Who is the saboteur? The unconscious in everyday life

How would you feel if one of your colleagues called you scum in front of other people?

Recently the deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner, was forced to apologise after she called a Tory MP 'scum,' in the House of Commons.

Research has shown that rudeness - even witnessing rudeness - significantly reduces people's ability to think clearly, be creative and help their colleagues. 

Rudeness and incivility is not just unpleasant, it has a direct and significant impact on performance and productivity.

In other words, if you want to lead a great team - a creative team that gets things done…don’t be rude.

Would you notice if a partner, friend or work colleague was feeling suicidal?

If someone you love or someone you know, takes their own life by suicide, it’s just awful. It feels unbearable.  It's the living who suffer. However, it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.  This was a decision made by the person who took their life and not caused by something you did or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do.

If you are worried about someone, all you can do, is listen, be kind to them, and try and point them in the right direction to get help. If you do this, then you have done enough. It’s important to remember that  there is a big difference between suicidal ideas (which many of us have had) and the act of suicide itself.  Most people who express suicidal ideas don’t actually go on to kill themselves...

Have you got a difficult conversation coming up? 

One that you can’t (or shouldn’t) avoid?

Are you dreading it because the other person might not see things your way?

Here are a few ideas that will make the conversation much easier and productive.

How was your journey home yesterday?

Did you sit in your car, or on the train, going over the events of the day?  

Going over and over the conversations you had - what you could have said, what you should have said.   

When you got home, did it continue.  Instead of inside your head, you went over things with who ever would listen, "you wouldn't believe the day I have had, and I should have done this and I could have done that..." 

Do you remember how you were feeling when you replayed these incidents over and over in your head? Upset? Anxious? Angry? 

 You may have left work hours ago, but the replaying of your day is keeping those feelings alive...

The name for this is rumination.

Do you work or live with someone who really needs to change - but won't?  

Not only do they resist all efforts to help them, but don't even acknowledge there's a problem? 

Perhaps it is someone who upsets people they work with.   Or a teenager who ought to do more to get ready for their exams.

 You can't simply force people to change.... but you can influence their willingness to change. 

Can a belief kill you?  Can something as intangible and ephemeral as a belief, thought or attitude kill you?

Well, yes they can - and they do kill millions of people every year.

Most deaths from illness are caused by beliefs.  The belief that smoking, drinking too much, eating junk food and not taking exercise only damages the health of other people.

These are all pretty obvious examples of beliefs leading to poor lifestyle choices with predictable consequences.  What about something less obvious.  For example, how could holding the belief that stress is bad for your health, possibly harm you?

A study carried out in the US in 2012, asked 30,000 people the questions "How much stress have you experienced in the last year?"  And, "Do you believe that stress is harmful for your health?"

The researchers then tracked them for eight years, and at the end of the study they used public death records to find out who died...

Do you know someone who suffers with analysis paralysis?  Someone who always ask for more and more information, rather than make a clear decision?  

Or, you might be that person.

We'd all prefer to avoid making difficult decisions.  This is because we fear making the wrong decision.  The very anticipation of making the wrong choice is a powerful deterrent.   The bigger the decision, the more the anxiety about taking action. 

In real life situations, the only decisions we can hope to make are imperfect decisions.  An imperfect decision is better than none because once implemented, they can be monitored, evaluated and modified, whereas inaction simply generates more inaction.

If you keep putting off a decision, it will stay bubbling away at the back of your mind, using up mental resources and making other decisions that much more difficult.

A passenger boarded a flight, only to discover that she was allocated a seat beside someone who had political views that were different to hers. 

Feeling virtuous, she went into a full blown rant and demanded that the passenger be moved to another seat.  It didn't help her mood, when the airline crew pointed out that this wasn't something that she could demand.  After a deterioration in her behaviour, the woman was removed from the flight.

Wouldn't life be simple if anyone we didn't agree with, could be moved...from the seat beside you, from the office or just out of your life?  

Wouldn't that be great?

But, would it?  Imagine what life would be like if you spent all day living, working and talking to people who are just like you?  Imagine just talking to people who hold exactly the same opinions as you?

In April 1998, a glittering party was held in a Manhattan art gallery to launch a biography of the American Expressionist painter, Nat Tate. 

The party was attended by David Bowie, Gore Vidal,  as well as gallery owners and art critics from influential papers such as the New York Times.  Many of these experts in modern American art spoke enthusiastically about Nat Tate, warmly remembering aspects of his life, shows they had attended, and reflecting on the sadness of his premature death. 

But there is a twist to the story of Nat Tate...

Hear the strange story of how Nat Tate, David Bowie and William Boyd hoaxed the New York art establishment - and what it has to do with work today.

What do you do when you feel bored?  Do you turn to your mobile phone for distraction or just nod off?

There has never been so much to do. Whenever we feel the slightest twinge of boredom, we reach for our smartphone for instant gratification. If you walk around any city you will see people gazing down at their phones, rather than paying attention to what is going on around them. We live in a society where we are chronically over stimulated - 24 hour social media, shopping and TV.

We should embrace boredom as a luxury of modern life, rather than fear and avoid it.

The next time you feel bored, resist reaching for a distraction and instead turn your attention inwards. Allow your mind to wander. This is when creativity starts to kick in and your mind looks for stimulation from your internal world, not the external world. When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.