While Doing Laundry

I am so so excited to welcome Cheyenne Scarlet to the podcast

She has a particular interest on how childbirth affects the mental health of parents, and in turn their relationships with their children

Let’s talk about Baby Planner

Baby Planner came about after doing my master's research and realizing that there's a lot of gaps, some of them being on the part of the healthcare providers, and some of them being on the part of the parent

There's a go with the flow attitude towards birth, which it's good to be flexible

But often, when people say go with the flow, that means I'm not going to do any research, I'm not going to learn anything about birth, I'm just going to show up and see what happens. And I feel like that approach is particularly dangerous.

We do know that making a plan and sort of having an idea of what you want, maybe not even a strict rigid plan, but sort of preferences or an outline of what you would like, you know, can help you reach that or help you have a more positive experience

I can support pregnant people and parents.

But that is just me, you know, saying, here's the tools to protect yourself from the fire without actually putting out the fire

And at the end of the day, it is not the responsibility of the person giving birth to stand there and like, protect themselves and like be fighting off interventions and things that they don't want

I am also working with the people that are perpetuating this thing

My book for healthcare workers is called My Deep Dive: a self reflective workbook for birth workers

It was honestly created out of a place of frustration, mostly surrounding the use of inclusive language

I was really frustrated that people are feeling offended by using the term birthing people birthing person, rather than mother

I, as a black woman, belong to two groups of people who had to quite literally fight in court to prove that they were a person and should be valued in society and should have rights and should be able to vote

The workbook itself is 10 chapters. And only two of them are actually about birth, like one is your beliefs about birth, and the second one is your practice as a birth worker

But all the other eight chapters are about how you live in the world, how you feel about the world, how you learn things about the world

It's great for anyone that works with anyone who has experienced reproduction in any capacity - a lot of things are applicable for, like childcare workers or, or people who are working with young families in general,

I'll give you an example from https://www.babyplanner.ca/about (my study): a black mom had a really, really difficult birth. And the nurse asked her, Hey, do you want me to take your baby to the nursery, so you can take a nap? And her immediate thought was, Oh, my God, I can't say yes because she's going to think that I'm incapable that I'm a bad mom, you know, she's gonna want to call CPS because I am not capable of caring for my baby. And that might be if you don't know the history, in Canada, with, with cis, taking black and indigenous children more frequently than anybody else, you might think that's totally irrational, but it actually is totally rational for black woman to think that way. And if she had, you know, gotten defensive, the nurse would be like, Oh my god, this is just a difficult patient, right? And not recognizing that connection. So it's not even always about you and what you are doing, it's about the person that you're working with and how they are viewing your interaction.

It’s not your fault if you hold stereotypes or bias towards a certain group of people

But it is now your responsibility to address those things and to change them

Guest Bio:

Cheyenne (she/her) is a researcher, educator and advocate. Cheyenne has an education background in child development and has a particular interest in how childbirth affects the mental health of parents and intern their relationships with their children. For her...

This series is focused on the practice standards of nursing staff. Particularly, we will be focusing on the College of Nurses of Ontario practice standards. Download a copy to review https://www.cno.org/globalassets/docs/prac/41033_therapeutic.pdf (here). And today's episode, we'll be diving into the core standard of therapeutic nurse client relationship, which is the document that covers the heavy hitting foundational expectations that your nursing staff are already held to.

These standards are not unique to any particular area of nursing

The standards cover anyone who is a registered nurse - that includes registered practical nurses as well as registered nurses, advanced practice nurses, nurse practitioners, etc.

