The role of Black Women in North America is so deeply rooted in trauma and social expectations that when we step outside, there is a punitive consequence. From criticism to fines, physical and mental damage to humiliation, when a Black Woman (and I would dare to say most women worldwide) stands her ground or puts herself first, the hammer comes down on her. This week, Dr. Venus discusses the historical reason behind Black Women finding such great pushback when they try to set personal boundaries, how Black Masculinity and White hate play a role, and how we must remember that while it’s hurtful and insulting, it’s not personal. She gives a recent example in Naomi Osaka, the star tennis player who stood up for her boundaries and mental health, but was met with threats and punishment. Dr. Venus shares a few tactical ways to begin speaking out and standing up for yourself, even if it doesn’t come out perfectly.
Key Takeaways:
[3:25] In 1619, when the first slaves were brought to North America, the Black female body was used to create the capitalistic Society of North America. Certain things had to be put in place in order to justify the pimping out of our bodies and them hurting us. This included labeling Black Women as lazy, promiscuous, weak, trifling, etc., and if you stepped out of line and spoke up, you broke protocol and needed to be reprimanded.
[4:05] It still continues today and there are constant examples shown in the media that portray us as lesser than and just vehicles to use for gain. If we have anything to say about this, it is seen as a rejection on their part and they feel so threatened that they have to teach us a lesson.
[6:44] Dr. Venus discusses how tennis star Naomi Osaka recently pushed back against sports authorities and giving media interviews to prioritize her mental health. The committee fined her and said if she doesn’t comply, she may run the risk of being banned altogether. While this may seem shocking to some, it makes sense when we look at the structure. Black Women are treated with the most hostility whenever we stand our ground, and that is a historical artifact left over from slavery. They see us as there to serve and think we don’t deserve a break for our mental and physical health.
[9:22] You are in a structure that is rooted in making you feel less so they feel more. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with capitalism and media. As long as they circulate images that keep us down, they don’t have to respect us.
[11:01] When you speak up, it’s a revolutionary act. However, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be push back. They can’t even function without you staying in your place, so of course, they are going to feel threatened. Their only value is reflected in your compliance.
[14:13] You must get clear on how important and powerful you are that you don’t sell yourself out for comfort. The first step is getting clear on your personal boundaries.
[14:37] Dr. Venus strongly believes that Black Masculinity was born in the belly of White Supremacy. The slaves brought over from Africa watched White Men do violence against Black bodies, and they equated that power with freedom, riches, status, etc.
[18:05] When you understand the way that racism and White Supremacy get ingested, it’s not a far cry to see the self-hatred Black Men can have around Black Women. When you love something, you take care of it. When a Black Man hears no, it lands as an insult to him as a man and the setup of slavery had it that Black Men couldn’t be there to protect Black Women, or else they would get killed.
[20:42] A Black Woman can’t sit down without her being weak? No. How about, she is tired. She needs a break. She is protecting herself. They think we are strong and never vulnerable. While we are strong, we need care and we need a break, and it is powerful to know that about yourself and take space when you need it.
[22:16] When you don’t speak up, you diminish yourself and that gives them permission to diminish you. The more you stand in your power. You standing your ground is not for them, it’s for you. Even if they try to push your boundaries or honor you, you’ve at least said it.
[27:36] Your job is to say your piece and not worry about their side. You don’t even have to say it perfectly. Your voice can wobble, you can shake, you can even get angry and feel out of control. Practice saying that you are passionate, and your intention is to stand your ground.
[28:34] The more we start speaking up, the more we normalize Black Women standing up for themselves. If you don’t claim that birthright, they will steal it from you.
[32:03] As we release ourselves of the internal shame that all women have, we give each other the space to be ourselves. Don’t forget that whenever we do something, they copy it and want to figure out how it’s done so they can steal it. The more we band together and speak up, the bigger platform we can have to grow and create new highways and infrastructures.
Quotes:
- “Every time you stand up for yourself, what is called into question is their justification.”
- “You are in a structure that is rooted in making you feel less so they feel more.”
- “When you speak up, it’s a revolutionary act.”
- “When you don’t speak up, you diminish yourself and that gives them permission to diminish you.”
- “When you speak up and stand up for yourself, that is not for them. That is for YOU.”
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RESOURCES
- Why Personal Boundaries are Important and How to Set Them
- Black Women Should Be Able To Establish Boundaries Without Triggering
- Naomi Osaka and the Cost of Saying No
- Toxic masculinity and its deadly grip on the black community
- The disregard for Black Women and their boundaries
- Unapologetic Black women are taking back our power