By Dr. Venus Opal Reese
4.8
6969 ratings
The podcast currently has 108 episodes available.
Are you willing to sacrifice security to follow your dreams? Have you ever had dreams that you gave your whole heart to, and then life happened? This week, Dr. Venus talks about putting this podcast and social media on hold while she focuses her energy on her first TV show. She is willing to take the risk and go for a life where she surrenders to her calling and goes full time as a creative. This sparks a conversation on how to believe in yourself, why it’s important to take a risk and let go of the false God of security in service of what you are REALLY meant to do. She talks about how her brother Tory’s transition led her to really take a deep look at the point of life, and why it’s time to get rich or die trying. Stay tuned.
Key Takeaways:
[1:32] Dr. Venus is choosing to walk away from security in order to go for her dreams as a full time creative and sell her TV show. Where have you tolerated staying in the same place because you didn’t want to risk the unknown, or possible heartbreak?
[6:16] Dr. Venus shares how she wanted to write and it has always given her joy, but life got in the way, until now. She talks about the decision to get back into writing after George Floyd and how articulating how she sees the world gives her joy and connects her with her purpose.
[9:26] It takes courage to let go of the false God called security. Most of us are so addicted for our need to know and be comfortable, that we would rather stay in situations that harm us before we walk away.
[10:10] Being brave is different from being courageous. You are brave when you go into something with your eyes wide open, knowing that you could fail and lose it all. However, you know that there is a purpose worthy of your life being at risk, and your fulfillment goes above everything else.
[11:25] What if you gave YOURSELF the passion that you give to others? Dr. Venus contends with giving herself the attention and support that she has given to other causes, movements, and people.
[12:20] Dr. Venus explains her break from the podcast and how she is not taking any money from things that don’t fall under her creative worth. As she transitions to entertainment and focuses all her energy on selling her first TV show, she is giving herself a real chance.
[13:59] Are you doing what you are born to do, or are you staying safe?
[18:31] Dr. Venus knows that it’s time to have a bigger platform and have her own show. She’s grown beyond social media, so for now she is even pausing her social media while she works on her show.
[21:32] The more Dr. Venus heals her father wounds, the more extraordinary Black Men show up and are there to give their expertise and support.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
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Healing With Him Event
RESOURCES
How to (Finally!) Find The Courage to Pursue Your Dream!
Living is never easy after death. Whatever or whoever you are grieving, it can be the loss of a loved one, a dream, or a waistline, the very process REQUIRES you to transition to a new reality. It can feel daunting and overwhelming, but transition is what gets us to fully step into our destiny and who we were born to be. This week, Dr. Venus reflects how grieving is another form of transitioning from what was, to what can be. She talks about how to keep going when you don’t see a point, and when something you love is no longer there, and why that’s an invitation for new traditions and beautiful possibilities. Are you willing to let go of what you had to become who you were born to be? Let’s talk about it.
Key Takeaways:
[2:55] While you are grieving, Dr. Venus invites you to take the case that the transition of where you are coming from to where you are going can be a very magical space, one that is ripe with possibility.
[3:13] Sometimes letting go of the past can feel very scary and painful, even if the future is something you are looking forward to. It’s the death of something you knew, and losing that comfort can be anxiety producing.
[4:05] With change and transition can come new alliances, relationships, expectations and new futures. If you think of your grieving not just as a loss but a transition from the old to the new, you can begin to see some blessings.
[5:13] Dr. Venus is fully committing herself to being an artist, and opportunities and people are showing up in ways she wouldn’t believe. However, she wouldn’t necessarily have those if she wasn’t also grieving the loss of what she used to be and open to the transition of who she is becoming.
[6:15] The right people will find you, but they won’t define you. And you will find people who help redesign you. Even in the sadness, there’s always some good stuff.
[8:20] As Dr. Venus grieves the transition of her brother Tory, she honors his sense of humor and by doing comedy herself, feels as though a piece of him is still with her.
[10:04] As you transition from grieving to new traditions, one just may make you laugh or surprise you in ways you didn’t expect. Dr. Venus shares her first “couples non-Christmas Christmas” with her partner, and the mix of grieving, playing, laughing, and building something new.