As I mentioned, this series will cover the practice standards and other guiding documents that are behind nursing practice, particularly in Ontario

With the very specific geographical context, keep in mind all of these documents and these governing bodies exist for your area

Nursing standards are expectations that contribute to public protection

They inform nurses of their accountabilities and the public of what to expect of nurses standards apply to all nurses regardless of their role, job description or area of practice

At the core of nursing is the therapeutic nurse client relationship - the nurse establishes and maintains this key relationship by using nursing knowledge and skills, as well as applying caring attitudes and behaviors

The nurse client relationship contains five core elements: trust, respect, professional intimacy, empathy, and power

Trust is critical, because as the client or the patient, regardless of the setting, but particularly when giving birth, you are extremely vulnerable

That is why trust tops the list, and it is important that your care providers establish this piece above all else

Respect is the recognition of the inherent dignity, worth and uniqueness of individuals

Regardless of any reason that exists that another person may judge them

So this in particular calls on nurses to address their own internal biases around any number of ways that they could be discriminating against clients, without even knowing it, as well as actively participating in damaging disrespectful actions

Professional intimacy is a concept that you may not have heard of before

You can understand and appreciate the physical closeness that nursing staff have when it comes to birth

Professional intimacy also includes the psychological aspects, spiritual and the social pieces that are part of the plan of care

Having access to such intimate information, the secrets and the darkness that people carry, comes with great responsibility

Empathy is the expression of understanding that goes a long way to validate a patient's experience

Birth is a triumphant experience - if the people around you are not treating it as such, it's going to be very difficult for you to engage with it as a triumphant experience

Nurses are the people who keep others safe - with that power comes the ability to harm them too

We need to recognize from the get go that this relationship is always one of unequal power, and that power imbalance has so many implications

We don't even collect race specific data in Canada, let alone have discussions over how we treat black indigenous people of color in this country

We can look at the data in the states and know that there are alarming discrepancies between the death rate of white and black birthing people

This is not new information - we need to start talking about it because there are rules in place to prevent this from happening, and no one's doing anything about it

This is what the care expectation series is highlighting that there are ways for you to enforce and reinforce your needs being met, and then hold people accountable for not reading that

There's no more second guessing whether or not the way you were treated was okay or not

We have ways to figure that out now...

Let’s talk about care expectations! You can set your own care expectations regardless of where you are on your health journey: whether you are pregnant, post-partum, planning on pregnancy or addressing any other health concern. Knowing that you have the right to set care expectations is a real game changer, so let’s dive right in!

Imagine you have spent the last several months planning a huge party

You have planned out every detail right down to your favourite restaurant and your perfect hair and shoes

You arrive at your party, and your friends and family are there, and then this person you have never met takes over everything

This person tells you “we’re not ready for you” and tells you to go “wait over there”

Next, this person tells you there is nothing left for you to eat or drink

Your friends and family are there but nobody knows what to do so you just go along with whatever is happening

You are defeated

Obviously this scenario would never be ok in the hospitality industry

Why do we not hold our birth experience to the same standard?

The profession of nursing is built on the therapeutic nurse-client relationship

The therapeutic relationship must include trust and understanding, unbiased support, belief in the individual's autonomy and providing informed options for that client to make their own decisions.

Somehow along the way, we mixed it up and in labor and delivery - the job and core value focuses on the baby instead of the birthing person

Why is the client not treated as the expert of knowledge and keeper of the answers when it comes to pregnancy and birth?

As the client going in there to give birth, you have every right to set clear expectations about how you want to be treated and how your nursing staff and the rest of the care team is to treat you based on their own practice guidelines

You are not being difficult, you are not asking for too much, you are simply highlighting that you are aware of what their professional responsibilities are

It’s not your fault that the system is broken

Establishing care expectations with the background knowledge of what your nurses should be doing creates a powerful tool to be heard and to be treated the way you deserve to be treated during your birthing journey.

Download your FREE Care Expectations PDF https://thegoodbirthco.com/careexpectations/ (here).

If you're interested in learning more about how to define your care expectations and have them met, don't miss next week's episode. I will be diving into the top three ways to ask for what you need. See you then!

Welcome back to While Doing Laundry! Today we are going to talk about what birth trauma really is, and why many people have it but don’t even realize it. This may be a very emotional conversation for you, but listen to your body, trust your emotions, and see what comes to mind for you. I’m always here if you need me.

