Whenever women get together, we have an opportunity to share our stories. While the cadence of each narrative may differ wildly from our own, we recognize something familiar in the storyteller’s experience. That’s the rhythm of sisterhood. It calls us to bear witness to each other’s herstory and preserve these sacred accounts.

When I learned of this year's theme for National Women's Month, “Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories,” I knew I had to invite Reverend Dr. Irene Taylor. She’s a retired pastor who has served her professional calling for almost 40 years, including as a United States Army Reserve chaplain. To say that she has impacted the lives of many women is an understatement. Although our time in conversation falls short of capturing Reverend Irene’s full brilliance, it honors and celebrates her contribution to our ever-expanding treasury of women’s truths.

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

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Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

Mothers and daughters. As I grow older––moving through years that I previously only ever associated with my mother, casting off ages that will belong to my daughter soon enough––I think about the passage of time and return to the interconnectedness of this matrilineal relationship.

Whether the kinship is affectionate, strained, or lost altogether, there are mysteries bound up in our mother-daughter connections, an amniotic “knowing” that extends back to our first mother. It’s a reminder that when we were in our mother's womb, we shared that space with her. And when she was still forming within her mother, the seeds of our existence were also present there. All down the line. We transmit a rhythm from one generation to the next. Familiar, yet mysterious.

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

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Facebook: @insideoutliving

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Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

 

When this conversation closes, you'll remember the name Mishara D. Winston. What's more, you'll remember––or learn for the first time––how to make and keep promises to yourself.

That's all a boundary is, a commitment we hold sacred because we are sacred. We are worthy of promises kept. Even when we aren't doing it for someone else. Even when we're not striving for greatness. Even when we aren't struggling. These are potent reminders for Black women, the group first and most often pressured to break promises we've authored for ourselves.  

Although I've only known Mishara for a few short months, I feel like we've known each other for a lifetime. As young as she is, Mishara's already retired from the role of traditional mental health therapist. She now operates from a zone more aligned with her spirit as a Black healer, working within her community to heal trauma and address the generational impact of trauma. Mishara leans into the holistic principles of Black community (self-awareness, accountability, compassion) and incorporates these gifts into her myriad regenerative spaces, including Tribe, Thrive, and Crave.

"I think of boundaries not as something we set, not as something we put up, and not as something that can be crossed, but as kept promises to ourselves," Mishara says, adding, "It's a contract between me and me––, and there's no way for another person to keep my promise to me."

When we sit with that explanation for a bit, we understand that boundaries are not inherently selfish or exclusionary (although the person trying to cross yours might beg to differ; let them). Instead, boundaries provide a map of our hearts to anyone willing to honor the terms under which they are created. That includes ourselves. 

This colonial culture under which we're groomed is all too happy to help us break the promises we've made to ourselves, and the trickle-down effect of that severing is evident. But when we set our boundaries and keep that sacred pact, the juiciness can't help but flow outward. This is what Mishara describes as being in reciprocal alignment with community. And no one can stem that tide!

CONNECT WITH MISHARA D. WINSTON

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

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Facebook: @insideoutliving

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Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

Let’s get real. Those socks on the floor that you and your partner continually argue over? Those socks aren’t the issue. So what’s underneath the resentment, the irritation, the emotion? My guest says if we want to strengthen our relationships, we must go inward before shifting our attention outward. 

Dr. Katherine Helm, Ph.D., has dedicated much of her career (25 years and counting) to helping folks confront their relationship struggles with honesty and empathy. In addition to her experience in multiple clinical settings, Dr. Helm is a professor, author of numerous books, and, most recently, a TEDx Talk speaker. In Revolutionize Your Relationship: A Little Goes A Long Way, Katherine brings relationship realness to the TEDx stage with her trademark practical, collaborative, and sensitive approach. Her wisdom is compelling and easily applicable to all of our significant relationships, not just the romantic ones.

“The little positive things you do in your relationship matter so much,” Katherine says, adding, “the little negative things you do can also really erode your relationship.” To restore balance and deepen true intimacy (think: liking your partner in addition to loving them), she recommends that couples articulate their individual needs, first to themselves, then to each other. “Being self-aware––who are you, what you value, how you express your emotions––you have to acknowledge that you do have needs. It’s also recognizing that our needs (and those of our partner) change over the relationship's lifespan.”

Easier said than done for many of us, Katherine included. “Black women and Black people, in general, often don't allow themselves to be vulnerable cuz we see it as a sign of weakness.” Katherine reminds every “strong Black woman” that our feelings matter! “They help us have healthy, satisfying relationships.” She returns again to the exercise of self-assessment. Black women are often taught to emotionally disconnect from ourselves, to favor perfection over progress. “That’s one of the things that makes it so hard to heal.”

We owe ourselves and our partners honest emotional interaction. We owe future generations the powerful healing influence of relationships that are respectful, present, and, yes, vulnerable.