[15:37] God softens our hearts when we grieve and makes us open and available for new futures. Transition is required to fully step into our destiny.
[19:02] Transition can be in everything, to deciding you are eating better and saying no to choices you made before, to changing the way you see the world or a politician.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
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RESOURCES
Finding Refuge: Heart Work for Healing Collective Grief
It’s okay to have sad days. For those who are grieving, the holidays can be an extra hard time and while the world seems cheerful and celebratory, it can be hard to even just get out of bed. This week, Dr. Venus just asks you to grieve with her as she contends with the angelversary of her brother Tory passing away from COVID on last Christmas Eve. She shares resources that can help in the darkest of times, and reminds you that you aren’t alone if you are grieving.
Key Takeaways:
[1:56] There is a difference between grieving and suffering. As humans, it’s natural to grieve and even healthy to let yourself have the time and space you need to know when are sad and grieving.
[2:42] While it hurts so deeply that Tory transitioned on last Christmas Eve, there would be no good day for it to have happened.
[4:39] If you are grieving during the holidays, you aren’t alone. The holiday experience is different for everyone and can change during each passing year.
[6:17] A book to understand grief more deeply and to observe the different stages that Dr. Venus recommends is The Five Stages of Grief.
[8:59] It can feel extra painful to try and understand why God takes the good people, when there are so many people left on the planet doing so much damage. It’s okay to feel frustrated about fairness. Life can be very unfair and confusing.
[10:11] If you know and love someone grieving, please don’t ask them to be positive. On some days that is just impossible.
[13:27] It can be comforting to find something that helps you systematically medidate. For Dr. Venus she is learning to cook a few dishes just to keep her hands busy. It doesn’t matter if you are great at the skill, it just matters that you are trying.
[14:50] COVID was extra hard because we couldn’t prepare for it. The suprise was just as bad as the loss, and there’s no way to grieve together in the way we normally do.
[16:47] It’s healthy to grieve, and it’s okay to surrender. If you need to go right to bed today, there’s always tomorrow.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
RESOURCES
The Five Stages of Grief
As Dr. Venus approaches the 1 year anniversary of her brother Tory’s transition on Christmas Eve, she is experiencing heavy feelings of grief, sadness, and deeply missing a loved one. She contends with the fact that the holidays can be brutal, especially when you have lost a loved one during a season of cheer. How do you put up holiday lights and deal with this festive time when it’s hard to even get out of bed some days?
This week, she shares resources to deal with that grief, and ways to cope through the holiday season and beyond. If you are grieving this December, you are not alone, and you are seen and heard.
Key Takeaways:
[3:35] Words often can’t communicate the feeling of grief when you have lost someone that you love.
[4:19] Dr. Venus is experiencing her brother Tory’s first “angelversary”. He transitioned due to COVID complications last Christmas Eve, after 8 days of fighting the disease. Many families that lost loved ones during COVID also were not able to even see or touch their loved ones, making saying goodbye even more painful and heartbreaking. Tory was a great man and Dr. Venus honors his sense of humor and role as a protector and provider.
[5:07] It’s hard enough to get out of bed when you are grieving, but how do you put up holiday lights and act cheerful during a festive time? First, know that you aren’t alone. Second, know there are different resources and many hotlines and providers that are there to provide support.
[14:29] Next, tell the truth about how you feel, and take the space you need. Some days, Dr. Venus doesn’t try to get out of bed or dressed. Other days, she knows it’s important to take care of herself. If you have a pet or animal, spend time with them and take them for a walk. Try to create new memories, and plan for the future.
[17:02] What ways can you nurture yourself? Can you learn a new skill? Finding even one thing to be grateful about per day can help, as well as moving your body and expressing your grief without words such as painting or dancing.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
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Create Your Own Calm
The most LUCRATIVE capitol AND labor in American history are Black Men. If Black Men made their own money, America would go bankrupt - after Emancipation & today. This has nothing to do with spirit or work ethic, and everything to do about a system setup to discredit him and position him as a natural born criminal. In the early 1800s, enslaved People of African ancestry were considered loyal and nonthreatening; after 1865, they were considered criminals. Today, our systems are still designed to keep Black Men broke and working for free or very little, with a price tag attached for success. Dr. Venus discusses how when we’re talking about race, what we’re missing is dealing with economics. She reveals the ways Black Men are positioned to stay financially handicapped, from sharecropping to convict leasing, foster care to jail pens.