-If you Google birth trauma, you will likely find references to physical birth trauma

-Emotional and mental birth trauma is often overlooked

-The Birth Trauma Association in the UK is closer to the mark

-They define birth trauma as a post-traumatic disorder (PTSD) following birth

-I use the term PTSD with caution, as many new parents feel like their symptoms are not “bad enough” to be classified as PTSD

-If you broaden your definition of PTSD, it is simply a traumatic event or events where an individual feels their life is being threatened, or someone else around them is in danger, or if there is a threat to their dignity or person

-My point is that even if you don’t have diagnosed PTSD after birth, you still may be suffering from birth trauma

-I approach birth trauma as an overarching umbrella term that can capture anything as minute as disappointments, or mild frustration

-In your experience, it could be as simple as a beautiful birth experience with one tiny, nagging memory that just doesn't sit well with you

-That falls under this umbrella, just as much as the stereotypical very dramatic, traumatic life or death situation that some people bring with their stories that some people have shared

-These stories carry as much value as do the stories of absolute heartbreak and stereotypical drama, and excitement, and overwhelm that come with many other birth stories

-The common thread of birth trauma is the sensation, the experience of being silenced, and ignored even though you are the person who should be at the center of every decision, when you are pushed to the side, or whether you're just ignored and denied completely

-When we enter the healthcare system, we want support, we want guidance, and we want to be led to good outcomes

-Just the same as presenting to the ER with a broken ankle, we hope that would lead to a treatment plan that fits our needs

-Diagnosis, treatment, and recovery are all key when repairing a broken ankle

-Health care providers need to know about your life, your needs and how to help you get back to that

-They need to be able to treat your ankle so you can get back to running up and down the stairs with a basket of laundry with a baby on your back

-Childbirth should be the same, it should be based around the needs of the individual

-Many healthcare providers don’t acknowledge the complex needs of birthing mothers

-Birthing mothers exit the system traumatized and without any words to explain what they went through any without means of healing

-This creates isolation for new parents and rifts in families

-Many women feel forced to swallow their indignation and to “just keep smiling” as society dictates

-You have a newborn baby, you don't want to miss out on making memories, dammit, put on some mascara, and force a smile for those newborn pictures

-Condense that horrific story you just endured to the version that everyone else feels comfortable with

- Because you get tired of hearing the people you trust and expect to keep you safe telling you just to be happy with your healthy baby.

-They don't understand or don't have the skill set to support you with the trauma you experienced

-Trauma does not go anywhere and it prevents you from transitioning into the next phase of life

-If you don't work through what happens, you cannot bury a traumatic birth experience and expect to move through parenthood with joy and with absolute ownership

The healthcare system doesn’t want to touch this topic because it would mean acknowledging the fact that these traumatic birth experiences happen at the hands of medical professionals. They happen within spaces that we assume

Did your birth mess you up?

If you feel like answering yes, then I would consider that to be some sort of birth trauma. Birth trauma is under-reported and when it is reported, it is often not taken seriously.

Trauma changes us forever. In order to move on in your life, your trauma needs to be acknowledged and addressed.

In today’s episode, we are looking at an overview of birth trauma and touching on some key points.

When I worked in long-term care, I became familiar with a term called lived experience

This is a term that describes an individual’s take on their own life story

Their lived experience includes their profession, their habits, but most importantly their trauma, since trauma changes how we evolve as human beings

As a care provider, you can ALWAYS benefit from knowing the lived experience of the individuals in your care

So why in long-term care, but not in perinatal care?

The perinatal period (the time around pregnancy, birth and babyhood) has a profound experience on us as individuals

Lived experience needs to be applied to the birth experience, especially when trauma is involved

25-34% of women report birth trauma, but there are many more women who do not report their trauma

Birth trauma doesn’t have to be physical

Any threat to your emotional integrity in the birthing process is also birth trauma

Common examples: care providers teasing you, mocking you, rolling their eyes, or pressuring you into choosing birthing interventions such as inductions or requiring certain birthing positions

Birthing women often feel out of control and lost, and health care providers may take advantage of that

Health care providers tend to focus on routine policies and procedures

You are allowed to redefine the procedure by coming in with very clear expectations

You will need to lead your healthcare providers instead of being led by them

There are many transitions in birth: the labour process itself, from one environment to another and from one healthcare provider to another

The transitions are the places where trauma is more likely to occur

In order to get through those transitions safely, you need to have a plan

Healthcare providers can and should help you through the transitions by understanding your lived experience and by giving you the space to do your thing while advocating for your plan

Your birth experience really happened. And it was a really big deal.