CONNECT WITH DR. KATHERINE HELM

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MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Lovely Space via Mighty Networks

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

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LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

At first glance, the phrase “raising your parents” might provocate some folks — on both sides of that intergenerational exchange. My guest Morgan Russell Williams views it as a playful invitation to build more respectful, rewarding relationships throughout every stage of our lives. 

Morgan, the self-described serial entrepreneur behind Mo-Lit Candles, is a 30-something daughter confronting challenges that arise as the physical and emotional care dynamic between adult child and aging parent evolves. “As I keep asking myself this question, ‘how do I make sure they're okay?’ I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm parenting my parents! I'm raising my parents, and I don't mean that offensively at all.”

Consider the truths of life. With youth generally comes greater physical stamina and a predisposition toward the latest technology or innovation. Age provides financial stability and the wisdom of experience. When any of these positive attributes are mishandled, even the best parent-child relationships might suffer from hurt feelings, silent resentments, or hasty decisions. We’ve all been there! Take comfort in knowing that it’s never too late to reverse course. 

Morgan and her parents are learning as they go. Her advice? Name stressors, embrace each other's differences, and respect life’s changes. She knows from experience, however, that the urge to micro-manage the relationship dynamic is strong. Maintaining autonomy on both sides is easier when children and parents commit to a thoughtful, communicative aging process. “Without that communication though, without that respect, without that empathy, without that alignment on what they want and need and what I want and need, it could be a rocky road.” 

There’s so much intentionality to Morgan’s approach. Unsurprisingly, she brings that same high level of awareness to her professional endeavors. The Mo-Lit collection of handmade candles is inspired by the ancient practice of using scent to support purposeful reflection. “It began with me having a candle habit,” she jokes about her serious quest to create a healthier candle. Mo-Lit vessels feature better ingredients and labels designed to cultivate intuition and deeper self-awareness. “You have all the answers you need; you just need the right questions to surface that.”

The same can be said of the parent-child relationship. 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Lovely Space via Mighty Networks

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

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LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

The act of personal review is more thorough and rewarding when conducted in the company of other women. Our villages are our advocates, helping us uncover riches buried within our experiences. They shine a light on life moments that we may have forgotten––or willfully ignored.

My guest TiShaunda McPherson is senior vice president and first-ever chief diversity officer at the National Opinion Research Center (NORC) at the University of Chicago. For more than 20 years, TiShaunda has addressed institutional, regional, and systemic discrimination in employment and educational settings. She’s a member of my village and someone who embodies the practice of review without the peril of regression.

When I think about “review”, I envision the Sankofa, the mythical bird with its feet and body facing forward, its head turned back. Sankofa is committed to progress, propelled by wisdom from the past. As Black women, those lessons are embedded in the “strength” that we’re required to develop (not by choice) to endure the expectations often heaped on us. 

“As a Black woman in predominantly white spaces, It's been instilled in me this notion that I have to work twice as hard and be twice as good,” says TiShaunda, “and, so, asking for help is counter to that.”

The act of review can help us unlearn generations of harmful survival training. Shaunda agrees. “I think this goes right back to the Sankofa, looking back and letting the past guide your future. Now I'm trying to pick that back up as I go into these new roles and how I show up for church, community, and family.”

We can move forward while looking back. With the help of our sisters, we can fetch lessons that are at risk of getting left behind.

Review - Here’s How:

• Gather your village. From blood relatives to chosen sisters, community can help us uncover what’s hidden in our past.
• Commit to the question. Are there experiences you've left behind that keep you from moving forward? 
• Embrace the Sankofa. Don't go turning your whole body to the past. Keep your feet planted forward as you look back.

If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

Instagram: @insideoutconversations

LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

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Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

Go get it, girl! Four little words can cause so much anxiety if you're unsure how to get started, where to go, and what "it" is. But before you get caught up in the questions, I invite you to take a moment and breathe in lessons from our circles of strength. 

I've witnessed that, as Black women, we move through these circles throughout our lives, days, and relationships. I guide participants through four circles of strength in my workshops. Some of the steps are interconnected and dependent upon each other. All require a commitment to regular check-ins so that we can stay in touch with who we are, where we are, and how we are. 

Review. Release. Receive. Return. These four circles of strength inspire and encourage your progress while upholding your promise. Maybe even informing your complete pivot. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. At this moment, we're breathing in the first lesson: review.  

To review means to look again. Go look, go review your life and see what you left behind. What you may have thought was lost. What you may have thought was forgotten, stolen, destroyed. To be clear, we're not hustling backwards. Your review is a thorough corner-clearing, a life check-in that fuels forward movement. 

Why review? We learn many lessons, more than we can consciously remember. Even if you can't consciously recall those teachings, your body and brain remember everything. If you allow your body and your mind and your spirit to guide you to where in your life you need a review, you'll find all kinds of affirming, empowering answers.

Go get it, girl!

Review - Here's How:

• Inquire. What am I missing? What is it today that I'm looking for or that I think needs replacing? A lost passion? A forgotten plan? An old friendship?
• Get into the habit. Review is not a one-and-done assignment; it's a practice.
• Identify. Who are in my circles of strength? Where can I participate in community? How can I support other Black women in their healing?