Black Men are not broke because they are trifling or lazy. They’re broke because their hands are tied and they’ve been checkmated by a series of systems that they are born into. How do we begin to heal? Let’s talk.
Key Takeaways:
[3:03] Most people do not understand the word system. Dr. Venus defines it as nothing more than a series of actions, practices, and procedures that are invisible to you that impact your behavior. You don’t have to see a system to feel it or be affected by it.
[5:00] As Dr. Venus applies her brain on Black Men, she is dealing with the brutal brilliance of White Supremacy. While we are focusing on race, they are focusing on profit and keeping the money machine going for White Supremacy.
[8:13] Dr. Venus breaks down the tricky manner in which they created many different ways to keep Black Men poor and criminals, all the way up to the 1940’s. Peonage is when you do a lot of work for a little bit of money, in order to work off a debt. It wasn’t just Black people affected by this and who couldn’t get ahead, it was White poor people as well. Sharecropping is a system where the landlord would allow the tenant to use the land in exchange for a share of the crop, but the tenant would struggle to profit or leave due to inflation and a never ending list of labor.
[10:45] Convict leasing was also another way to replace slavery. They worked men to the bones, and when they died, they just replaced them with another convict. Dr. Venus needs you to get this: it’s the exact same system we have today - White Supremacy making money off Black Men and benefiting from free labor, most obviously through the prison industrial complex.
[20:38] If you don’t know a White person who has the same kind of values that you have, you won’t make it through the system. There’s no Black person who has made it through any American systems without some type of support or help from some kind of abolitionist in whatever language they use. Black Men don’t have that type of help more readily than Black Women, and there’s always a price tag for the ones that do. Do not be seduced when they say there are Black millionaires and billionaires. Relative to how many White millionaire and billionaires there are, we’re talking less than 1%.
[24:55] If you take away the people who helped you, you would not be here whether it’s a teacher, reverend, friend, etc. Black Men don't have the same type of help, and the ones who do always have a giant price tag attached to their success.
[25:19] Black Men are caught in a cycle created by White Supremacy where from a young age they may get expelled from school, not able to further their education and land a job. To get by this may lead them to become a felon, and now they are in jail working for free.
[27:22] Slavery had nothing to do with race and everything to do with profit and economics.
If a Black Man has his own money, he doesn't have to go into racist structures to try to make money.
[29:13] Black Women have become the voice of White Supremacy in our relationship to Black Men. We hold them in every way to the standard White people have set for them, but don’t contend with the target on their back or think about their struggles and what they’ve done to protect us. Dr. Venus knows we have been hurt by Black Men, that is clear. However, none of that negates the structures he has to deal with, his humanity, fears, phobias, and a right to heal.
[30:12] While Black Women are the most educated group in North America, Black Men are the least. Why is that?
[33:42] When we talk about history, we talk about how we tended to him. We don't talk about what he gave up to protect us.
[35:55] If we want to have love on the other side of trauma and have thriving Black families, we have to address the humanity of our Black Men and really be there to heal with them.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
RESOURCES
PRISON SYSTEM:
FAMILES AND FATHERS
MOVIES
Recently in Michigan, a 15-year old White man opened fire in his high school, killing 4 people and injuring 7. White Supremacists were quick to point out how Black-on-Black crime shows just how violent young Black males are, and why they deserve to go to jail or be shot on sight. But when it’s a young White male who murders, they are called “disturbed” and “troubled”. They need mental health care, not the death penalty. This week, Dr. Venus opens up a conversation about the roots of the representation of white male mass shooters and Black on Black crime. First, we must contend with the structural oppression and positioning of Black Men in society as criminals, even when they are young. Then, we can see why the media positions them as inhuman, not worthy of empathy or the grace of humanity. Two different pathologies, both racially specific. Let’s talk.
Key Takeaways:
[4:45] Black Men are positioned with no empathy, compassion, or humanity, while White Men are given the benefit of the doubt, humanized, and it is argued that their actions took place because they were lonely or unstable. Why doesn’t society contend with the fact that Black Men can have mental illness and PTSD as well?
