You know, there is so much anxiety when we know our marriages aren't what we wish them to be—adding to that anxiety is not knowing how to change it. Maybe what you have tried isn't working.

When we are continually thinking about what is wrong, it affects how we feel about ourselves and how we think about our spouses. It can consume every area of our lives.  We may feel sad, depressed, or even hopeless, and this rumination can take its toll on us emotionally and physically.

Before I go into Where to Start at Fixing Your Marriage, I want to give you some truths that I hope will bring you some comfort. 

Here is the truth: You are not alone. 100% of marriages struggle at one time or another. You may think, looking at other people's marriage, that yours is so much worse. Let me tell you, to couples amid a crisis- it is the worse to them because they are in the thick of it. That's normal, but your problems are not exclusive. You have no idea the issues people deal with behind closed doors. People hide them well. 

How many times have you been shocked to hear that some couple you know is divorcing? Not one friend my husband and I had was privy to any of the massive problems we were having. You know real marriage is about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is a part of life 

Here's another truth: Happily married couples have to learn how to deal with the issues and move through them even when it is painful, emotionally draining, and stressful. If you want to have something different in your marriage, you have to work like hell for it. It doesn't come naturally. We have no training. 

Many people grow up with parents that had no idea how to have a healthy marriage, and they were witnesses to all the dysfunction. Even though they vowed to do everything differently, they find they have carried some of those habits into their marriage. However, some have grown up in happy homes where their parents had a great marriage, but they never shared the secret. Everything looked pretty easy. Therefore, we lack not only knowledge but mentors who can guide us. 

We are thrust into the most important relationship of life without anything to go on. We enter with butterflies and rainbows and find it is a cycle of good times, bad times, and terrible times. Love has to be a choice over and over again.

Unfortunately, we have no idea when we get married what is ahead and usually muddle through it like a blind worm. But, you can learn to deal with problems in your marriage. And it will begin with you.

You can find the complete show notes at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/27