If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

Instagram: @insideoutconversations

LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

This week, let's revisit a conversation I had back in 2021 with Mary-Frances Winters about Black fatigue. Particularly for Black women.

This conversation is just as relevant now in 2022, as it was last year and Mary-Frances delivers a message of self-care and systemic change that I want you to take to heart.

Even if you heard it when our conversation was first released, I invite you to listen again with fresh ears.

When I ran across the book, Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit, by Mary-Frances Winters, I had already gone through various renditions of COVID, the racism that has always been there...

I was really, really, really tired, not so much in a sleepy way, but my soul was tired.

This book helped me to understand more about what I'm looking at in my own life and in the work that I do with women.

Our guest, Mary-Frances Winters is the CEO of The Winters Group, a global organization with a focus on diversity and inclusion consulting. Mary-Frances is truly working in her passion and her calling.

About Mary-Frances:

Ms. Winters is President and CEO of The Winters Group, Inc., a 36-year-old diversity and inclusion consulting firm, and the author of six books, including her best seller, We Can’t Talk about That at Work!: How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics; and her two latest books, Inclusive Conversations: Fostering Equity, Empathy and Belonging across Differences and Black Fatigue: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit.

If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

Instagram: @insideoutconversations

LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

As time passes, the initial coronavirus lockdown sinks further and further into the past. It’s tempting to try to forget about it and start fresh.

But we all have individual and collective traumas to continue processing as well as things we’ve learned about ourselves that we can integrate into our new lives moving forward. Those who do this healing work will have better skills for self-care when new challenges come along, and we’ll feel a deeper sense of peace.

This episode includes some reflections on what I’ve personally learned about myself and what I’m trying to do differently now, and it ends with an inspirational poem that illustrates this kind of self-discovery and personal growth. 

Highlights

Introduction and reflection

• :41 - 5:41 Reflect with me on two years of lockdown and isolation 
• 5:45 - 6:40 Think about it: what did you learn about yourself?

Insights from my pandemic experience

• 6:40 My anxiety drives controlling behaviors and puts others on edge
• 7:17 My pet peeves about others often reflect my own unwanted behaviors
• 7:45 Busy-ness is addictive
• 8:24 Accommodating others is exhausting, but being creative makes me feel present and alive
• 9:48 Setting boundaries is hard, but the freedom is so worth it
• I may be a loner, but I still need my sister friends

Moving forward

• Making smaller changes is more sustainable and makes for better results
• My new perspective on setting boundaries
• Inspirational poem on learning and growing after bad experiences: “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk”
• Poem reflection and takeaways: our expectations for personal growth versus the actual healing process

If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

Get connected!

[email protected]

Facebook: @insideoutliving

Instagram: @insideoutconversations

LinkedIn: Lisa Lackey

Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/  

Mark Sanders is someone whose work and contribution to the mental health field I have admired from afar for many, many, many years. 

Mark is an international speaker, trainer and consultant in the behavioral health field. He's authored five books and has been a  champion in the addiction field, speaking out and normalizing the needs that we have as people, period, and specifically in the Black community to de-stigmatize mental health.

One thing I hope that you will look at it is an Online Museum of African-American Addictions, Treatment, and Recovery. This helps us to see that there are other people that have recovered and are doing the kind of work to move their lives forward.

And one of the most unexpected directions our conversation took was talking about the healing power of music -- including rap and hip-hop.

Visit Mark's website to learn more: http://www.onthemarkconsulting25.com/

About Mark Sanders:

Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC, is an international speaker, trainer, and consultant in the behavioral health field whose work has reached thousands throughout the United States, Europe, Canada, Caribbean and British Islands.    Mark is the author of five books, which focus on behavioral health. Recent writings include Slipping through the Cracks: Intervention Strategies for Clients Multiple Addictions and Disorders, Recovery Management: and Relationship Detox: Helping Clients Develop Healthy Relationships in Recovery. He has had two stories published in the New York Times best-selling books series, Chicken Soup for the Soul. Mark has been a certified addictions counselor for 34 years. He has received numerous awards including a Life Time Achievement Award from the Illinois Addiction Counselor Certification Board and the Barbara Bacon Award for outstanding contributions to the Social Work profession as a Loyola University of Chicago Alumni.    Mark is co-founder of Serenity Academy of Chicago, the only recovery high school in Illinois. He is past president of the board of the Illinois Chapter of NAADAC. He has had a 30 year career as a university educator having taught at the University of Chicago, Illinois State University, Illinois School of Professional Psychology, and Loyola University of Chicago, School of Social Work.

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You're Invited...

Circles of Strength Online Retreat

May 15, June 12, 2021

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If this conversation has brought you to an insight, a story, a sense of relief, please email me at [email protected] and let me know.

Take care,

Lisa

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Insideout Conversations is edited by The Creative Impostor Studios.

Theme music is by Nicholas77 at freesound.org and is licensed under the Creative Commons.

Learn more about Lisa and her clinical practice, Insideout Living: https://www.insideoutrecovery.com/