as a sign of weakness.” Katherine reminds every “strong Black woman” that our feelings matter! “They help us have healthy, satisfying relationships.” She returns again to the exercise of self-assessment. Black women are often taught to emotionally disconnect from ourselves, to favor perfection over progress. “That’s one of the things that makes it so hard to heal.” We owe ourselves and our partners honest emotional interaction. We owe future generations the powerful healing influence of relationships that are respectful, present, and, yes, vulnerable. CONNECT WITH DR. KATHERINE HELM Website  Twitter  Instagram LinkedIn MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Lovely Space via Mighty Networks *** If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at lisa@insideoutrecovery.com and let me know. Take care, Lisa  Get connected! lisa@insideoutrecovery.com Facebook: @insideoutliving Instagram: @insideoutconversations LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey  Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

055 - Relationships, Triggers, and Repair with Dr. Katherine Helm

At first glance, the phrase “raising your parents” might provocate some folks — on both sides of that intergenerational exchange. My guest Morgan Russell Williams views it as a playful invitation to build more respectful, rewarding relationships throughout every stage of our lives.  Morgan, the self-described serial entrepreneur behind Mo-Lit Candles, is a 30-something daughter confronting challenges that arise as the physical and emotional care dynamic between adult child and aging parent evolves. “As I keep asking myself this question, ‘how do I make sure they're okay?’ I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm parenting my parents! I'm raising my parents, and I don't mean that offensively at all.” Consider the truths of life. With youth generally comes greater physical stamina and a predisposition toward the latest technology or innovation. Age provides financial stability and the wisdom of experience. When any of these positive attributes are mishandled, even the best parent-child relationships might suffer from hurt feelings, silent resentments, or hasty decisions. We’ve all been there! Take comfort in knowing that it’s never too late to reverse course.  Morgan and her parents are learning as they go. Her advice? Name stressors, embrace each other's differences, and respect life’s changes. She knows from experience, however, that the urge to micro-manage the relationship dynamic is strong. Maintaining autonomy on both sides is easier when children and parents commit to a thoughtful, communicative aging process. “Without that communication though, without that respect, without that empathy, without that alignment on what they want and need and what I want and need, it could be a rocky road.”  There’s so much intentionality to Morgan’s approach. Unsurprisingly, she brings that same high level of awareness to her professional endeavors. The Mo-Lit collection of handmade candles is inspired by the ancient practice of using scent to support purposeful reflection. “It began with me having a candle habit,” she jokes about her serious quest to create a healthier candle. Mo-Lit vessels feature better ingredients and labels designed to cultivate intuition and deeper self-awareness. “You have all the answers you need; you just need the right questions to surface that.” The same can be said of the parent-child relationship.  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Lovely Space via Mighty Networks *** If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at lisa@insideoutrecovery.com and let me know. Take care, Lisa  Get connected! lisa@insideoutrecovery.com Facebook: @insideoutliving Instagram: @insideoutconversations LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey  Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios. Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons. Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

026 - When You've Been Betrayed

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