[5:50] Dr. Venus is not saying we have not been criminalized, but she wants you to also observe the difference in how we respond to White Men and Black Men after they commit a crime. When a White boy shoots someone, they say he was a good boy, that he had hopes and dreams, and he just did what he thought was right.
[7:10] As Black Women, if we are really committed to breaking generational curses and having generational wealth, we have to have compassion for each other’s wounds and help Black Men heal.
[9:05] Black Men are positioned to never make their own money and to be a criminal, even in the eyes of the media. White Men are positioned as innocent, while when a Black Male kills another Black Male, it becomes more proof that Black Men are animals, not that he may be mentally ill. Black Men are systemically positioned as the thug, the brute, the villain, and it justifies why they are put into jail and penalized. Despite 60% of gun-on-gun violence in America by White Men, they don’t seem to say the same about White crimes.
[15:25] How come women can give each other support and compassion, yet he gets nothing?
[17:17] Dr. Venus opens up and shares a story about when she was so righteous about punishing and proving her point to a Black Man that it caused him intense pain and almost irreparable self-harm.
[21:58] Dr. Venus discusses epigenetics, and how we can be predisposed to different behaviors. What we think of as character flaws can really be passed down behaviors from generation to generation, and also as a result of breeding farms, where men were forced to have sex to keep producing free labor.
[23:23] There’s no hierarchy to pain, and no hierarchy of grace. Some of us have had more grace from White people than we have from our own people.
[27:13] Dr. Venus discusses how when White Males get angry, they tend to harm others outside themselves (EVERY race), where young Black Men seem to take their violence on members of their community, killing mostly other Black people they know personally.
[35:26] Real healing will begin to happen when we make the case that people have wounds, they need care, and sometimes they even deserve the benefit of the doubt.
[36:34] We can actually relate to the Black Men that we love as someone’s baby boy, as someone’s son. A human who may need help, but who systematically is portrayed as the criminal and shown in the media as a monster we should be afraid of.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:
If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus’ tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo
RESOURCES
Slavery By Another Name
Sis, the 13th Amendment abolished slavery — with one caveat: except if a former slave committed a crime. Laws were then put in place to have Black Men locked up for the tiniest infraction, mistakes, or missteps. Now, Black Men are still the workhorse for White wealth. This week, Dr. Venus breaks it down very slowly so we can get an understanding of what the Black Man’s existence has been like since 1831, and how they have been forced to do labor: from peonage to convict leasing to simply stealing. The practice of enslaving Black Male bodies as free labor is as alive as real in 2021 as it was in 1831. Black Men are not afforded the freedom or opportunity to work for THEIR families or THEIR wealth, only for White Men through everything from the jail system to entertainment. Let’s talk about it.
Key Takeaways:
[2:33] In the 13th Amendment, after slavery was abolished, there was a clause that stated people cannot be enslaved unless they commit a crime. That crime could be anything from having papers on you to being on someone else’s property, to even sneezing the wrong way. That became the basis of criminalizing Black Men, so much that it wasn’t as much about the crime as it was replacing the labor force that was lost with the abolition of slavery.
[5:37] Black Men have been blocked from every possible avenue of making their own money legally since 1831.
[8:32] Dr. Venus explains why she is sick and tired of Black Men being the scapegoat, and for people saying she is just making excuses for them. Not many account for what he has to go through just to stay alive and sane. It’s also not common for people to think about what he needs in terms of actual medical care, mental health help, or more resources to just succeed.
[9:38] They created what we now call the penal system and a structure that puts Black Men in prison. His body can now be used for labor by the state and by private companies (owned by White Men), so much so that the prison industrial complex is actually traded on the stock market.
[10:18] In 1946, California State camp programs used inmates as firefighters, but once they got released, the felony on their record prevented them from going out and getting work in that skill or trade.
[16:38] We tend to blame the artist or rapper for putting out harmful lyrics and music, but how come no one points the blame at the record company or the larger powers that distribute this “dangerous” music?
[17:54] There’s no conversation about Black Men as people, only as providers and protectors. And if he messes up, then we take away everything he has.