I see you fighting back tears when you hear a good birth story or passionately protecting others on any social media thread you can.

I get it. The guilt and a sense of failures still grips you. And very your birth is here to make you feel radically seen and invalidate your birth experience.

And I've got. you the signature Unbury Your Birth process frees you from the heaviness that you may not even know exists, that is preventing you from enjoying parenthood fully.

You can really unbury your birth and take back the power you deserve. You may not know where to begin, but I do. I've developed a clear simple, repeatable process to deconstruct your birth story and give you back the power hidden within it.

Join me for a transformative six week program designed to give you the clarity, validation and freedom from the day you gave birth, to be able to move on to the rest of your life. Unbury Your Birth was created just for you.

If you've ever felt:

like you did something wrong

angry about something that happened to you that day

as if you didn't do your best

isolated because you tried to seek help, but felt like no one actually gets it

Your birth story is worthy of being heard. Join a group of people just like you to process and redefine your birth experience. Unbury Your Birth is currently open for enrollment. We get started on June 17 at 12:30pm. So make sure that you book your enrolling call now. Space is limited.

If you want to get in on this experience, it’s six weeks to process your birth

Pregnancy and birth is an exciting time...

...but sometimes we avoid telling the stories of those who did not have a positive birth experience.

Sometimes these people do not feel like there is a safe place to tell their stories.

It’s time to remedy that.

If you were broken by your birth experience: I am sorry.

Your story deserves to be told.

You can come to a place of peace and understanding of the day you gave birth.

That is what I'm here to do. Now. I'm here to help you learn that it is not your fault.

Are you ready to start healing the trauma of your birth story?

Come and join me on this week's episode of While Doing Laundry.

Pregnancy is an exciting time

Sometimes we avoid telling the stories of those who did not have a positive pregnancy/birth experience

Sometimes these people do not feel like there is a safe place to tell their stories

It’s time to remedy that

This is why and how I developed my birth processing approach

Caveat: I am not a counselor or therapist, so my approach may not be for everyone

I want to address the fact that sometimes birth trauma is completely dismissed by other mental health professions

Birth processing is here to show you that you did not fail - you were failed.

Birth processing replaces the rhetoric of “You have a healthy baby, you SHOULD be happy about that”

Mothers are not given the opportunity to ask the question, “What about me?”

No one wants to talk about this - family members often do not know how to help and care providers quickly dismiss concerns about birthing interventions and trauma

Mothers are made to feel out of line for questioning anything

And so mothers bury their pain and trauma - but their bodies do not forget - and the trauma continues to have power over their minds, emotions and tasks of daily living

If you were broken by your birth experience - I am sorry

Your story deserves to be told

You can come to a place of peace and understanding of the day you gave birth

I remember being completely oblivious to how damaging my birth experience was. For years. I was treated for serious mental health conditions. I was advised that if I lost weight, maybe I would feel better about things.

I stayed angry and my attachment and bonding experience as a new parent was severely stunted by the trauma that happened to me and the inability to articulate or identify it.

It wasn't until I met some very, very, very passionate people who challenged me on every aspect of my birth that I thought I knew that I began to see that it wasn't my fault.

That is what I'm here to do. Now. I'm here to help you learn that it is not your fault.

