“We insist on being Someone, with a capital S. We get security from defining ourselves as worthless or worthy, superior or inferior. We waste precious time exaggerating or romanticizing or belittling ourselves with a complacent surety that yes, that’s who we are. We mistake the openness of our being — the inherent wonder and surprise of each moment — for a solid, irrefutable self. Because of this misunderstanding, we suffer.”

We are all guilty of this: exaggerating and belittling ourselves and telling ourselves that in fact that is who we are. It is the work of the ego and it is rooted in constant self-comparison. While the “self” requires a healthy ego, we need reminding just to be open to the being and mystery of life itself. Strip it all away and that is the Someone we are.

How can meditation or small acts of mindfulness help you escape the tyranny of constant self-comparison?

“I’m consumed with regret for the things I didn’t do, the choices I didn’t make, the things I didn’t say. We spend so much time being afraid of failure, afraid of rejection. But regret is the thing we should fear most. Failure is an answer. Rejection is an answer. Regret is an eternal question you will never have the answer to. “What if…” “If only…” “I wonder what would have…” You will never, never know, and it will haunt you for the rest of your days.”

He has a major point about what we project so much paralyzing fear and attention on, rejection. It’s a good reminder that failure and rejection give us feedback. They can’t say yes if you don’t ask. They can’t say yes if you’re afraid of a few no’s. Maybe a lot of no’s. Each time you get a no, you can reassess your approach, your delivery, your content, and/or try again, start over. He’s saying what you really should fear is the regret you’re going to have when you chose not to try things, not to “put yourself out there,” as they say.

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“I have never missed a meditation in thirty-three years. I meditate once in the morning and again in the afternoon, for about twenty minutes each time. Then I go about the business of my day.”

Lynch is right about how we waste our time on so many other things throughout the day, that if you establish the routine, it can fit in naturally, but thirty-three years without miss? That’s certainly impressive.

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

This about sums it up, doesn’t it? You become your beliefs one small vote at a time. It’s a good reminder that if you really want to establish a habit, you should inhabit the identity of what you are becoming.

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.”

Research over the past 25 years especially has shown us that our brains feel as much as they think, and that we don’t actually “think” as much as we think we do. The new work in emotional literacy draws a more holistic view of our social interactions, decision-making, and behavior overall.

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

There’s something direct and practical about the idea Eckhart Tolle expresses here. If you consider yourself as a lifelong learner, what more can you learn from than your own experiences? If experiences aren’t your teacher, what is? Books and meditation? Good answer! But those are your experiences as well. Whether or not your experience is necessary or meaningful or whether this is “best of all possible worlds” (which Voltaire ruthlessly satirizes in Candide), isn’t the point. It’s about the evolution — or persistent gradual growth — of your consciousness.

The idea also connects with Nietzche’s quote about loving everything: “My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely to bear what is necessary, still less conceal it...but love it.”

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way.”

We can think about this quote in grand, philosophic ways about the nature of the universe and human behavior. We can also think about it in terms of our own identity and actions and experiences.

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

“If you are like most people, then like most people, you don’t know you’re like most people.”

In some ways we realize we’re all very much alike. That’s why we can get behind big, bold statements like: “All men are created equal.” But research shows that regardless of IQ or education level, we are all susceptible to similar errors in our reasoning. As a result, most people believe they are the exceptions to the rule. Most overestimate their abilities and underestimate their weaknesses. Some researchers call this “illusory bias.” It reminds me of William Saroyan’s statement: “Everyone has got to die, but I always thought an exception would be made in my case.”

This podcast is intended -- with a focus on self-exploration and personal identity -- to help you construct who you are, and how you want to feel, think, believe, and behave for yourself. The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

Born in the town of Sighet, Transylvania, Elie Wiesel was a teenager when he and his family were taken from their home in 1944 to Auschwitz concentration camp, and then to Buchenwald. Night is the terrifying record of Elie Wiesel’s memories of the death of his family, the death of his own innocence, and his despair as a deeply observant Jew confronting the absolute evil of man. Night can also be read as an attack against silence. So many times in the work, evil is perpetuated by a silent lack of resistance or by ignoring reports of evil. The novel bears witness to tragedy in order to warn others, to prevent anything like the Holocaust from ever happening again.

The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.

To know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. In The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, bell hooks shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are — whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. Hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their superior status in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves — and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.

The book Who Do You Think You Are is also available at all major e-retailers, and you can find it at bigselfschool.com/store.