[19:22] While Black Women are now the most educated group in North America and the fastest-growing in the entrepreneurial space, Black Men aren’t afforded the same opportunities and education.
[20:37] One of the benefits Dr. Venus loves about being Black is how our ancestors knew they were not their bodies. They knew they were spiritual beings having a human experience. We come from a people who are spiritually grounded.
[24:42] Black Men are positioned by the media in a way that makes them violent or sexualized. What they don't tell you is that that positioning is designed to flood the market to have Black boys continue to see themselves a certain way, which then will have them acting out. Then, they are pulled out of class, unable to continue their education, and need to go make money in a way that ends up with them getting picked up by the police and working for the government.
[27:00] As Black Women, we have not looked at the social structures that have created a level of depression, anxiety, trauma, and mental unwellness with Black Men.
[28:16] If a Black Man cannot make money for himself legally, he’s going to make it another way to take care of his family or himself. When he does that, it gives White Supremacy a reason to enslave him and monetize him in a way that does NOT account for him as a human being.
[30:28] Black Men were sexually exploited. They were forced to have sex with females White people put in front of them in order to produce more free labor.
[34:41] Black Men are wounded, just like you. Just like all of us. To heal, we are going to have to come together and give Black Men grace and compassion.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:
If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus’ tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo
RESOURCES
TIMELINE
HIP-HOP MUSIC AS SHARECROPPING & PEONAGE
ATHLETES WORKHORSE FOR WHITE WEALTH
ENTERTAINMENT EXPLOITATION OF BLACK MALES
What we know for certain, is that there are two Americas. One America for people of African ancestry, and another for those of European ancestry. While we also know there are different races inside of America, the founding principles and ideals of this country were bought with Black blood. This week, Dr. Venus goes deep on why it is that a White Male can walk, but a Black Male ends up in prison. It’s not only an issue of race, but being with the notion that Black Men are seen as non-human, and it happens from when they are babies. To walk it back, Dr. Venus explores how the criminal justice system was built for ONE thing and ONE thing only: to protect Whiteness by criminalizing Black Male bodies. Since the 1800s, after the Nat Turner Rebellion, America has constructed systems of oppression to enslave, jail, in-prison & murder Black Men—legally.
When we see Kyle Rittenhouse acquitted of all charges and Julius Jones sentenced to life WITHOUT parole, we can see how the “system” is working.
Let's talk about it.
Key Takeaways:
[5:30] The difference between Kyle Rittenhouse and Julius Jones is that as a Black Male, Jones is seen and positioned as a criminal before he even steps out of the door.
[6:44] Dr. Venus discusses how the 13th Amendment was created to abolish slavery and said that slavery no longer existed, except for criminals. The loophole was when they say “except for criminals”, which was to protect White people and keep Black Men enslaved.
[7:54] Yes, you are right saying there is systemic racism. You are right about racial dynamics. All of that is correct. But Dr. Venus also invites you to contend with the fact that Black Men are seen and POSITIONED as criminals, while White Men, like Kyle Rittenhouse, are positioned as innocent from the beginning.
[10:00] What Rittenhouse had that Black Men never get, is mercy, grace, compassion, and empathy. Black Men are criminalized, and not even humanized.
[13:44] Until we as Black Women see Black Men as humans that have feelings and who make mistakes but are worthy of love, we will never win or be able to give each other the support structure needed to create our own lanes. No one wins until we see Black Men as humans, and until then, people will think they have the right to kill a Black Man on the spot with no judge, or no jury.
[18:36] What’s missing in our relationship with Black Men is that they are human too. They make mistakes, and they do awful stuff that every human being on this planet does. If Kyle deserves grace and empathy, then so does Julius Jones. So did George Floyd, and so did Ahmaud Arbery.
[19:42] Your marches are valid, but Dr. Venus explains why she thinks it’s foolish to expect justice from an organization and a group that has demonstrated for over 400 years that they have no interest in you.
[20:21] When you position Black Men as criminals and non-human, people think they have the right to shoot at them at will or take everything from them. They think Black Men have no feelings or no ability to think through complex ideas. They view them as nothing more than an animal that needs to be caged. Until that conversation shifts, we will always be held back.
[23:18] If we can evoke change in terms of political and social norms and laws, then we can change how we relate to Black Men.