I take you through a very, very structured approach

We start with an objective bird's eye view of what happened

We then move from uncovering and unburying your feelings and emotions regarding that day to understanding what actually happened and what should have actually happened

Finally, we redefine that story - that is when the whole entire experience comes together

That story is yours to keep forever

It may be a bulleted list, a beautiful narrative, or just a small phrase that you repeat to yourself whenever you think of that day

Birth processing is here to free you from the guilt, the shame, the hurt, that happened the day you gave birth

This week, I’m talking nursing culture: the good, the bad, and the difference it can make in your care. Specifically: the role of the nursing profession is to promote the health of women and newborns - but what about when the nurse is pregnant?

I am going to share with you my experience of being pregnant while being a nursing student in Canada.

I will read a paper that I wrote in my fourth year of university for a course called Current Trends and Issues in Nursing

I wrote a paper called “An Unwanted Pregnancy: the discrimination of child-bearing and rearing women in nursing education”

Background: The role of the nursing profession promotes the health of women and newborns

The ideal of preservation of dignity amongst childbearing women is in stark contrast to the actual practice of nursing schools

The history of educating nurses is a rich with restrictions upon women and their sexuality

Horizontal violence is peer to peer harassment or violence

In this case, horizontal violence amongst nurses, including nursing instructors and nursing students, in the form of alienation and discrimination against childbearing nursing students

The CNO clearly outlines the role of a nursing leader within their professional standards document placing importance on role modeling for new nurses and instilling confidence in student abilities

Substantial information regarding policy and requirements for the treatment of pregnant women is available to nursing leaders

However, nursing leaders - those who are masters and doctorate prepared nurses in the administrative roles within nursing education programs - are the perpetrators of the discrimination

The peers of the affected students are negatively impacted because they witnessed the bullying, but they feel unable to advocate for injustices inflicted upon their peers because of the power imbalance between themselves and the administrative departments causing the stresses

Those power imbalances and those feelings of being unable to advocate for your peers do not disappear when you graduate

Like all nursing issues, patients are impacted by the conflict between other nurses

It is well documented that good patient outcomes are increased when nurses are experiencing low job related stress

Historical analysis: nursing's origin lies with Florence Nightingale, her dedication to the profession, cultivation of knowledge and immense impact on nursing education in the mid 1800s

Although some of her teachings are still important, some are certainly irrelevant today

During the time when Nightingale was practicing, being married was the only socially acceptable way to bear children

After marriage and children, nurses would not continue working, so there were no pregnant nurses or nursing students

As a celibate professional woman, Nightingale’s teachings explicitly opposed pursuit of both profession and family

Today, social attitudes towards childbearing have changed to incorporate equality among men and women but Nightingale's teaching still permeate current nursing education administration

As a result, there is no effort made to accommodate pregnant nursing students who will require support to maintain their full-time status

In the United States, there are institutional policies in place to outline pregnant students rights for administrative staff, educators, and students: the document states that students are entitled to protection from being forced to drop out, being excused from academic responsibilities, without penalty for pregnancy related reasons.

Workplace stress is documented to contribute to negative outcomes, such as preterm labor, low birth weight, and postpartum depression and university students already report higher levels of stress than the general public

Efforts should be made by faculty to reduce or eliminate any additional sources of stress to promote a healthy pregnancy process

The profession of nursing can no longer afford to discriminate based on tradition...

Hospitals are putting policies in place that transgress the rights of labouring/postpartum women. COVID19 needs to be taken seriously and we must all work together to protect our most vulnerable. But current policies do not do that and absolutely must be questioned.

Join me in this week's episode for an exploration of why it is very important that you know your rights and how to stand up for them.

I’m talking about a current example, and how you can prepare yourself to give birth during a pandemic. It’s stressful, but my goal is to make it as easy for you as possible.

