Episode 4: Sassy Volturi

Bella and Alice arrive in Italy just in time to save Edward; as a result we finally get to meet some cool characters. The Volturi -- vampire royalty so bored with life they amuse their sassy selves by collecting fancy vampires with powers -- make Edward promise to turn her one day. They get home, and Edward is a pouty brat because when he told Bella he no longer loved her and left, she believed him! Meyer continues to drill into the heads of her readers that marriage is "the ultimate," sex before marriage will ruin you, and women being sweet and calm can prevent them from “losing their temper." It's terrible, and the whole series should be set on fire.