[23:38] Some people try to blame Hip-Hop music and the Black men who are the artists, but why not include the record labels and distributors who are promoting violence and the degradation of music? We focus so much on justice that we ignore the humanity of Black Men, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where they become all kinds of things that White people and the media have taught us to say about them.
[26:43] Dr. Venus says we are instruments of White Supremacy, and most of us don’t even know it. She’s not blaming anyone, but instead shining a light on something we can impact.
[27:49] The system is set up in a way that keeps Black Men from continuing their education, or never starting in the first place. It starts when they are babies, getting kicked out of school, adding a mark to their name, or providing them with little to no resources. You can pretty much guess that by the time they get to college, Black Men will be in jail, have a mark on their record, or a felony.
[28:45] What Dr. Venus is doing is taking on the healing and really tending to the Black Men in her life. That doesn’t mean she has to agree with them, but she will love them, and with the right love and healing, they can thrive in entrepreneurship.
[31:58] Everybody on the planet has fallen from grace. Dr. Venus prays that we realize that we do much better together than we do apart.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:
If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus’ tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo
RESOURCES
Many (1 out of 4) Black Women have experienced sexual violence. In fact, sexual violence is one of the worst crimes against humanity, specifically as it was employed and monetized during Chattel Slavery. The impact is felt generationally in our relationships, in our bodies, and most importantly, in our sense of self and personal power. We know this historical trauma, and because we can talk about it, we can get the support to heal it. But what about the GROSS sexual trauma and violence against Black Men? Why is it not included in our history books or addressed in society now, when Black Men are molested and violently raped in our current society?
This week, Dr. Venus talks about having empathy and compassion for Black Men and their trauma, and how we can start to heal WITH them instead of prioritizing our pain over theirs. She shares 5 horrifying ways that enslaved African men were sexually exploited throughout slavery, and how we can begin to create a safe space for Black Men to open up.
Key Takeaways:
[2:23] This is a conversation about sexual violence against Black Men, both then and now. The reason why we are talking about this is that Dr. Venus is really contending with her own internal racism and sexism against Black Men. If we were talking about women and sexual trauma, there are libraries of readings, but she was shocked to the degree that there’s nothing really out there about Black Men.
[4:14] We relate to Black Men the way that White Supremacy has taught us to, and we think it’s the truth. Because we’ve had bad experiences with Black Men and been wounded viciously by Black Men multiple times, we see all Black Men as bad. Dr. Venus validates that you have had this experience, and it was real. She is also not talking like a theorist, but a survivor. The damage is there, but on the other side of healing, we can see someone as a human being that has been damaged and wounded.
[6:16] Dr. Venus gives an example of seeing that her mother was wounded and giving someone grace for their traumas.
[9:22] How trapped is a Black Man that can’t say anything because no one will believe them? Black Men are supposed to be strong. As far as history is concerned, they’re not even people.
[10:17] When Black Men act out after being wounded, we equate it more with character and go after the tropes of him being lazy, no good, or trifling. How come we don’t account for history?
[13:00] Black Boys are completely unprotected not just from men, but from older women. The women are taking advantage of Black younger boys, and those boys end up being with our daughters. We believe that since he is strong and he can fight, he won’t be raped.
[15:38] Dr. Venus hasn’t had compassion for Black Men, until now. The reason she can is that she has been healing her father wounds.
[18:35] You create a safe space when you share your truth. When Black Men feel safe to share their story with no ridicule or judgment, it is healing and they will feel like it’s okay to open up.
[19:25] Women in general, and this includes Black Women, are trained to be self-reflective earlier than Black Men. Black girls are trained to go read books, while Black boys are trained to go play with toys or play sports. Black Women are the most educated group in North America, while Black Men are not given the time to think through things.
[22:47] The ways that men were sexually exploited and abused by White Masters:
[30:48] Dr. Venus realized that Black Women, herself included, have internalized racism and sexism against Black Men that we don’t even know we have. It’s so real for us, just like White Supremacy is very real for White people. It’s not personal, it’s just that we have drunk the Kool-Aid.
[35:59] When you don’t have a safe space, to tell the truth, you will implode. Black Men are wounded, and they don’t know they are wounded, because no one has taken the time to listen to them talk.
