This week's conversation is a very tender and real one, so Dr. Venus goes in with a safe, soft, and slow approach. To fully heal and move forward, we must understand that domestic violence, as it pertains to Black masculinity, is a re-enactment of White Supremacy. Dr. Venus provides resources to advocate for yourself and others who may be suffering from domestic violence and then discusses how respect, the safety net of forgiveness and obedience are all part of the cycle of abuse. She also discusses why the tripwires seem to get set off even more during sensitive and high-stress times, and how we can show up in our power to help break the chains of abuse and division.

Key Takeaways:

[12:24] We are not talking about one specific person or instance here, but instead about a historical wound and particular behavior that gets triggered with a Black man and the woman he loves and who loves him.

[14:08] When a Black Woman challenges a Black Man and it is seen as disrespect, historical wounds get triggered and set off.

[15:35] The historical dynamic in a plantation household of Master (White Man), Mistress (White Woman), Slave (Black Man), and Maid (Black Woman) were rooted in survival. White Supremacy was built into the Bible, the law, and stated that their ownership even included their wives and children. Black Men watched and saw that power was rooted in force, and that behavior then got built inside their own paradigm.

[18:52] Black Men learned that manhood looked like domination, violence, and punitive consequence, especially for those that loved them and held an important role in their own actualization and sense of self.

[23:24] Historically, respect was rooted in White Supremacy, and obedience meant the man had the right to do whatever they wanted to women's bodies because they had ownership over them. When respect is threatened or jeopardized, it can feel like an attack on identity and self-worth.

[27:03] When Black Masculinity gets triggered, it is taken out on the people that love them the most. There is an assumption that love is kind, forgiving, and patient, so there's an assumption that he will be forgiven.

[35:05] Just like a tripwire is used to set off explosives, domestic violence is even more likely to go off and have damaging effects in times of high stress and fear.

[40:38] It seems even crueler that this happens during a time during which what we need most are understanding and unification, but it is a divisive tactic that is rooted in the nature of White Supremacy to keep us down and apart.

[44:02] Think of an example in your own personal life where you lost your temper and couldn't help it. The more aware you are of your own triggers, the more you can choose to deal with them and grow.

Quotes:

• "Until we start to contend with the power of White Supremacy and how we relate to each other, we will live at the effect of a survival strategy."
• "If a Black Man is a slave, the Black Woman is a slave times two, a slave to White Supremacy and a slave to Black Masculinity."
• "When we need each other the most, Black Men who are loved by Black Women, that is when they beat us and when we break apart, and the bond of love is no longer big enough to handle politics and the weight of change."
• "We are fighting each other when we need to be focusing on standing for ourselves."

Mentioned:

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HISTORICAL RESOURCE

8 Most Horrific And Inhuman Black Slavers Punishment In The History of Slavery

STATISTICS

1. Statistics — National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

1. Domestic Violence In the Black Community

1. 30 Shocking Domestic Violence Statistics That Remind Us It's An Epidemic

SUPPORT

1. National Domestic Hotline

1. Safe Horizon

1. Healthy Place (shelter)

IMPORTANT

The Trump Administration Quietly Changed the Definition of Domestic Violence and We Have No Idea What For