Today I’m sharing my top 3 books to read while pregnant

I do not recommend What to Expect When You’re Expecting or other mainstream resources on pregnancy and reproductive health

Mainstream maternity education or reproductive health education tends to err on side of very medical, very fear-based and often fairly inaccurate information

I do suggest reading very specific things by some brilliant leaders in the space

Also opening your mind up to the experience of other people who have been pregnant, who have tried to get pregnant and who have given birth in many ways.

https://www.amazon.ca/Killing-Black-Body-Reproduction-Meaning/dp/0679758690/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1andkeywords=killing+the+black+bodyandqid=1617225010andsr=8-1 (#1 Start with Killing the Black Body by Dorothy E. Roberts)

This podcast is called an ethical exploration of parenthood so we need to talk about racism right at the beginning

Killing the Black Body is something that will help you understand the immense privilege you have as a white person, and the far reaching effects of racism in the world of reproductive health and pregnancy

https://www.amazon.ca/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Material/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2FMP6FDXQLVHAanddchild=1andkeywords=ina+may+gaskin+a+guide+to+childbirthandqid=1617224941andsprefix=ina+may+gas%2Caps%2C220andsr=8-1 (#2 Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth)

A cult classic if you will, amongst birth workers and natural birth movement followers

The stories that are shared in this book are inspirational and full of hope

We do not have to accept the status quo cascade of interventions leading to a surgical birth

This is showing us that there is another path; that there are more options available

The thing that I find disappointing about this book is that it's very hard to replicate the environment that the book promotes

There are some really practical, tactical, strategic things that you will have to do in preparation to have an experience similar to that.

If we're going to give birth in a hospital, we are already stepping outside of our environment and into someone else's

I come in at the middle ground, I want you to have a great birth experience in the hospital or at home

https://www.amazon.ca/Birth-Partner-5th-Childbirth-Companions/dp/1558329102/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2L77XX872U15Banddchild=1andkeywords=the+birth+partnerandqid=1617224882andsprefix=the+birth+partner%2Caps%2C201andsr=8-1 (#3 Birth Partner by Penny Simkin)

The best resource for birthing partners: the person who will be the primary support for the person giving birth

It’s an encyclopedia of all the things you need to know

There is a special focus on pain, coping with pain, and the unique experience of pregnancy and birth among survivors of traumatic abuse and sexual assault

This book will help YOU understand how to deal with YOUR pain

Pain and suffering looks different for everyone

It’s not a moral issue, something we have to endure or not endure

Pain is an intimate issue, which is why I don’t spend very much time speaking about pain management in general - however, I am very knowledgeable about pain and it’s management so don’t be afraid to ask me about it

These are my favourite books!

Let me know what your favourite are by sending me an email at [email protected]

Final note: when you are reading about pregnancy and birth, don’t feel like you have to finish the book. Just pick and choose what you need!

Pain Scale mentioned:

Clarifying Your Feelings About Pain and Medications in Childbirth by Penny Simkin https://birthtools.org/birthtools/files/BirthToolFiles/FILENAME/000000000006/MOC-CnC-PainMgmtPreferenceScale-Simpkin.pdf

How to prepare for the pregnancy of your dreams is a masterclass revealing the 4 easy steps to take you from stressed about what to expect to excited for what's about to happen.

Learn the simple steps to creating the intentional + empowered pregnancy you've always dreamed of so you can focus on celebrating the...

In this episode, get ready to get uncomfortable. I am discussing the dangerous trend of performative allyship and marketing and how it is showing up in Canadian doula training organizations.

In this week’s episode discover more about:

Who is King Yaa + why their work important

Why I’m not certified

How financial support is weaponized by white-led organizations against BIPOC students

How to question and not cancel to support actual change

Follow King Yaa’s Story here: https://www.instagram.com/the.shine.cloth (https://www.instagram.com/)queerbirthworker

Links mentioned in this episode:

King Yaa’s Birthing Beyond the Binary

https://kingyaa.thinkific.com/courses/birthing-beyond-the-binary (https://kingyaa.thinkific.com/courses/birthing-beyond-the-binary)

White Feminism by Koa Beck

https://www.amazon.ca/White-Feminism-Suffragettes-Influencers-Behind/dp/1982134410 (https://www.amazon.ca/White-Feminism-Suffragettes-Influencers-Behind/dp/1982134410)

Birthing Advocacy Doula Training

https://birthingadvocacy.thinkific.com/ (https://birthingadvocacy.thinkific.com/)

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