[37:10] When we can relate to Black Men as human beings with feelings who have faults, who are amazing, and who deserve to be heard, that is when the healing will begin.
[39:59] If we are committed to thriving as a community, we as Black Women are going to have to step into the emotional maturity and spirituality it takes to relate to Black Men as humans that are fabulous despite their flaws. And until we do that, we will not be able to empower their power.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:
If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus’ tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo
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Sis, I believe the very nature of God is to provide. If we are made in the image and likeness of God, then that means we are here to provide for one another. However, what if the structures - political, social, and historical made it not only next to impossible for one to provide, but positioned some peopole as worthless and always up to no good. This week, Dr. Venus invites us to reexamine what it really means to be a Black Man in North America. She gives the historical context on how Black Men have been systematically held back, undermined, and pushed down in terms of being a provider in the name of White Supremacy. She discusses the different types of provision we can get from our Black Men, and why it’s crucial for us to work on our own wounds so we can open up and receive the love our Black Men are trying to give and provide them with a purpose and feeling of spiritual fulfillment as well.
Key Takeaways:
[2:21] This week’s conversation is not about willpower or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. Nor is about hustling. It is Dr. Venus giving historical context on why, as a people, Black Men and Women are still at the bottom of the economic ladder in North America. Our men have not been able to prosper by virtue of different effects of systematic racism and by the virtue of gender.
[7:10] Dr. Venus walks through a historical timeline of how society has made Black Men seem like a threat and indoctrinated the belief that Black Men are trifling, no good, and to be feared.
[8:10] If White people related to Black people the way that Black women who have been hurt by Black Men relate to Black Men, we would call them racist.
[9:05] Black Men get a harsher punishment starting from kindergarten because of how they’re perceived. They are not afforded the opportunities to help them get ahead in life, whether that’s education, money, social skills, etc.
[12:30] Under Jim Crow segregation, we had convict leasing and debt peonage. Dr. Venus talks about how these predecessors to the prison industrial complex had Black Men working off their debt to the White man for pennies, and enslaved just as if they were a workhorse.
[15:41] When Black Men are expelled early or given punitive consequences in school, they are not given what they need to succeed, and in turn to provide. Either they are positioned to slave for White Men, a White system, or they go to jail.
[16:53] Imagine being targeted your whole life as a threat. You’re trying to do good, but you can’t get a handout, a hand up, anything. There’s a level of resentment that comes with it, along with a level of helplessness and hopelessness. No matter what you do, you bump into walls, and at some point, you become frustrated and start making your own way. This all too often can mean someone getting into illegal activities.
[17:50] Dr. Venus now looks at the good Black Men in her life as somebody’s little man. She’s looking for his humanity, for his vulnerability. Not the protective walls he puts up in the name of survival and self-preservation.
[20:16] As Black Women, we have unfulfilled expectations based on gender roles of what Black Men should and should not do. When a Blck Man can not provide, Dr. Venus invites you to consider that he’s not always being difficult or lazy, or that he just doesn’t care. She wants you to consider that maybe he’s hopeless, depressed, and feels like he can never win.
[24:51] In healing her father wounds, Dr. Venus realized the cost of not having a father. She was used to a certain kind of Black Man but opened up her world to the men that wanted to be providers and protectors. She shares how in her relationship now, she began to see her partner as a man who was spiritually providing for her, rather than providing as a way of domination.
[31:30] Provision isn’t just money. Men can provide for us emotionally, physically, spiritually, and show us a level of transparency that makes us feel safe and secure.
[36:41] There’s a level of healing required to allow yourself to receive the love of a Black Man who is willing to do the work and heal with you.
[37:23] Dr. Venus invites you to have some grace for Black Men and relate to them in a way that values their vulnerability. History has set him up to feel powerless and purposeless, but God gives us each other so we can remember who we are. When you allow the Black Men in your life to provide in any way they can, they have an organizing principle in which to live their life.
Quotes:
Mentioned:
Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Amazon Pilot
“Hot Mess Millionaire” Complete Series
(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)
Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale
Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe
The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition
ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:
If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus’ tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo
RESOURCES
The podcast currently has 108 episodes available.